b-day party ettiquette

On Sep 22, 8:29 am, toypup wrote:
DS was invited to a party at one of those indoor bouce house venues. We'd
love to go, but I don't have daycare for DD at that time. I wonder if it
would be really poor ettiquette to ask if I could pay and take her along?
I normally wouldn't ask to take a child to a party s/he wasn't specifically
invited to (and then I usually get asked why I didn't take the other one
along), but since this is a venue and they don't normally have age-specific
activities and I could pay her way, I wonder if it's okay.


It would depend if you pay per child, call the place and see if there
is an age limit, maybe children under a certain age are free. Does
the host expect you to stay? maybe you could go for coffee with one of
the other mums while the party is on, parties usually only for an hour
or so anyway. Have a quiet talk with the host before hand, either on
the phone or invite them over for coffee, or catch up with them in the
school yard. Casually bring up the topic when the mood is high. Most
parents are simpathetic to other parents needs - especially when
children are involved. - Everybody happy.

toypup wrote:

I will be around mostly because that's how it is around here. Parents
always stay. However, the supervision is really minimal. Basically, there
are a bunch of inflatable bouncers and slides and the kids go crazy. We
hosted one such party for DS and it didn't really matter how many siblings
the parents brought as far as child management issues went. I can see the
problem with the goody bag and food, but if I offer to pay the host the
cost of her attendance plus food and goody bag, would it be okay? The
goody bags are usually, not always, bought from the venue. The food is
nearly always supplied by the venue as part of a package or a la carte.
It's nearly always pizza.

Personally, I couldn't do it. I would never ask the
host of an adult party if I could bring someone not invited
and pay for their share of the food or entertainment, so I
don't think it would be appropriate to model that sort of
behavior at any other party. This is a party for the birthday
child, and he or she has the prerogative to decide on a guest
list and not have to accommodate all sorts of additional folks.
I just couldn't go there.
What I would likely do in your situation is ask the
host if you could just drop off DS and pick him up later, or
ask one of the other guests' parents if they could keep an
eye on DS so you didn't have to be there.

Best wishes,
Ericka

In article , toypup says...

On Sat, 22 Sep 2007 02:45:01 GMT, deja.blues wrote:

"toypup" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 21 Sep 2007 21:50:15 -0400, Sue wrote:

I would probably be leaving the child at the party and not staying. Do
you
have to stay?

It seems the the parents always stay around here.

What do the other parents do with the younger siblings?

They usually bring them, but I don't like to make the assumption that it's
okay. I had a few parents ask me if it was okay for DS's party, but I had
included siblings in the invitation. When I go to other parties, the
siblings are there, but I don't know if they were on the invitations. I
get asked enough "Where's your [insert missing child]" that I assume it's
just expected to bring the sibling.

Or they're just making conversation. And if sibs are there, maybe the
party-givers are just overwhelmed with the breakdown in manners, and have given
in.

Don't make the assumption. Don't even ply for an invitation. Get DH to watch
your younger. Or just drop off your son.

Banty

On Fri, 21 Sep 2007 19:47:16 -0500, Donna Metler wrote:


Would it be within the etiquette rules for kids B-day parties to put on the
invitation something like "Siblings are welcome to attend at a cost of $8
each" or something? We're considering doing something like described above
for DD's B-day this year, and I would imagine that the sibling issue is
likely to come up since we appear to be about the only single child family
around. If every child turns into 2, it could get expensive in a hurry!

Also, is it OK to put on the invitation that it is for X child and a parent,
and would that imply that parents are EXPECTED to stay? I do not want to be
the lone adult in a roomful of preschoolers in a party mood, even though I
spend time with that age professionally!

I have never seen a parent leave a party yet and DS is in first grade. The
last party I went to, the child was in third grade. All parents were
there, except the cousins' parents, because they came with the birthday
boy.

On Sat, 22 Sep 2007 08:51:24 -0400, Ericka Kammerer wrote:

What I would likely do in your situation is ask the
host if you could just drop off DS and pick him up later, or
ask one of the other guests' parents if they could keep an
eye on DS so you didn't have to be there.

I don't think I could just drop him off, because that just isn't done here.
All parents always stay. Perhaps I could find out who else they invited
and work with your other plan -- have another parent watch DS.

On Sat, 22 Sep 2007 04:31:35 -0700, wrote:

On Sep 22, 8:29 am, toypup wrote:
DS was invited to a party at one of those indoor bouce house venues. We'd
love to go, but I don't have daycare for DD at that time. I wonder if it
would be really poor ettiquette to ask if I could pay and take her along?
I normally wouldn't ask to take a child to a party s/he wasn't specifically
invited to (and then I usually get asked why I didn't take the other one
along), but since this is a venue and they don't normally have age-specific
activities and I could pay her way, I wonder if it's okay.


It would depend if you pay per child, call the place and see if there
is an age limit, maybe children under a certain age are free.

I don't think DD would qualify as free at her age.

Does
the host expect you to stay?

That seems to be the rule around here.

maybe you could go for coffee with one of
the other mums while the party is on, parties usually only for an hour
or so anyway.

The party is for 2 hours and 15 minutes.

My take on this - take him, drop him off and go to the park with your
daughter (or some other timekilling activity), or better still, find
someone else with a kid who is going to take him and bring him back.

Maybe I'm just wierd, but I think its not really kosher to bring your
little one along, even if you pay. Its a party for a kid of a specific
age with their friends. Its not a family member, where the tolerance
might be more generous. I would not be hugely thrilled to have someone
show up with other kids, never mind the whole awkwardness about any
entertainment or food that has been arranged, cake, lootbags etc. Just
for instance, I've given parties for kids as assorted venues, from
laser tag to roller rinks where the public was there - but younger
kids who know no one but their sib at the party really ends up as a
fifth wheel.

So call me a poop, but there is my 2 cents!

M.

On Sep 22, 11:27 am, toypup wrote:
On Fri, 21 Sep 2007 19:47:16 -0500, Donna Metler wrote:
Would it be within the etiquette rules for kids B-day parties to put on the
invitation something like "Siblings are welcome to attend at a cost of $8
each" or something? We're considering doing something like described above
for DD's B-day this year, and I would imagine that the sibling issue is
likely to come up since we appear to be about the only single child family
around. If every child turns into 2, it could get expensive in a hurry!

Also, is it OK to put on the invitation that it is for X child and a parent,
and would that imply that parents are EXPECTED to stay? I do not want to be
the lone adult in a roomful of preschoolers in a party mood, even though I
spend time with that age professionally!

I have never seen a parent leave a party yet and DS is in first grade. The
last party I went to, the child was in third grade. All parents were
there, except the cousins' parents, because they came with the birthday
boy.

Around here, most parents are just dropping kids off from ages 4
onward after checking in with the host, and checking out the venue.
There's some variation (like the time the party was snowtubing, and it
was somewhat of a hike - there's no point in leaving, since it would
take far too long to get back home then back again), but generally
parallels the playdate scenario. (Drop-offs from age 4 onward -- thank
goodness! I'm happy with having kids over for DD2, but I can't can't
can't stand making coffee and hanging around the kitchen chatting with
a parent for 2+ hours when I could be doing something truly
scintillating, like laundry...)

Caledonia

(Big qualifier: these are birthday parties for a child plus 5-15
friends; it's not a 'whole class party' nor are the friends direct
relatives of the birthday child, held at either a party place or a
child's home.)

On Sat, 22 Sep 2007 16:37:39 -0700, Caledonia wrote:

parallels the playdate scenario. (Drop-offs from age 4 onward -- thank
goodness!

Drop-offs for playdates around here seem to start in kindergarten, around
5yo.

Donna Metler wrote:

Would it be within the etiquette rules for kids B-day parties to put on the
invitation something like "Siblings are welcome to attend at a cost of $8
each" or something? We're considering doing something like described above
for DD's B-day this year, and I would imagine that the sibling issue is
likely to come up since we appear to be about the only single child family
around. If every child turns into 2, it could get expensive in a hurry!

I don't think there's any way to make that strictly
proper. You're only in a position as host to invite whom you
wish to host, not to give directives regarding those whom you're
not interested in hosting.

Also, is it OK to put on the invitation that it is for X child and a parent,
and would that imply that parents are EXPECTED to stay? I do not want to be
the lone adult in a roomful of preschoolers in a party mood, even though I
spend time with that age professionally!

Instead of dealing with that on the invitation line, I
might put in a corner notion that said parents were welcome to
stay. Or, perhaps you could kill two birds with one stone: have
them respond by phone, and then when you talk to them, explain
that if they aren't busy with their other children, they're
welcome to stay at the party. That hints that other kids aren't
invited, but also encourages them to stay. Then, those who were
planning to bring siblings will likely say something, at which
point you could explain that you're not prepared to host any
additional party guests, but if they wanted to bring other
kids, they could probably get a discount by arranging through
you so that you could bundle it in with the party expenses (or
whatever else made sense).

Best wishes,
Ericka