Working??? A rant... Sorry.

Alright... I have some MAJOR issues that are just ARGH!!! (for lack of a
better word...)

So... Here's the situation. I have no money (I believe my bank account is
sitting at -$2.something) and I'm sick of this. It's killing off the
relationship very slowly and things haven't been so great lately because of
it.

Norm works all day. Well, honestly, he doesn't always work all day... He
f*cks off with the boss to the f*cking bar and I won't even go on about that
anymore. He keeps all his money. My current income is this: -------.
(That's pretty much nothing) I'm stuck at home all day and all night with B
and A while he's working/at the f*cking bar.

The day goes like this:
6:30am - Alarm goes off, I get up. Norm, Bran and Amie sleep.
6:45am - I fight with B for 15 mins to get up. Norm, Bran and Amie sleep.
7:00am - Get B ready for school. Norm and Amie sleep.
7:30am - I take B to the school bus and ship him off to school. Norm and
Amie sleep.
8:00am - Norm gets up and eventually gets himself ready for work. I change
A's diaper and put her in her car seat.
8:15am - I finish getting the baby ready, put her in the car to drive Norm
to work.
8:45am - Get home from dropping Norm off at work, feed the baby, do the
dishes, other random things that need to be done.
12:15pm - B gets home from school.
12:30pm - Make lunch. I try and grab a small bite to eat if possible.
1:00pm - I try and amuse B and A at the same time.
5:00pm-7:00pm - Wait for Norm to call when he's done working and hope to
hell he doesn't f*uck off to the bar or whatever.
5:30pm-7:30pm - Make some sort of supper.
8:00pm - I get B ready for bed (bath, book, etc.). Norm plays on the
computer/goes to sleep.
9:30pm - I feed A for the night and get her ready for bed. Norm's sleeping
by this time 80% of the time.
10:00pm - I finish up random things (dishes, laundry, picking up, whatever,
or hop into the shower if I can) and hope to get to sleep before midnight.

I'm sick of feeling like I do everything and nothing at the same time. He
always tells me that I shouldn't be tired, supper should be ready,
everything should be clean before it's nearing midnight, and I think it
should be as well, yet it never seems to be. He really does believe I sit
and do nothing all day long. I surely sit on the computer all day when this
so far has taken me 3 seperate attempts to type it out without being
distracted. I guess I don't do squat all day long and I must sleep all day,
get good hearty meals and watch TV all day and night.

Things have just been kind of ****ty lately. Don't get me wrong - I do love
him and I know he loves me. I don't want to tell him to get out since I do
need his help, yet when I think about it, I feel like he's not helping out
at all. Kind of funny, I guess. In a "har-har" kind of way.

I'm just stuck as to what I should do. I feel like I have 3 children to
deal with. How the hell can I get him to do more? I've even gone out to
the store and taken my sweet time before coming home, yet that doesn't seem
to make any difference.

I now want to work. Just find a little part time job that will just get me
out of the house and away from everything. I was thinking a job that will
allow me to pick my own hours and days for working - like a crappy call
centre or something - since I would only be able, and want, to work for a
few hours in the evening. Maybe a job that I can pick hours of something
like from 7pm until 11pm or so. Norm would HAVE to be done work by 6 or so,
and he'd be forced to deal with Amie and Brandon for only a few hours. I'd
get out into civilization and be around people other than children for a
little bit, and I'd have a bit of extra spending cash, right?

Tonight, when he gets home from work, I plan on making some supper and right
after supper, I have kinda-sorta plans to go to my friend's house and her
and I, and possibly her boyfriend - depending on if his parents are
available to babysit their baby or not - are going to go to Boston Pizza and
play pool. She tells me it's a good idea and not to think about it, just do
it. I want to, yet I don't. I don't want to pull off what he does. She
said it might make him know what it feels like, yet I feel like I'm stooping
to his childish level and almost feel like by doing it myself, I'd be giving
him the OK for him to continue doing it. That's so far from what I want to
do.

We had a deal and promises to eachother that he's constantly breaking and
not bothering to care enough to think about. He constantly lies to me about
things - where he is, when he works, what he does. He looks right at me and
lies. He then says that he has to lie to me so he can do whatever the hell
he wants. Never once have I lied to him. I ALWAYS tell him where I am, who
I'm going with, what time I'll be back. I always have my phone on me just
in case, and if he calls, I always answer the phone. It seems to be the
total opposite for him when it comes to me. He's the outward lyer, I'm the
one who just kind of witholds information... Like I won't volunteer some
things, yet when he asks me, I do not lie about it. An example is as recent
as yesterday - Halloween day... I asked him if he could call me as soon as
he was done work - B needed to eat and do pumpkins and go out for candy
early. He said he'd call before they started packing up to go, yet he calls
me AFTER he's at the bar 'playing 3 games of pool' - which turned out to be
only 1.5 games of pool, apparently. He tells me that he's going with the
boss down to the house company they build for's office, which just so
happens to be across the street from the bar they always f*uck off to, so I
told him I was already almost at the job site - wait for me, don't go with
the boss, then the story changes from the boss needing to go there for
something and them cleaning up as I was talking to him, to that they were
already there at the office, then when I told him to stop the lies, it
turned out to be 3 games of pool then after only 1.5 games.

I can't stop this rant! lol I'm so sorry... Does anyone have any
suggestions? Kick him out isn't really an option. Neither is 'just
leave'...
Any suggestions on what I can do is appreciated. Should I be doing what he
does to me? Should I tell him he now can only work until 6pm because I am
going to work a few hours a night and he needs to be home with the kids?
What to do??

--
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?

Well Girlie you really are in between a rock and a hard place...

Tough call for you to make but it is your call... I know what I'd do...

So lets cut to the chase... "Kick him out isn't really an option. Neither
is 'just leave'... ok... so look for other things I'm thinking the 'beat him
at his own game' isn't a good choice ether

Better option would be to hire the sitter and go on down to the bar where he
likes to hang out and hang out with him... Let him know tht he's paying the
sitter Rather than you doing your thing and him doing his do soemthing
together... If you each start doing your own things you'll grow apart and
your "kicking out" or "just leaving" will be the only choices you have...

Sounds like you are going stir crazy from being cooped up... Perhaps a
granny or auntie could help you out a tad so you can maybe have a nice hot
bath some evening and just pamper yourself?




"xkatx" wrote in message
news:aNO9f.379806$1i.99330@pd7tw2no...
Alright... I have some MAJOR issues that are just ARGH!!! (for lack of a
better word...)

So... Here's the situation. I have no money (I believe my bank account is
sitting at -$2.something) and I'm sick of this. It's killing off the
relationship very slowly and things haven't been so great lately because
of it.

Norm works all day. Well, honestly, he doesn't always work all day... He
f*cks off with the boss to the f*cking bar and I won't even go on about
that
anymore. He keeps all his money. My current income is this: -------.
(That's pretty much nothing) I'm stuck at home all day and all night with
B
and A while he's working/at the f*cking bar.

The day goes like this:
6:30am - Alarm goes off, I get up. Norm, Bran and Amie sleep.
6:45am - I fight with B for 15 mins to get up. Norm, Bran and Amie sleep.
7:00am - Get B ready for school. Norm and Amie sleep.
7:30am - I take B to the school bus and ship him off to school. Norm and
Amie sleep.
8:00am - Norm gets up and eventually gets himself ready for work. I
change A's diaper and put her in her car seat.
8:15am - I finish getting the baby ready, put her in the car to drive Norm
to work.
8:45am - Get home from dropping Norm off at work, feed the baby, do the
dishes, other random things that need to be done.
12:15pm - B gets home from school.
12:30pm - Make lunch. I try and grab a small bite to eat if possible.
1:00pm - I try and amuse B and A at the same time.
5:00pm-7:00pm - Wait for Norm to call when he's done working and hope to
hell he doesn't f*uck off to the bar or whatever.
5:30pm-7:30pm - Make some sort of supper.
8:00pm - I get B ready for bed (bath, book, etc.). Norm plays on the
computer/goes to sleep.
9:30pm - I feed A for the night and get her ready for bed. Norm's
sleeping by this time 80% of the time.
10:00pm - I finish up random things (dishes, laundry, picking up,
whatever, or hop into the shower if I can) and hope to get to sleep before
midnight.

I'm sick of feeling like I do everything and nothing at the same time. He
always tells me that I shouldn't be tired, supper should be ready,
everything should be clean before it's nearing midnight, and I think it
should be as well, yet it never seems to be. He really does believe I sit
and do nothing all day long. I surely sit on the computer all day when
this so far has taken me 3 seperate attempts to type it out without being
distracted. I guess I don't do squat all day long and I must sleep all
day, get good hearty meals and watch TV all day and night.

Things have just been kind of ****ty lately. Don't get me wrong - I do
love him and I know he loves me. I don't want to tell him to get out
since I do need his help, yet when I think about it, I feel like he's not
helping out at all. Kind of funny, I guess. In a "har-har" kind of way.

I'm just stuck as to what I should do. I feel like I have 3 children to
deal with. How the hell can I get him to do more? I've even gone out to
the store and taken my sweet time before coming home, yet that doesn't
seem to make any difference.

I now want to work. Just find a little part time job that will just get
me out of the house and away from everything. I was thinking a job that
will allow me to pick my own hours and days for working - like a crappy
call centre or something - since I would only be able, and want, to work
for a few hours in the evening. Maybe a job that I can pick hours of
something like from 7pm until 11pm or so. Norm would HAVE to be done work
by 6 or so, and he'd be forced to deal with Amie and Brandon for only a
few hours. I'd get out into civilization and be around people other than
children for a little bit, and I'd have a bit of extra spending cash,
right?

Tonight, when he gets home from work, I plan on making some supper and
right after supper, I have kinda-sorta plans to go to my friend's house
and her and I, and possibly her boyfriend - depending on if his parents
are available to babysit their baby or not - are going to go to Boston
Pizza and play pool. She tells me it's a good idea and not to think about
it, just do it. I want to, yet I don't. I don't want to pull off what he
does. She said it might make him know what it feels like, yet I feel like
I'm stooping to his childish level and almost feel like by doing it
myself, I'd be giving him the OK for him to continue doing it. That's so
far from what I want to do.

We had a deal and promises to eachother that he's constantly breaking and
not bothering to care enough to think about. He constantly lies to me
about things - where he is, when he works, what he does. He looks right
at me and lies. He then says that he has to lie to me so he can do
whatever the hell he wants. Never once have I lied to him. I ALWAYS tell
him where I am, who I'm going with, what time I'll be back. I always have
my phone on me just in case, and if he calls, I always answer the phone.
It seems to be the total opposite for him when it comes to me. He's the
outward lyer, I'm the one who just kind of witholds information... Like I
won't volunteer some things, yet when he asks me, I do not lie about it.
An example is as recent as yesterday - Halloween day... I asked him if he
could call me as soon as he was done work - B needed to eat and do
pumpkins and go out for candy early. He said he'd call before they
started packing up to go, yet he calls me AFTER he's at the bar 'playing 3
games of pool' - which turned out to be only 1.5 games of pool,
apparently. He tells me that he's going with the boss down to the house
company they build for's office, which just so happens to be across the
street from the bar they always f*uck off to, so I told him I was already
almost at the job site - wait for me, don't go with the boss, then the
story changes from the boss needing to go there for something and them
cleaning up as I was talking to him, to that they were already there at
the office, then when I told him to stop the lies, it turned out to be 3
games of pool then after only 1.5 games.

I can't stop this rant! lol I'm so sorry... Does anyone have any
suggestions? Kick him out isn't really an option. Neither is 'just
leave'...
Any suggestions on what I can do is appreciated. Should I be doing what
he does to me? Should I tell him he now can only work until 6pm because I
am going to work a few hours a night and he needs to be home with the
kids? What to do??

--
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?

"'Kate" wrote in message
...
Hiya xkatx

Hey 'Kate

Your day sounds like a day in the life of most stay-at-home mothers.
Once the baby's older, you'll be taking them out more.

I know. But I really don't care much to be a stay-at-home mom! I cannot
stay cooped up all day long... I need to get out and do something, and at
this point, I want and need to be working.

It sounds like money is a problem but your relationship is more of a
problem. It sounds like he's already pulled away and is living the life
of a man without a family. I think your getting a job is a great idea
but you may be disappointed by his lack of enthusiasm and participation.
Find someone else who can watch the kids for you because I don't think
that he's going to be consistent for very long.

Money sure is a problem when you don't get paid your hourly wage to sit at
the bar when you say you're 'working'...
I'd love some type of a job. Nothing fancy, nothing special, not a job that
I want to do from now until forever, just something for a little extra cash
for the time being. I plan to go back to school by next year so I can go
for a real job and do something I want to do that will also pay the bills
and then some.
My friend that I was talking to earlier had said I should just do what I
want - don't even really have much of a discussion about it with him - just
tell him what I'm planning on doing and just do it. She said that she would
even watch B and A if need be for me to work a bit. She's not working
because her baby that was born the same day as A, so that just might work
out, maybe.

On Tue, 01 Nov 2005 18:49:42 GMT, "xkatx" the
following was posted in blue dry erase marker:

Alright... I have some MAJOR issues that are just ARGH!!! (for lack of a
better word...)

So... Here's the situation. I have no money (I believe my bank account is
sitting at -$2.something) and I'm sick of this. It's killing off the
relationship very slowly and things haven't been so great lately because
of
it.

Norm works all day. Well, honestly, he doesn't always work all day... He
f*cks off with the boss to the f*cking bar and I won't even go on about
that
anymore. He keeps all his money. My current income is this: -------.
(That's pretty much nothing) I'm stuck at home all day and all night with
B
and A while he's working/at the f*cking bar.

The day goes like this:
6:30am - Alarm goes off, I get up. Norm, Bran and Amie sleep.
6:45am - I fight with B for 15 mins to get up. Norm, Bran and Amie sleep.
7:00am - Get B ready for school. Norm and Amie sleep.
7:30am - I take B to the school bus and ship him off to school. Norm and
Amie sleep.
8:00am - Norm gets up and eventually gets himself ready for work. I
change
A's diaper and put her in her car seat.
8:15am - I finish getting the baby ready, put her in the car to drive Norm
to work.
8:45am - Get home from dropping Norm off at work, feed the baby, do the
dishes, other random things that need to be done.
12:15pm - B gets home from school.
12:30pm - Make lunch. I try and grab a small bite to eat if possible.
1:00pm - I try and amuse B and A at the same time.
5:00pm-7:00pm - Wait for Norm to call when he's done working and hope to
hell he doesn't f*uck off to the bar or whatever.
5:30pm-7:30pm - Make some sort of supper.
8:00pm - I get B ready for bed (bath, book, etc.). Norm plays on the
computer/goes to sleep.
9:30pm - I feed A for the night and get her ready for bed. Norm's
sleeping
by this time 80% of the time.
10:00pm - I finish up random things (dishes, laundry, picking up,
whatever,
or hop into the shower if I can) and hope to get to sleep before midnight.

I'm sick of feeling like I do everything and nothing at the same time. He
always tells me that I shouldn't be tired, supper should be ready,
everything should be clean before it's nearing midnight, and I think it
should be as well, yet it never seems to be. He really does believe I sit
and do nothing all day long. I surely sit on the computer all day when
this
so far has taken me 3 seperate attempts to type it out without being
distracted. I guess I don't do squat all day long and I must sleep all
day,
get good hearty meals and watch TV all day and night.

Things have just been kind of ****ty lately. Don't get me wrong - I do
love
him and I know he loves me. I don't want to tell him to get out since I
do
need his help, yet when I think about it, I feel like he's not helping out
at all. Kind of funny, I guess. In a "har-har" kind of way.

I'm just stuck as to what I should do. I feel like I have 3 children to
deal with. How the hell can I get him to do more? I've even gone out to
the store and taken my sweet time before coming home, yet that doesn't
seem
to make any difference.

I now want to work. Just find a little part time job that will just get
me
out of the house and away from everything. I was thinking a job that will
allow me to pick my own hours and days for working - like a crappy call
centre or something - since I would only be able, and want, to work for a
few hours in the evening. Maybe a job that I can pick hours of something
like from 7pm until 11pm or so. Norm would HAVE to be done work by 6 or
so,
and he'd be forced to deal with Amie and Brandon for only a few hours.
I'd
get out into civilization and be around people other than children for a
little bit, and I'd have a bit of extra spending cash, right?

Tonight, when he gets home from work, I plan on making some supper and
right
after supper, I have kinda-sorta plans to go to my friend's house and her
and I, and possibly her boyfriend - depending on if his parents are
available to babysit their baby or not - are going to go to Boston Pizza
and
play pool. She tells me it's a good idea and not to think about it, just
do
it. I want to, yet I don't. I don't want to pull off what he does. She
said it might make him know what it feels like, yet I feel like I'm
stooping
to his childish level and almost feel like by doing it myself, I'd be
giving
him the OK for him to continue doing it. That's so far from what I want
to
do.

We had a deal and promises to eachother that he's constantly breaking and
not bothering to care enough to think about. He constantly lies to me
about
things - where he is, when he works, what he does. He looks right at me
and
lies. He then says that he has to lie to me so he can do whatever the
hell
he wants. Never once have I lied to him. I ALWAYS tell him where I am,
who
I'm going with, what time I'll be back. I always have my phone on me just
in case, and if he calls, I always answer the phone. It seems to be the
total opposite for him when it comes to me. He's the outward lyer, I'm
the
one who just kind of witholds information... Like I won't volunteer some
things, yet when he asks me, I do not lie about it. An example is as
recent
as yesterday - Halloween day... I asked him if he could call me as soon as
he was done work - B needed to eat and do pumpkins and go out for candy
early. He said he'd call before they started packing up to go, yet he
calls
me AFTER he's at the bar 'playing 3 games of pool' - which turned out to
be
only 1.5 games of pool, apparently. He tells me that he's going with the
boss down to the house company they build for's office, which just so
happens to be across the street from the bar they always f*uck off to, so
I
told him I was already almost at the job site - wait for me, don't go with
the boss, then the story changes from the boss needing to go there for
something and them cleaning up as I was talking to him, to that they were
already there at the office, then when I told him to stop the lies, it
turned out to be 3 games of pool then after only 1.5 games.

I can't stop this rant! lol I'm so sorry... Does anyone have any
suggestions? Kick him out isn't really an option. Neither is 'just
leave'...
Any suggestions on what I can do is appreciated. Should I be doing what
he
does to me? Should I tell him he now can only work until 6pm because I am
going to work a few hours a night and he needs to be home with the kids?
What to do??

"Kim" wrote in message
news:9eS9f.96563$ir4.75905@edtnps90...
Well Girlie you really are in between a rock and a hard place...

Yes, I've noticed this!

Tough call for you to make but it is your call... I know what I'd do...

So lets cut to the chase... "Kick him out isn't really an option. Neither
is 'just leave'... ok... so look for other things I'm thinking the 'beat
him at his own game' isn't a good choice ether

I thought about the "beat him at his own game" as well, but I really don't
think that's the answer at all. I really don't want to go down to his
childish level.

Better option would be to hire the sitter and go on down to the bar where
he likes to hang out and hang out with him... Let him know tht he's
paying the sitter Rather than you doing your thing and him doing his
do soemthing together... If you each start doing your own things you'll
grow apart and your "kicking out" or "just leaving" will be the only
choices you have...

I don't know of anyone who baby sits. There's the MIL, but she's useless...
She doesn't drive, she doesn't take transit, she doesn't have cab money.
She also smokes in her house, and we only smoke outside, and I can tell
people they cannot smoke in my place, but I can't tell someone they can't do
it in their own house... There's also my mom, but she lives all the way
across the city... She also works during the week, which kind of leaves me
stranded unless it's a weekend. He also takes off to the bar during work...
Usually around 3 or 4 until about 6 or so, when he calls to say he's at work
when he hasn't been there for hours already. I never know until he gets
home, or if I happen to stop there during the day, but that's rarely.
I don't ever do my own thing... He does whatever he wants. To me, I believe
that if you're living together and with someone, you do things together.
You have a life together which means you don't have your own seperate
lives... I include him when I do things, and when we go out with a friend,
it's ALWAYS with another couple friend... We have 2 couple friends that we
talk to, and that's the only friends I really have, yet he does, still,
whatever he feels like doing. I don't enjoy going out alone... He doesn't
care. My mom is often available and willing to babysit - for free - on
weekends if my parents have no plans... Norm knows that, but does he really
care?

Sounds like you are going stir crazy from being cooped up... Perhaps a
granny or auntie could help you out a tad so you can maybe have a nice hot
bath some evening and just pamper yourself?

Well, all my family live a fair ways away... My parents, cousin and grandma
all live fairly north. My aunt lives far west. Norm's mom lives south, and
we are south as well (about a 10 min drive from her)... Perhaps a dad could
actually be useful and helpful? I know there's a whole crapload of useful
dads who actually do something... Even if it's just taking the kids to the
park or something so I could do something as basic as have a nice hot shower
for more than 4 minutes... Yet he really doesn't do that all that much. I
wonder if I should try to put an ad up at the grocery store looking for a
baby sitter for 1-2 times a month. Anyone have any luck with an approach
like that?


"xkatx" wrote in message
news:aNO9f.379806$1i.99330@pd7tw2no...
Alright... I have some MAJOR issues that are just ARGH!!! (for lack of a
better word...)

So... Here's the situation. I have no money (I believe my bank account
is sitting at -$2.something) and I'm sick of this. It's killing off the
relationship very slowly and things haven't been so great lately because
of it.

Norm works all day. Well, honestly, he doesn't always work all day... He
f*cks off with the boss to the f*cking bar and I won't even go on about
that
anymore. He keeps all his money. My current income is this: -------.
(That's pretty much nothing) I'm stuck at home all day and all night
with B
and A while he's working/at the f*cking bar.

The day goes like this:
6:30am - Alarm goes off, I get up. Norm, Bran and Amie sleep.
6:45am - I fight with B for 15 mins to get up. Norm, Bran and Amie
sleep.
7:00am - Get B ready for school. Norm and Amie sleep.
7:30am - I take B to the school bus and ship him off to school. Norm and
Amie sleep.
8:00am - Norm gets up and eventually gets himself ready for work. I
change A's diaper and put her in her car seat.
8:15am - I finish getting the baby ready, put her in the car to drive
Norm to work.
8:45am - Get home from dropping Norm off at work, feed the baby, do the
dishes, other random things that need to be done.
12:15pm - B gets home from school.
12:30pm - Make lunch. I try and grab a small bite to eat if possible.
1:00pm - I try and amuse B and A at the same time.
5:00pm-7:00pm - Wait for Norm to call when he's done working and hope to
hell he doesn't f*uck off to the bar or whatever.
5:30pm-7:30pm - Make some sort of supper.
8:00pm - I get B ready for bed (bath, book, etc.). Norm plays on the
computer/goes to sleep.
9:30pm - I feed A for the night and get her ready for bed. Norm's
sleeping by this time 80% of the time.
10:00pm - I finish up random things (dishes, laundry, picking up,
whatever, or hop into the shower if I can) and hope to get to sleep
before midnight.

I'm sick of feeling like I do everything and nothing at the same time.
He always tells me that I shouldn't be tired, supper should be ready,
everything should be clean before it's nearing midnight, and I think it
should be as well, yet it never seems to be. He really does believe I
sit and do nothing all day long. I surely sit on the computer all day
when this so far has taken me 3 seperate attempts to type it out without
being distracted. I guess I don't do squat all day long and I must sleep
all day, get good hearty meals and watch TV all day and night.

Things have just been kind of ****ty lately. Don't get me wrong - I do
love him and I know he loves me. I don't want to tell him to get out
since I do need his help, yet when I think about it, I feel like he's not
helping out at all. Kind of funny, I guess. In a "har-har" kind of way.

I'm just stuck as to what I should do. I feel like I have 3 children to
deal with. How the hell can I get him to do more? I've even gone out to
the store and taken my sweet time before coming home, yet that doesn't
seem to make any difference.

I now want to work. Just find a little part time job that will just get
me out of the house and away from everything. I was thinking a job that
will allow me to pick my own hours and days for working - like a crappy
call centre or something - since I would only be able, and want, to work
for a few hours in the evening. Maybe a job that I can pick hours of
something like from 7pm until 11pm or so. Norm would HAVE to be done
work by 6 or so, and he'd be forced to deal with Amie and Brandon for
only a few hours. I'd get out into civilization and be around people
other than children for a little bit, and I'd have a bit of extra
spending cash, right?

Tonight, when he gets home from work, I plan on making some supper and
right after supper, I have kinda-sorta plans to go to my friend's house
and her and I, and possibly her boyfriend - depending on if his parents
are available to babysit their baby or not - are going to go to Boston
Pizza and play pool. She tells me it's a good idea and not to think
about it, just do it. I want to, yet I don't. I don't want to pull off
what he does. She said it might make him know what it feels like, yet I
feel like I'm stooping to his childish level and almost feel like by
doing it myself, I'd be giving him the OK for him to continue doing it.
That's so far from what I want to do.

We had a deal and promises to eachother that he's constantly breaking and
not bothering to care enough to think about. He constantly lies to me
about things - where he is, when he works, what he does. He looks right
at me and lies. He then says that he has to lie to me so he can do
whatever the hell he wants. Never once have I lied to him. I ALWAYS
tell him where I am, who I'm going with, what time I'll be back. I
always have my phone on me just in case, and if he calls, I always answer
the phone. It seems to be the total opposite for him when it comes to me.
He's the outward lyer, I'm the one who just kind of witholds
information... Like I won't volunteer some things, yet when he asks me, I
do not lie about it. An example is as recent as yesterday - Halloween
day... I asked him if he could call me as soon as he was done work - B
needed to eat and do pumpkins and go out for candy early. He said he'd
call before they started packing up to go, yet he calls me AFTER he's at
the bar 'playing 3 games of pool' - which turned out to be only 1.5 games
of pool, apparently. He tells me that he's going with the boss down to
the house company they build for's office, which just so happens to be
across the street from the bar they always f*uck off to, so I told him I
was already almost at the job site - wait for me, don't go with the boss,
then the story changes from the boss needing to go there for something
and them cleaning up as I was talking to him, to that they were already
there at the office, then when I told him to stop the lies, it turned out
to be 3 games of pool then after only 1.5 games.

I can't stop this rant! lol I'm so sorry... Does anyone have any
suggestions? Kick him out isn't really an option. Neither is 'just
leave'...
Any suggestions on what I can do is appreciated. Should I be doing what
he does to me? Should I tell him he now can only work until 6pm because
I am going to work a few hours a night and he needs to be home with the
kids? What to do??

--
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:clS9f.380321$1i.308467@pd7tw2no...

"'Kate" wrote in message
...

snip


Money sure is a problem when you don't get paid your hourly wage to sit at
the bar when you say you're 'working'...
I'd love some type of a job. Nothing fancy, nothing special, not a job
that I want to do from now until forever, just something for a little
extra cash for the time being.

Warning, warning, warning........ if this is as good as it gets, then you'd
best plan on being able to support yourself and 2 children - because I can't
really see that this situation is going to get a whole lot better.

You may want to consider checking out available daycare, and a real job -
then, you still get out into the world with other adults, AND you put
yourself in a position where you can support yourself and your kids. Not
being dependent on someone else is an amazingly empowering thing, and may
have the additional side benefit that once he realizes he hasn't got you
'stuck', he may see more value in you. Right now, he's making it painfully
clear that he sees no value in you.

Ok forgive me for being blunt, but you really have no right to bitch when
it's been like this for quite some time. Either leave him, or accept that
this is how it's going to be for the rest of your life. Simple.

Christine

"Kim" wrote in message
news:9eS9f.96563$ir4.75905@edtnps90...
Well Girlie you really are in between a rock and a hard place...

Tough call for you to make but it is your call... I know what I'd do...

So lets cut to the chase... "Kick him out isn't really an option. Neither
is 'just leave'... ok... so look for other things I'm thinking the 'beat
him at his own game' isn't a good choice ether

Better option would be to hire the sitter and go on down to the bar where
he likes to hang out and hang out with him... Let him know tht he's
paying the sitter Rather than you doing your thing and him doing his
do soemthing together... If you each start doing your own things you'll
grow apart and your "kicking out" or "just leaving" will be the only
choices you have...

Sounds like you are going stir crazy from being cooped up... Perhaps a
granny or auntie could help you out a tad so you can maybe have a nice hot
bath some evening and just pamper yourself?


I don't know, maybe it's just me but hanging out at the bar while there's 2
small children in the house just doesn't appeal. But then again, I wouldn't
put up with that kind of selfish crap from my partner, hence why I left
their father in the first place.

Kat, you need to see some worth in yourself before anyone will see it in
you. No offence but staying with someone that treats you like he does is
complete and utter bull**** and I just shake my head you're ok with it. I
don't care how much you love someone, you should love yourself more.

Christine

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:axS9f.378187$oW2.112948@pd7tw1no...

"Kim" wrote in message
news:9eS9f.96563$ir4.75905@edtnps90...
Well Girlie you really are in between a rock and a hard place...

Yes, I've noticed this!

Tough call for you to make but it is your call... I know what I'd do...

So lets cut to the chase... "Kick him out isn't really an option.
Neither is 'just leave'... ok... so look for other things I'm thinking
the 'beat him at his own game' isn't a good choice ether

I thought about the "beat him at his own game" as well, but I really don't
think that's the answer at all. I really don't want to go down to his
childish level.

Better option would be to hire the sitter and go on down to the bar where
he likes to hang out and hang out with him... Let him know tht he's
paying the sitter Rather than you doing your thing and him doing his
do soemthing together... If you each start doing your own things you'll
grow apart and your "kicking out" or "just leaving" will be the only
choices you have...

I don't know of anyone who baby sits. There's the MIL, but she's
useless... She doesn't drive, she doesn't take transit, she doesn't have
cab money. She also smokes in her house, and we only smoke outside, and I
can tell people they cannot smoke in my place, but I can't tell someone
they can't do it in their own house... There's also my mom, but she lives
all the way across the city... She also works during the week, which kind
of leaves me stranded unless it's a weekend. He also takes off to the bar
during work... Usually around 3 or 4 until about 6 or so, when he calls to
say he's at work when he hasn't been there for hours already. I never
know until he gets home, or if I happen to stop there during the day, but
that's rarely.
I don't ever do my own thing... He does whatever he wants. To me, I
believe that if you're living together and with someone, you do things
together. You have a life together which means you don't have your own
seperate lives... I include him when I do things, and when we go out with
a friend, it's ALWAYS with another couple friend... We have 2 couple
friends that we talk to, and that's the only friends I really have, yet he
does, still, whatever he feels like doing. I don't enjoy going out
alone... He doesn't care. My mom is often available and willing to
babysit - for free - on weekends if my parents have no plans... Norm knows
that, but does he really care?

Sounds like you are going stir crazy from being cooped up... Perhaps a
granny or auntie could help you out a tad so you can maybe have a nice
hot bath some evening and just pamper yourself?

Well, all my family live a fair ways away... My parents, cousin and
grandma all live fairly north. My aunt lives far west. Norm's mom lives
south, and we are south as well (about a 10 min drive from her)... Perhaps
a dad could actually be useful and helpful? I know there's a whole
crapload of useful dads who actually do something... Even if it's just
taking the kids to the park or something so I could do something as basic
as have a nice hot shower for more than 4 minutes... Yet he really doesn't
do that all that much. I wonder if I should try to put an ad up at the
grocery store looking for a baby sitter for 1-2 times a month. Anyone
have any luck with an approach like that?


You could try that... Personally I think you need to sit the boy down and
have a heart to heart... You are sounding somewhat bitter and jealous...
Time to put the cards on the table and do the put up or shut up thing... You
can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do... Nagging will only
make matters worse... Playing his games don't help... If he doesn't have
enough respect for you to sit and try to understand what you are feeling
then you are with the wrong mate whether you like it or not.



"xkatx" wrote in message
news:aNO9f.379806$1i.99330@pd7tw2no...
Alright... I have some MAJOR issues that are just ARGH!!! (for lack of
a better word...)

So... Here's the situation. I have no money (I believe my bank account
is sitting at -$2.something) and I'm sick of this. It's killing off the
relationship very slowly and things haven't been so great lately because
of it.

Norm works all day. Well, honestly, he doesn't always work all day...
He f*cks off with the boss to the f*cking bar and I won't even go on
about that
anymore. He keeps all his money. My current income is this: -------.
(That's pretty much nothing) I'm stuck at home all day and all night
with B
and A while he's working/at the f*cking bar.

The day goes like this:
6:30am - Alarm goes off, I get up. Norm, Bran and Amie sleep.
6:45am - I fight with B for 15 mins to get up. Norm, Bran and Amie
sleep.
7:00am - Get B ready for school. Norm and Amie sleep.
7:30am - I take B to the school bus and ship him off to school. Norm
and Amie sleep.
8:00am - Norm gets up and eventually gets himself ready for work. I
change A's diaper and put her in her car seat.
8:15am - I finish getting the baby ready, put her in the car to drive
Norm to work.
8:45am - Get home from dropping Norm off at work, feed the baby, do the
dishes, other random things that need to be done.
12:15pm - B gets home from school.
12:30pm - Make lunch. I try and grab a small bite to eat if possible.
1:00pm - I try and amuse B and A at the same time.
5:00pm-7:00pm - Wait for Norm to call when he's done working and hope to
hell he doesn't f*uck off to the bar or whatever.
5:30pm-7:30pm - Make some sort of supper.
8:00pm - I get B ready for bed (bath, book, etc.). Norm plays on the
computer/goes to sleep.
9:30pm - I feed A for the night and get her ready for bed. Norm's
sleeping by this time 80% of the time.
10:00pm - I finish up random things (dishes, laundry, picking up,
whatever, or hop into the shower if I can) and hope to get to sleep
before midnight.

I'm sick of feeling like I do everything and nothing at the same time.
He always tells me that I shouldn't be tired, supper should be ready,
everything should be clean before it's nearing midnight, and I think it
should be as well, yet it never seems to be. He really does believe I
sit and do nothing all day long. I surely sit on the computer all day
when this so far has taken me 3 seperate attempts to type it out without
being distracted. I guess I don't do squat all day long and I must
sleep all day, get good hearty meals and watch TV all day and night.

Things have just been kind of ****ty lately. Don't get me wrong - I do
love him and I know he loves me. I don't want to tell him to get out
since I do need his help, yet when I think about it, I feel like he's
not helping out at all. Kind of funny, I guess. In a "har-har" kind of
way.

I'm just stuck as to what I should do. I feel like I have 3 children to
deal with. How the hell can I get him to do more? I've even gone out
to the store and taken my sweet time before coming home, yet that
doesn't seem to make any difference.

I now want to work. Just find a little part time job that will just get
me out of the house and away from everything. I was thinking a job that
will allow me to pick my own hours and days for working - like a crappy
call centre or something - since I would only be able, and want, to work
for a few hours in the evening. Maybe a job that I can pick hours of
something like from 7pm until 11pm or so. Norm would HAVE to be done
work by 6 or so, and he'd be forced to deal with Amie and Brandon for
only a few hours. I'd get out into civilization and be around people
other than children for a little bit, and I'd have a bit of extra
spending cash, right?

Tonight, when he gets home from work, I plan on making some supper and
right after supper, I have kinda-sorta plans to go to my friend's house
and her and I, and possibly her boyfriend - depending on if his parents
are available to babysit their baby or not - are going to go to Boston
Pizza and play pool. She tells me it's a good idea and not to think
about it, just do it. I want to, yet I don't. I don't want to pull off
what he does. She said it might make him know what it feels like, yet I
feel like I'm stooping to his childish level and almost feel like by
doing it myself, I'd be giving him the OK for him to continue doing it.
That's so far from what I want to do.

We had a deal and promises to eachother that he's constantly breaking
and not bothering to care enough to think about. He constantly lies to
me about things - where he is, when he works, what he does. He looks
right at me and lies. He then says that he has to lie to me so he can
do whatever the hell he wants. Never once have I lied to him. I ALWAYS
tell him where I am, who I'm going with, what time I'll be back. I
always have my phone on me just in case, and if he calls, I always
answer the phone. It seems to be the total opposite for him when it
comes to me. He's the outward lyer, I'm the one who just kind of
witholds information... Like I won't volunteer some things, yet when he
asks me, I do not lie about it. An example is as recent as yesterday -
Halloween day... I asked him if he could call me as soon as he was done
work - B needed to eat and do pumpkins and go out for candy early. He
said he'd call before they started packing up to go, yet he calls me
AFTER he's at the bar 'playing 3 games of pool' - which turned out to be
only 1.5 games of pool, apparently. He tells me that he's going with
the boss down to the house company they build for's office, which just
so happens to be across the street from the bar they always f*uck off
to, so I told him I was already almost at the job site - wait for me,
don't go with the boss, then the story changes from the boss needing to
go there for something and them cleaning up as I was talking to him, to
that they were already there at the office, then when I told him to stop
the lies, it turned out to be 3 games of pool then after only 1.5 games.

I can't stop this rant! lol I'm so sorry... Does anyone have any
suggestions? Kick him out isn't really an option. Neither is 'just
leave'...
Any suggestions on what I can do is appreciated. Should I be doing what
he does to me? Should I tell him he now can only work until 6pm because
I am going to work a few hours a night and he needs to be home with the
kids? What to do??

--
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?

"Moon Shyne" wrote in message
...

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:clS9f.380321$1i.308467@pd7tw2no...

"'Kate" wrote in message
...

snip


Money sure is a problem when you don't get paid your hourly wage to sit
at the bar when you say you're 'working'...
I'd love some type of a job. Nothing fancy, nothing special, not a job
that I want to do from now until forever, just something for a little
extra cash for the time being.

Warning, warning, warning........ if this is as good as it gets, then
you'd best plan on being able to support yourself and 2 children - because
I can't really see that this situation is going to get a whole lot better.

You may want to consider checking out available daycare, and a real job -
then, you still get out into the world with other adults, AND you put
yourself in a position where you can support yourself and your kids. Not
being dependent on someone else is an amazingly empowering thing, and may
have the additional side benefit that once he realizes he hasn't got you
'stuck', he may see more value in you. Right now, he's making it
painfully clear that he sees no value in you.


Ditto

"CME" wrote in message
news:SgV9f.96587$ir4.14445@edtnps90...
Ok forgive me for being blunt, but you really have no right to bitch when
it's been like this for quite some time. Either leave him, or accept that
this is how it's going to be for the rest of your life. Simple.

Christine


Ok so I'm subtle lol in the end I agree... my choice would be to give him
the heave ho and move on with my life...