step-parents spanking

I am a single mom of 3 children. My daughter is 7 yrs old, almost 8.. Her
bio-father just decided he wants to play daddy after being the absent
parent for 7 yrs, he's been getting his visitations with my daughter every
other weekend.
Now I have a real problem with my daughters bio-fathers wife spanking my
daughter. Recently the step-mom spanked my daughter because she wouldn't
put her pajamas on, well if you knew my daughter you would definetly say
she doesn't deserve to be spanked, sometimes she can be hard to handle
with her adhd, but that doesn't give the step-mom any rights to spank my
child or to land a hand on my children. I have no problem with the
discpline but physical discpline is so dead on wrong.
So what are your thoughts on step-parents SPANKING your child/children?

"MsMonkey" wrote in message
lkaboutparenting.com...
I am a single mom of 3 children. My daughter is 7 yrs old, almost 8.. Her
bio-father just decided he wants to play daddy after being the absent
parent for 7 yrs, he's been getting his visitations with my daughter every
other weekend.
Now I have a real problem with my daughters bio-fathers wife spanking my
daughter. Recently the step-mom spanked my daughter because she wouldn't
put her pajamas on, well if you knew my daughter you would definetly say
she doesn't deserve to be spanked, sometimes she can be hard to handle
with her adhd, but that doesn't give the step-mom any rights to spank my
child or to land a hand on my children. I have no problem with the
discpline but physical discpline is so dead on wrong.
So what are your thoughts on step-parents SPANKING your child/children?

ADHD kids don't really respond well to CP. They have difficulty associating
actions with consequences and usually act on whatever impulse comes around.
There are better methods for dealing with inappropriate behavior for these
kids.

As for "step-parents" and CP, that's a problem you are going to have to work
out with your EX and his new wife. Arguing with them isn't going to work
since you have no control over their actions. My suggestion is to get
written information on your Childs condition and set up a meeting with them
to discuss consistent consequences. You 3 are going to have to work as a
team, so its best if you all have the same information to work from and can
come to an agreement on disciplinary methods.

But to be honest, it sounds like your relationship with your EX is not
really all that good. That's your fault as much as his, you both need to
act like adults for the sake of the child you two created. If he will not
meet you half way on this then you need to take a few extra steps in his
direction. I'm not saying give away the shop, but for the sake of the child
is it not worth swallowing a bit of pride?

Ron

Doesn't the custodial parent get to decide about
parenting like spanking, even when the child is
with a non-custodial parent and their spouse?

Can a non-custodial parent decide to spank their kid?
They can't decide on medical treatment can they?
I'm really not sure what rights a non-custodial
parent has in a situation like this.

Certainly, since a custodial parents parenting
policy needs to be CONSISTENT and not
undermined by the non-custodial visits,
one could probably get a court to order that
the custodial parents policy be maintained
by the non-custodial parent.

This has giant holes, but some possibilities.

Spanking an ADHD kid is a really bad idea.
Even most pro-spanking advocates wouldn't
encourage that.


Ron wrote:
"MsMonkey" wrote in message
lkaboutparenting.com...
I am a single mom of 3 children. My daughter is 7 yrs old, almost 8.. Her
bio-father just decided he wants to play daddy after being the absent
parent for 7 yrs, he's been getting his visitations with my daughter every
other weekend.
Now I have a real problem with my daughters bio-fathers wife spanking my
daughter. Recently the step-mom spanked my daughter because she wouldn't
put her pajamas on, well if you knew my daughter you would definetly say
she doesn't deserve to be spanked, sometimes she can be hard to handle
with her adhd, but that doesn't give the step-mom any rights to spank my
child or to land a hand on my children. I have no problem with the
discpline but physical discpline is so dead on wrong.
So what are your thoughts on step-parents SPANKING your child/children?

ADHD kids don't really respond well to CP. They have difficulty associating
actions with consequences and usually act on whatever impulse comes around.
There are better methods for dealing with inappropriate behavior for these
kids.

As for "step-parents" and CP, that's a problem you are going to have to work
out with your EX and his new wife. Arguing with them isn't going to work
since you have no control over their actions. My suggestion is to get
written information on your Childs condition and set up a meeting with them
to discuss consistent consequences. You 3 are going to have to work as a
team, so its best if you all have the same information to work from and can
come to an agreement on disciplinary methods.

But to be honest, it sounds like your relationship with your EX is not
really all that good. That's your fault as much as his, you both need to
act like adults for the sake of the child you two created. If he will not
meet you half way on this then you need to take a few extra steps in his
direction. I'm not saying give away the shop, but for the sake of the child
is it not worth swallowing a bit of pride?

Ron

Greegor wrote:

.....a string of questions. Hardly what was requested from the poster,
now is it?

Must you go immediately to confusion? Would it not be more helpful to
ask what state, and look up some statutes and point the person to them?

Doesn't the custodial parent get to decide about
parenting like spanking, even when the child is
with a non-custodial parent and their spouse?

It would not reside in federal law, so unless you point this person to
their state laws, you are simply further burdening someone that is
worried and anxious. Big help, Greg.

Can a non-custodial parent decide to spank their kid?
They can't decide on medical treatment can they?
I'm really not sure what rights a non-custodial
parent has in a situation like this.

Certainly, since a custodial parents parenting
policy needs to be CONSISTENT and not
undermined by the non-custodial visits,
one could probably get a court to order that
the custodial parents policy be maintained
by the non-custodial parent.

You, Greg, of all people, would recommend the "corrupt courts" that do
civil cases on child custody?

Or could it be that you wish to play both sides of the fiddle at the
same time?

This has giant holes, but some possibilities.

Spanking an ADHD kid is a really bad idea.

Why would you think that, Greg? What is it about an ADHD kid that makes
it a bad idea, and yet a good idea for a child that has not been
evaluated, and is just 'believed' to be normal?

Even most pro-spanking advocates wouldn't
encourage that.

Actually you have a buddy that says it's up to the parent.

Ever noticed that?

And you are wrong about many spanking advocates. They don't even bring
it up in conversation or argument. Instead they scream about parental
rights.

More important that getting the court involved, Greg...your stupid
advice, would be what Ron offered. That the PARENTS TAKE CHARGE OF THIS
SITUATION IN A COOPERATIVE ATMOSPHERE THAT PUTS THE CHILD FIRST.

You seem oblivious to such things, and invite people to get into a fight
first.

Same as always, Greg. Same as always.

And why I make your life hell here when you try to preempt a parent or
parents that come here seeking help.

Starting with the more severe and extreme tactic, Greg, is doomed to
failure a very high percentage of the time.

Taking the moral highroad, the real one, of cooperation and simply
working things out personally seems beyond you.

In fact, though Ron and I disagree strongly on the question of spanking,
I fully agree with his strategy just offered, EVEN IF IT COMES OUT THEY
AGREE TO SPANK THE CHILD.

What is important for the child to see is parents that care enough for
the child to work out WHATEVER between them, and NOT have to go to the
public sector for help.

Now if the child was being beaten, I suspect Ron's advice would look
somewhat different.

Odd that YOU would give advice that I'll guess Ron's would be in such a
circumstance, but YOU DO IT ONLY FOR SPANKING.

I've tried to avoid certain words to define you Greg, believe it or not,
but this takes the cake. You are, Greg, a ****ing trouble maker. And
that is ALL you are.

Disruptive people such as you are in too great supply these days. Can't
think. Focused on self almost to the exclusion of all others.

Sad state of affairs.

The child needs cooperative parents, Greg. So shut the **** up, for once.

0:-



Ron wrote:
"MsMonkey" wrote in message
lkaboutparenting.com...
I am a single mom of 3 children. My daughter is 7 yrs old, almost 8.. Her
bio-father just decided he wants to play daddy after being the absent
parent for 7 yrs, he's been getting his visitations with my daughter every
other weekend.
Now I have a real problem with my daughters bio-fathers wife spanking my
daughter. Recently the step-mom spanked my daughter because she wouldn't
put her pajamas on, well if you knew my daughter you would definetly say
she doesn't deserve to be spanked, sometimes she can be hard to handle
with her adhd, but that doesn't give the step-mom any rights to spank my
child or to land a hand on my children. I have no problem with the
discpline but physical discpline is so dead on wrong.
So what are your thoughts on step-parents SPANKING your child/children?
ADHD kids don't really respond well to CP. They have difficulty associating
actions with consequences and usually act on whatever impulse comes around.
There are better methods for dealing with inappropriate behavior for these
kids.

As for "step-parents" and CP, that's a problem you are going to have to work
out with your EX and his new wife. Arguing with them isn't going to work
since you have no control over their actions. My suggestion is to get
written information on your Childs condition and set up a meeting with them
to discuss consistent consequences. You 3 are going to have to work as a
team, so its best if you all have the same information to work from and can
come to an agreement on disciplinary methods.

But to be honest, it sounds like your relationship with your EX is not
really all that good. That's your fault as much as his, you both need to
act like adults for the sake of the child you two created. If he will not
meet you half way on this then you need to take a few extra steps in his
direction. I'm not saying give away the shop, but for the sake of the child
is it not worth swallowing a bit of pride?

Ron



--
"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what
to have for lunch. Liberty is a well armed lamb
contesting the vote." - Benjamin Franklin (or someone else)

MsMonkey wrote:

I have a real problem with my daughters bio-fathers wife spanking my
daughter. [...] sometimes [the daughter] can be hard to handle
with her adhd


Would this be a good moment to mention the widely held theory that ADHD
can be cured by spanking the patient?

Ken Johnson

0:- wrote:

Or could it be that you wish to play both sides of the fiddle at the
same time?

You can't play on both sides of the fiddle at the same time. A fiddle
has strings only on one side.

Ken Johnson

wrote:
MsMonkey wrote:

I have a real problem with my daughters bio-fathers wife spanking my
daughter. [...] sometimes [the daughter] can be hard to handle
with her adhd


Would this be a good moment to mention the widely held theory that ADHD
can be cured by spanking the patient?

Sure it would be a fine moment, in the right place.

Now follow up with some supporting information, thanks.


Ken Johnson

0:-

--
"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what
to have for lunch. Liberty is a well armed lamb
contesting the vote." - Benjamin Franklin (or someone else)

wrote:
0:- wrote:

Or could it be that you wish to play both sides of the fiddle at the
same time?

You can't play on both sides of the fiddle at the same time. A fiddle
has strings only on one side.

Remarking on another's comments by isolating (snipping) them from
context is the brand of a troll, or other unethical fool.

To do this with a metaphor is crap of the first order.


Ken Johnson


0:-


--
"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what
to have for lunch. Liberty is a well armed lamb
contesting the vote." - Benjamin Franklin (or someone else)

wrote in message
ps.com...

MsMonkey wrote:

I have a real problem with my daughters bio-fathers wife spanking my
daughter. [...] sometimes [the daughter] can be hard to handle
with her adhd


Would this be a good moment to mention the widely held theory that ADHD
can be cured by spanking the patient?

Ken Johnson


It was a better moment 5 days ago when I mentioned it.

BTW, welcome to the group, and try to keep up. We are not a fast group
here, so it honestly shouldn't really be all that hard.

Ron

If you follow the aps, you know that I am totally opposed to anyone
using physical discipline. What you need to learn is who may legally
physically disipline (spank) your child. In my state, only biological
parents who share custody may spank. This does not include step-parents.

Check on the laws in your state and take appropriate measures. Good luck.

LaVonne

MsMonkey wrote:

I am a single mom of 3 children. My daughter is 7 yrs old, almost 8.. Her
bio-father just decided he wants to play daddy after being the absent
parent for 7 yrs, he's been getting his visitations with my daughter every
other weekend.
Now I have a real problem with my daughters bio-fathers wife spanking my
daughter. Recently the step-mom spanked my daughter because she wouldn't
put her pajamas on, well if you knew my daughter you would definetly say
she doesn't deserve to be spanked, sometimes she can be hard to handle
with her adhd, but that doesn't give the step-mom any rights to spank my
child or to land a hand on my children. I have no problem with the
discpline but physical discpline is so dead on wrong.
So what are your thoughts on step-parents SPANKING your child/children?