Working??? A rant... Sorry.

"CME" wrote in message
news:ZmV9f.96588$ir4.11853@edtnps90...

"Kim" wrote in message
news:9eS9f.96563$ir4.75905@edtnps90...
Well Girlie you really are in between a rock and a hard place...

Tough call for you to make but it is your call... I know what I'd do...

So lets cut to the chase... "Kick him out isn't really an option.
Neither is 'just leave'... ok... so look for other things I'm thinking
the 'beat him at his own game' isn't a good choice ether

Better option would be to hire the sitter and go on down to the bar where
he likes to hang out and hang out with him... Let him know tht he's
paying the sitter Rather than you doing your thing and him doing his
do soemthing together... If you each start doing your own things you'll
grow apart and your "kicking out" or "just leaving" will be the only
choices you have...

Sounds like you are going stir crazy from being cooped up... Perhaps a
granny or auntie could help you out a tad so you can maybe have a nice
hot bath some evening and just pamper yourself?


I don't know, maybe it's just me but hanging out at the bar while there's
2 small children in the house just doesn't appeal. But then again, I
wouldn't put up with that kind of selfish crap from my partner, hence why
I left their father in the first place.

Kat, you need to see some worth in yourself before anyone will see it in
you. No offence but staying with someone that treats you like he does is
complete and utter bull**** and I just shake my head you're ok with it. I
don't care how much you love someone, you should love yourself more.

Christine

"Tough call for you to make but it is your call... I know what I'd
...." -- I'd kick his ass out and do what needs to be done... Exactly what
I did many moons ago living with man who's absent isn't a pleasure at
all... Getting a job, supporting your children moving on and up with life
THAT is pleasing...

I'm also thinking that perhaps this could be a bit of new baby blues...
there's 2 sides to every story... Perhaps he's feeling nagged or pressured
and he needs space? we don't know... What I know is she said the logical
steps (booting him out or walking out herself) were not an option -- which
tells me that there's something more there that we don't know about...

venting is just that... blowing off steam... I agree living with that crap
is NOT healthy for the children or her... But she has to be the one to make
the move yaknow? It's easy for us to say 'yeah kick his sorry ass out" or
"yeah go out and party on your own - give him what he's got coming" I'd
like to see them sit down and discuss things before it goes to either
extreme... but with my hindsight yeah I'd be handing the sob his walking
papers and I'd allow him all the access he wanted to those children just
not to me... This one is hitting close to home so now I'm going to shut up
lol and go to bed... *grin*

Night all!

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:aNO9f.379806$1i.99330@pd7tw2no...
Alright... I have some MAJOR issues that are just ARGH!!! (for lack of a
better word...)




Sorry to say it but he was useless before and he is useless now. Its not
just about him not making money, its about him not caring about you and his
child.

Get a job since you seem to really want to. Look into day care, I am sure
there are tons of programs that will pay it for you. As was said, plan to be
single parenting.

Oh yeah, this is the single parenting group.... so yeah, welcome to the
clan.

T

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:axS9f.378187$oW2.112948@pd7tw1no...

"Kim" wrote in message
news:9eS9f.96563$ir4.75905@edtnps90...
Well Girlie you really are in between a rock and a hard place...

Yes, I've noticed this!

Tough call for you to make but it is your call... I know what I'd do...

So lets cut to the chase... "Kick him out isn't really an option.
Neither is 'just leave'... ok... so look for other things I'm thinking
the 'beat him at his own game' isn't a good choice ether

I thought about the "beat him at his own game" as well, but I really don't
think that's the answer at all. I really don't want to go down to his
childish level.

Better option would be to hire the sitter and go on down to the bar where
he likes to hang out and hang out with him... Let him know tht he's
paying the sitter Rather than you doing your thing and him doing his
do soemthing together... If you each start doing your own things you'll
grow apart and your "kicking out" or "just leaving" will be the only
choices you have...

I don't know of anyone who baby sits.

By-pass the family. You need them for time when you want to relax. Look into
day care. It is reliable, imo.

T

Christine being blunt? Say it isn't so..... ;-)

"CME" wrote in message
news:SgV9f.96587$ir4.14445@edtnps90...
Ok forgive me for being blunt, but you really have no right to bitch when
it's been like this for quite some time. Either leave him, or accept that
this is how it's going to be for the rest of your life. Simple.

Christine

She wouldn't be Christine if she wasn't!

T
"P Fritz" wrote in message
...
Christine being blunt? Say it isn't so..... ;-)

"CME" wrote in message
news:SgV9f.96587$ir4.14445@edtnps90...
Ok forgive me for being blunt, but you really have no right to bitch when
it's been like this for quite some time. Either leave him, or accept
that
this is how it's going to be for the rest of your life. Simple.

Christine

"P Fritz" wrote in message
...
Christine being blunt? Say it isn't so..... ;-)


Ha, ha, ha. ~rolls eyes~ Yeah and I wonder why I'm still single. lmao I
don't know, in my old age ~cough~, I've realized that you can't make someone
do anything, so put up or shut up as Kim so eloquently put it, or move on.
Frankly I don't care how much I love someone, there is never any excuse to
treat people poorly and he obviously doesn't see her or his new baby as
important. What a shmuck. I feel like visiting that bar of his and
smacking some sense into him. Too bad it wouldn't make any difference.

Kat, if you need help packing his **** to leave on the doorstep, I'm there.

Christine

"CME" wrote in
news:SgV9f.96587$ir4.14445@edtnps90:

Ok forgive me for being blunt, but you really have no right to bitch
when it's been like this for quite some time. Either leave him, or
accept that this is how it's going to be for the rest of your life.
Simple.

wow. harsh.


still, xkatx, the lady has a point. you can't control his behaviour, so
don't even try. if you've already attempted to go for counselling, then
you can deal with this life or you can leave him. frankly, you're living
without him anyway. the courts will probably give you enough money that
you'll have time to get a job.

also, i don't know what state you are in (or country), but normally you're
entitled to access community funds, so i'd consult with a lawyer to see how
to force that situation.

people are who they are. that being said, most women that I know in
situations like this choose to continue living it, i suppose because the
unknown is more scary than the known.

if you want change, you're going to have to do the changing. no other way
about it.


--
stealthaxe

"Moon Shyne" wrote in message
...

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:clS9f.380321$1i.308467@pd7tw2no...

"'Kate" wrote in message
...

snip


Money sure is a problem when you don't get paid your hourly wage to sit
at the bar when you say you're 'working'...
I'd love some type of a job. Nothing fancy, nothing special, not a job
that I want to do from now until forever, just something for a little
extra cash for the time being.

Warning, warning, warning........ if this is as good as it gets, then
you'd best plan on being able to support yourself and 2 children - because
I can't really see that this situation is going to get a whole lot better.

You may want to consider checking out available daycare, and a real job -
then, you still get out into the world with other adults, AND you put
yourself in a position where you can support yourself and your kids. Not
being dependent on someone else is an amazingly empowering thing, and may
have the additional side benefit that once he realizes he hasn't got you
'stuck', he may see more value in you. Right now, he's making it
painfully clear that he sees no value in you.

Well, so far, every daycare I've called (either long ago for B or recently
inquiring about A) I was told that they will not accept an infant under 6
months of age. I asked why the signs all say 0-6 years (or whatever it may
be) and was told that "0" is 6 months.
I've always been alright in the past as far as things go - with working and
paying bills and all that stuff. It's only recently, oddly enough, that
things have been troublesome in that area of bills, rent, etc. All that's
paid off, yet it always seems to be a huge issue.
At this point, I just want to get out of the house, and to be honest, I
really don't care if it's out for a few hours of work or out for a few hours
to just get the hell out. The work part just seemed a little more
interesting because it comes along with a little bit of money.

"Kim" wrote in message
news:PZV9f.67730$yS6.5246@clgrps12...

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:axS9f.378187$oW2.112948@pd7tw1no...

"Kim" wrote in message
news:9eS9f.96563$ir4.75905@edtnps90...
Well Girlie you really are in between a rock and a hard place...

Yes, I've noticed this!

Tough call for you to make but it is your call... I know what I'd do...

So lets cut to the chase... "Kick him out isn't really an option.
Neither is 'just leave'... ok... so look for other things I'm thinking
the 'beat him at his own game' isn't a good choice ether

I thought about the "beat him at his own game" as well, but I really
don't think that's the answer at all. I really don't want to go down to
his childish level.

Better option would be to hire the sitter and go on down to the bar
where he likes to hang out and hang out with him... Let him know tht
he's paying the sitter Rather than you doing your thing and him
doing his do soemthing together... If you each start doing your own
things you'll grow apart and your "kicking out" or "just leaving" will
be the only choices you have...

I don't know of anyone who baby sits. There's the MIL, but she's
useless... She doesn't drive, she doesn't take transit, she doesn't have
cab money. She also smokes in her house, and we only smoke outside, and I
can tell people they cannot smoke in my place, but I can't tell someone
they can't do it in their own house... There's also my mom, but she lives
all the way across the city... She also works during the week, which kind
of leaves me stranded unless it's a weekend. He also takes off to the
bar during work... Usually around 3 or 4 until about 6 or so, when he
calls to say he's at work when he hasn't been there for hours already. I
never know until he gets home, or if I happen to stop there during the
day, but that's rarely.
I don't ever do my own thing... He does whatever he wants. To me, I
believe that if you're living together and with someone, you do things
together. You have a life together which means you don't have your own
seperate lives... I include him when I do things, and when we go out with
a friend, it's ALWAYS with another couple friend... We have 2 couple
friends that we talk to, and that's the only friends I really have, yet
he does, still, whatever he feels like doing. I don't enjoy going out
alone... He doesn't care. My mom is often available and willing to
babysit - for free - on weekends if my parents have no plans... Norm
knows that, but does he really care?

Sounds like you are going stir crazy from being cooped up... Perhaps a
granny or auntie could help you out a tad so you can maybe have a nice
hot bath some evening and just pamper yourself?

Well, all my family live a fair ways away... My parents, cousin and
grandma all live fairly north. My aunt lives far west. Norm's mom lives
south, and we are south as well (about a 10 min drive from her)...
Perhaps a dad could actually be useful and helpful? I know there's a
whole crapload of useful dads who actually do something... Even if it's
just taking the kids to the park or something so I could do something as
basic as have a nice hot shower for more than 4 minutes... Yet he really
doesn't do that all that much. I wonder if I should try to put an ad up
at the grocery store looking for a baby sitter for 1-2 times a month.
Anyone have any luck with an approach like that?


You could try that... Personally I think you need to sit the boy down and
have a heart to heart... You are sounding somewhat bitter and jealous...
Time to put the cards on the table and do the put up or shut up thing...
You can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do... Nagging will
only make matters worse... Playing his games don't help... If he doesn't
have enough respect for you to sit and try to understand what you are
feeling then you are with the wrong mate whether you like it or not.

"Heart to heart" usually means him getting ****ed off, and I know it's
partly my fault since I do have a really tough time expressing myself or
putting my thoughts into words. I really suck at sitting down and saying
what I want to say in an appropriate and fair way, and I do see and realize
that sometimes when I express myself, say what's bothering me, he gets
offended and sometimes with good reason.
I think I'm more than somewhat bitter and jealous. I feel like I have had
someone dump an extra child on me, on top of the 2 real children. I'm stuck
at home all day, and when he says that I don't do a thing all day and don't
have to work, I almost fly off the handle with that and tell him I'd much
rather change careers and have a day job that doesn't require changing
diapers, making lunches and snacks, doing the dishes, etc., all day long,
every day.
It's not that he doesn't have the respect for me to try and understand, I
seem to lack the ability to actually say what I mean to say in a proper way
that doesn't upset everyone involved.


"xkatx" wrote in message
news:aNO9f.379806$1i.99330@pd7tw2no...
Alright... I have some MAJOR issues that are just ARGH!!! (for lack of
a better word...)

So... Here's the situation. I have no money (I believe my bank account
is sitting at -$2.something) and I'm sick of this. It's killing off
the relationship very slowly and things haven't been so great lately
because of it.

Norm works all day. Well, honestly, he doesn't always work all day...
He f*cks off with the boss to the f*cking bar and I won't even go on
about that
anymore. He keeps all his money. My current income is this: -------.
(That's pretty much nothing) I'm stuck at home all day and all night
with B
and A while he's working/at the f*cking bar.

The day goes like this:
6:30am - Alarm goes off, I get up. Norm, Bran and Amie sleep.
6:45am - I fight with B for 15 mins to get up. Norm, Bran and Amie
sleep.
7:00am - Get B ready for school. Norm and Amie sleep.
7:30am - I take B to the school bus and ship him off to school. Norm
and Amie sleep.
8:00am - Norm gets up and eventually gets himself ready for work. I
change A's diaper and put her in her car seat.
8:15am - I finish getting the baby ready, put her in the car to drive
Norm to work.
8:45am - Get home from dropping Norm off at work, feed the baby, do the
dishes, other random things that need to be done.
12:15pm - B gets home from school.
12:30pm - Make lunch. I try and grab a small bite to eat if possible.
1:00pm - I try and amuse B and A at the same time.
5:00pm-7:00pm - Wait for Norm to call when he's done working and hope
to hell he doesn't f*uck off to the bar or whatever.
5:30pm-7:30pm - Make some sort of supper.
8:00pm - I get B ready for bed (bath, book, etc.). Norm plays on the
computer/goes to sleep.
9:30pm - I feed A for the night and get her ready for bed. Norm's
sleeping by this time 80% of the time.
10:00pm - I finish up random things (dishes, laundry, picking up,
whatever, or hop into the shower if I can) and hope to get to sleep
before midnight.

I'm sick of feeling like I do everything and nothing at the same time.
He always tells me that I shouldn't be tired, supper should be ready,
everything should be clean before it's nearing midnight, and I think it
should be as well, yet it never seems to be. He really does believe I
sit and do nothing all day long. I surely sit on the computer all day
when this so far has taken me 3 seperate attempts to type it out
without being distracted. I guess I don't do squat all day long and I
must sleep all day, get good hearty meals and watch TV all day and
night.

Things have just been kind of ****ty lately. Don't get me wrong - I do
love him and I know he loves me. I don't want to tell him to get out
since I do need his help, yet when I think about it, I feel like he's
not helping out at all. Kind of funny, I guess. In a "har-har" kind
of way.

I'm just stuck as to what I should do. I feel like I have 3 children
to deal with. How the hell can I get him to do more? I've even gone
out to the store and taken my sweet time before coming home, yet that
doesn't seem to make any difference.

I now want to work. Just find a little part time job that will just
get me out of the house and away from everything. I was thinking a job
that will allow me to pick my own hours and days for working - like a
crappy call centre or something - since I would only be able, and want,
to work for a few hours in the evening. Maybe a job that I can pick
hours of something like from 7pm until 11pm or so. Norm would HAVE to
be done work by 6 or so, and he'd be forced to deal with Amie and
Brandon for only a few hours. I'd get out into civilization and be
around people other than children for a little bit, and I'd have a bit
of extra spending cash, right?

Tonight, when he gets home from work, I plan on making some supper and
right after supper, I have kinda-sorta plans to go to my friend's house
and her and I, and possibly her boyfriend - depending on if his parents
are available to babysit their baby or not - are going to go to Boston
Pizza and play pool. She tells me it's a good idea and not to think
about it, just do it. I want to, yet I don't. I don't want to pull
off what he does. She said it might make him know what it feels like,
yet I feel like I'm stooping to his childish level and almost feel like
by doing it myself, I'd be giving him the OK for him to continue doing
it. That's so far from what I want to do.

We had a deal and promises to eachother that he's constantly breaking
and not bothering to care enough to think about. He constantly lies to
me about things - where he is, when he works, what he does. He looks
right at me and lies. He then says that he has to lie to me so he can
do whatever the hell he wants. Never once have I lied to him. I
ALWAYS tell him where I am, who I'm going with, what time I'll be back.
I always have my phone on me just in case, and if he calls, I always
answer the phone. It seems to be the total opposite for him when it
comes to me. He's the outward lyer, I'm the one who just kind of
witholds information... Like I won't volunteer some things, yet when he
asks me, I do not lie about it. An example is as recent as yesterday -
Halloween day... I asked him if he could call me as soon as he was done
work - B needed to eat and do pumpkins and go out for candy early. He
said he'd call before they started packing up to go, yet he calls me
AFTER he's at the bar 'playing 3 games of pool' - which turned out to
be only 1.5 games of pool, apparently. He tells me that he's going
with the boss down to the house company they build for's office, which
just so happens to be across the street from the bar they always f*uck
off to, so I told him I was already almost at the job site - wait for
me, don't go with the boss, then the story changes from the boss
needing to go there for something and them cleaning up as I was talking
to him, to that they were already there at the office, then when I told
him to stop the lies, it turned out to be 3 games of pool then after
only 1.5 games.

I can't stop this rant! lol I'm so sorry... Does anyone have any
suggestions? Kick him out isn't really an option. Neither is 'just
leave'...
Any suggestions on what I can do is appreciated. Should I be doing
what he does to me? Should I tell him he now can only work until 6pm
because I am going to work a few hours a night and he needs to be home
with the kids? What to do??

--
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:Zbvaf.394234$1i.109313@pd7tw2no...

"Moon Shyne" wrote in message
...

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:clS9f.380321$1i.308467@pd7tw2no...

"'Kate" wrote in message
...

snip


Money sure is a problem when you don't get paid your hourly wage to sit
at the bar when you say you're 'working'...
I'd love some type of a job. Nothing fancy, nothing special, not a job
that I want to do from now until forever, just something for a little
extra cash for the time being.

Warning, warning, warning........ if this is as good as it gets, then
you'd best plan on being able to support yourself and 2 children -
because I can't really see that this situation is going to get a whole
lot better.

You may want to consider checking out available daycare, and a real job -
then, you still get out into the world with other adults, AND you put
yourself in a position where you can support yourself and your kids. Not
being dependent on someone else is an amazingly empowering thing, and may
have the additional side benefit that once he realizes he hasn't got you
'stuck', he may see more value in you. Right now, he's making it
painfully clear that he sees no value in you.

Well, so far, every daycare I've called (either long ago for B or recently
inquiring about A) I was told that they will not accept an infant under 6
months of age. I asked why the signs all say 0-6 years (or whatever it
may be) and was told that "0" is 6 months.
I've always been alright in the past as far as things go - with working
and paying bills and all that stuff. It's only recently, oddly enough,
that things have been troublesome in that area of bills, rent, etc. All
that's paid off, yet it always seems to be a huge issue.
At this point, I just want to get out of the house, and to be honest, I
really don't care if it's out for a few hours of work or out for a few
hours to just get the hell out. The work part just seemed a little more
interesting because it comes along with a little bit of money.

Ok - HOWEVER, it seems to me that I was more than a little concerned when
you first announced your pregnancy on this newsgroup, and there were issues
with N. back then - so now, you've gone through the 9 months of pregnancy,
you have your daughter now, and the problems in your relationship are worse,
from the sounds of it, not better.

Pretend you're your own best friend, and then re-read your posts from the
beginning of the pregnancy, and then the one to which I had responded - and
then give your best friend (that's you, btw) some advice.