Having more than one child - any regrets?

Abi wrote:
Hi, - I am in the process of deciding whether to have another baby - I
have a daughter already. Has anyone who has had two or more kids
regretted having more than one child? I would like honest opinions
please!

I have 2, and haven't regretted it at all. However, mine are 5.5 years
apart, and I'd be willing to bet that made adding #2 a whole lot easier
than if I had ended up with a toddler and a baby.


I think one of the main advantages of having more than one
child include providing companionship for the other child, but I am
worried about the disadvantages - the amount of work that would be
involved and the expense of it.


We had the 2nd because we wanted 2, not to provide companionship for our
first child. Given the age difference, it'll probably be quite some
time before they could really be "companions."


Is it really much harder work having a
second or third? Is it also much more expensive? Do children
appreciate other siblings at a young age?

I didn't think adding a 2nd was much extra work, but again - I'm sure
the age gap had a lot to do with that. By the time #2 was born, #1 was
pretty self-sufficient. As far as appreciating other siblings: my
little one adores his big sister. She appreciates him sort of like
she'd appreciate a puppy.


What if you had decided to go ahead and have another child but your
partner wasn't too keen on the idea? What did you do to persuade him
and was he eventually glad to have another baby?

I wouldn't even consider having a child if my husband wasn't 100% behind
the idea, too.

Clisby

Donna Metler wrote:

What do you do if you're not sure?

On one hand, I have a lot of medical advise suggesting that this should be
my last pregnancy-given that I ended up delivering early because of severe
PE/HELLP in the first and that I've been borderline pre-eclamptic from 22
weeks on in the second [...]

Not the same problems, but this current pregnancy
(second one) will be my last. For my physical and
mental health, this is it.

, and the risk increases with age, it seems likely
that a third pregnancy would be, at best, a repeat of this one. Lots of
stress, lots of doctors appointments, lots of weeks on bedrest, only with a
preschooler at home. And I'm not sure it would be fair to a child at home
to have to deal with mommy on bedrest for months to have a baby

Well, that will happen to us. My obgyn has already
stated I shall be put on bed rest. My goal is to delay
that until the third trimester, and Pillbug will be about
19 months old then. I don't think of it as "fair" or not;
it's not really the Pillbug's decision whether or how I
have another child.

[...] I don't think either of us are completely ready to give up that hope of
a
second child-and while adoption is an option, I know my husband, especially,
really is set on that biological link-and I know that while he's been really
trying not to show it, he's a little disappointed about this baby being a
girl instead of the son he wants (and lost last time).

Oh, just wait 'til he holds her in his arms!! She'll
own his heart in no time!

So, do you follow your head, or follow your heart?

If I want a third, we will adopt. DH and I have discussed
this in detail and it's basically set. We'll see how we
feel after having two in the house...

-- Anita --

We have one. I was 40 when we had him. Now at 42 I wish that I could have
another one, and I don't.
Other couples in our play group have 2 or more. One is at playgroup while
the other is at soccer practice.
We decided not to live that way. We are not very well off, and feel we can
give more financially to one child.
We also feel that we don't want to be split up all the time. We adore and
enjoy doing everything together as a family of 3.
Now, if I were 10 or 15 years younger, I can say that my opinion might be
different, but I can only go with what I know.
Luck to you,
jojo


"Abi" wrote in message
om...
Hi, - I am in the process of deciding whether to have another baby - I
have a daughter already. Has anyone who has had two or more kids
regretted having more than one child? I would like honest opinions
please! I think one of the main advantages of having more than one
child include providing companionship for the other child, but I am
worried about the disadvantages - the amount of work that would be
involved and the expense of it. Is it really much harder work having a
second or third? Is it also much more expensive? Do children
appreciate other siblings at a young age?
What if you had decided to go ahead and have another child but your
partner wasn't too keen on the idea? What did you do to persuade him
and was he eventually glad to have another baby?

"Marnie" wrote in message news:WcUcd.271332$D%.237203@attbi_s51...
No regrets about having two, and would have preferred three or four.

As far as persuading a reluctant partner, a lot of people are saying if you
have to persuade someone, then don't. I don't think this is the case for
everyone.

My DH had to be "persuaded," but he needs to be persuaded towards almost
anything that's not the status quo, that might cost money (and we have
plenty) and/or that might reduce the amount of time on Saturdays he can
spend doing nothing but watching football. He's the type of person for whom
the initial reaction to change is a firm "no" and he always voices his
initial reaction.

So, yes, he requires persuasion. He requires persuasion to try a new
restaurant, to vacation other than to where he's vacationed for the past 15
years, to use butter instead of the margarine he grew up with, to open a
window and, yes, to add children to the family.

I should note that he had to persuade me to marry him, to build our house,
to see a chiropracter, to drive a minivan, to get cable modem, etc.

If someone is really against a plan, so be it. If someone just hasn't
thought about it and needs convincing, that's something else.

Persuasion, discussion, communication -- sometimes the lines blur.

thanks for the advice - yes my dh is like this - I dont want to do
anything without his full support, but he is always so resistant to
new ideas at first. After a while, he generally comes round to ideas
and is glad they happened, but I wish there was some way of overcoming
the initial resistance.

"Abi" wrote in message
om...
Hi, - I am in the process of deciding whether to have another baby - I
have a daughter already. Has anyone who has had two or more kids
regretted having more than one child? I would like honest opinions
please! I think one of the main advantages of having more than one
child include providing companionship for the other child, but I am
worried about the disadvantages - the amount of work that would be
involved and the expense of it. Is it really much harder work having a
second or third? Is it also much more expensive? Do children
appreciate other siblings at a young age?
What if you had decided to go ahead and have another child but your
partner wasn't too keen on the idea? What did you do to persuade him
and was he eventually glad to have another baby?

Anyone that tells you that having 2 is anything like having one is lying!!
We had another DD when DS was 3. It was a total nightmare ( and still is) I
look at my buddy who has an only child of 5 and am green with envy. No
screaming and arguing at his house. When his DS is in bed or at grandmas,
that's it "time off". When my DD is at grandmas we still have DD and visa
versa. Twice the Christmas gifts, double the saving for college, Quadruple
the time and stress.

My wife was the one who wanted another. I was more than happy with one. (I
am an only and LOVED it) Would I turn the clock back? ..hell no! I love my
DD to pieces, but I would advise anyone to think VERY carefully about a 2nd
child, it is a whole new ball game and MORE than double the work and stress.
The sibling rivalry almost breaks my heart at times. The way DS looks at me
sometimes when I am holding DD is a killer. Life is certainly a lot more
noisy and stressful at home with 2 that I remember growing up as an only. We
WILL NOT be having anymore!!! LOL

1 is stressful
2 is VERY stressful
anyone who has 3 or more MUST be crazy or totally selfless and enjoy having
NO life of thier own.

"Sophie" wrote in message
...
Nice to see soeone else had it the same way. I think people think I'm
lying
sometimes when I say 4's not that hard.

You are lying. ONE is hard.

"Pete" wrote in message

1 is stressful
2 is VERY stressful
anyone who has 3 or more MUST be crazy or totally selfless and enjoy
having NO life of thier own.


I think you're a troll but here's my response. 1 is stressful if you make
it stressful. If you already get stressed out with 1, then yes, 2 will be
very stressful. But the amount of stress doesn't increase exponentially
with each child you have. For me having 2 kids meant child 1 had someone to
entertain her for a while, so I wasn't her sole playmate all day. After 2
adding another was no big deal, she just fit into the routine, and with 4,
we hardly notice a difference. There's not much more noise than I had with
2 and there's definitly no more stress, especially now that 2 of them are in
school at least half the day. I have plenty of hobbies outside of my
children and last time I checked, I wasn't crazy.

Denise

On Wed, 20 Oct 2004 18:02:41 +0100, "Pete"
scribbled:


"Sophie" wrote in message
...
Nice to see soeone else had it the same way. I think people think I'm
lying
sometimes when I say 4's not that hard.

You are lying. ONE is hard.

Hmmm..... I wonder if this is the same "Pete".
Anyway, I never found ONE hard at all, not even when I was a single
mom.

Nan

On Wed, 20 Oct 2004 18:54:50 +0100, "Pete"
scribbled:

We must be wired differently. Being a single parent for me would be too
tough. I am glad I am the one who goes out to work all day. My wife just got
a part time job (kids are 8 and 5 now) and I find it tough having to do
laundry and help with the housework more as my wife is at work till 3 every
day. When I come home from work I want to rest, but in between kids
activities, dinner, housework I don't get to sit down till 9pm and I am
bushed.

IME, it's only hard if you *make* it hard. As a single mom I was
certainly more busy, but I didn't find it hard. I've found it more
difficult with a partner, truth be told. That's an additional person
to consider or take care of. When I was single, it was just me and my
ds.

I never seem to have any time to do anything thesedays. I go to my buddies
once a week to play playstation, but that's it.

You get a lot more than my dh gets. Also IME, it seems when someone
has difficulty caring for their kids, they tend to expect more for
themselves than is feasible or realistic.

But at least you're not accusing anyone of lying because they don't
find it as hard as you do.

Nan

"Nan" wrote in message
...
On Wed, 20 Oct 2004 18:02:41 +0100, "Pete"
scribbled:


"Sophie" wrote in message
...
Nice to see soeone else had it the same way. I think people think I'm
lying
sometimes when I say 4's not that hard.

You are lying. ONE is hard.

Hmmm..... I wonder if this is the same "Pete".
Anyway, I never found ONE hard at all, not even when I was a single
mom.

Nan


We must be wired differently. Being a single parent for me would be too
tough. I am glad I am the one who goes out to work all day. My wife just got
a part time job (kids are 8 and 5 now) and I find it tough having to do
laundry and help with the housework more as my wife is at work till 3 every
day. When I come home from work I want to rest, but in between kids
activities, dinner, housework I don't get to sit down till 9pm and I am
bushed.

I never seem to have any time to do anything thesedays. I go to my buddies
once a week to play playstation, but that's it.