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#31
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"CME" wrote in message news:V7Lvd.35944$Ya4.13458@edtnps84... "P.Fritz" wrote in message ... "CME" wrote in message news:sOIud.9727$eb3.4717@clgrps13... "john jones" wrote in message ... iam single m 41 nc u can email me if u like to tell few thimg Hey I don't know about other single Moms but this one has standards and forming complete sentences along with proper spelling just happens to be one of them. Hmm could be why I'm still single though. lol Nope......its because you live up in the cold north boonies ;-) I'm willing to relocate. Christine Well I am still in the cold north......just not the boonies.......but can't wait for the 27th and 80 degree weather. :-) |
#32
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On Wed, 15 Dec 2004 12:58:21 -0500, "Lisa" wrote:
"Joelle" wrote in message ... You're not really suggesting that his wife has no voice where the children are concerned, are you? Yes I am. Joelle The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St Augustine Joelle That surprises me. I see it quite differently. The children, husband and wife are a whole, not separate. The step parent must understand that by becoming a part of the family, they are accepting a parenting role. Would you marry a man that would not be a part of your children's lives? Would you marry a man that does not share your same moral values so that he too could set an example as your children grow and learn? Would you tolerate a husband that told you not to be involved in parenting his children? In the above, I am not saying "you" as specifically you, Joelle. These are just some angles that I considered to be pretty essential for me, personally, and open up these thoughts for general discussion in a "don't bite me" sort of way. Lisa, you're absolutely right. Nobody should get married -- whether there are existing kids or not -- if they don't share the same basic beliefs regarding parenting/discipline/values/morals/etc. To ask someone to enter an existing family but not take a parenting role is absolutely wrong, for everyone, and probably just means the single parent wants to remain in control. lm |
#33
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"Bjarki 009" wrote in message ... Joelle wrote: It is not your girlfriend or wife's job to parent YOUR kids. That's your job...so why do you need to "teach" her anything? Any woman in my life is a role model for my children, particularly my middle daughter. When I married my wife we hadn't lived together (long distance relationship) and she had no children. No nieces or nephews near by either. She had no idea how to relate to young minds. As my wife, it is indeed her "job" to assist in the raising of all the children ... mine, hers, ours. A healthy marriage is a partnership in all things. After all, if you don't trust your partner what are you doing having your kids around them? I'm with ya buddy,,,100% LOL....it's been so long I had to actually go looking on the keyboard for that % sign. That's still not enough motivation to go back to work tho... I agree that dating someone who is a parent is a plus and it's difficult for someone who is not a parent to understand, but sorry, the way of the world is that if someone is out "looking for a single mom" red flags all over the field. Caution is admirable in most all situations. But "red flag" is a "stop". A "yellow flag" for "caution" is perhaps a better description. Perhaps they can not have children of their own. Perhaps they have a family member who is a single parent and understand the dynamics of that life style. Perhaps your negativity and suspicions are based on your experiences with a step father? Whatever the reasons, I can't agree to an automatic "red flag" just because of a person's likes. Shall we "red flag" all people who have any preconceived ideas of what they want in a partner?. Bjarki I was single until I married for the first time at JUST TURNED (41). My husband had never been married either. Nor had he had any kids. What's wrong with us? Nothing. Red Flag? Nope. No one else was good enough but me Lisa |
#34
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"P.Fritz" wrote in message ... "CME" wrote in message news:V7Lvd.35944$Ya4.13458@edtnps84... "P.Fritz" wrote in message ... "CME" wrote in message news:sOIud.9727$eb3.4717@clgrps13... "john jones" wrote in message ... iam single m 41 nc u can email me if u like to tell few thimg Hey I don't know about other single Moms but this one has standards and forming complete sentences along with proper spelling just happens to be one of them. Hmm could be why I'm still single though. lol Nope......its because you live up in the cold north boonies ;-) I'm willing to relocate. Christine Well I am still in the cold north......just not the boonies.......but can't wait for the 27th and 80 degree weather. :-) Yeah I think you need to take me with you, if not just to hear me stop whining about it. Christine |
#35
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On Wed, 15 Dec 2004 12:58:21 -0500, "Lisa" wrote:
"Joelle" wrote in message ... You're not really suggesting that his wife has no voice where the children are concerned, are you? Yes I am. Joelle The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St Augustine Joelle That surprises me. I see it quite differently. The children, husband and wife are a whole, not separate. The step parent must understand that by becoming a part of the family, they are accepting a parenting role. Would you marry a man that would not be a part of your children's lives? Would you marry a man that does not share your same moral values so that he too could set an example as your children grow and learn? Would you tolerate a husband that told you not to be involved in parenting his children? In the above, I am not saying "you" as specifically you, Joelle. These are just some angles that I considered to be pretty essential for me, personally, and open up these thoughts for general discussion in a "don't bite me" sort of way. Lisa I understand what you're saying, but I think Joelle's got a pretty strong case. To a significant degree, it depends on the age of the kids and the situation. My own daughters are 17 and 19, and have a strong relationship with their father. Should I choose to remarry, the man in question would need to be clear on the fact that he was *not* in a parenting role, but rather, in a supportive adult role. Obviously values & modeling & so forth are important, but they're important to marriage, as well. Presumably, if you're thinking at all, you're going to marry someone who sets a good example or you wouldn't be choosing that person. But it's very, very dangerous ground for a step parent to tread, to try taking on the parent's role. It's also very arrogant, in some circumstances. There needs to be respect for the existing or deceased parent and that parent's role in the child's life, and there needs to be clear boundaries around the buck stopping with the child's own parent for discipline and child rearing. That said, of course, it's sensible for *any* adult to establish their *own* boundaries.....with respect to themselves. If the child is very young and has no recollection or awareness of another parent, it may be reasonable for that stepparent to take on the role. But boy, you'd sure have to have compatible child rearing views & styles to make it work. Cele |
#36
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#37
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On Thu, 16 Dec 2004 01:32:47 GMT, Cele wrote:
On Wed, 15 Dec 2004 12:58:21 -0500, "Lisa" wrote: "Joelle" wrote in message ... You're not really suggesting that his wife has no voice where the children are concerned, are you? Yes I am. Joelle The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St Augustine Joelle That surprises me. I see it quite differently. The children, husband and wife are a whole, not separate. The step parent must understand that by becoming a part of the family, they are accepting a parenting role. Would you marry a man that would not be a part of your children's lives? Would you marry a man that does not share your same moral values so that he too could set an example as your children grow and learn? Would you tolerate a husband that told you not to be involved in parenting his children? In the above, I am not saying "you" as specifically you, Joelle. These are just some angles that I considered to be pretty essential for me, personally, and open up these thoughts for general discussion in a "don't bite me" sort of way. Lisa I understand what you're saying, but I think Joelle's got a pretty strong case. To a significant degree, it depends on the age of the kids and the situation. My own daughters are 17 and 19, and have a strong relationship with their father. Should I choose to remarry, the man in question would need to be clear on the fact that he was *not* in a parenting role, but rather, in a supportive adult role. Obviously values & modeling & so forth are important, but they're important to marriage, as well. Presumably, if you're thinking at all, you're going to marry someone who sets a good example or you wouldn't be choosing that person. But it's very, very dangerous ground for a step parent to tread, to try taking on the parent's role. It's also very arrogant, in some circumstances. There needs to be respect for the existing or deceased parent and that parent's role in the child's life, and there needs to be clear boundaries around the buck stopping with the child's own parent for discipline and child rearing. That said, of course, it's sensible for *any* adult to establish their *own* boundaries.....with respect to themselves. With all due respect, your kids are practically grown. It's more an issue for Paul's son than for your daughters. You'll be a parent whether either of you like it or not. If the child is very young and has no recollection or awareness of another parent, it may be reasonable for that stepparent to take on the role. But boy, you'd sure have to have compatible child rearing views & styles to make it work. And isn't that the point. lm |
#38
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On Wed, 15 Dec 2004 18:41:04 -0500, "Lisa" wrote:
I was single until I married for the first time at JUST TURNED (41). My husband had never been married either. Nor had he had any kids. What's wrong with us? Nothing. Red Flag? Nope. No one else was good enough but me Heheh looks like you two are still honeymooning :-) lm |
#39
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On Thu, 16 Dec 2004 02:34:45 GMT, lm
wrote: On Thu, 16 Dec 2004 01:32:47 GMT, Cele wrote: I understand what you're saying, but I think Joelle's got a pretty strong case. To a significant degree, it depends on the age of the kids and the situation. My own daughters are 17 and 19, and have a strong relationship with their father. Should I choose to remarry, the man in question would need to be clear on the fact that he was *not* in a parenting role, but rather, in a supportive adult role. Obviously values & modeling & so forth are important, but they're important to marriage, as well. Presumably, if you're thinking at all, you're going to marry someone who sets a good example or you wouldn't be choosing that person. But it's very, very dangerous ground for a step parent to tread, to try taking on the parent's role. It's also very arrogant, in some circumstances. There needs to be respect for the existing or deceased parent and that parent's role in the child's life, and there needs to be clear boundaries around the buck stopping with the child's own parent for discipline and child rearing. That said, of course, it's sensible for *any* adult to establish their *own* boundaries.....with respect to themselves. With all due respect, your kids are practically grown. That's right. But the one is still at home. And to step in as a parent with one that age would be nuts. I believe I mentioned that age makes a difference. It's more an issue for Paul's son than for your daughters. You'll be a parent whether either of you like it or not. I'll be an adult in the home who cares about him and as he gains trust, I'll become more involved. But I'll respect *his* and *Paul's* relationship as the primary one WRT parenting. And I'll be a parent to the degree that they both are comfortable...which likely will increase over time, but only if trust is built. You don't just walk in and start parenting other people's kids. If the child is very young and has no recollection or awareness of another parent, it may be reasonable for that stepparent to take on the role. But boy, you'd sure have to have compatible child rearing views & styles to make it work. And isn't that the point. lm I expect it wasn't yours. But it was one of mine. :-) Cele |
#40
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On Thu, 16 Dec 2004 01:53:51 GMT, Cele wrote:
Maybe. Or maybe it's a measure of how much has happened to them, how recently, how much support they've got, what stage in their life their ^^^ at, how their health is, etc. etc. etc. Ah, ****, I need a holiday. What I meant was, 'they're'. I'll be fine. LOL Cele |
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