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What if a foster parent is a bad parent?
This person has two biological children and two foster children living with him. I've ignored a lot of lapses - drug use by the foster parent with the kids, lack of supervision, truancy being allowed if not encouraged and more. I had to stop turning my head Thursday when the older foster child told me that the biological son had sexually assaulted a visiting child and the foster son had sexually assaulted the biological daughter. She said her foster father was aware of the assaults and was indifferent. I called the police after talking with her a while to make sure she was telling the truth. The local child welfare agency removed the foster son from the home in handcuffs. The biological son was allowed to stay in the home, and the two girls were placed in the home of the foster father's girlfriend. (The foster father's girlfriend is the mother of the other victim.) The two girls told me they were staying there for a few months, but were allowed to come home if the son was not there. Here's my problem, and I hope someone can help me. The girlfriend did not report the assault to any authority when her daughter told her about it. She works nights, so three girls, aged 16, 14, and 12 are alone five nights a week. The younger two are the victims. The father, who was furious with me for reporting the abuse, tried to get the firls to recant. I watched the son and daughter leave together last night at 11 pm when I was coming home. Clearly, both adults are ignoring the restrictions. The local child welfare agency seems to be playing fast and loose with the rules as well. The family lives in a three bedroom house. The father has one bedroom, the biological son has one, and the two girls and the foster son shared the third bedroom. The other victim slept there five nights a week before the assaults - who knows where they put her. The family does not have sufficient income to care for all these children. Utilities have been shut off and the children are often hungry. Can anyone give me advice? I don't want any of these kids to suffer any more. |
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On 05 Sep 2004 13:45:42 GMT, (Fern5827) wrote:
Big no-no for the sexes to be sharing one bedroom. Above age five. Don't you get anything right? The age might vary slightly state to state. and the two girls were placed in the home of the foster father's girlfriend. CPS should be looking for relative or kinship care, rather than *stranger foster care.* You didn't notice, did you now? "(The foster father's girlfriend is the mother of the other victim.) That IS a relative. And should, and can are two entirely different things. Your advice does nothing but throw confusion into the mix for a perfectly valid question this person asks. Now they have to wonder and worry about something new. And who says these things don't happen in relative placements anyway? ASFA (governing Federal Law states relatives have standing). Only in that states are to attempt to find placements with them before other placements...not that the state MUST place with them. I suggest you look at NG alt support child protective services, and you might want to call CPS again. And I suggest that before leaping off and following any advice from such as The Plant, the author I reply to here, you give careful consideration to other sources, and have It's advice vetted by an attorney. I has some bad habits about giving dangerous advice. I suggest you look at policy for your state, and read the section on how to report an alledged abuse. THAT is what you are doing...the foster status is secondary to the claim you are making. The Plant likes to muddy things up if possible. Backchannel your state and network locally. How does one backchannel a state? Direct contact, outside of referance to web contact, is not backchanneling. It's front channeling. The fosters on this NG will tell you that the fosters might have a GAL or CASA appointed. You could call them up. Let me see now. Yew wouldn't tell them, but the foster's might. Interesting thinking patterns you have. Evasive and overly self preservation reactions even when not need. The children should have their names and numbers. At ages 14, they are old enough to have standing in some court. The children should have whose names and numbers? Thanks for helping. Of course. Now if we could just get you to without muddying things up with your solid waste Fertilizer. Angry and sad---wrote: Subject: What if a foster parent is a bad parent? From: "angryandsad" Date: 9/5/2004 3:30 AM Eastern Daylight Time Message-id: outsupport.com This person has two biological children and two foster children living with him. I've ignored a lot of lapses - drug use by the foster parent with the kids, lack of supervision, truancy being allowed if not encouraged and more. I had to stop turning my head Thursday when the older foster child told me that the biological son had sexually assaulted a visiting child and the foster son had sexually assaulted the biological daughter. She said her foster father was aware of the assaults and was indifferent. I called the police after talking with her a while to make sure she was telling the truth. If you focus on the issue of foster parents you immediately create a conflicted atmosphere. While you can SAY it is a foster placement where this is happening, focus on the interests of the child, and report this as suspected abuse and or neglect. It's basically a failure to supervise issue as far as "foster" issues go, but it is a sex abuse case for the children involved. Keep your facts sorted out, report only what you observe, not what you speculate. It's much more powerful in the investigation phase, and even more if it goes to criminal trial. Same for the civil aspects, likely to impact the foster parents. They will most likely lose their certification right off, and their own children will also likely to be removed during the investigation for their safety, and preservations of evidence. Some here will try to con you and tell you they are being forcefully taken into custody, as though that is a BAD thing, when it's in fact the only thing that IS safe children in such a situation. The local child welfare agency removed the foster son from the home in handcuffs. The biological son was allowed to stay in the home, and the two girls were placed in the home of the foster father's girlfriend. (The foster father's girlfriend is the mother of the other victim.) The two girls told me they were staying there for a few months, but were allowed to come home if the son was not there. Since none of this has gone to court, don't make assumptions. The bio son may well be charged if this is reported properly, as it should be. He is, if allegations are true, a dangerous offender. The parent's may or may not be complicite, but they surely are, if the boy sexually assualted othersm they knew it, they are, if the statutes and policy cover it, in some deep fertilizer on a number of counts. Here's my problem, and I hope someone can help me. The girlfriend did not report the assault to any authority when her daughter told her about it. THAT is the problem. People do NOT report when they should, and in this ng that is ENCOURAGED by asking for measures that frighten people away from reporting. She works nights, so three girls, aged 16, 14, and 12 are alone five nights a week. The younger two are the victims. The father, who was furious with me for reporting the abuse, tried to get the firls to recant. This is getting a bit complex. The father is not the boyfriend, I take it, the foster parent? I watched the son and daughter leave together last night at 11 pm when I was coming home. Clearly, both adults are ignoring the restrictions. We have a foster parent dad, and a foster parent mother, and a foster parent dad's girlfriend. Do I have this correct? Which adults are you referring to? and Which son and daughter? The perp and the victim? The local child welfare agency seems to be playing fast and loose with the rules as well. Could be, and could not be. The family lives in a three bedroom house. The father has one bedroom, the biological son has one, and the two girls and the foster son shared the third bedroom. The other victim slept there five nights a week before the assaults - who knows where they put her. The family does not have sufficient income to care for all these children. Utilities have been shut off and the children are often hungry. No. Foster parents routinely with this many kids are on easy street and shopping for a yacht...according to the yahoos on this ng. Are you sure these are children placed by the state, or a gathering of children from friends and family? Can anyone give me advice? I don't want any of these kids to suffer any more. The advice is simple. Follow the law. Report this, but get the people and relationships sorted out and report only what you KNOW, not what you speculate. "Speculation" very quickly can morph into sounding like a false allegation call to those that staff the child abuse hotlines. Let the experts make the calls on what took place or is most likely to have. If they already know about this family and the those things you say they do, as the foster boy being arrested, and you don't think CPS will respond, you need to call 911 and ask for police dispatch, non-emergency in most areas, and ask to report a suspected sexual abuse. There is more than one way to get CPS to take notice when they have been conned, which apparently they have, given the mother didn't report the sexual abuse. By the way, do you have some official knowledge the bio son sexually assaulted? That's a serious charge with serious consequences so if you report it report HOW you know this. . Or again, you might sound like a vindictive neighbor who doesn't like their dog crapping in your yard. Avoid the hyperbolic rantings style of some of our more lurid and mindless posters in these ngs. Like accusing CPS of playing fast and loose when all you have is the appearance of that without substantiation that that is there intent in this case. There may be much they do not know...given the probablity related to your report that a sexual assualt is being withheld from them. And it sounds like more than one person is trying to avoid CPS investigation. Of course, according to some here CPS wouldn't report if they did find a sexual or other kind of abuse going on, and they claim that foster's abuse children at a rate computed as 8 times more likley than the bio parent population. Don't expect huge amounts of rational support here, except for a very very few. Try any of the foster parents, though. They know what's up with such things. And make that call. A child perp on the loose is just as dangerous as an adult one. Kane |
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Kane wrote:
Angry and sad---wrote: Subject: What if a foster parent is a bad parent? From: "angryandsad" Date: 9/5/2004 3:30 AM Eastern Daylight Time Message-id: outsupport.com [argument with someone else deleted - I didn't understand most of the jargon in the first response, anyway.) This person has two biological children and two foster children living with him. I've ignored a lot of lapses - drug use by the foster parent with the kids, lack of supervision, truancy being allowed if not encouraged and more. I had to stop turning my head Thursday when the older foster child told me that the biological son had sexually assaulted a visiting child and the foster son had sexually assaulted the biological daughter. She said her foster father was aware of the assaults and was indifferent. I called the police after talking with her a while to make sure she was telling the truth. If you focus on the issue of foster parents you immediately create a conflicted atmosphere. While you can SAY it is a foster placement where this is happening, focus on the interests of the child, and report this as suspected abuse and or neglect. I only posted here because I was looking for somewhere to ask for advice and I took a chance. I sure didn't mean to insult any one who fosters; you're better people than I am. I thought that people here would be interested in helping the children. And I am grateful for your advice. It's basically a failure to supervise issue as far as "foster" issues go, but it is a sex abuse case for the children involved. Keep your facts sorted out, report only what you observe, not what you speculate. It's much more powerful in the investigation phase, and even more if it goes to criminal trial. I called the police, as I mentioned, not the local child welfare agency because it was the sexual assault that immediately concerned me. As I said, I had ignored many things, all of which I witnessed, regarding the lack of parenting by the foster father. I assumed the kids were someplace where someone cared about them and thus better off, if nothing else. I was very careful only to tell the police and the others who followed up only about the sexual assaults. I mentioned nothing else. It was only after I realized that the foster father and new foster mother were ignoring the new guidelines and that the children were still at risk that I posted here. (I've been asking everyone I know for advice, too, I just hoped for some from someone with actual experience with the system.) Same for the civil aspects, likely to impact the foster parents. They will most likely lose their certification right off, and their own children will also likely to be removed during the investigation for their safety, and preservations of evidence. That's what I was talking about - they removed both the foster and biological daughters, but they're back in the home as much as they were before the police and child welfare agency representatives came out on Thursday. I'm not sure how the father was certified in the first place. The guidelines for my state were clearly not followed. I suspect that an exception was made for the first foster child, the daughter, because no one else would take her on. The foster son's placement is more confusing. He had twice in the last month been arrested at the foster father's home for running away from a juvenile detention center. After the second arrest, the foster father became his foster father rather than being charged for harboring a fugitive. Again, the exception may have been made to try to save the boy. Some here will try to con you and tell you they are being forcefully taken into custody, as though that is a BAD thing, when it's in fact the only thing that IS safe children in such a situation. I would agree, if the girls were safer. One reason I turned a blind eye to some of the less savory aspects of the homelife there is that it was so immensely better for the kids there than in their original homes. Both of the foster children had mothers who were addicts and absent fathers. Both of them have been scarred by their experience and both have a lot of problems. This is the first time in my life I have felt any pity for a sexual predator. The local child welfare agency removed the foster son from the home in handcuffs. The biological son was allowed to stay in the home, and the two girls were placed in the home of the foster father's girlfriend. (The foster father's girlfriend is the mother of the other victim.) The two girls told me they were staying there for a few months, but were allowed to come home if the son was not there. Since none of this has gone to court, don't make assumptions. The bio son may well be charged if this is reported properly, as it should be. He is, if allegations are true, a dangerous offender. The parent's may or may not be complicite, but they surely are, if the boy sexually assualted othersm they knew it, they are, if the statutes and policy cover it, in some deep fertilizer on a number of counts. I don't know the details of the follow up. The foster father is not speaking to me, so my information comes from the girls. I have not asked them any questions - this is what they have volunteered. That they're still visiting me tells me that they're glad I reported it. Here's my problem, and I hope someone can help me. The girlfriend did not report the assault to any authority when her daughter told her about it. THAT is the problem. People do NOT report when they should, and in this ng that is ENCOURAGED by asking for measures that frighten people away from reporting. I'm not sure why she didn't report it, other than the fact that the boy who assaulted her daughter is her boyfriend's son and like a son to her. I can't understand that reasoning, nor can I understand why she didn't take her daughter to the hospital. I really can't understand why this lapse was rewarded with the gift of two more girls. She works nights, so three girls, aged 16, 14, and 12 are alone five nights a week. The younger two are the victims. The father, who was furious with me for reporting the abuse, tried to get the firls to recant. This is getting a bit complex. The father is not the boyfriend, I take it, the foster parent? No, he is. There's only two adults involved here. Mr. A., my neighbor, is the biolgical father of B, a boy, and C, a girl. He is the foster father of D, a girl, and E, a boy. Ms. F, his girlfriend, is the mother of G, a girl. The allegation is that B assaulted G and E assaulted C. I watched the son and daughter leave together last night at 11 pm when I was coming home. Clearly, both adults are ignoring the restrictions. We have a foster parent dad, and a foster parent mother, and a foster parent dad's girlfriend. Do I have this correct? Which adults are you referring to? and Which son and daughter? The perp and the victim? I hope I cleared it up. It is ridiculously complicated. C says she is not allowed at her dad's house if B is home. This is being ignored. I would think that B is not officially allowed to go to Ms. F's house, since his victim lives there. C told me today that she and B were together last night because her dad told B to walk her home. She said G ran and hid when B came in. I didn't know what to tell the child. She was upset because G was so frightened, but she is only 12 and can't be expected to walk around at night alone. I guess her dad couldn't bring himself to do the escorting. I don't know why Ms. F allowed him to come in - she could have sent him home. The local child welfare agency seems to be playing fast and loose with the rules as well. Could be, and could not be. I'm going by the guidelines they publish and my personal knowledge of the situation right up until I called the police. The family lives in a three bedroom house. The father has one bedroom, the biological son has one, and the two girls and the foster son shared the third bedroom. The other victim slept there five nights a week before the assaults - who knows where they put her. The family does not have sufficient income to care for all these children. Utilities have been shut off and the children are often hungry. No. Foster parents routinely with this many kids are on easy street and shopping for a yacht...according to the yahoos on this ng. As I said, I complained about none of this because I thought the children were loved. One reason I feel so guilty here is that I wrote a letter of recommendation for Mr. A when he was trying to gain custody of D. The guideline say that foster parents must have sufficient income to support their own family. The only income the family had last winter was the stipend for D. Mr. A is seasonally employed. I was actually happy for them - D got a home and A, B and C got to eat. These people are my neighbors. The only reason we have more money than they do is that we are both employed indoors and thus year-round, and we don't have children. I am not criticizing their poverty. Are you sure these are children placed by the state, or a gathering of children from friends and family? I'm not sure of the distinction. Mr. A did not sign up to be a foster parent for any child; he was approved for D when she ran away from her last placement. D is Ms. F's biological grand-niece. Mr. A has known her all of her life. Ms. F was not willing to take her in at the time. I explained how he gained custody of E above. So, the state placed them there, but Mr. A began the process. Can anyone give me advice? I don't want any of these kids to suffer any more. The advice is simple. Follow the law. Report this, but get the people and relationships sorted out and report only what you KNOW, not what you speculate. "Speculation" very quickly can morph into sounding like a false allegation call to those that staff the child abuse hotlines. I did a better job explaing the relationships to the authorities than I did here. The child welfare agency was familiar with the names and relationships. I only reported what D told me she heard from C and G directly. I did not mention the rumor she said was circulating that both boys had been involved in a gang rape, and I sure didn't mention drugs or anything peripheral like that. I also reported that Mr. A had responded to the news that I had called the police by telling me that he would see to it that the girls changed their stories. He said that telling the truth, and I am quoting him here, would break up his family. I liked the guy right up until I realized he would sacrifice the girls for the boys. Let the experts make the calls on what took place or is most likely to have. If they already know about this family and the those things you say they do, as the foster boy being arrested, and you don't think CPS will respond, you need to call 911 and ask for police dispatch, non-emergency in most areas, and ask to report a suspected sexual abuse. I don't think further assaults have taken place. I worry about what will happen the first night Ms. G has to go to work. There is more than one way to get CPS to take notice when they have been conned, which apparently they have, given the mother didn't report the sexual abuse. That's what I am interested in. What are these ways? By the way, do you have some official knowledge the bio son sexually assaulted? That's a serious charge with serious consequences so if you report it report HOW you know this. . I did. I even had a friend who is a social worker in another state speak to D before I called the police. Or again, you might sound like a vindictive neighbor who doesn't like their dog crapping in your yard. That's actually funny. I'm the only one on the block who doesn't complain about their dog. What I failed to convey was that these people were my friends until Thursday. The children came over to my house for snacks, when they fought with their siblings or father, when they wanted help with their homework, when they wanted to watch tv and their power was off, or to show me things they'd made. The father and I talked daily. We did favors for each other. My friendship does not extend to covering up sexual assaults, though. Avoid the hyperbolic rantings style of some of our more lurid and mindless posters in these ngs. Like accusing CPS of playing fast and loose when all you have is the appearance of that without substantiation that that is there intent in this case. There may be much they do not know...given the probablity related to your report that a sexual assualt is being withheld from them. It's not being withheld from them. After the police came, B's probation officer called me. Then D's case worker. Then E's probation officer. Then E's case worker. They removed C and D, remember? The child welfare agency, the private agency that supervises D's placement, and juvenile probation were all at the home Thursday night. I think the child welfare agency was deliberately misled by Mr. A and Ms. F. I think they agreed to conditions they had no intention of keeping. I doubt that Ms. F mentioned her work schedule. I blame the agency for not asking. I blame the agency for not asking why she didn't report the assault. And it sounds like more than one person is trying to avoid CPS investigation. I'm not sure what you mean. Of course, according to some here CPS wouldn't report if they did find a sexual or other kind of abuse going on, and they claim that foster's abuse children at a rate computed as 8 times more likley than the bio parent population. Good lord. I guess that sort of thing goes on in any discussion group, no matter how benign the subject matter. There's a reason it makes headlines when a foster family abuses their foster children; it's rare. I want to make it clear that I think the foster father in this case is guilty of negligence, but not of any active abuse. Don't expect huge amounts of rational support here, except for a very very few. Try any of the foster parents, though. They know what's up with such things. That's what I was hoping for. I truly didn't expect any anti-fostering contingent. The only people I thought were opposed to foster families were people who had their own children removed from their custody for good cause. And make that call. A child perp on the loose is just as dangerous as an adult one. That's what's keeping me up at night. Again, these are my neighbors, as are other children. I just need to know who to call to make sure the girls are really safe. I'm afraid if I call the agency and say they're allowing B to be in the same home with G I'll sound like the vindictive neighbor you mentioned above. I'm afraid if I don't, there will be further assaults. Susan Kane |
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That's what's keeping me up at night. Again, these are my neighbors, as are other children. I just need to know who to call to make sure the girls are really safe. I'm afraid if I call the agency and say they're allowing B to be in the same home with G I'll sound like the vindictive neighbor you mentioned above. I'm afraid if I don't, there will be further assaults. Susan Please put your concerns clearly in a WRITTEN letter to the appropriate authorities with copies sent to interested parties. Since the folks already know that you have expressed your concern, this will be a more effective manner. A sample for you to consider is available he http://www.angelfire.com/mi/oaxamaxao/cps.html Sincerely, Sherman. |
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I just need to know who to call to make sure the girls are really safe. I'm afraid if I call the agency and say they're allowing B to be in the same home with G I'll sound like the vindictive neighbor you mentioned above. I'm afraid if I don't, there will be further assaults. Susan And other words of advice: Don't pay any attention to the babbling drivel that our most senile poster, The Fern, writes. It doesn't know squat! Further, the information is not only inaccurate, misleading and flat-out wrong, it is dangerous to accept anything it posts as even close to any honest, knowledgeable fact. Sherman. |
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She Man and Cain apparently are aware of all the states in the US Policy and
Procedure Manuals on CPS. (NOT) However, CPS is being reformed through the efforts of just such folks as us. It's very easy to sling mud. Also very declasse. The content of their posts is almost all to discredit those who are involved in the efforts to restructure CPS The ages of the kids were such that they should not be SLEEPING IN THE SAME BEDROOM. You did not post your state, so we cannot refer you to others who have reported foster abuses. However, there is no doubt that CPS is a seriously flawed and deficient institution. And now you are honestly reporting it, Susan. Good luck. These are complex issues, and CPS invokes confidentiality to hide their mistakes. As in FL, TX, and NJ recently made clear in national headlines. |
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On Mon, 06 Sep 2004 01:14:26 -0400, "angryandsad"
wrote: Kane wrote: Angry and sad---wrote: Subject: What if a foster parent is a bad parent? From: "angryandsad" Date: 9/5/2004 3:30 AM Eastern Daylight Time Message-id: boutsupport.com [argument with someone else deleted - I didn't understand most of the jargon in the first response, anyway.) This person has two biological children and two foster children living with him. I've ignored a lot of lapses - drug use by the foster parent with the kids, lack of supervision, truancy being allowed if not encouraged and more. I had to stop turning my head Thursday when the older foster child told me that the biological son had sexually assaulted a visiting child and the foster son had sexually assaulted the biological daughter. She said her foster father was aware of the assaults and was indifferent. I called the police after talking with her a while to make sure she was telling the truth. If you focus on the issue of foster parents you immediately create a conflicted atmosphere. While you can SAY it is a foster placement where this is happening, focus on the interests of the child, and report this as suspected abuse and or neglect. I only posted here because I was looking for somewhere to ask for advice and I took a chance. I sure didn't mean to insult any one who fosters; you're better people than I am. I thought that people here would be interested in helping the children. Oh trust me on this. Insulting a foster would be a major accomplishment. They are so accustomed to insults, and even lies about them, they have a very thick skin and a forgiving nature, even taking the kids back that lie by virtue of being parent coached to do so. Rather loving folks, most foster parents. Real love. And I am grateful for your advice. Pay closer attention to that from foster parents (I'm not one, never have been, known a lot of them though and coached a few that were relatives and less that were not). It's basically a failure to supervise issue as far as "foster" issues go, but it is a sex abuse case for the children involved. Keep your facts sorted out, report only what you observe, not what you speculate. It's much more powerful in the investigation phase, and even more if it goes to criminal trial. I called the police, as I mentioned, not the local child welfare agency because it was the sexual assault that immediately concerned me. As I said, I had ignored many things, all of which I witnessed, regarding the lack of parenting by the foster father. I assumed the kids were someplace where someone cared about them and thus better off, if nothing else. "Lack of parenting" is by itself to vague to be of use in a report. You'll be asked specifics. Be prepared to answer. The questions will be about food, shelter, health matters, school, supervision. I was very careful only to tell the police and the others who followed up only about the sexual assaults. I mentioned nothing else. It was only after I realized that the foster father and new foster mother were ignoring the new guidelines and that the children were still at risk that I posted here. (I've been asking everyone I know for advice, too, I just hoped for some from someone with actual experience with the system.) Same for the civil aspects, likely to impact the foster parents. They will most likely lose their certification right off, and their own children will also likely to be removed during the investigation for their safety, and preservations of evidence. That's what I was talking about - they removed both the foster and biological daughters, but they're back in the home as much as they were before the police and child welfare agency representatives came out on Thursday. That would be, unless charges are unfounded for some reason, not acceptable. The agency should be informed immediately. And if no action is taken, the police. If this is a founded sex abuse case the police have a record most likely. I'm not sure how the father was certified in the first place. The guidelines for my state were clearly not followed. I suspect that an exception was made for the first foster child, the daughter, because no one else would take her on. That's possible. Why don't you foster? Why won't you? And what was it about the foster father that makes you think he wasn't qualified in the first place? The foster son's placement is more confusing. He had twice in the last month been arrested at the foster father's home for running away from a juvenile detention center. After the second arrest, the foster father became his foster father rather than being charged for harboring a fugitive. Again, the exception may have been made to try to save the boy. That is a common way for older, and even a few younger children, to come into state custody and foster care. In my state it's called, "special certs.' Just means it's for a specific child and if the person isn't already a foster, for only that child. Teens bring friends home now and then in trouble with family and ask mom and dad to shelter them. That would be parental interference so I do NOT recommend it. I recommend calling CPS if that happens to you. Some here will try to con you and tell you they are being forcefully taken into custody, as though that is a BAD thing, when it's in fact the only thing that IS safe children in such a situation. I would agree, if the girls were safer. Yep. According to some they were forcefully taken into state custody with horrible consequences to the child, and cruelty as "child abuse." You are among the logically dysfunctional in some instances here. Unethical too. One reason I turned a blind eye to some of the less savory aspects of the homelife there is that it was so immensely better for the kids there than in their original homes. The truth is that I too have a beef on such matters. Much of what USED to be considered abusive in the old days was nothing more than lifestyle issues....not proven abusive at all. Like five kids to a bed, or a dirty house and yard. Kids are taken for those things any more...though they will be noted along with the more serious reasons the kids ARE taken, because the investigation requires that all factors that COULD be of effect be listed. Both of the foster children had mothers who were addicts and absent fathers. Gee, never heard of that before. Both of them have been scarred by their experience and both have a lot of problems. This is the first time in my life I have felt any pity for a sexual predator. There's probably more than enough sexual abuse of them in their past to account for their development going haywire on the psycho sexual component. Kids that are ****ed by family members and or momma's boyfriend, or are rented out in trade for dope, or passed around as party favors at a snort party tend to be a bit confused as to normal sexual behaviors. I'm not exaggerating either. That's mild compared to some of the things that DO happen that are too gross to write about here. The local child welfare agency removed the foster son from the home in handcuffs. The biological son was allowed to stay in the home, and the two girls were placed in the home of the foster father's girlfriend. (The foster father's girlfriend is the mother of the other victim.) The two girls told me they were staying there for a few months, but were allowed to come home if the son was not there. Since none of this has gone to court, don't make assumptions. The bio son may well be charged if this is reported properly, as it should be. He is, if allegations are true, a dangerous offender. The parent's may or may not be complicite, but they surely are, if the boy sexually assualted othersm they knew it, they are, if the statutes and policy cover it, in some deep fertilizer on a number of counts. I don't know the details of the follow up. The foster father is not speaking to me, so my information comes from the girls. I have not asked them any questions - this is what they have volunteered. That they're still visiting me tells me that they're glad I reported it. How are you protecting yourself in these encounters with the girls? One of the favorite tricks of perps is to claim that others did the dirty deeds, and to work on the children to confuse them into agreeing..or threaten them and family with harm if they don't...or the lowest of the low threaten to kill their pets. And being female won't protect you from allegations. Parental interference would be one if the state thinks you are harboring those children against the placement they are in. Here's my problem, and I hope someone can help me. The girlfriend did not report the assault to any authority when her daughter told her about it. THAT is the problem. People do NOT report when they should, and in this ng that is ENCOURAGED by asking for measures that frighten people away from reporting. I'm not sure why she didn't report it, other than the fact that the boy who assaulted her daughter is her boyfriend's son and like a son to her. That kind of confusion is rampant. There are those here that foster confusion about what is or isn't sexual abuse. They seem to want it to be violent rape for it to be classified as sexual abuse. I can't understand that reasoning, nor can I understand why she didn't take her daughter to the hospital. She may well have been afraid of being implicated in the acts. Or SHE WAS IMPLICATED, and afraid. I really can't understand why this lapse was rewarded with the gift of two more girls. If the state doesn't know what you do? She works nights, so three girls, aged 16, 14, and 12 are alone five nights a week. The younger two are the victims. The father, who was furious with me for reporting the abuse, tried to get the firls to recant. This is getting a bit complex. The father is not the boyfriend, I take it, the foster parent? No, he is. There's only two adults involved here. Mr. A., my neighbor, is the biolgical father of B, a boy, and C, a girl. He is the foster father of D, a girl, and E, a boy. Ms. F, his girlfriend, is the mother of G, a girl. The allegation is that B assaulted G and E assaulted C. Got it. I never quite get used to these soap operas, but I don't have the practice CPS caseworkers get every day all day long. I need a diagram. 0;- I watched the son and daughter leave together last night at 11 pm when I was coming home. Clearly, both adults are ignoring the restrictions. We have a foster parent dad, and a foster parent mother, and a foster parent dad's girlfriend. Do I have this correct? Which adults are you referring to? and Which son and daughter? The perp and the victim? I hope I cleared it up. It is ridiculously complicated. But common. Add in the relatives that may be invested in the childre, g'parents, aunts, uncles, etc and then you got "complicated." I used to help relatives a lot in such situations. C says she is not allowed at her dad's house if B is home. This is being ignored. Sloppy casework if that is the criteria, but it may be a judges decision. But then, he IS her father and he has HIS rights, no doubt spoken for loudly in court by his attorney. He has broken the agreement. The court should be notified. Notifying the worker would be the correct channel to follow, but if that fails then a letter to the judge might be useful. I would think that B is not officially allowed to go to Ms. F's house, since his victim lives there. C told me today that she and B were together last night because her dad told B to walk her home. She said G ran and hid when B came in. I didn't know what to tell the child. She was upset because G was so frightened, but she is only 12 and can't be expected to walk around at night alone. I guess her dad couldn't bring himself to do the escorting. I don't know why Ms. F allowed him to come in - she could have sent him home. Aww..this isn't foster care. This is not what fostering is about. The local child welfare agency seems to be playing fast and loose with the rules as well. Could be, and could not be. I'm going by the guidelines they publish and my personal knowledge of the situation right up until I called the police. Sounds reasonable and prudent. The family lives in a three bedroom house. The father has one bedroom, the biological son has one, and the two girls and the foster son shared the third bedroom. The other victim slept there five nights a week before the assaults - who knows where they put her. The family does not have sufficient income to care for all these children. Utilities have been shut off and the children are often hungry. No. Foster parents routinely with this many kids are on easy street and shopping for a yacht...according to the yahoos on this ng. As I said, I complained about none of this because I thought the children were loved. One reason I feel so guilty here is that I wrote a letter of recommendation for Mr. A when he was trying to gain custody of D. The guideline say that foster parents must have sufficient income to support their own family. The only income the family had last winter was the stipend for D. Mr. A is seasonally employed. I was actually happy for them - D got a home and A, B and C got to eat. Well if he could fool you, someone that sees him all the time, it doesn't come as any surprise that he fooled CPS. They wouldn't see him more than once a week, if that. These people are my neighbors. The only reason we have more money than they do is that we are both employed indoors and thus year-round, and we don't have children. I am not criticizing their poverty. Didn't think you were. I was teasing about the yacht. Are you sure these are children placed by the state, or a gathering of children from friends and family? I'm not sure of the distinction. Mr. A did not sign up to be a foster parent for any child; he was approved for D when she ran away from her last placement. Ah, the old special certs route. Should have guessed. That's a common way, but in many states there is considerable reluctance to place MORE children with a SC family. They aren't even trained at the point of placement, and must quickly be gotten into classes and background checks run, along with a quick walkthough to do a home safety check. D is Ms. F's biological grand-niece. Mr. A has known her all of her life. Ms. F was not willing to take her in at the time. I explained how he gained custody of E above. So, the state placed them there, but Mr. A began the process. Can anyone give me advice? I don't want any of these kids to suffer any more. The advice is simple. Follow the law. Report this, but get the people and relationships sorted out and report only what you KNOW, not what you speculate. "Speculation" very quickly can morph into sounding like a false allegation call to those that staff the child abuse hotlines. I did a better job explaing the relationships to the authorities than I did here. The child welfare agency was familiar with the names and relationships. I only reported what D told me she heard from C and G directly. I did not mention the rumor she said was circulating that both boys had been involved in a gang rape, and I sure didn't mention drugs or anything peripheral like that. Oh dear! If someone knows what you have heard, they need to report it. I also reported that Mr. A had responded to the news that I had called the police by telling me that he would see to it that the girls changed their stories. He said that telling the truth, and I am quoting him here, would break up his family. I liked the guy right up until I realized he would sacrifice the girls for the boys. Yep. Sounds about right. And demonstrates what people will do to avoid trouble. Especially when they bear responsibility. It might be difficult to get the girls to change their story though, but some here would tell you they are probably lying teens taking advantage of caregivers.etc. Let the experts make the calls on what took place or is most likely to have. If they already know about this family and the those things you say they do, as the foster boy being arrested, and you don't think CPS will respond, you need to call 911 and ask for police dispatch, non-emergency in most areas, and ask to report a suspected sexual abuse. I don't think further assaults have taken place. I worry about what will happen the first night Ms. G has to go to work. Not much you can do about that. Other than look for what IS a fact and report ONLY that. There is more than one way to get CPS to take notice when they have been conned, which apparently they have, given the mother didn't report the sexual abuse. That's what I am interested in. What are these ways? Ask the children to make the call, for one. Look at their ages. They could do it. Or use their statements to you to call. All you have to report, and all you should, is what they say to you. By the way, do you have some official knowledge the bio son sexually assaulted? That's a serious charge with serious consequences so if you report it report HOW you know this. . I did. I even had a friend who is a social worker in another state speak to D before I called the police. Sounds like you are on track. Or again, you might sound like a vindictive neighbor who doesn't like their dog crapping in your yard. That's actually funny. I'm the only one on the block who doesn't complain about their dog. What I failed to convey was that these people were my friends until Thursday. The children came over to my house for snacks, when they fought with their siblings or father, when they wanted help with their homework, when they wanted to watch tv and their power was off, or to show me things they'd made. The father and I talked daily. We did favors for each other. My friendship does not extend to covering up sexual assaults, though. Oh, "the nosy neighbor that interfers in other families," eh? 0;- You are on the right track. Don't be deterred. Whose safety is the most important here? Let the experts sort out the facts as to what happened. All you can report is what happened that YOU witnessed, what was said to you. Well, if you wish to be believed. Avoid the hyperbolic rantings style of some of our more lurid and mindless posters in these ngs. Like accusing CPS of playing fast and loose when all you have is the appearance of that without substantiation that that is there intent in this case. There may be much they do not know...given the probablity related to your report that a sexual assualt is being withheld from them. It's not being withheld from them. After the police came, B's probation officer called me. Then D's case worker. Then E's probation officer. Then E's case worker. They removed C and D, remember? The child welfare agency, the private agency that supervises D's placement, and juvenile probation were all at the home Thursday night. I think the child welfare agency was deliberately misled by Mr. A and Ms. F. I think they agreed to conditions they had no intention of keeping. I doubt that Ms. F mentioned her work schedule. I blame the agency for not asking. I blame the agency for not asking why she didn't report the assault. You don't know they haven't. Sex abuse cases, like other cases, tend to shut down OUTFLOW of information, while inflow is collected. Makes sense, no? You can't preserve evidence, testamony or otherwise, very well if everyone is blabbing to everyone else about the progress of the case. In fact silence from CPS at this time would suggest something IS up and your reporting has started the ball rolling. And it sounds like more than one person is trying to avoid CPS investigation. I'm not sure what you mean. The foster parents. Of course, according to some here CPS wouldn't report if they did find a sexual or other kind of abuse going on, and they claim that foster's abuse children at a rate computed as 8 times more likley than the bio parent population. Good lord. I guess that sort of thing goes on in any discussion group, no matter how benign the subject matter. There's a reason it makes headlines when a foster family abuses their foster children; it's rare. Nothing quite like logic, is there now? Yes it is rare, but so is abuse by bio family. Both get a lot of news coverage, with the foster's being more exposed because they don't enjoy the confidentiality that parents who are accused do. And they are more often caught simply because of the relationship to CPS and all the people that watch them...including the bio parents of the children in their care, who have every reason to even make up things. I want to make it clear that I think the foster father in this case is guilty of negligence, but not of any active abuse. You sound concerned that some may happen though. He would be a party to it if it rose to the level of a criminal charge....if what you written here is accurate. He KNOWs the risks and allows it to happen. The foster mother is in every deeper doodoo. Don't expect huge amounts of rational support here, except for a very very few. Try any of the foster parents, though. They know what's up with such things. That's what I was hoping for. I truly didn't expect any anti-fostering contingent. They are much smaller than in the past, but all the more strident and lyling, for all of that. The only people I thought were opposed to foster families were people who had their own children removed from their custody for good cause. That creates a vacume for folks with poor thinking skills, weak egos, and crackpot social agendas to use those families any old which way. It's only a very small contingent here that support foster, and helps those few families that are innocent of abuse and falsely accused, or working hard to rehab. It's mostly muddied up with BS claims about CPS and fosters, and the rebuttals to such nonsense. And make that call. A child perp on the loose is just as dangerous as an adult one. That's what's keeping me up at night. Again, these are my neighbors, as are other children. If there is a perp on the loose and agreed upon controls to reduce the risk of reabuse then you are right to be concerned. Express your concerns to CPS AGAIN. One of the things who are calling CPS is that much of what they say has to be measured by the possibility, as I mentioned, of someone filing falsely... And not having sufficient information to make the claim plausable for a action and investigation. One of the things that helps is having the guts to keep calling. I just need to know who to call to make sure the girls are really safe. No such person exists on this planet. All you can do is all you can do, and that goes for CPS. Where they are constrained by the law and judiciary they cannot give such an assurance of absolute safety. I'm afraid if I call the agency and say they're allowing B to be in the same home with G I'll sound like the vindictive neighbor you mentioned above. I'm afraid if I don't, there will be further assaults. So, just like never winning the lottery, you are considering not playing because you might not win. Okay, but think that through. Which would be the more serious outcome. That you were wrong and nothing happens, or that you are right and something happens but you haven't called? You'll have to buy a lottery ticket if your protestions would make sense to you. Report, then worry about how you sound. You aren't required to absolute proof of anything. That is the job of an investigator. If you saw the window of a neighborhod business open at night with no lights on, would you not call the police on the chance of someone being there that shouldn't be? You do not have to KNOW that some one is in there to report conditions that make it possible. And foster parents take on this risk the instant they become certified, that they will someday be accused of abuse themselves. If everyone is innocent at your neighbors it will just be educational for them -- and a condition of service already accepted by thousands of foster parents. Susan Kane |
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"angryandsad" wrote in message lkaboutsupport.com... Kane wrote: Angry and sad---wrote: Subject: What if a foster parent is a bad parent? From: "angryandsad" Date: 9/5/2004 3:30 AM Eastern Daylight Time Message-id: outsupport.com [argument with someone else deleted - I didn't understand most of the jargon in the first response, anyway.) This person has two biological children and two foster children living with him. I've ignored a lot of lapses - drug use by the foster parent with the kids, lack of supervision, truancy being allowed if not encouraged and more. I had to stop turning my head Thursday when the older foster child told me that the biological son had sexually assaulted a visiting child and the foster son had sexually assaulted the biological daughter. She said her foster father was aware of the assaults and was indifferent. I called the police after talking with her a while to make sure she was telling the truth. If you focus on the issue of foster parents you immediately create a conflicted atmosphere. While you can SAY it is a foster placement where this is happening, focus on the interests of the child, and report this as suspected abuse and or neglect. I only posted here because I was looking for somewhere to ask for advice and I took a chance. I sure didn't mean to insult any one who fosters; you're better people than I am. I thought that people here would be interested in helping the children. Hi Angry. I am a foster parent and may be able to assist. First, you must remember that all may not be as it seems. Having a foster son removed in handcuffs is not common, but not really all that uncommon. It happens. And yes, the rest of the family usually stays in the home. And I am grateful for your advice. It's basically a failure to supervise issue as far as "foster" issues go, but it is a sex abuse case for the children involved. Keep your facts sorted out, report only what you observe, not what you speculate. It's much more powerful in the investigation phase, and even more if it goes to criminal trial. I called the police, as I mentioned, not the local child welfare agency because it was the sexual assault that immediately concerned me. As I said, I had ignored many things, all of which I witnessed, regarding the lack of parenting by the foster father. I assumed the kids were someplace where someone cared about them and thus better off, if nothing else. The police are the best place to start. If criminal activity is taking place in the home then calling CPS is not really going to do a great deal of good. Besides, the police know who to call if there is an issue with a fosterchild. I'd let them do it. I was very careful only to tell the police and the others who followed up only about the sexual assaults. I mentioned nothing else. It was only after I realized that the foster father and new foster mother were ignoring the new guidelines and that the children were still at risk that I posted here. (I've been asking everyone I know for advice, too, I just hoped for some from someone with actual experience with the system.) Hmmm, if there were sexual assults taking place then someone should have gone to jail. Here is where "all may not be as it seems" is most likely to crop its ugly head. And as far as "ignoring the new guidelines" is concerned, well unless you are a foster parent yourself, or have detailed knowledge of foster parenting, you are guessing as to what those guidelines are. Dont make the mistake that fern makes all the time, assuming that you know more than you actually do. If you have concerns, call the cops. Thats what they get paid for. They are the professionals, let them do their job and trust them to do it. Same for the civil aspects, likely to impact the foster parents. They will most likely lose their certification right off, and their own children will also likely to be removed during the investigation for their safety, and preservations of evidence. That's what I was talking about - they removed both the foster and biological daughters, but they're back in the home as much as they were before the police and child welfare agency representatives came out on Thursday. Could be, the state does not have the right to prevent visitations if they are court ordered. I'm not sure how the father was certified in the first place. The guidelines for my state were clearly not followed. I suspect that an Really? How so? Are you making another assumption here? Do you know what the guidelines are, or are you assuming that these are the guidelines you would "think" should be and therefore are not being followed? Again, if you are not a foster parent yourself, or have detailed knowledge of foster parenting, you are guessing as to what those guidelines are. exception was made for the first foster child, the daughter, because no one else would take her on. The foster son's placement is more confusing. I cant say that I have not heard of this happening, but that exception is short term at best. Dad must meet all the requirements of regular fostering within a specific period of time or the child will be moved. He had twice in the last month been arrested at the foster father's home for running away from a juvenile detention center. After the second arrest, the foster father became his foster father rather than being charged for harboring a fugitive. Again, the exception may have been made to try to save the boy. Give the man a cigar. This IS the way it sometimes happens. What sense would it make to send the kid back just so that he can run again, if the father is willing to work with him and with the system. Some here will try to con you and tell you they are being forcefully taken into custody, as though that is a BAD thing, when it's in fact the only thing that IS safe children in such a situation. I would agree, if the girls were safer. They may be. It sounds like you are making quite a few assumptions here. Examine your motives, your knowledge of the system and its requirements, and consult with someone that has firsthand knowledge. You may find that you are more than just wrong. One reason I turned a blind eye to some of the less savory aspects of the homelife there is that it was so immensely better for the kids there than in their original homes. Both of the foster children had mothers who were addicts and absent fathers. Both of them have been scarred by their experience and both have a lot of problems. This is the first time in my life I have felt any pity for a sexual predator. This tells me that you knew these kids while they lived in their family homes. Or did you? Sure sounds like it. No foster placement is perfect. None. The objective is to find a safer place for these kids, a place that meets specific minimum's. The local child welfare agency removed the foster son from the home in handcuffs. The biological son was allowed to stay in the home, and the two girls were placed in the home of the foster father's girlfriend. (The foster father's girlfriend is the mother of the other victim.) The two girls told me they were staying there for a few months, but were allowed to come home if the son was not there. Since none of this has gone to court, don't make assumptions. The bio son may well be charged if this is reported properly, as it should be. He is, if allegations are true, a dangerous offender. The parent's may or may not be complicite, but they surely are, if the boy sexually assualted othersm they knew it, they are, if the statutes and policy cover it, in some deep fertilizer on a number of counts. I don't know the details of the follow up. The foster father is not speaking to me, so my information comes from the girls. I have not asked them any questions - this is what they have volunteered. That they're still visiting me tells me that they're glad I reported it. Ahhhh. So, you are assuming that they are telling the truth, but a few paragraphs back you said that they have quite a few problems. Could lying be one of them? Here's my problem, and I hope someone can help me. The girlfriend did not report the assault to any authority when her daughter told her about it. THAT is the problem. People do NOT report when they should, and in this ng that is ENCOURAGED by asking for measures that frighten people away from reporting. I'm not sure why she didn't report it, other than the fact that the boy who assaulted her daughter is her boyfriend's son and like a son to her. I can't understand that reasoning, nor can I understand why she didn't take her daughter to the hospital. You are assuming that the assult actually took place. As a male foster parent I can tell you for a fact that we are the first people accused of sexual misconduct in homes where there are females. I really can't understand why this lapse was rewarded with the gift of two more girls. Could be an error by the system, could also be more to the story than you are privy to. She works nights, so three girls, aged 16, 14, and 12 are alone five nights a week. The younger two are the victims. The father, who was furious with me for reporting the abuse, tried to get the firls to recant. This is getting a bit complex. The father is not the boyfriend, I take it, the foster parent? No, he is. There's only two adults involved here. Mr. A., my neighbor, is the biolgical father of B, a boy, and C, a girl. He is the foster father of D, a girl, and E, a boy. Ms. F, his girlfriend, is the mother of G, a girl. The allegation is that B assaulted G and E assaulted C. Complicated is right. So, let me get this right, the boys are assulting the girls. All the girls are foster children? I watched the son and daughter leave together last night at 11 pm when I was coming home. Clearly, both adults are ignoring the restrictions. We have a foster parent dad, and a foster parent mother, and a foster parent dad's girlfriend. Do I have this correct? Which adults are you referring to? and Which son and daughter? The perp and the victim? I hope I cleared it up. It is ridiculously complicated. C says she is not allowed at her dad's house if B is home. Says whom? The state or the child? Or is it the child saying that this is what the state is saying? Hmmm, interesting. This is being ignored. I would think that B is not officially allowed to go to Ms. F's house, since his victim lives there. C told me today that she and B were together last night because her dad told B to walk her home. She said G ran and hid when B came in. I didn't know what to tell the child. She was upset because G was so frightened, but she is only 12 and can't be expected to walk around at night alone. I guess her dad couldn't bring himself to do the escorting. I don't know why Ms. F allowed him to come in - she could have sent him home. Sounds like there is still more to this story than you have knowledge of. The local child welfare agency seems to be playing fast and loose with the rules as well. Could be, and could not be. I'm going by the guidelines they publish and my personal knowledge of the situation right up until I called the police. Ahhh, published guidelines for "general" use. Courts often ignore these, because they can, and because each case is different. Adjustments are made because this is what works best for each individual case. Courts are not bound by CPS guidelines, which is one of the areas that fern and company fail to understand. The family lives in a three bedroom house. The father has one bedroom, the biological son has one, and the two girls and the foster son shared the third bedroom. The other victim slept there five nights a week before the assaults - who knows where they put her. The family does not have sufficient income to care for all these children. Utilities have been shut off and the children are often hungry. No. Foster parents routinely with this many kids are on easy street and shopping for a yacht...according to the yahoos on this ng. I'm a bit more curious about how you know the details of the family's financial status. From the children? A childs understanding of their families financial status is nearly always wrong, so you might want to take that with a grain of salt. As I said, I complained about none of this because I thought the children were loved. One reason I feel so guilty here is that I wrote a letter of recommendation for Mr. A when he was trying to gain custody of D. The guideline say that foster parents must have sufficient income to support their own family. The only income the family had last winter was the stipend for D. Mr. A is seasonally employed. I was actually happy for them - D got a home and A, B and C got to eat. Seasonal employee's usually know ththat they are seasonal, and have either a good savings plan or alternate sources of income for those times when they are unable to work their normal job. These people are my neighbors. The only reason we have more money than they do is that we are both employed indoors and thus year-round, and we don't have children. I am not criticizing their poverty. But they may not be impoverished. They may simply be better at managing money than you. Are you sure these are children placed by the state, or a gathering of children from friends and family? I'm not sure of the distinction. Mr. A did not sign up to be a foster parent for any child; he was approved for D when she ran away from her last placement. D is Ms. F's biological grand-niece. Mr. A has known her all of her life. Ms. F was not willing to take her in at the time. I explained how he gained custody of E above. So, the state placed them there, but Mr. A began the process. Can anyone give me advice? I don't want any of these kids to suffer any more. The advice is simple. Follow the law. Report this, but get the people and relationships sorted out and report only what you KNOW, not what you speculate. "Speculation" very quickly can morph into sounding like a false allegation call to those that staff the child abuse hotlines. A good and sound bit of advice. False allegations against anyone is a major pain, so make sure that you know, without a doubt, what is happening over there. Not just what you have been told by the kids (as seems is happening). I did a better job explaing the relationships to the authorities than I did here. The child welfare agency was familiar with the names and relationships. I only reported what D told me she heard from C and G directly. I did not mention the rumor she said was circulating that both boys had been involved in a gang rape, and I sure didn't mention drugs or anything peripheral like that. I also reported that Mr. A had responded to the news that I had called the police by telling me that he would see to it that the girls changed their stories. He said that telling the truth, and I am quoting him here, would break up his family. I liked the guy right up until I realized he would sacrifice the girls for the boys. If you hang round this news group long enough, you will note that the truth is a matter of perspective and a very pliable thing. I'd say to let the professionals deal with things. Let the experts make the calls on what took place or is most likely to have. If they already know about this family and the those things you say they do, as the foster boy being arrested, and you don't think CPS will respond, you need to call 911 and ask for police dispatch, non-emergency in most areas, and ask to report a suspected sexual abuse. I don't think further assaults have taken place. I worry about what will happen the first night Ms. G has to go to work. There is more than one way to get CPS to take notice when they have been conned, which apparently they have, given the mother didn't report the sexual abuse. That's what I am interested in. What are these ways? By the way, do you have some official knowledge the bio son sexually assaulted? That's a serious charge with serious consequences so if you report it report HOW you know this. . I did. I even had a friend who is a social worker in another state speak to D before I called the police. This speaks to the intelligence of your friend from another state. A smart worker would never have done this, not in an unofficial manner. Or again, you might sound like a vindictive neighbor who doesn't like their dog crapping in your yard. That's actually funny. I'm the only one on the block who doesn't complain about their dog. What I failed to convey was that these people were my friends until Thursday. The children came over to my house for snacks, when they fought with their siblings or father, when they wanted help with their homework, when they wanted to watch tv and their power was off, or to show me things they'd made. The father and I talked daily. We did favors for each other. My friendship does not extend to covering up sexual assaults, though. Avoid the hyperbolic rantings style of some of our more lurid and mindless posters in these ngs. Like accusing CPS of playing fast and loose when all you have is the appearance of that without substantiation that that is there intent in this case. There may be much they do not know...given the probablity related to your report that a sexual assualt is being withheld from them. It's not being withheld from them. After the police came, B's probation officer called me. Then D's case worker. Then E's probation officer. Then E's case worker. They removed C and D, remember? The child welfare agency, the private agency that supervises D's placement, and juvenile probation were all at the home Thursday night. I think the child welfare agency was deliberately misled by Mr. A and Ms. F. I think they agreed to conditions they had no intention of keeping. I doubt that Ms. F mentioned her work schedule. "agreed to conditions they had no intention of keeping", not an uncommon thing, but usually seen in bio parents of kids in the system. I blame the agency for not asking. I blame the agency for not asking why she didn't report the assault. You blame the agency for not asking about something they may have known nothing about? Or maybe they did ask, but recieved an answer that made them think that there was not really a problem here. And it sounds like more than one person is trying to avoid CPS investigation. I'm not sure what you mean. He means both A and F, and possibly some of the other principals involved such as the kids. Of course, according to some here CPS wouldn't report if they did find a sexual or other kind of abuse going on, and they claim that foster's abuse children at a rate computed as 8 times more likley than the bio parent population. Good lord. I guess that sort of thing goes on in any discussion group, no matter how benign the subject matter. There's a reason it makes headlines when a foster family abuses their foster children; it's rare. Far more rare than those here will tell you. The facts and figures are available online. I want to make it clear that I think the foster father in this case is guilty of negligence, but not of any active abuse. Don't expect huge amounts of rational support here, except for a very very few. Try any of the foster parents, though. They know what's up with such things. That's what I was hoping for. I truly didn't expect any anti-fostering contingent. The only people I thought were opposed to foster families were people who had their own children removed from their custody for good cause. There is a significant "anti-fostering contingent" here. Their motives are bizzare and difficult to understand without a great deal of reading. Usually it involves a great deal of "spin" and emotional clap-trap, with little reference to the facts. And make that call. A child perp on the loose is just as dangerous as an adult one. That's what's keeping me up at night. Again, these are my neighbors, as are other children. I just need to know who to call to make sure the girls are really safe. You cant really be "sure", but you do what you can. If there is a crime being committed then call the cops. Offer support to the kids, but remember that even a 12 year old can come up with some pretty interesting untruths, specially with a few older siblings assisting. I'm afraid if I call the agency and say they're allowing B to be in the same home with G I'll sound like the vindictive neighbor you mentioned above. I'm afraid if I don't, there will be further assaults. If there is a court order stating that B cannot be in the home with G, then a police report showing his presence in the home is going to be pretty hard for CPS to ignore. Good luck, and remember that what you think you know about this case is most likely far less than reality. Ron Susan Kane |
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