gripe of the day

"V" wrote in message

"denanson" wrote in message

Talk about paranoia. Are you guys for real?

Only if you have a social and DOB for me...hee hee

Ok so how would all you women react if I asked for your date of birth and
social number?

Dennis

"Joelle" wrote in message
...
Since I would never get to serious, I only
ever checked someone's background once,

See, I think you should do it right away, before you develop emotions that
might make it difficult for you to make an objective, rational decision.

I didn't tell him about that.

Oh I was always forthright "Sure, just let me put your name in the sex
offender
data base here then we'll see what we can set up..."

Joelle


I can see that point but at one point I was meeting a few different guys and
some of them wouldn't make it past a few phone calls. But like I said, if I
were to find a guy I met on the 'list', there would be nothing to be
objective about. I would just end it.

I am glad you met someone and are happy! Do the kids like him or have you
not made it to that point yet?

T

"Cele" wrote in message


The issue isn't whether children of single mothers are the top target.
It's whether they're a significant target. It's whether the children
are at risk and in need of protection.

http://www.sccgov.org/channel/0,4770...D12655,00.html
I draw your attention to the information under the heading 'Child
Sexual Predators'.

All the links (about 5) to the quoted statistics are from a single source
(Santa Clara county) wherever that is. They also do not work but end up on
the same defunct page.


http://www.bbplaw.com/publications/frrdaj.htm
I draw your attention to C-1

Here it is.
1. Skilled at Identifying Vulnerable Victims
Although some pedophiles can observe a group of children for a short period
of time and choose a target, many develop their skills in selecting victims
through practice and experience. Most of the time, victims are from a broken
home or have been emotionally or physically neglected. Oftentimes, children
of low-income families, in which there may only be one parent present in the
home, are targeted by pedophiles, especially if there is not a male figure
present in the child's life.

Really Celia, do you call that objective research?
Terms like some, many, Most of the time, and the use of and/or
generalisations.
The final statement also implies to me that the article assumes all
peodophiles are men.


I agree that single parents could well be a "target" I was simply saying
that other situations impose a greater risk.

I wish I'd been a little more paranoid, and made sure my kid was
driven to and from school.

Ah but that is not what this thread is about.

Dennis

"Joelle" wrote in message

There are plenty of nice eligible men who are not on that list for any
reason. I happen to be in love with one :-)

So tell me Joelle, how long does it take to completely "know" someone enough
to fall in love with them?

Dennis

"denanson" Dennis@Large .ie wrote in message
...

"V" wrote in message

"denanson" wrote in message

Talk about paranoia. Are you guys for real?

Only if you have a social and DOB for me...hee hee

Ok so how would all you women react if I asked for your date of birth and
social number?

Dennis



Good point! Very good point!

I think going so far as asking for a social security number is a bit much. I
would NOT give that out, who would! The birthday, that might come up in
conversation but not to do background checks.

I for one would give out my birthday, no biggie there.

T

On Wed, 7 Jul 2004 20:56:21 +0100, "denanson" Dennis@Large .ie
wrote:


"Cele" wrote in message


The issue isn't whether children of single mothers are the top target.
It's whether they're a significant target. It's whether the children
are at risk and in need of protection.

http://www.sccgov.org/channel/0,4770...D12655,00.html
I draw your attention to the information under the heading 'Child
Sexual Predators'.

All the links (about 5) to the quoted statistics are from a single source
(Santa Clara county) wherever that is. They also do not work but end up on
the same defunct page.


http://www.bbplaw.com/publications/frrdaj.htm
I draw your attention to C-1

Here it is.
1. Skilled at Identifying Vulnerable Victims
Although some pedophiles can observe a group of children for a short period
of time and choose a target, many develop their skills in selecting victims
through practice and experience. Most of the time, victims are from a broken
home or have been emotionally or physically neglected. Oftentimes, children
of low-income families, in which there may only be one parent present in the
home, are targeted by pedophiles, especially if there is not a male figure
present in the child's life.

Really Celia, do you call that objective research?
Terms like some, many, Most of the time, and the use of and/or
generalisations.
The final statement also implies to me that the article assumes all
peodophiles are men.

Okay, Dennis, fine. You don't like the links, discard them. I've
offered two books, both of which are properly referenced and both of
which I've read cover to cover. The links were what I found at the
time, the books are better. Read 'em or don't.

I agree that single parents could well be a "target" I was simply saying
that other situations impose a greater risk.

And I was asserting that the risk is significant and that such a risk
is worth protecting children against, given the outcome of not doing
so and being wrong. I further assert that calling people names, like
'paranoid', for their efforts to protect their children in not
uncommon ways, is erroneous and, I'll ad here, harmful.

I wish I'd been a little more paranoid, and made sure my kid was
driven to and from school.

Ah but that is not what this thread is about.

It's about protecting our kid from sexual offenders. Some people
around here drive their kids virtually everywhere; others don't, and
think that to do so is 'paranoid'. The situation is analagous and
relevent.

Cele

On 6 Jul 2004 21:09:52 -0700, (Karen O'Mara) wrote:

Cele wrote in message . ..
And because of that, you would choose not to access available
information to protect your child against repeat offenders?

Was the predator that you encountered on any list?

Who knows? He wasn't caught. I expect he'll get on one eventually. His
behaviour suggested he'd reoffend.

Wouldn't have mattered anyway. He didn't introduce himself, he just
pulled her into his car and drove off.

It's really hard to present any other side after what you had to say.

My intention wasn't to hobble your argument. It was to make the strong
point that there is very serious fallout when efforts to protect don't
succeed, and that there seems therefore to be good reason to take easy
and simple steps that might help.

I'm really sorry. I guess I can only say that it's hard for me to run
checks on people, like you suggest we should. I am sure I'd feel
differently somehow if I were in different shoes.

Wasn't me that suggested it; I just agreed with it. :-) I'm Canadian.
Our sexual offenders' registry is still a proposal in front of
Parliament. Soon's it's up and running, I'll use it, if I need it.
'Course, by then I expect it'll be my *grandchildren* I'm
protecting....

Cele

On 7 Jul 2004 08:49:44 -0700, (Karen O'Mara) wrote:

Cele wrote in message . ..

Thanks. It is. But you do what needs to be done. Just lately it's got
a bit harder, but I'm hoping it's a storm before a calm?

I think being in hospital is making it impossible to bury her
problems, but it's hurting a LOT to cope with them as they resurface
in all kinds of scary ways. She's trying, though. And the hospital
staff are good.

We're all hanging in there. Thanks for the support.

Well, I, for one, have been thinking about you all night.

Ugh. I wasn't trying to disrupt anyone's sleep! :-/

I feel
terrible for participating in this thread with my pov. I don't really
know you, only from the ng, but your sharing this here was remarkable
to me. A lot of times, we all just think these horrible things in life
happen to other people, and never to us. But, it's happened to you and
your family, and it hits close to home. I hope everything turns out
okay.

So do I. She's having a helluva time right now. We're all hoping that
what's going on is that she's allowing herself to process what she
never really has processed before. That makes a good deal of sense,
because there's been a lot of regression in terms of apparent coping.
So what I'm thinking is that she got strong enough to begin to think
about things more consciously, and boy, is it hurting. All the same,
it's got to happen, and the hospital so far is seeming to be a good,
safe place emotionally to process.

This sounds sort of dumb but yesterday on Montel (tv show) they had
four victims of rape and a psychotherapist. The psychotherapist (who
is often on Larry King Live, and maybe Court TV) said something that
touched me and I think touched the women who were sharing their story.
She said that the pain can be overcome, and that they can become
stronger. She said just by sharing the story, they may have reached
thousands of women to come forward and start the process (a percentage
of the Montel viewership). She said it a lot better than I can, but I
guess I just wanted to say that I hope everyone gets good help and I
do think that by you sharing your story, we may all become a little
bit more sensitive or aware, and that you have helped somehow. Thank
you.

Warm regards and thoughts for you and your daughter today and
tomorrow... Karen

Thankyou. My approach throughout has been to let her know that she
could be a survivor rather than a victim and that I had no doubt at
all that in time that's what would happen. She's bought that and
fought very hard to heal, but we've lots of work to do yet.

As for sharing, I guess I kind of blindsided you. All of the 'old
hands' in assp know T's history and mine, WRT her assault, and so I
tend to forget that it could still be news to some. A few times I've
mentioned to someone I thought didn't know, and it turned out they'd
been lurking and did, so I kind of quit thinking about it. My bad.

Anyway, T's keyworker at the hospital and I just last week talked
about the emergent overwhelming feelings and we're working on setting
up a safe healthy way for her to tell and retell her story - maybe
increasing her one on one counselling time, maybe bringing in another
person to support her, we're not sure. The keyworker's looking into
it. Anyway, when she and I each separately brought this up with T - in
the context of never really having told her whole story, and maybe
being in a place where that would now be helpful - she was tentative
but in agreement. So we shall see.

(In case anyone's wondering, she disclosed in choppy bursts over six
days, and from that plus the flashbacks it's clear what happened, but
it has never been expressed as a linear sequence by *her*.)

Anyhow, take care, Karen, and be well.

Cele

On Wed, 7 Jul 2004 16:28:02 -0400, "Tiffany"
wrote:


"denanson" Dennis@Large .ie wrote in message
...

"V" wrote in message

"denanson" wrote in message

Talk about paranoia. Are you guys for real?

Only if you have a social and DOB for me...hee hee

Ok so how would all you women react if I asked for your date of birth and
social number?

Dennis



Good point! Very good point!

Wouldn't bother me in the least, especially if you had kids of a
vulnerable age. With people like Pamela Smart and Aileen Wuornos out
there, you probably should. Might want to wait for a third date or so,
but hopefully I'm not alone with your kids until well after that
anyway.

I think going so far as asking for a social security number is a bit much. I
would NOT give that out, who would! The birthday, that might come up in
conversation but not to do background checks.

I for one would give out my birthday, no biggie there.

Yeah. Makes it easier to get cards on the big day.

Cele

am glad you met someone and are happy! Do the kids like him or have you
not made it to that point yet?


The kids liked him at first, now they don't really want to share, so I haven't
forced the issue. I have him over for dinner once in awhile just to reinforce
to the kids that I get to have friends, and they need to be polite and Sarah
did condescend to allow him to drive her home after skating the other day, so
we are making a little progress.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle