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#11
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Need your advice/help for dealing with a 3-yr old's temper
Banty wrote:
He'd have some image of how things are 'sposed to happen, and when they deviated, he'd flip. And there was this thing where, if we ever passed our house on the way to another errand, he'd be all upset that we didn't stop at home. I think it's a developmental thing. No specific advice, except that it's a pick-your-battle thing as has been already said. And "this too shall pass" is a pretty good parenthood mantra. I agree that it's normal and developmental (though some kids are more dramatic than others), and I also agree that it's very much a time to pick your battles. However, I think "this too shall pass" only works if you deal with the issue. It's normal developmentally for kids around this age to test the limits of their control. As long as they find that their span of control extends about as far as it should, then it will pass. If they find that they have rather a lot of control over things they shouldn't control, then not only will it persist, but it's likely to get worse. Best wishes, Ericka |
#12
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Need your advice/help for dealing with a 3-yr old's temper
In article , Ericka Kammerer
says... Banty wrote: He'd have some image of how things are 'sposed to happen, and when they deviated, he'd flip. And there was this thing where, if we ever passed our house on the way to another errand, he'd be all upset that we didn't stop at home. I think it's a developmental thing. No specific advice, except that it's a pick-your-battle thing as has been already said. And "this too shall pass" is a pretty good parenthood mantra. I agree that it's normal and developmental (though some kids are more dramatic than others), and I also agree that it's very much a time to pick your battles. However, I think "this too shall pass" only works if you deal with the issue. It's normal developmentally for kids around this age to test the limits of their control. As long as they find that their span of control extends about as far as it should, then it will pass. If they find that they have rather a lot of control over things they shouldn't control, then not only will it persist, but it's likely to get worse. True. I think it may also get worse if they have control over too *little*. Banty |
#13
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Need your advice/help for dealing with a 3-yr old's temper
Banty wrote:
In article , Ericka Kammerer says... Banty wrote: He'd have some image of how things are 'sposed to happen, and when they deviated, he'd flip. And there was this thing where, if we ever passed our house on the way to another errand, he'd be all upset that we didn't stop at home. I think it's a developmental thing. No specific advice, except that it's a pick-your-battle thing as has been already said. And "this too shall pass" is a pretty good parenthood mantra. I agree that it's normal and developmental (though some kids are more dramatic than others), and I also agree that it's very much a time to pick your battles. However, I think "this too shall pass" only works if you deal with the issue. It's normal developmentally for kids around this age to test the limits of their control. As long as they find that their span of control extends about as far as it should, then it will pass. If they find that they have rather a lot of control over things they shouldn't control, then not only will it persist, but it's likely to get worse. True. I think it may also get worse if they have control over too *little*. Absolutely. That's why I think the key is being clear *in advance* where they have choices and where they don't. It's no wonder they're all over the map if they get mixed signals, plus it totally defeats the purpose. Best wishes, Ericka |
#14
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Need your advice/help for dealing with a 3-yr old's temper
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#15
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Need your advice/help for dealing with a 3-yr old's temper
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#16
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Need your advice/help for dealing with a 3-yr old's temper
"Stephanie" wrote in message . .. wrote: Thanks for the advices! I am now wondering if this belongs to some type of "terrible two" phase. It never really occurs to me before. My kids' terrible twos defintely happened at three. They always happen at three. I don't know when they ever happen at two, LOL. To OP, I'd echo everyone else and say it really helps to let them know what is going to happen before it happens. Choose what you will let slide and what you won't before it happens. It's very confusing when you first react with absolute authority that he can't do something and then negotiate and relent or just always negotiate. In fact, I don't quite like negotiating all the time. It just gives the kid too much power over everything Negotiate occasionally, yes, but not over everything. I'd give choices when there are choices. In fact, I thought it funny one day when DS came to me in the store one day. He wanted a toy, but instead of asking me for a toy, he asked me which one I wanted. FWIW, I've seen kids who were absolute horrors at that age grow out of it quite well without much intervention. It must be cultural. The boys run wild at that age, but they are perfect citizens once they hit grade school. By that time, they are expected to understand appropriate behavior and would then be disciplined accordingly. |
#17
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Need your advice/help for dealing with a 3-yr old's temper
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#18
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Need your advice/help for dealing with a 3-yr old's temper
toypup wrote:
"Stephanie" wrote in message . .. wrote: Thanks for the advices! I am now wondering if this belongs to some type of "terrible two" phase. It never really occurs to me before. My kids' terrible twos defintely happened at three. They always happen at three. I don't know when they ever happen at two, LOL. I think it's two different things. I think some kids have "terrible twos" and they seem to be the ones who can't yet communicate effectively. They get very frustrated because they can't get the world to go their way because they can't explain what they want. I think a lot of kids have challenges at three, because that's around when they usually start up with pushing boundaries. In fact, I don't quite like negotiating all the time. It just gives the kid too much power over everything Not only that, but it takes *forever*. Sometimes you just need to get a move on! I had a friend who was very into negotiating everything with her first. She explained everything, gained consensus on everything, had a very mild mannered, compliant child. Then she had her second ;-) She found she no longer had time to negotiate and explain absolutely everything, and number two really took her for a ride for a while! It was a tough transition for all of them. Best wishes, Ericka |
#19
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Need your advice/help for dealing with a 3-yr old's temper
I could not access the internet last night. Thanks for all those
wonderful suggestions. It helps me to understand DS's problem better. I would absolutely explore those suggested approaches. Ericka-- I agree with you totally on " decide *in advance", respond effectively, be careful with the negotiation. I need to learn to quickly tell the difference between genuine behaviors and manipulation. Nan-- thank for the warm support and suggestion. Banty-- I totally agree that too much power is not good for DS. Thanks. Stephanie-- "How to Talk" definitely matters. I would check this out. toto -- good advices. *ballooning* or *draining" sound like fun strategy. I will check out those books for sure. toypup-- I could not help LOL about your story that "DS wanted a toy, but instead of asking me for a toy, he asked me which one I wanted". They sure learn quickly! Again, I found this forum is way useful than my googling the internet aimlessly. Best wishes to all, Alice |
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