I must be the worst mother on MKP

Chotii wibbled

People do not see my living room floor, which has not been
vacuumed in quite possibly 2 weeks.

We were talking about feeding T without a bib and just rolling him
around the carpet after each meal - it won't make the carpet any
dirtier and he might pick up some of the fluff and hair. Clothes (and
faces) we actually *do* get around to cleaning but floors are very near
the bottom of our priorities. ;-)

Jac

Donna Metler wrote:
Well, I never made it to the pushing stages, but I know one of my
fears in my induced labor was that the contractions would actually
hurt the baby, especially since he was so little and fragile-they
were so hard, and so fast and hurt me enough (even through an
epidural) that I couldn't imagine the poor little thing not being
tossed around like clothes in a dryer! So maybe that's part of
it-pushing the poor little thing

Well, your situation was quite a bit different than a typical labor at term.
I can certainly understand why you would have felt that way.

Of course, full-term babies are designed to withstand the pressure created
by contractions and descending the birth canal. In fact, they even benefit
from it since it helps them expel the amniotic fluid they've been "practice
breathing" in utero before they're born. This is one of the reasons babies
born by c-section tend to have more respiratory problems--they don't get the
opportunity to expel as much amniotic fluid before they're born.

Now, some babies *do* have heart rate decels and sometimes they're serious
enough to cause fetal distress, but that tends to be caused by compression
of the cord resulting in insufficient blood flow to the baby rather than
because the contractions themselves are causing the baby any pain.
--
Be well, Barbara
Mom to Sin (Vernon, 2), Misery (Aurora, 5), and the Rising Son (Julian, 7)

"Bush didn't pee his pants or kill anyone, so my guess is that people will
say [the third debate] was a tie."--Jessi Klein
(http://www.cnn.com/2004/ALLPOLITICS/...log/index.html)

All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful.
Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its
other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a
fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman

On Thu, 21 Oct 2004 10:45:21 -0700, "Circe"
scribbled:

Nan wrote:

I think I mentioned this in your thread about your niece. Having
had both a vaginal delivery and 2 sections, I can say that it isn't the
*pushing* that freaked me out during the vaginal delivery.
It was that it was my first baby, and there was a HUGE unknown
factor. All the research, reading, and classes in the world can't
possibly prepare you for every contingent of childbirth. In fact,
it's often stressed that everyone's labor is different, and can vary
wildly.

Well, I certainly get the "fear of the unknown" factor. Before I was well
into my first pregnancy, I really thought a planned c-section would be
"easier" than a vaginal birth. I ultimately realized, though, that I was
probably over-horribilizing labor and under-horribilizing c-section
recovery. (Of course, it's entirely possible that to this day, I
over-horribilize c-section recovery!) And my first birth, while not as great
as my second or third, turned out to be relatively easy.

Yes, I think it's so much a YMMV situation that it can be hard to see
the other side as any easier than what you had.

IME, my first section recovery felt like a breeze. No real pain
beyond the first couple of days, and no problems. My vaginal birth,
otoh, was a nightmare in comparison. Granted, it was a long time ago,
and I had to deal with a healing episiotomy. But 26 hours of labor
with 80% of that *intense* was worse than going under the knife and
getting it over with.

This last time, I felt fine up until my incision opened. The next
day, I was up and around, having showered and felt really good. I do
attribute much of that to the anesthesiologist putting meds in my
epidural at the end of the surgery and it lasted for about 24 hours.

With a section, you have a doctor that explains the procedure to
you, just like any other pre-surgery process. You get more definitive
answers about what *will* happen.

But you don't get to know it advance how much pain you'll be in *after* the
surgery or for how long. I guess *I* find the whole idea of having a
c-section totally terrifying precisely because it seems so patently clear to
me that having a huge cut in the abdomen has *got* to hurt--A LOT! While
labor pain is no picnic, there are good pain relief options if you decide
you can't take it (epidurals are *very* effective for most people) and once
you've given birth, most of the pain goes away (and if you have a good
caregiver who protects your perineum, you'll only be a bit sore in your
nether regions for a day or to at most).

It's true that the recovery part is wildly different for most women.
I just think some women think the recovery part is the expected part,
so it's not considered as a factor.

To me, it seems that by planning a c-section, you're just trading one
unknown for another. The unknown is that you don't know how much postpartum
pain you'll have any more than you know how much pain you'll have during
labor. I just don't see why one type of pain is preferable to the other (and
personally can't help imagining that labor pain, which is typically
intermittent, surely *must* be less intense than the pain that follows major
surgery!).

And you're likely right. But that fear can get in the way of rational
thought sometimes.

Now, I'm definitely not saying it's better to have a section. In
fact, quite the opposite, given what happened after mine.

Oh yeah, I'm sure that's true.

But I still remember even almost 21 years later how frightening it
was when I was in labor with my son.

Interesting. I honestly never felt frightened in labor, even my first labor.
Even when it got painful enough that I wanted pain relief, I didn't feel
frightened. I wonder what factors lead to people being *frightened* during
labor? I think understanding that could really be quite key to reducing both
the amount of pain people experience during labor and the desire for
elective c-sections.

I really think so, too. Even though I was trying to VBAC this last
time, I still felt some fear. I know I don't like pain at all. But I
wouldn't have chosen a c-section, either.

Nan

You have put your child in the oven?! Do tell...

sadly yes, I didn't turn it on though, I had VERY bad postnatal depression,
I was almost always very caring towards him, or a least met his needs, the
oven incident was an unfortunate blip and I have no idea why it happened

"Elle" wrote in message
om...
"Plissken" wrote in message
news:ahEdd.782612$M95.399923@pd7tw1no...

From day one I could put her down in her bassinet (no I didn't cosleep,
but
she slept beside our bed for 9 months) and she would lay there quietly
until
she went to sleep and at 17 months I can still put her down awake and she
will fall asleep by herself. My daughter never cried unless she was
hungry
(not even for a wet diaper) and never really needed to be held
constantly. I
did carry her around in her baby bjorn when she was really young and we
went
for walks, but she went in her stroller at times too.

I want one of those!

Elle

That's what I got with Taylor -- of course I attribute her "easiness" with
my outstanding parenting skills. wink If Addie is the same, it will only
confirm it. If Addie is a "devil child" : ) or high needs, it will only
confirm that it's all biology (they're adopted). Either way, I come out on
top. grin

I joke that I parent by benign neglect -- I'm on the computer a lot, and
Taylor plays by herself in the family room with the TV on -- she doesn't sit
still and watch it often, but she likes it on. But, she's very independent,
and knows what she likes and doesn't like. I'm very interested to see who
Addie is going to be.

I don't do much in the way of cleaning -- just ask my dh. I don't do
laundry. I don't iron. I certainly don't do windows. I cook, but nothing
really gourmet -- sautéed chicken breasts and a bag of salad is my most
common meal. Dh gets bored, so I try to do something different -- I sauté
pork chops and do a bag of salad : ). I've often said, I love being a
stay-at-home mom, but I don't love being a stay-at-home wife.

Yesterday I had a killer migraine (and it feels like it's coming back right
now -- ooouuuch!), and of course, Addie was awake and needed to be held the
whole time that Taylor was napping. I just wanted to lay down and close my
eyes, but Addie wouldn't let me. She was crying and I was crying. Addie
finally fell asleep around 2:45. I lay quietly in my room, praying for
sleep. Taylor woke up at 3. No nap for mommy. I called Rob at 3:30
crying, in pain, and begged him to come home. He was over 2 hours away, and
arrived home around 5:30. By then my migraine had begun to dissipate and I
was feeling better.

Perfect? I think not.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

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On Thu, 21 Oct 2004 15:38:14 -0400, "Sophie"
scribbled:

I'm praying this next baby is like this too! Is it possible to have two
easy
babies? I hope so. I'm convinced I'm going to have one exactly the
opposite.
It'll be like having a baby for the first time all over again because I
was
so spoiled with Maddy.

Nadene


Out of 4 babies I've had 3 easy ones. It's possible

Same here, but all 3 have been easy :-)
For years I used to think my ds was *so* easy that I shouldn't push my
luck as I might not have luck the next time, lol.
E is admittedly more challenging, but she's been very easy compared to
what she *could* have been like.
So far A sleeps, eats, messes her diaper and plays happily on her own.
I feel blessed ;-)

Nan

"Plissken" wrote in message
news:d5Qdd.790509$M95.47129@pd7tw1no...

"Elle" wrote in message
om...
"Plissken" wrote in message
news:ahEdd.782612$M95.399923@pd7tw1no...

From day one I could put her down in her bassinet (no I didn't cosleep,
but
she slept beside our bed for 9 months) and she would lay there quietly
until
she went to sleep and at 17 months I can still put her down awake and
she
will fall asleep by herself. My daughter never cried unless she was
hungry
(not even for a wet diaper) and never really needed to be held
constantly. I
did carry her around in her baby bjorn when she was really young and we
went
for walks, but she went in her stroller at times too.

I want one of those!


I'm praying this next baby is like this too! Is it possible to have two
easy
babies? I hope so. I'm convinced I'm going to have one exactly the
opposite.
It'll be like having a baby for the first time all over again because I
was
so spoiled with Maddy.

Nadene

I think second children tend to be the opposite of what the first one was.
I'm hoping that since mine are adopted, it throws those tendancies out the
window. Taylor is so easy now, but honestly I can't remember what exactly
she was like in those first 3 months. I remember that it was hard at times,
and I felt overwhelmed and needed a break. I remember being ****ed off at
her for crying, and then feeling like a terrible mother because of it. I'm
going through some of the same things with Addie, and just keep hoping and
praying that she turns out easy like Taylor.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password:
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Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

I'm praying this next baby is like this too! Is it possible to have two
easy
babies? I hope so. I'm convinced I'm going to have one exactly the
opposite.
It'll be like having a baby for the first time all over again because I
was
so spoiled with Maddy.

Nadene


Out of 4 babies I've had 3 easy ones. It's possible

On Thu, 21 Oct 2004 15:46:34 -0400, "Sophie"
scribbled:

I have wood floors in my living room and bedrooms. I sweep them once a
month. I think I've mopped them once since I've lived here, lol.

I do the kitchen a little more often ;-)


--
Nikki


Okay I've noticed this with my neighbors as well as women on other boards I
post on. Why do people seem proud that they don't clean?

Well, for me it's not that I'm proud of it. Just that I'm not all
that interested in having a really clean house. Finding others that
think the same is great, as it flies in the face of the stereotype
that sahm's need to be doing it all.

Nan

Everyone here is so perfect!

Yeah right!

It seems you all wear your babies constantly,

Nope only when shopping. Carrying a carseat is stupid, uncomfortable, and
my babies always wake up in them 2 minutes into my shopping trip.

co-sleep with them when you aren't wearing them,

Goodness no! Never have, never would.

rock them for hours on end
while they scream,

Nope.

and manage all this even with a dozen other children
besides and a successful career.

Only 4 kids and no career.

Those of you who don't have a career cook,
bake, make your own clothes, baby products, and are basically Martha
Stewart
minus the criminal record.

Lol @ the criminal part. Um, nope, can't bake, only cook when my husband is
not away, can't sew a button or darn a sock to save my life, have never made
a baby product, I do have Martha bedding blush

Still others of you are _always right_ or at
least have an annoying way of posting which makes it appear that way to
everyone who reads you, myself included. Do you ever get hormonal,
overtired? What is your breaking point? Do you have one?

Yes and yes. About 4 pm every week day. Yes of course.

I don't wear DD. She amuses herself a lot under a playgym. In fact, I
don't
even think she likes me because she cries and struggles when I pick her up
sometimes.

Some of my kids have not been snugglers. I've never taken it personally.
I'm not a snuggler.

She cries herself to sleep a lot, in her own room. I tell her off
when she bites me. She has cat hair in her nappy, and sometimes in her
mouth. She doesn't get enough tummy-time, so she's starting to crawl
upside
down. She would rather watch TV, at three & a half months, than look at
us.

Since this part says "she" I assume you mean the 3 month old. In that case,
I don't think she should be crying alone in her room. Why is she biting
you? Ick on the cat hair - that happens at my parents' house, hate it.

I can't/won't cook nor bake - the other mothers at my coffee group thought
my scones were biscuits. I don't do sewing either.

That's fine.

Actually, I don't do much
of anything. I am frequently hormonal and irrational, and constantly
contradict myself. I don't make a lot of sense most of the time, even to
me.

Obviously that doesn't make sense to me - lol. What do you mean you don't
do much of anything - since this seems to be a homemaker/mother vent, I'm
guesing you mean cleaning. Personally I look around my house and think "if
anyone stopped by, would I be embarrassed?". All kinds of cleaning things
are in wipe form now. I use dry and wet Swiffers, a Swiffer duster, wipes
for the counters (kitchen and bathrooms), and windows. Easy peasy.
Also with my husband away (PLEASE don't reply with "gee I don't know how you
do it") I try to make sure we don't look like we're on the verge of becoming
the Andrea Yates family.
As long as everyone is fed, clean, and alive at the end of the day, I did a
good job.

At least she's breast-fed and side-slept, so she'll have a good immune
system and a nice shaped head when she starts therapy.

Well I didn't even do *those* things, so there :P

--
Amy,
Mum to Carlos born sleeping 20/11/02,
& Ana born screaming 30/06/04
email: barton . souto @ clear . net . nz (join the dots!)