Having more than one child - any regrets?

Hi, - I am in the process of deciding whether to have another baby - I
have a daughter already. Has anyone who has had two or more kids
regretted having more than one child? I would like honest opinions
please! I think one of the main advantages of having more than one
child include providing companionship for the other child, but I am
worried about the disadvantages - the amount of work that would be
involved and the expense of it. Is it really much harder work having a
second or third? Is it also much more expensive? Do children
appreciate other siblings at a young age?
What if you had decided to go ahead and have another child but your
partner wasn't too keen on the idea? What did you do to persuade him
and was he eventually glad to have another baby?

Abi wrote:

Hi, - I am in the process of deciding whether to have another baby - I
have a daughter already. Has anyone who has had two or more kids
regretted having more than one child? I would like honest opinions
please! I think one of the main advantages of having more than one
child include providing companionship for the other child, but I am
worried about the disadvantages - the amount of work that would be
involved and the expense of it. Is it really much harder work having a
second or third? Is it also much more expensive? Do children
appreciate other siblings at a young age?
What if you had decided to go ahead and have another child but your
partner wasn't too keen on the idea? What did you do to persuade him
and was he eventually glad to have another baby?

I would be surprised if anyone here said they
regretted having the number of children they have; however,
more than one survey has shown that a very high number of
people would either not have had kids or would have had
fewer kids if they could go back and do it all over again.
I think few people regret the children they have because
it is inconceivable to wish away a precious child. That's
separate from looking back and wondering whether you'd make
the decision to have another child if you knew then what you
know now. On the other hand, many people find that adding
children is a real blessing and wouldn't have it any other
way.
My personal opinion is that you have to have another
child because both parents really, really want one. It will
be quite a bit more work. Whether it's a lot more money
depends on your situation. In my opinion, babies aren't
all that expensive, especially when you've already got the
big things--and even more especially if you breastfeed
and perhaps cloth diaper. If you need daycare, that's a big
expense, of course. Where I found the expense jumped
significantly is when they were school-aged and getting
into activities. College is another biggie, of course.
As far as workload goes, I do think two are more
work in many ways. On the other hand, they do help entertain
each other. I think it still nets to more work, but I
like it better (if that makes any sense).
I don't think you can have children based on
some notion of how the children will get along. You can
never guarantee that. There is no number of children or
spacing that will guarantee a good sibling relationship.
Maybe they'll be great together and maybe they won't.
I don't think that having another child is *bad* for
the earlier child(ren) as long as the parents have the
wherewithall to care for them (physically, emotionally,
financially, etc.), but you don't get to know how much
of a positive it will be for them, so you can't really
base your decision on that. Some kids are thrilled at the
prospect of a sibling, and others aren't. Some claim to
be thrilled and then don't much like the reality.
Others claim to hate the idea and end up enthralled.
I don't think you can try to sway your partner too
much. I think it's important that both parents really be
interested. If one person is just humoring the other, I
think that's a bad situation. Children require too much
to shortchange them by having one parent who's not in it
all the way.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Hi, - I am in the process of deciding whether to have another baby - I
have a daughter already. Has anyone who has had two or more kids
regretted having more than one child?

I have 4 kids and no regrests.

I would like honest opinions
please! I think one of the main advantages of having more than one
child include providing companionship for the other child,

Absolutely! Lots of my friends with only one complain about how hard he/she
is. I tell them that's cos they're everything to that child right now,
including playmate.

but I am
worried about the disadvantages - the amount of work that would be
involved and the expense of it. Is it really much harder work having a
second or third? Is it also much more expensive? Do children
appreciate other siblings at a young age?

I found having 2 the hardest. Adding #3 and #4 was a piece of cake - they
just fit into what we're doing. The only thing I feel like I have more of
to do with 4 is laundry. Seriously. Personally I don't find more children
expensive cos we already had all the expensive stuff - crib, carseat,
stroller, highchair, etc...And yes, we've used all the same stuff for all 4
children.

We had ours close together - all planned - 16 months apart, 25 months apart,
2.5 yrs apart. I like the gaps cos all the kids were too young to be
jealous IME. #1 and #2 are buddies, #3 is waiting for #4 to be his (#4 is
only 3 months old).

What if you had decided to go ahead and have another child but your
partner wasn't too keen on the idea? What did you do to persuade him
and was he eventually glad to have another baby?

We knew (hoped) from the get-go we'd have 4. I would have been very upset
had he not wanted 4. I could have lived with 3, but I really wanted 4.
*He'd* actually have more if he had more time and made more money (he's a
Marine and deploys a lot, like right now). I would *never* have a baby if
my husband wasn't 100% on board.

Good luck deciding

--
Sophie
mom of 4

In article , Sophie says...

Hi, - I am in the process of deciding whether to have another baby - I
have a daughter already. Has anyone who has had two or more kids
regretted having more than one child?

I have 4 kids and no regrests.

I would like honest opinions
please! I think one of the main advantages of having more than one
child include providing companionship for the other child,

Absolutely! Lots of my friends with only one complain about how hard he/she
is. I tell them that's cos they're everything to that child right now,
including playmate.

but I am
worried about the disadvantages - the amount of work that would be
involved and the expense of it. Is it really much harder work having a
second or third? Is it also much more expensive? Do children
appreciate other siblings at a young age?

I found having 2 the hardest. Adding #3 and #4 was a piece of cake - they
just fit into what we're doing. The only thing I feel like I have more of
to do with 4 is laundry. Seriously. Personally I don't find more children
expensive cos we already had all the expensive stuff - crib, carseat,
stroller, highchair, etc...And yes, we've used all the same stuff for all 4
children.

That was my sister's experience (she had four within 6 years). The first can be
carried around and fit in. The second tied both parents down. Once she was in
multi-kid mode, going to 3 and then 4 just fit in.

As far as laundry, yes. But when they're teens, they'll do their own laundry,
but that won't make up for the thing that multiplies at that point -
*groceries*!

Banty

"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , Sophie says...

Hi, - I am in the process of deciding whether to have another baby - I
have a daughter already. Has anyone who has had two or more kids
regretted having more than one child?

I have 4 kids and no regrests.

I would like honest opinions
please! I think one of the main advantages of having more than one
child include providing companionship for the other child,

Absolutely! Lots of my friends with only one complain about how hard
he/she
is. I tell them that's cos they're everything to that child right now,
including playmate.

but I am
worried about the disadvantages - the amount of work that would be
involved and the expense of it. Is it really much harder work having a
second or third? Is it also much more expensive? Do children
appreciate other siblings at a young age?

I found having 2 the hardest. Adding #3 and #4 was a piece of cake -
they
just fit into what we're doing. The only thing I feel like I have more
of
to do with 4 is laundry. Seriously. Personally I don't find more
children
expensive cos we already had all the expensive stuff - crib, carseat,
stroller, highchair, etc...And yes, we've used all the same stuff for all
4
children.

That was my sister's experience (she had four within 6 years). The first
can be
carried around and fit in. The second tied both parents down. Once she
was in
multi-kid mode, going to 3 and then 4 just fit in.

Nice to see soeone else had it the same way. I think people think I'm lying
sometimes when I say 4's not that hard.

As far as laundry, yes. But when they're teens, they'll do their own
laundry,
but that won't make up for the thing that multiplies at that point -
*groceries*!

Banty

Oh and with 3 boys, I'm scared - lol.

Abi wrote:
Hi, - I am in the process of deciding whether to have another baby - I
have a daughter already. Has anyone who has had two or more kids
regretted having more than one child?

I have two, both planned, and we are very happy, no regrets.

I do know one couple that had an unplanned second baby and while they don't
regert the baby, and would never wish her away, would have only had the one
if their perfect life. It has been difficult emotionally coping with two,
and difficult for them financially.

Is it really much harder work having a
second or third?

No I do not think so. It sort of depends on what you as a parent find
difficult. One child alone can go along on lots of more adult excursions
that would me more difficult to manage with two kids. They interact with
each other and can get more rambunctious. On the other hand, parents tend
to have to work harder to keep single children occupied.

Is it also much more expensive?

If you use daycare and can be a lot more expensive. If you want to pay for
college - a lot more expensive.

Do children
appreciate other siblings at a young age?

IME, yes.

What if you had decided to go ahead and have another child but your
partner wasn't too keen on the idea?

I would never have another if my partner wasn't on board.

What did you do to persuade him
and was he eventually glad to have another baby?

I haven't had to figure that out yet ;-)


--
Nikki

I have 3 and am so glad I did. We went back and forth for a long time
about whether or not to go for it a 3rd time. No regrets at all. With
the addition of #3 things are definately more hectic! And there's tons
of laundry! Grocery bill seems to be higher but it may be more that
I'm trying to rush through and pay less attention to what I throw in
the cart - #3 isn't eating grocery store food yet and #2 doesn't eat
much at all. ;-) My first two are great at keeping each other occupied
so that makes it easier. They get along really well (when dd isn't
teasing ds mercilessly :-) )

I didn't find the second was all that much more work actually, but #3
has really thrown the house into chaos. Maybe because #2 was such an
easy going, easy to care for baby. #3 is an easy going baby too, but
with the other two, on top of working full-time, it's overwhelming at
times. DH is very helpful (when I ask) and that helps a lot. Without
his help and support it would be 100 times more difficult.

I also expect the chaos to ease a bit once the baby is about 2yo. At
least then I'll have two hands to do things with rather than one hand,
and one armful of baby! I fully expected it to be chaotic for a couple
of years - those first several months just adjusting to the new baby,
and the next year and a half just because babies need a lot of
attention and care. They will need attention and care when they are
older too, but of a different sort.

That said, I'm the kind of person who loves to be busy. I don't mind
the chaos and constant running around (most of the time) because I
like to be up and about. DH is always telling me to just sit down -
you don't need to be doing something if you have 5 spare minutes -
it's a joke that I'm literally doing 6 things at once which often
results in burned cookies, forgotten steaming veggies (mush), and
messes! But I like the chaos (and DH tolerates it) so it works for us.

Hope some of this rambling helps!

(Abi) wrote:

Hi, - I am in the process of deciding whether to have another baby - I
have a daughter already. Has anyone who has had two or more kids
regretted having more than one child? I would like honest opinions
please! I think one of the main advantages of having more than one

No once I had one, the second one was NBD. The first one was the
hardest.

child include providing companionship for the other child, but I am
worried about the disadvantages - the amount of work that would be
involved and the expense of it. Is it really much harder work having a
second or third? Is it also much more expensive? Do children
appreciate other siblings at a young age?

Not really. In the beginning (depending on the age gap) they really
can't provide much companionship - that comes later on in life. And
if the child is older when the baby is born (like my #2 was 5 when #3
was born - and I didn't ask her whether she wanted a sibling BTW - she
said she did resent not being the baby anymore.

What if you had decided to go ahead and have another child but your
partner wasn't too keen on the idea? What did you do to persuade him
and was he eventually glad to have another baby?

My partner didn't have to be persuaded. And I would not want to try
to persuade him about something like that.


grandma Rosalie

Sophie wrote:

Nice to see soeone else had it the same way. I think people think I'm lying
sometimes when I say 4's not that hard.

I don't think you're lying, but lots of it must be personality -- yours and
theirs. After all, having that many kids does mean a higher chance that at any
given time, *someone* is in a bad mood, or not feeling well, or bouncing off
the walls to a maddening extent, or developing a harmless but annoying habit,
or ... you get the idea. My kids are like herding cats. They're just *never*
all the same way at once.

--Helen

(Abi) wrote in message . com...
Hi, - I am in the process of deciding whether to have another baby - I
have a daughter already. Has anyone who has had two or more kids
regretted having more than one child? I would like honest opinions
please! I think one of the main advantages of having more than one
child include providing companionship for the other child, but I am
worried about the disadvantages - the amount of work that would be
involved and the expense of it. Is it really much harder work having a
second or third?

Much more work. You'll look back and wonder why you ever thought
taking care of one child was difficult at all. Having one changes
your life completely and having another changes it completely again.

Is it also much more expensive?

Not that much, but they're not applying to college yet.

Do children
appreciate other siblings at a young age?

You can teach them somewhat. I think they'll appreciate it when they
get a little older.

What if you had decided to go ahead and have another child but your
partner wasn't too keen on the idea? What did you do to persuade him
and was he eventually glad to have another baby?

Not sure what you're getting at here. Your partner better be keen
because you're going to need alot of help.