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#1
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Is this alright??
I have a friend that does a number of questionable things... in the past and
now. Right now, it's potty training. Her DS is almost the same age as my DD1 - he'll be 3 in September. She's doing the potty training thing. He will pee all the time on the potty. He can go a full day in underwear with no accidents. He'll hold it and only go in the potty (or toilet) and will say when he has to pee. The pooping part is the other issue, which doesn't seem to sit well with me. I do talk to her daily and often enough, I can hear her DS literally screaming and crying and her constantly saying something along the lines of, "Go poop on the potty now" or "No getting off the potty until you poop" or "No ______ until you poop on the potty" The kid is just crying and screaming in the background. He will not dirty underwear - he'll hold it for days at a time if need be. As soon as he has a diaper on (in the case of nap time or bed time) then he'll dirty a diaper. She has said she's kept him in underwear for days at a time so he won't be able to go in the diaper but that's when he'll hold it for days if need be. A week or two ago I was at the store with her doing some shopping. One of the main items on her list to get was a laxative - for her DS. She found a children's laxative, good for 2 and older, that claimed to have basically instant results. Apparently that night when they gave it to him - while he was sitting on the toilet - he did go. She's been giving him an enema, and that's daily. Last time I was talking to her - less than half an hour ago - he was on the potty again crying and screaming up a storm, she was busy yelling and shouting to go in the potty (this time it was no going in the swimming pool until he went poop on the potty) and she took him off to give him an enema - but only gave him half - then back to the potty he went. When he didn't go again within about 5 mins, she took him off to give it to him again. Meanwhile, she tells me that he very well knows what the enema is and all that, and he's screaming again over it. She said that he's going to be 3 in September and that 3 is too old for her to change his diapers. She is set on having him completely potty trained ASAP because she's not going to change his diapers come 3. There's a number of things she does (or doesn't do) that really doesn't sit well with me. This isn't a question about friendship and dropping her as a friend or not, it's more of if I'm out to lunch on this one, and if I am, then I'll let it go, but if not, I do feel that I will end up saying what I really think about it fairly soon. To me, this almost sounds a bit abusive. |
#2
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Is this alright??
In article kFA8k.51142$gc5.7097@pd7urf2no, xkatx says...
I have a friend that does a number of questionable things... in the past and now. Right now, it's potty training. Her DS is almost the same age as my DD1 - he'll be 3 in September. She's doing the potty training thing. He will pee all the time on the potty. He can go a full day in underwear with no accidents. He'll hold it and only go in the potty (or toilet) and will say when he has to pee. The pooping part is the other issue, which doesn't seem to sit well with me. I do talk to her daily and often enough, I can hear her DS literally screaming and crying and her constantly saying something along the lines of, "Go poop on the potty now" or "No getting off the potty until you poop" or "No ______ until you poop on the potty" The kid is just crying and screaming in the background. He will not dirty underwear - he'll hold it for days at a time if need be. As soon as he has a diaper on (in the case of nap time or bed time) then he'll dirty a diaper. She has said she's kept him in underwear for days at a time so he won't be able to go in the diaper but that's when he'll hold it for days if need be. A week or two ago I was at the store with her doing some shopping. One of the main items on her list to get was a laxative - for her DS. She found a children's laxative, good for 2 and older, that claimed to have basically instant results. Apparently that night when they gave it to him - while he was sitting on the toilet - he did go. She's been giving him an enema, and that's daily. Last time I was talking to her - less than half an hour ago - he was on the potty again crying and screaming up a storm, she was busy yelling and shouting to go in the potty (this time it was no going in the swimming pool until he went poop on the potty) and she took him off to give him an enema - but only gave him half - then back to the potty he went. When he didn't go again within about 5 mins, she took him off to give it to him again. Meanwhile, she tells me that he very well knows what the enema is and all that, and he's screaming again over it. She said that he's going to be 3 in September and that 3 is too old for her to change his diapers. She is set on having him completely potty trained ASAP because she's not going to change his diapers come 3. There's a number of things she does (or doesn't do) that really doesn't sit well with me. This isn't a question about friendship and dropping her as a friend or not, it's more of if I'm out to lunch on this one, and if I am, then I'll let it go, but if not, I do feel that I will end up saying what I really think about it fairly soon. To me, this almost sounds a bit abusive. Wow, yes, definite control problem. Enemas can be a feature in abuse. There's no reason for a parent to be giving an enema. This may be an occasion to say something. Banty |
#3
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Is this alright??
xkatx wrote:
I have a friend that does a number of questionable things... in the past and now. Right now, it's potty training. Her DS is almost the same age as my DD1 - he'll be 3 in September. She's doing the potty training thing. He will pee all the time on the potty. He needs to learn to pee *in* the potty, not on it. ;-) He can go a full day in underwear with no accidents. He'll hold it and only go in the potty (or toilet) and will say when he has to pee. The pooping part is the other issue, which doesn't seem to sit well with me. I do talk to her daily and often enough, I can hear her DS literally screaming and crying and her constantly saying something along the lines of, "Go poop on the potty now" or "No getting off the potty until you poop" or "No ______ until you poop on the potty" The kid is just crying and screaming in the background. It sounds like a power struggle. It's his poop. Guess who will win? He will not dirty underwear - he'll hold it for days at a time if need be. As soon as he has a diaper on (in the case of nap time or bed time) then he'll dirty a diaper. She has said she's kept him in underwear for days at a time so he won't be able to go in the diaper but that's when he'll hold it for days if need be. This is quite unhealthy. It may lead to problems with stool retention and constipation. She should let him go in the diaper. When he is ready, he will go in the potty. A week or two ago I was at the store with her doing some shopping. One of the main items on her list to get was a laxative - for her DS. She found a children's laxative, good for 2 and older, that claimed to have basically instant results. Apparently that night when they gave it to him - while he was sitting on the toilet - he did go. She's been giving him an enema, and that's daily. Last time I was talking to her - less than half an hour ago - he was on the potty again crying and screaming up a storm, she was busy yelling and shouting to go in the potty (this time it was no going in the swimming pool until he went poop on the potty) and she took him off to give him an enema - but only gave him half - then back to the potty he went. When he didn't go again within about 5 mins, she took him off to give it to him again. Meanwhile, she tells me that he very well knows what the enema is and all that, and he's screaming again over it. She said that he's going to be 3 in September and that 3 is too old for her to change his diapers. She is set on having him completely potty trained ASAP because she's not going to change his diapers come 3. He is potty trained. He can hold it for a long time. He will put it in the potty when he is ready, not her. She needs to let unload into his diapers and use the potty when he is ready. There's a number of things she does (or doesn't do) that really doesn't sit well with me. This isn't a question about friendship and dropping her as a friend or not, it's more of if I'm out to lunch on this one, and if I am, then I'll let it go, but if not, I do feel that I will end up saying what I really think about it fairly soon. To me, this almost sounds a bit abusive. |
#4
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Is this alright??
"xkatx" wrote in message news:kFA8k.51142$gc5.7097@pd7urf2no... A week or two ago I was at the store with her doing some shopping. One of the main items on her list to get was a laxative - for her DS. She found a children's laxative, good for 2 and older, that claimed to have basically instant results. Apparently that night when they gave it to him - while he was sitting on the toilet - he did go. She's been giving him an enema, and that's daily. Last time I was talking to her - less than half an hour ago - he was on the potty again crying and screaming up a storm, she was busy yelling and shouting to go in the potty (this time it was no going in the swimming pool until he went poop on the potty) and she took him off to give him an enema - but only gave him half - then back to the potty he went. When he didn't go again within about 5 mins, she took him off to give it to him again. Meanwhile, she tells me that he very well knows what the enema is and all that, and he's screaming again over it. I don't know about her, but there is no way I could have a BM on command. Ask your friend if you told her to BM right now, could she do it? Even if she tried? The whole thing with not giving him diapers so that he would retain and then giving him laxatives every night is definitely not healthy. Will she talk to a doctor? |
#5
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Is this alright??
On Wed, 25 Jun 2008 23:37:52 GMT, "xkatx" wrote:
I have a friend that does a number of questionable things... in the past and now. Right now, it's potty training. Her DS is almost the same age as my DD1 - he'll be 3 in September. She's doing the potty training thing. He will pee all the time on the potty. He can go a full day in underwear with no accidents. He'll hold it and only go in the potty (or toilet) and will say when he has to pee. The pooping part is the other issue, which doesn't seem to sit well with me. I do talk to her daily and often enough, I can hear her DS literally screaming and crying and her constantly saying something along the lines of, "Go poop on the potty now" or "No getting off the potty until you poop" or "No ______ until you poop on the potty" The kid is just crying and screaming in the background. He will not dirty underwear - he'll hold it for days at a time if need be. As soon as he has a diaper on (in the case of nap time or bed time) then he'll dirty a diaper. She has said she's kept him in underwear for days at a time so he won't be able to go in the diaper but that's when he'll hold it for days if need be. A week or two ago I was at the store with her doing some shopping. One of the main items on her list to get was a laxative - for her DS. She found a children's laxative, good for 2 and older, that claimed to have basically instant results. Apparently that night when they gave it to him - while he was sitting on the toilet - he did go. She's been giving him an enema, and that's daily. Last time I was talking to her - less than half an hour ago - he was on the potty again crying and screaming up a storm, she was busy yelling and shouting to go in the potty (this time it was no going in the swimming pool until he went poop on the potty) and she took him off to give him an enema - but only gave him half - then back to the potty he went. When he didn't go again within about 5 mins, she took him off to give it to him again. Meanwhile, she tells me that he very well knows what the enema is and all that, and he's screaming again over it. She said that he's going to be 3 in September and that 3 is too old for her to change his diapers. She is set on having him completely potty trained ASAP because she's not going to change his diapers come 3. There's a number of things she does (or doesn't do) that really doesn't sit well with me. This isn't a question about friendship and dropping her as a friend or not, it's more of if I'm out to lunch on this one, and if I am, then I'll let it go, but if not, I do feel that I will end up saying what I really think about it fairly soon. To me, this almost sounds a bit abusive. No, it doesn't sound like you're out to lunch. Although I don't think I'd call it abusive, it's definitely a power struggle. Perhaps when you're talking to her you could mention your own children's experiences as a way to give her a reality check. Something like, "Oh, my child xxxxx definitely wouldn't go until HE was ready... I found it way less stressful just to let him go at his pace and he quickly trained himself." The way she's going, she's setting herself up for having her child need a diaper waaaaay past the age of three. Nan |
#6
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Is this alright??
xkatx wrote:
I have a friend that does a number of questionable things... in the past and now. Right now, it's potty training. Her DS is almost the same age as my DD1 - he'll be 3 in September. She's doing the potty training thing. He will pee all the time on the potty. He can go a full day in underwear with no accidents. He'll hold it and only go in the potty (or toilet) and will say when he has to pee. The pooping part is the other issue, which doesn't seem to sit well with me. I do talk to her daily and often enough, I can hear her DS literally screaming and crying and her constantly saying something along the lines of, "Go poop on the potty now" or "No getting off the potty until you poop" or "No ______ until you poop on the potty" The kid is just crying and screaming in the background. He will not dirty underwear - he'll hold it for days at a time if need be. As soon as he has a diaper on (in the case of nap time or bed time) then he'll dirty a diaper. She has said she's kept him in underwear for days at a time so he won't be able to go in the diaper but that's when he'll hold it for days if need be. A week or two ago I was at the store with her doing some shopping. One of the main items on her list to get was a laxative - for her DS. She found a children's laxative, good for 2 and older, that claimed to have basically instant results. Apparently that night when they gave it to him - while he was sitting on the toilet - he did go. She's been giving him an enema, and that's daily. Last time I was talking to her - less than half an hour ago - he was on the potty again crying and screaming up a storm, she was busy yelling and shouting to go in the potty (this time it was no going in the swimming pool until he went poop on the potty) and she took him off to give him an enema - but only gave him half - then back to the potty he went. When he didn't go again within about 5 mins, she took him off to give it to him again. Meanwhile, she tells me that he very well knows what the enema is and all that, and he's screaming again over it. She said that he's going to be 3 in September and that 3 is too old for her to change his diapers. She is set on having him completely potty trained ASAP because she's not going to change his diapers come 3. There's a number of things she does (or doesn't do) that really doesn't sit well with me. This isn't a question about friendship and dropping her as a friend or not, it's more of if I'm out to lunch on this one, and if I am, then I'll let it go, but if not, I do feel that I will end up saying what I really think about it fairly soon. To me, this almost sounds a bit abusive. Keeping a perfectly healthy child on a routine which includes a daily enema, laxatives and screaming at him over his bowel habits _is_ borderline abusive, in my opinion, and it's certainly unhealthy. Goodness knows what she's doing to his body's messaging system, let alone the psychological effects of making his bowel control development such a huge issue to therm both. She probably won't listen to you but for the sake of the child I do think you should suggest she discuss her methods with a doctor. It's hard to openly criticise a friend's parenting choices but I think your misgivings are very well founded. She's made a terrible power struggle over something that should be handled in a relaxed and positive manner. I'm fairly sure both my sons were still pooping in their night nappies first thing in the morning until they were 3 1/2 and I never felt at any stage they were particularly late in their bowel control. It was comfortable and convenient for them and I was still wiping their and their sister's bottoms until they were nearly four, anyway, so it's not like I was going to be relieved of poop clean up duty! I think you friend has very unrealistic expectations about toilet training. Some children click early with all the combinations of day, night bladder and bowel training but a large proportion of 2 year olds are only just getting going on those processes. Also, not every child (or adult) needs to move his bowels every single day - why on earth does she think she gets to decide something like that about her son's body and then _force_ the issue with laxatives? Poor little lad! |
#7
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Is this alright??
"xkatx" wrote in message news:kFA8k.51142$gc5.7097@pd7urf2no... I have a friend that does a number of questionable things... in the past and now. snip So, it seems that I'm not out to lunch with how I'm thinking about this friend and what she's doing. One thing that a few have mentioned, I didn't even think of... How *can* a person just go on demand? I haven't heard of anyone doing that. It's funny (well, not really funny) that she was saying something about giving him a laxative because he's "all gummed up" - hm... I wonder why. It's a little disturbing when on the phone and the kid is just absolutely screaming over this whole thing. The kids' dad, she told me, won't sit with him when he's on the potty (and what they have is a potty seat on their main floor toilet, although he will use a regular toilet if there's no potty seat to pee) and how he'll sit for maybe 5 mins with the kid then if he doesn't go in those few mins, he's sent away (and NOT really in a nice, "Ok, you didn't go this time, maybe next time we'll try again") and then she tells her DH that SHE doesn't want to change poopy diapers anymore and he's not home all day to deal with it so why would he care? DD1 is the same age as this little guy, and quite frankly, I might feel the same if there was a poopy diaper 5 or 6 times a day like a small baby, but what's once a day, or maybe twice a day every now and then? He's not in daycare or anything similar... They actually don't even really leave the house (this is a whole other story, though) She said something that she has called the 24 hour health nurse line about his training and she was disgusted when they told her basically the same thing - he'll go when he's ready and no, they don't recommend forcing it in any way. |
#8
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Is this alright??
In article 3J69k.53995$gc5.3474@pd7urf2no, xkatx says...
"xkatx" wrote in message news:kFA8k.51142$gc5.7097@pd7urf2no... I have a friend that does a number of questionable things... in the past and now. snip So, it seems that I'm not out to lunch with how I'm thinking about this friend and what she's doing. One thing that a few have mentioned, I didn't even think of... How *can* a person just go on demand? I haven't heard of anyone doing that. It's funny (well, not really funny) that she was saying something about giving him a laxative because he's "all gummed up" - hm... I wonder why. It's a little disturbing when on the phone and the kid is just absolutely screaming over this whole thing. The kids' dad, she told me, won't sit with him when he's on the potty (and what they have is a potty seat on their main floor toilet, although he will use a regular toilet if there's no potty seat to pee) and how he'll sit for maybe 5 mins with the kid then if he doesn't go in those few mins, he's sent away (and NOT really in a nice, "Ok, you didn't go this time, maybe next time we'll try again") and then she tells her DH that SHE doesn't want to change poopy diapers anymore and he's not home all day to deal with it so why would he care? DD1 is the same age as this little guy, and quite frankly, I might feel the same if there was a poopy diaper 5 or 6 times a day like a small baby, but what's once a day, or maybe twice a day every now and then? He's not in daycare or anything similar... They actually don't even really leave the house (this is a whole other story, though) She said something that she has called the 24 hour health nurse line about his training and she was disgusted when they told her basically the same thing - he'll go when he's ready and no, they don't recommend forcing it in any way. I dont' usually advise this, but I would say something along the lines of, yes, the nurse is right. I sure as heck would have a hard time standing by and watching this. Banty |
#9
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Is this alright??
xkatx wrote:
"xkatx" wrote in message news:kFA8k.51142$gc5.7097@pd7urf2no... I have a friend that does a number of questionable things... in the past and now. snip So, it seems that I'm not out to lunch with how I'm thinking about this friend and what she's doing. One thing that a few have mentioned, I didn't even think of... How *can* a person just go on demand? I haven't heard of anyone doing that. It's funny (well, not really funny) that she was saying something about giving him a laxative because he's "all gummed up" - hm... I wonder why. It's a little disturbing when on the phone and the kid is just absolutely screaming over this whole thing. The kids' dad, she told me, won't sit with him when he's on the potty (and what they have is a potty seat on their main floor toilet, although he will use a regular toilet if there's no potty seat to pee) and how he'll sit for maybe 5 mins with the kid then if he doesn't go in those few mins, he's sent away (and NOT really in a nice, "Ok, you didn't go this time, maybe next time we'll try again") and then she tells her DH that SHE doesn't want to change poopy diapers anymore and he's not home all day to deal with it so why would he care? DD1 is the same age as this little guy, and quite frankly, I might feel the same if there was a poopy diaper 5 or 6 times a day like a small baby, but what's once a day, or maybe twice a day every now and then? If she has to feel in control, she'd do better to start teaching him how to clean up after himself. There's no reason a normal, healthy 3-year-old can't clean up his own poopy diapers/underwear. Clisby He's not in daycare or anything similar... They actually don't even really leave the house (this is a whole other story, though) She said something that she has called the 24 hour health nurse line about his training and she was disgusted when they told her basically the same thing - he'll go when he's ready and no, they don't recommend forcing it in any way. |
#10
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Is this alright??
"Clisby" wrote in message If she has to feel in control, she'd do better to start teaching him how to clean up after himself. There's no reason a normal, healthy 3-year-old can't clean up his own poopy diapers/underwear. I think they can, but they don't do a very good job of it. The poop would end up everywhere and the kid would stay so unclean. DD is 4 yo. They make the kids wipe their own bottoms at preschool. She does it, but she doesn't get clean. Her bottom is so raw sometimes. She's made some accidents in the bathroom which she tried to clean up herself. By the time she's done, I have a bigger mess to clean up. |
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