new parent (or something)

Hi,

I am dating a girl that has two children, and two different fathers.
She is wonderful, but one of the fathers is not. I love her and I love
the boys and want to be there for them, but I cannot stand the father
and need some advice.

I have never met the father face to face, which is probably a good
thing for both of us.
The father is an alcoholic. The boy comes home smelling like
cigarrettes and beer. He is drunk when he drops the boy off to his
mother (my girlfriend). When they were married, he spanked them so
hard they were bruised.

I attempted to have an adult conversation with him once. He threatened
me over the phone, so bad, in fact, that I filed two police reports and
now keep some shotgun shells handy. I know he has had prior arrests
for violence because we were told so when we filed the police reports.


He has been suspended from work (probably from showing up drunk) and
does not pay his child support on time (or all of it). He has beaten
the mother in the past, when they were married. He is just a complete
and total piece of ****, pardon my French.

As far as his parenting goes, he could care less. The boy is often
left with his grandparents so he can go out drinking. Sometimes he has
the boy up until 3 in the morning while he's drunk playing poker. He
showed up this week to bring the boy to school and he was late to
school and was not fed or bathed (remember, he's suspended from work,
no excuses for being late, he does nothing). The boy showed up tonight
in the same clothes he was wearing when his mom dropped him off last
wednesday and he wreaked of cigarrettes and alcohol.

Seeing as how we're not married, and the fact that he is still paying
SOME child support, I cannot adopt the boys and end his parental rights
without his permission (which he wouldn't give anyway).

What do I do? Even as a friend, it seems like Child Protective
Services should be involved somehow. I'm just worried that the system
works too slow and that there is nothing I can do but worry about what
this idiot is going to do (either to me or her or the kids). It really
****es me off BIG TIME. I've contemplated just getting out of the
situation but I love them and I KNOW that the worthless father will be
the same to whoever she dates.

HELP!!!

Oh, and to add one important thing... my girlfriend cannot stand him
and was completely behind me filing police reports and whatnot. She
can't stand him just as much as I. Just to get that out so noone
thinks I'm not considering what she wants. We'd BOTH prefer that he be
out of the boy's life forever.

I don't know the legalities of situations such as these, but for the life of
me, this precious little boy is continuing to be abused by his father while
his mother is watching it happen right before her eyes! Why can't she inform
the courts that the partial custody situation is not working out and she
wants to have full custody. You know that the father does not even come
close to know what parenting is all about. Can you imagine the damage this
little boy is suffering right now, and how much his life is going to change
because of it? Your girlfriend needs to do something about it right now. I
would expect the courts to side on behalf of the little boy, and what is
right for him. But she has to move on it (hopefully your case would be one
of the ones that moves quickly!)

Susan
wrote in message
oups.com...
Hi,

I am dating a girl that has two children, and two different fathers.
She is wonderful, but one of the fathers is not. I love her and I love
the boys and want to be there for them, but I cannot stand the father
and need some advice.

I have never met the father face to face, which is probably a good
thing for both of us.
The father is an alcoholic. The boy comes home smelling like
cigarrettes and beer. He is drunk when he drops the boy off to his
mother (my girlfriend). When they were married, he spanked them so
hard they were bruised.

I attempted to have an adult conversation with him once. He threatened
me over the phone, so bad, in fact, that I filed two police reports and
now keep some shotgun shells handy. I know he has had prior arrests
for violence because we were told so when we filed the police reports.


He has been suspended from work (probably from showing up drunk) and
does not pay his child support on time (or all of it). He has beaten
the mother in the past, when they were married. He is just a complete
and total piece of ****, pardon my French.

As far as his parenting goes, he could care less. The boy is often
left with his grandparents so he can go out drinking. Sometimes he has
the boy up until 3 in the morning while he's drunk playing poker. He
showed up this week to bring the boy to school and he was late to
school and was not fed or bathed (remember, he's suspended from work,
no excuses for being late, he does nothing). The boy showed up tonight
in the same clothes he was wearing when his mom dropped him off last
wednesday and he wreaked of cigarrettes and alcohol.

Seeing as how we're not married, and the fact that he is still paying
SOME child support, I cannot adopt the boys and end his parental rights
without his permission (which he wouldn't give anyway).

What do I do? Even as a friend, it seems like Child Protective
Services should be involved somehow. I'm just worried that the system
works too slow and that there is nothing I can do but worry about what
this idiot is going to do (either to me or her or the kids). It really
****es me off BIG TIME. I've contemplated just getting out of the
situation but I love them and I KNOW that the worthless father will be
the same to whoever she dates.

HELP!!!

no doubt - although I'm afraid things may not move so quickly, and
we're afraid CPS will do more harm than good...