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Mother turns loss of her son into a crusade
Mother turns loss of her son into a crusade
By Gina Kim -- Bee Staff Writer Published 2:15 am PST Sunday, March 12, 2006 Story appeared in Scene section, Page L1 It's during the most routine moments that Sarah Pacatte thinks of her son Gabe. It's when she's at the grocery store and sees the things he liked to eat. Strawberries. Kix cereal. It's when she notices a scent, like the one unique to a teenage boy. "Now I can't smell his feet anymore," says Pacatte, 43, a former preschool teacher in Paradise, 90 miles north of Sacramento. Pacatte's 13-year-old son Gabe Mordecai died last year while playing a game that likely has been around for generations - a game in which children restrict the oxygen to their brains to achieve a lightheaded sensation. Such deaths are being reported across the nation, and Pacatte is trying to educate the world about them - landing spots on CNN, "Dr. Phil" and "The Early Show" in her crusade. It used to be that kids dabbled in the game together, applying pressure to each other's chests or catching one another after holding their breath until they were on the verge of passing out. But the choking game now is often being played by kids alone, usually with a rope or belt fashioned into a noose. That's what Gabe was doing May 5 when he tied a blue-and-white nylon rope to the top bunk of the bunk beds he shared with his twin brother, Sam. He likely didn't expect to pass out and slam his forehead against the bed, his mother reasons. And when he measured the rope, he didn't calculate that he would fall beyond the bottom bunk and land on the floor, with his math book still in his lap. "I saw Gabe and thought he was playing," recalls Sam, who found his twin when he went into their bedroom to put on his pajamas that night. "I told him to knock it off." But Gabe didn't move. Seeing that Gabe's arm was blotchy purple, Sam yelled frantically. "I heard the way he said his brother's name," remembers Pacatte, who was in the kitchen at the time. "I knew there was something really, really wrong." Gabe was airlifted to Kaiser Permanente Sacramento Medical Center, where he was pronounced dead the following day. The Sacramento County Coroner's Office ruled his death accidental. A mother mourns For Gabe's mother, grief has manifested itself in many forms. After soldiering back to her job as a preschool teacher a week and a half after the funeral, Pacatte quit in January. Watching children run and play was too devastating. "I look at those babies, and the bottom line is I couldn't keep mine alive," Pacatte says. "I can't hardly live with what happened to Gabriel; I couldn't live with myself if something happened to someone else's child." Pacatte, who has always struggled financially as a single mother, now faces eviction from her modest apartment. She's looking for a job, but she can't escape the lure of the computer, where she maintains the Web site, www.stilllovingmygabriel.com, which is part informational resource and part homage to her late son. The computer hums half the day as Pacatte writes e-mails to anyone who will listen: school administrators, police officers, medical examiners and doctors. Along the way, she has created a support network of other mothers whose children have accidentally hung themselves, talking to several regularly since they are the only ones who seem to understand what she is feeling. But Pacatte continues to wish for the one thing she knows she can't do: Go back in time and make her son realize how dangerous this game is. "I wish it had been pot," Pacatte says. "Then I would have never left him alone." Instead, when Pacatte overheard the twins talking about choking each other, she gave them an earful. She warned them about the dangers, just like she would remind them to look both ways before crossing the street or to stay away from strangers. Now, she wishes she had said more. "I'm not angry at Gabriel," she says. "I'm angry that this is killing kids and no one told me." Instead, she wears a silver cross around her neck with some of Gabe's ashes encased inside. "I don't like it, but it's all I have," she explains. "I take what I can get." A certain reunion The boys' father, Blair Mordecai of Berkeley, also kicks himself when he thinks about the chance he might have had to save Gabe. During a visit, a friend called to say the twins had taught his kids to play the choking game. "I made them promise not to do it because I told them how dangerous it was," says Mordecai, a carpenter. Mordecai thought the boys might hurt another child, not that they would hurt themselves. "But it never crossed my mind Gabe would put a rope around his neck," he says. The only thing he can do now is warn other parents not to make the same mistake. "If there's any suspicion in your mind that your child's doing this, don't let them out of your sight and keep pounding into their head, it's not a game," he says. For Sam, Gabe's twin, life today is discovering what it's like to navigate the world without a partner. He sometimes feels awkward around their friends and others who know he is the one who lived. "At first people were quiet and stuff," says Sam, now 14. "I knew what they were thinking." While Sam says he stopped playing the choking game after all the lectures, Gabe obviously didn't. Perhaps it had something to do with Gabe's daredevil nature, the same trait that propelled him into a wood stove when he was a toddler, or into a river before he could swim, or out of a tree when he was 12, putting him in a cast reaching from his ankle to his hip. Now there is a star named after him, recorded with the International Star Registry. The framed certificate hangs in Sam's room, the same room he once shared with his brother and where his brother died. The bunk beds - they switched off the top bunk every eight months - have been taken down. There is no anger, just sadness. "I think that I've accepted that he's gone," says Sam. "I'm pretty positive I'll see him again and it's not that long - 70 years or so." WHAT THE GAME IS The object of the so-called choking game is to restrict oxygen and blood flow to the brain, resulting in a lightheaded sensation. The "high" comes from brain cells seizing. When a victim becomes unconscious and the pressure is released, there is another high from the oxygen and blood flow rushing back to the brain. This can lead to short-term memory loss, brain damage, seizures or death. WARNING SIGNS * Severe headaches * Bruising or red marks around the neck * Ligatures such as bed sheets, belts, ties and ropes tied into knots * Wear marks on furniture such as bunk beds or closet rods * Disorientation * Bloodshot or red eyes * Raspy breath * An unusual need for privacy * Questions about the effects or dangers of strangulation WHAT TO DO Parents should discuss the game with children and let them know that although it doesn't involve alcohol or drugs, it is dangerous and possibly fatal. If you suspect your child may be playing this game, his or her Internet use could help confirm it because kids sometimes discuss the game in chatrooms or blogs. You might also consider contacting the parents of your child's friends as well as notifying school officials so they can monitor your child. Sources: www.dylan-the-boy-blake.com, www.stop-the-choking-game.com, www.stilllovingmygabriel.com and www.deadlygameschildrenplay.com, put together by relatives of victims; and Julie Rosenbluth, director of adolescent prevention services for the American Council for Drug Education NAMES FOR THE CHOKING GAME * Airplaning * America dream game * Blackout * Breathplay * California high or California choke * Choke out * Cloud nine * Dream or dreaming * Fainting * Flatline or flatliner * Funky chicken * Gasp * Ghost * Hanging * Hawaiian high * Hyperventilation * Knockout * Pass out or passing out * Purple dragon * Natural high * Rising sun * Something dreaming * Space cowboy * Space monkey * Suffocation or suffocation roulette * Teen choking * Tingling Source: The Web sites www.dylan-the-boy-blake.com, www.stop-the-choking-game.com, www.stilllovingmygabriel.com and www.deadlygameschildrenplay.com, put together by relatives of victims http://www.sacbee.com/content/lifest...15052261c.html === "Work like you don't need the money, Love like you've never been hurt, Dance like nobody's watching..." -- Richard Leigh _________________________________________ Usenet Zone Free Binaries Usenet Server More than 140,000 groups Unlimited download http://www.usenetzone.com to open account |
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