All those principles I left behind

I was having a conversation with myself the other day (hey, I'm a good
listener) and I was pondering all those principles I have sent down the
drain since my pregnancy... I just thought I'd make a list. Feel free to add
yours!

1. Medicalised birth. I was totally against the very idea of it. And I ended
up induced, with the epidural, with a full medical staff around me. No Birth
Centre comfortable room, nor music playing while giving birth... And I don't
regret it one bit: it was the best birth I could get given my situation, and
I am glad the way it went. No regret, even though I'll try again for
"natural" next time.

2. Clothe diapers. I had bought a second-hand kit (10$, so no big risk), and
was very intent on starting up after the first week of DD's birth. And then
after two weeks... And then the Swaddlers seem so comfortable to her... and
well, I just gave my kit away to my mother's step-niece, who's a big
environmentalist. In a way, I do have some regret that I didn't do this.
However, I do believe in indulging once in a while, and this is one of these
times. I feel a slight bit guilty, I must admit.

3. Pacifier. My mother raised me without a pacifier (but she let me cry to
sleep, too!), and I abhor one year old babies who still go about with their
paci and who can't live without it. So I vowed never to give a pacifier to
DD. Guess what? She's a paci-happy baby. She goes to sleep with it at night,
and we realised how it calms her when she's upset. I will try to rid her of
it by four-five months, but well, if she likes it that much, I'm ready to
walk over that principle as well!

4. Co-sleeping. I thought I would co-sleep for a long long time with DD.
Well, after a week, and being unable to breastfeed her in bed, we let her
sleep in her moses at the foot of the bed. And after a month, we introduced
her to her own bed in her own room, and she has slept there ever since. She
sleeps for much longer periods since we sent her there (and it's not because
we can't hear her, she's next door and her door is a screen door). So much
for co-sleeping, another principle gone beserk in the face of my reality.

That's on top of my head. More will resurface, I'm certain.

Now, I don't want to start discussions on the pros and cons of each
practice. Only find out what you found you just had to let go of in matters
of principles, in *your* baby-world, as I did in mine...

Isabelle
Mother to Catherine, Nov. 27 2004

Zaz wrote:

"Before I was married, I had a hundred theories about raising children
and no children. Now, I have three children and no theories." John
Wilmot, Earl of Rochester

I've been a "perfect parent" for so long (criticizing friends and
relatives behind their backs, and feeling smug about how I was going to
do it So Much Better (tm)) that I am confident that it will come back
to bite me in the ass within a week of actual parenthood.

Amy

Zaz wrote:

I was having a conversation with myself the other day (hey, I'm a good
listener) and I was pondering all those principles I have sent down the
drain since my pregnancy... I just thought I'd make a list. Feel free to add
yours!

Honestly, I didn't have a lot of cast-in-stone principles
to start with, other than wanting to meet my baby's needs and provide
lots of love. I think that makes it easier--other people will knock
your choices enough. You don't have to knock your own choices even
before you've made them!

1. Medicalised birth. I was totally against the very idea of it. And I ended
up induced, with the epidural, with a full medical staff around me. No Birth
Centre comfortable room, nor music playing while giving birth... And I don't
regret it one bit: it was the best birth I could get given my situation, and
I am glad the way it went. No regret, even though I'll try again for
"natural" next time.

I have a quibble here, though--having a medicalized birth
because you need one is not an acceptance of "medicalized birth"
as a concept, which usually is more to do with the routine
medicalization of birth. One can accept that medical technology
is appropriate and necessary and desirable in some cases without
accepting that all birth should be medicalized ;-) I could have
had a necessary c-section with all the bells and whistles and
still be anti-medicalized-birth and pro-low-intervention birth.

3. Pacifier.

4. Co-sleeping.

I think these are pretty silly to decide on in advance.
Different babies and different families have different needs.
I don't see the point in being rigid about this sort of thing.
Frankly, while I have preferences, there aren't a whole bunch
of things I'm particularly rigid about as a parent. I'm all
for whatever works, with the caveat that there are certainly
some things that work short term that create more hassle long
term.
FWIW, my babes have all been attached to their pacifiers.
I generally don't do anything about it the first year and start
limiting use in the second year with a goal of removing it
entirely in the third year or so. I found them very useful,
though I can understand why some don't like them.
I've also not chosen to co-sleep. When they were
tiny, they'd sometimes end up in our bed, but it wasn't
great sleep for any of us and they've all slept well and
happily in their own beds.
Frankly, the only principle I hope doesn't go down
the tubes for me is flexibility ;-)

Best wishes,
Ericka

On Fri, 11 Feb 2005 12:54:46 -0500, Zaz wrote:

3. Pacifier. My mother raised me without a pacifier (but she let me cry
to sleep, too!), and I abhor one year old babies who still go about with
their paci and who can't live without it.

Hehe, it's funny how having a baby changes your life ;-)

Personally, I can deal with a 1y/o with pacifier, but once they get to
preschool age, it should be gone. Or at best only at night. DS outgrew his
all by himself a couple of months ago (he's now 2.5y/o). He stopped having
it in the house when he was ~1, and suddenly stopped asking for it in bed
as well. Only when he's feeling sick he sometimes wants it back, and
that's fine with me.

--
-- I
mommy to DS (July '02)
mommy to four tiny angels (28 Oct'03, 17 Feb'04, 20 May'04 & 28 Oct'04)
preggers with twins EDD August'05
guardian of DH (33)

Zaz writes:

: Now, I don't want to start discussions on the pros and cons of each
: practice.

Oh, Damn!

Larry

Zaz wrote:

I was having a conversation with myself the other day (hey, I'm a good
listener) and I was pondering all those principles I have sent down the
drain since my pregnancy...

Love this thread!

1. I read Ezzo because a friend recommended
it to me and I told DH I was going to follow it
to the letter. When Pillbug actually got here,
it all flew out the window!

2. Co-sleeping: never knew about it, just thought
that babies slept in cribs. Until my mom kept saying
(gently) that babies sleep better with their mothers
and we ended up doing so just so I could get more
sleep.

3. Breastfeeding: I thought FOR SURE my
personality was such that I could only handle
it for 2 months. It was squicky and, golly, I
had to go back to work. Well, SIL lent me her
PIS, and once I got the hang of it after a month
(and with my pediatrician's encouragement),
there was no looking back. I ended up nursing
for 17 months and stopping only because my
supply dropped in pregnancy.

But, here are a couple of things I have kept
firm on from observing my cousins with their
children:

When one cousin's toddler fell, he sobbed
a couple of times, then got up and played.
The cousin ran over to him, saying "oh,
mommy's bad, mommy wasn't watching,
it's my fault, don't cry" and caused the
kid to have a crying fit... I swore I'd
never do that!

And another cousin would ASK her child
when we were done shopping, okay, we're
finished, do you want to leave Target now?
Come on, don't you want to leave? The child
put up a huge fuss! I swore I'd never ask
my child something that he didn't have a
choice in. So, yes, he can choose which
pants to wear, pick one toy in the store, and
whether he wants apple juice or milk, but he
does NOT get to decide if it's okay for me to
leave the store!

-- Anita --

wrote:
Zaz wrote:

"Before I was married, I had a hundred theories about raising
children
and no children. Now, I have three children and no theories." John
Wilmot, Earl of Rochester

I've been a "perfect parent" for so long (criticizing friends and
relatives behind their backs, and feeling smug about how I was going
to
do it So Much Better (tm)) that I am confident that it will come back
to bite me in the ass within a week of actual parenthood.

Amy

Amen to that!

Zaz wrote:
I was having a conversation with myself the other day (hey, I'm a good
listener) and I was pondering all those principles I have sent down
the drain since my pregnancy... I just thought I'd make a list. Feel
free to add yours!

Mine don't really pertain to babies but to preschoolers and older kids. I
wonder how many more I'll add before they are teenagers :-O

I was pretty sure I'd work with my kids on some brain enriching activity at
least once a day. I'd have a calm and peaceful house where we would read,
draw, tell stories, learn amazing things every day. My children would love
to do these things simply because I wanted them to and I exposed them to it.
They would quietly bring me art supplies and then sit and make art. That
hasn't really happened, lol.

--
Nikki

wrote in message
ups.com...
|
| Zaz wrote:
|
| "Before I was married, I had a hundred theories about raising children
| and no children. Now, I have three children and no theories." John
| Wilmot, Earl of Rochester
|
| I've been a "perfect parent" for so long (criticizing friends and
| relatives behind their backs, and feeling smug about how I was going to
| do it So Much Better (tm)) that I am confident that it will come back
| to bite me in the ass within a week of actual parenthood.


hehe. I KNOW that when the Tapdole is born, I will eat EVERY word I ever
said about "what I will do when....."

"Nikki" wrote in message
...

I was pretty sure I'd work with my kids on some brain enriching activity
at
least once a day. I'd have a calm and peaceful house where we would read,
draw, tell stories, learn amazing things every day. My children would
love
to do these things simply because I wanted them to and I exposed them to
it.
They would quietly bring me art supplies and then sit and make art. That
hasn't really happened, lol.

LOLOL! As a former teacher I had all these ideas for "enrichment" at home
also. In fact, I have stacks and stacks of teaching supplies in my basement
because I was *sure* that I'd be using them. Bah! Ds is plenty happy with a
pair of scissors, and a stack of paper. A piece of twine from the Christmas
tree, an empty water bottle turns into a spaceship, etc. My big activity
with him the other day was to make one of those tornados in a bottle. It was
something he saw on Zoom and he initiated it, lol.

JennP.