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Define the "Terrible Twos" for me?



 
 
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  #1  
Old December 1st 03, 05:59 PM
Jim Beaver
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Default Define the "Terrible Twos" for me?

What do the "terrible twos" look like? I'd like an observational
description of behavior that could be considered normal/typical of the
phase. What are the extremes of normal behavior? How does one tell the
difference between normal "two-ness" and a serious problem? I would
appreciate informed and informative replies.

Thanks very much.

Jim Beaver


  #2  
Old December 1st 03, 06:42 PM
Caroline or Greg :P
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Default Define the "Terrible Twos" for me?

one thing to remember is that it varies from child to child. depending if
you are from US/Canada or the UK you might want to try www.parentcenter.com
(US) or www.parentcentre.com (uk) They have a lot of information that is
quite useful. Also might want to check www.babycenter.com and
www.babycentre.com

Hope these helps...

Caroline

"Jim Beaver" wrote in message
. com...
What do the "terrible twos" look like? I'd like an observational
description of behavior that could be considered normal/typical of the
phase. What are the extremes of normal behavior? How does one tell the
difference between normal "two-ness" and a serious problem? I would
appreciate informed and informative replies.

Thanks very much.

Jim Beaver




  #3  
Old December 1st 03, 06:51 PM
in2minds
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Posts: n/a
Default Define the "Terrible Twos" for me?

"What do the "terrible twos" look like?"
[..]

I discussed this with my wife (who's a childminder) a couple of weeks
ago and we came to the conclusion there is no such thing as "terrible
twos", it's just an excuse for poor parenting.
I'm not saying we're the best parents in the world, not by a long shot,
but our son (now 16) never went through a "terrible" stage of any kind,
neither did my cousins kids who were brought up in a similar fashion.
I put that down to our close interactivity with our children. We read
stories, played games, etc. and generally made them feel loved.
On the other hand both my sister-in-laws and my brother-in-law just let
their children do as they please, constantly shouting at them and using
idle threats as a punishment. By idle threats I mean "if you do that one
more time I'll etc. etc. etc." and not carrying out the punishment. I've
never met children as unruly, rude or disrespectful as they are.
We used timeouts as a method as punishment, he would be sat on a chair
and made to sit there quietly for a specific period, ie 1 minute for
every year old.
Our method apparently worked because he's turned out to be well rounded,
respectful, polite, hard working and honest young man. I'm not saying
he's an angel by any means but I couldn't have wished for a nicer son.
Who knows, he may have turned out like this anyway, but I stand by my
initial statement.

just my 2 peneth
Les


  #4  
Old December 1st 03, 08:16 PM
Joanie
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Posts: n/a
Default Define the "Terrible Twos" for me?

I disagree... I am now in a chapter of an infant and child development class
which talks about the terrible twos. Chidlren/infants are classified as
"easy babies" and "difficult babies" we've all seen these children.

Sure some behavior of a child is from poor parenting but terible twos is
part of the child finding their independance. Perhaps your children are
still attatched and never found that indenpendance. Some children are easy
going and never feel the need to disobey their parents. Others challenge
each step of the day from putting their socks on in the morning, to what is
for lunch to picking out pj's for bedtime. It is part of their individual
personality.

It is normal for a child to challenge a parent. It is then up to the parent
to tell the child No and follow thru. Normal "terrible twos " sometimes
comes with tantrums, throwing fits, screaming, it is a way of gaining
control, it is a way of getting attention, and it is a way for them to get
out frustrations.

For a two year old there is so much going on in their heads and they often
can't verbalize what they want or need and so they will throw a fit instead
of tying to tell you.

If the child does not grow out of the terrible twos by age 4 then I'd say
theres a problem there.

--
Joanie

"You're stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and braver than you
believe."
~Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh



"in2minds" wrote in message
...
"What do the "terrible twos" look like?"
[..]

I discussed this with my wife (who's a childminder) a couple of weeks
ago and we came to the conclusion there is no such thing as "terrible
twos", it's just an excuse for poor parenting.
I'm not saying we're the best parents in the world, not by a long shot,
but our son (now 16) never went through a "terrible" stage of any kind,
neither did my cousins kids who were brought up in a similar fashion.
I put that down to our close interactivity with our children. We read
stories, played games, etc. and generally made them feel loved.
On the other hand both my sister-in-laws and my brother-in-law just let
their children do as they please, constantly shouting at them and using
idle threats as a punishment. By idle threats I mean "if you do that one
more time I'll etc. etc. etc." and not carrying out the punishment. I've
never met children as unruly, rude or disrespectful as they are.
We used timeouts as a method as punishment, he would be sat on a chair
and made to sit there quietly for a specific period, ie 1 minute for
every year old.
Our method apparently worked because he's turned out to be well rounded,
respectful, polite, hard working and honest young man. I'm not saying
he's an angel by any means but I couldn't have wished for a nicer son.
Who knows, he may have turned out like this anyway, but I stand by my
initial statement.

just my 2 peneth
Les




  #5  
Old December 1st 03, 09:37 PM
*Debbie*
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Define the "Terrible Twos" for me?

I disagree that there is no such thing as the "terrible two's" and that you
think it is an excuse for poor parenting. Children at two lack the language
skills that older children have to express themselves, they lack the ability
to work a lot of things out for themselves as their cognitive skills are
still developing and these are usually the reasons that contribute to the
terrible two's that can lead on till about 3.5 - 4 years of age, depending
on the individual child.

The child is developing in all areas and it is a very frustrating time for
them and not uncommon for them to "fall to pieces" if things don't work out
for them. They are not able to say 'oh well, that did not work out for me,
I might keep practising and try again later', what happens is that there
frustrations come out in the form of tantrums, screaming, crying, biting,
hurting etc. Poor parenting can be blamed on not guiding or assisting the
child in an acceptable manner once they have had an outburst but not on the
outburst itself. You are lucky that you had such an easy going child.
Try and remember that the "terrible two's" is a normal stage of development
for children around the world, it may be hard to deal with but perfectly
normal.

Debbie

"in2minds" wrote in message
...
"What do the "terrible twos" look like?"
[..]

I discussed this with my wife (who's a childminder) a couple of weeks
ago and we came to the conclusion there is no such thing as "terrible
twos", it's just an excuse for poor parenting.
I'm not saying we're the best parents in the world, not by a long shot,
but our son (now 16) never went through a "terrible" stage of any kind,
neither did my cousins kids who were brought up in a similar fashion.
I put that down to our close interactivity with our children. We read
stories, played games, etc. and generally made them feel loved.
On the other hand both my sister-in-laws and my brother-in-law just let
their children do as they please, constantly shouting at them and using
idle threats as a punishment. By idle threats I mean "if you do that one
more time I'll etc. etc. etc." and not carrying out the punishment. I've
never met children as unruly, rude or disrespectful as they are.
We used timeouts as a method as punishment, he would be sat on a chair
and made to sit there quietly for a specific period, ie 1 minute for
every year old.
Our method apparently worked because he's turned out to be well rounded,
respectful, polite, hard working and honest young man. I'm not saying
he's an angel by any means but I couldn't have wished for a nicer son.
Who knows, he may have turned out like this anyway, but I stand by my
initial statement.

just my 2 peneth
Les





  #6  
Old December 1st 03, 10:29 PM
dragonlady
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Define the "Terrible Twos" for me?

In article ,
"Jim Beaver" wrote:

What do the "terrible twos" look like? I'd like an observational
description of behavior that could be considered normal/typical of the
phase. What are the extremes of normal behavior? How does one tell the
difference between normal "two-ness" and a serious problem? I would
appreciate informed and informative replies.

Thanks very much.

Jim Beaver



I happen to adore 2 year olds. However, there are a number of behaviors
that emerge at this age that can be problematic:

1- Bighters tend to start that at around 18 months to 2-1/2. Also any
other hitting or scratching of other kids.

2-Many kids develope enormous frustration with their body's inability to
do what they WANT to do.

3 - They are developing a more clear idea of themselves as independent
beings. This is something I love watching, but many parents have a hard
time when their child goes from compliant to -- well, to not so
compliant. Kids vary, but most will attempt to excert at least some
independence at this age -- they want to do things themselves, they want
to decide what to do, and they are willing to argue about things. Most
kids start saying "NO!" far more often.

4 - Their verbal abilities may not be up to expressing themselves, so
they may throw temper tantrums instead.

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

  #7  
Old December 1st 03, 10:38 PM
Banty
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Define the "Terrible Twos" for me?

In article , dragonlady
says...

In article ,
"Jim Beaver" wrote:

What do the "terrible twos" look like? I'd like an observational
description of behavior that could be considered normal/typical of the
phase. What are the extremes of normal behavior? How does one tell the
difference between normal "two-ness" and a serious problem? I would
appreciate informed and informative replies.

Thanks very much.

Jim Beaver



I happen to adore 2 year olds. However, there are a number of behaviors
that emerge at this age that can be problematic:

1- Bighters tend to start that at around 18 months to 2-1/2. Also any
other hitting or scratching of other kids.

2-Many kids develope enormous frustration with their body's inability to
do what they WANT to do.

3 - They are developing a more clear idea of themselves as independent
beings. This is something I love watching, but many parents have a hard
time when their child goes from compliant to -- well, to not so
compliant. Kids vary, but most will attempt to excert at least some
independence at this age -- they want to do things themselves, they want
to decide what to do, and they are willing to argue about things. Most
kids start saying "NO!" far more often.

4 - Their verbal abilities may not be up to expressing themselves, so
they may throw temper tantrums instead.


5 - any such behaviors ennumerated in parts 1 through 4, if not manifest at age
two, will surely manifest at age three! :-)

Banty

  #8  
Old December 2nd 03, 12:39 AM
Joanie
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Define the "Terrible Twos" for me?

I am not recyling anything from books... it just so happened that I just
read something about terrible twos this week....

I have been in daycare for over 10 years I can tell you that the terrible
twos exists... are two year olds terrible? No they are not infact it is my
absolute favorite age. There is nothing like a two year old who suddenly
starts explaining how things work to you. I love two year olds. Are some
tougher than others - Oh yes... some bite some scream, some like to smack.
And then there are the quiet sweet two's who go through life like they are
happy and floating on a cloud.

You are experiencing soemthing out of the norm. Enjoy it, most parents do
not have it so easy.

--
Joanie

"You're stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and braver than you
believe."
~Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh



"Ignoramus15011" wrote in message
...
Instead of theorizing and recycling information from books, I anted to
share my personal observations.

As far as I am concerned, (2.5 yo), I have not seen real problems such
as oppositional defiance (doing known bad things to annoy parents), or
tantrums designed to intimidate. A few times we had tantrums, etc,
which in his instance seemed like he just was having an emotional
breakdown and not as a tool to intimidate us to get what he wants.

As for not being able to express what he wants, I am sure it could be
real frustrating for some children, but my son is pretty good at
talking so that has not been an issue.

Perhaps a big component of terrible twos is not that the child is
terrible, but that the child is more difficult for parents as they
require more genuine attention and very close supervision and just
more thinking. Or, they condition the child to get stuff that he wants
by tantrums because they do not listen and fairly consider children's
requests, and give in to tantrums.

i



  #9  
Old December 2nd 03, 04:37 AM
~Leslie~
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Define the "Terrible Twos" for me?

If they think 2 is bad wait till the child hits 3~! I think the 3's are
worse! I love the 2's!
JMHO
Leslie

--
http://www.leslieshomedaycare.providerpages.net
"Joanie" wrote in message
...
I am not recyling anything from books... it just so happened that I just
read something about terrible twos this week....

I have been in daycare for over 10 years I can tell you that the terrible
twos exists... are two year olds terrible? No they are not infact it is

my
absolute favorite age. There is nothing like a two year old who suddenly
starts explaining how things work to you. I love two year olds. Are some
tougher than others - Oh yes... some bite some scream, some like to smack.
And then there are the quiet sweet two's who go through life like they are
happy and floating on a cloud.

You are experiencing soemthing out of the norm. Enjoy it, most parents do
not have it so easy.

--
Joanie

"You're stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and braver than

you
believe."
~Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh



"Ignoramus15011" wrote in message
...
Instead of theorizing and recycling information from books, I anted to
share my personal observations.

As far as I am concerned, (2.5 yo), I have not seen real problems such
as oppositional defiance (doing known bad things to annoy parents), or
tantrums designed to intimidate. A few times we had tantrums, etc,
which in his instance seemed like he just was having an emotional
breakdown and not as a tool to intimidate us to get what he wants.

As for not being able to express what he wants, I am sure it could be
real frustrating for some children, but my son is pretty good at
talking so that has not been an issue.

Perhaps a big component of terrible twos is not that the child is
terrible, but that the child is more difficult for parents as they
require more genuine attention and very close supervision and just
more thinking. Or, they condition the child to get stuff that he wants
by tantrums because they do not listen and fairly consider children's
requests, and give in to tantrums.

i





  #10  
Old December 2nd 03, 05:18 AM
dragonlady
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Define the "Terrible Twos" for me?

In article ,
Banty wrote:

In article , dragonlady
says...

In article ,
"Jim Beaver" wrote:

What do the "terrible twos" look like? I'd like an observational
description of behavior that could be considered normal/typical of the
phase. What are the extremes of normal behavior? How does one tell the
difference between normal "two-ness" and a serious problem? I would
appreciate informed and informative replies.

Thanks very much.

Jim Beaver



I happen to adore 2 year olds. However, there are a number of behaviors
that emerge at this age that can be problematic:

1- Bighters tend to start that at around 18 months to 2-1/2. Also any
other hitting or scratching of other kids.

2-Many kids develope enormous frustration with their body's inability to
do what they WANT to do.

3 - They are developing a more clear idea of themselves as independent
beings. This is something I love watching, but many parents have a hard
time when their child goes from compliant to -- well, to not so
compliant. Kids vary, but most will attempt to excert at least some
independence at this age -- they want to do things themselves, they want
to decide what to do, and they are willing to argue about things. Most
kids start saying "NO!" far more often.

4 - Their verbal abilities may not be up to expressing themselves, so
they may throw temper tantrums instead.


5 - any such behaviors ennumerated in parts 1 through 4, if not manifest at
age
two, will surely manifest at age three! :-)

Banty


And, for what it's worth, again at about 13. If you follow Kegan's
developmental theories, these kids are at the same "balance" in trying
to figure out when to be embedded in community/family, and when to be
independent, and what it all means. I've been told that kids will
repeat their 2 yo behavior sometime between 12 and 15, and for at least
one of my kids, that was true in spades!

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

 




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