PLEASE - PLEASE! Let Me Adopt An EMBRYO!

Look, abortion is fine for birth control and for a woman's right to
avoid unsightly pregnancy -- big gut, stretch marks, swollen feet and
legs, and saggin' tits and buttocks.

But for years now, I've wanted to adopt a baby, a person -- like the
anti-abortionists advocate. But I've been unable to do so. Largely
because of bureaucratic red tape and logistical and medical
impediments.

You see, I really-really-REALLY want to adopt an embryo! Yes,
preferably an embryo between two and eight weeks old. By adpting a wee
microscopic little embryo, I will be fulfilling a lifelong dream, and
I'll also be doing my duty to SAVE -- A HUMAN LIFE -- from being
killed by an abortionist, or spontaneous in vitro termination, or from
some dastardly chemicals, or from some crazed stem cell researcher!

And also, also, all those seething, religionist anti-abortion folks --
who are intent upon killing doctors, nurses, and support personnel
involved in the murder of embryos -- they won't have to shoot those
murderers. Because every embryo saved -- not killed -- is a human life
saved, right?

Thank you, Jesus!

Oh, wow -- If I could officially adopt an embryo, I could nurture it in
a petri dish, or something, at home, and knit it little shirts and
booties, and hug and cuddle it in my own little way, and, if all goes
well, soon enough it might grow into a fetus and then, hopefully into a
full-term BABY! Safe from harm! An embryo SAVED! A saved HUMAN
BEING! Dark hair, all its fingers and toes!

If it's a boy, it's name will be Tuckah, after Tucker Carlson. And if
it's a girl, it'll be Ru****a, after Rush Limbaugh!

So, if any of you out there know where and how I might adopt an embryo,
please drop a line and I'll hop right onto saving and preserving a
human life that could be destined for ... destruction ... murder!
After all, the world, and especially the United States, with more than
300 million people, needs more people! Immigration just isn't
sufficient.

Sic semper abortionis!