single man looking for single mom

"lm" wrote in message
news
On 16 Dec 2004 21:07:55 GMT, oaway (Joelle) wrote:

But boy, you'd sure have to have compatible child rearing
views & styles to make it work.

And isn't that the point.


Okay, now i'm thinking some of you that haven't been married or had bad
marraiges maybe think that a good marraige parents agree about
childrraising
all the time? Let me disabuse you of that fantasy.

Oh yeah, because you're the only one who did it right. How could we
have forgotten.

A couple can be compatible, share values, blah blah blah and still
disagree
about "Should we let her pierce her ears, buy that game, ect?" When you
are
both the parents, you have to work that out, compromise. You aren't going
to
agree on everything. Someone is going to have to give in.

When a step parent is involved, I'm saying ONE PERSON makes those
decisions,
and it's not the step parent.

And that's where you're wrong. The one person is the one who feels
more strongly about that particular issue, or who is most reasonable
about that particular issue, or who has the most clear perspective
about that particular issue, or who is the most educated on that
particular issue, or etc. Sometimes it's the stepparent, sometimes
it's the parent. Most often, especially at the beginning but easily
long into the marriage, it will be the parent, but that's because the
parent has a head start knowing the friends, being involved in the
school, etc.

The parent decides if she gets to wear that
shirt to the dance, not the step parent. I don't think agreeing on the
shirt
should be a requirement for getting married, I think agreeing WHO decides
about
the shirt is a requirment for getting married.

And I also believe discipline is the parents job. You earn the right to
discipline a child by virtue of having been there their whole life...not
by
having sex with their mother or father.

Discipline is the parent's job *if* the discipline the parent employs
is working. Many single parents let up on discipline out of guilt.
Often the stepparent has a better perspective, as he/she can see where
the parent is being inconsistent.

lm

I for one did not slack on discipline and my daughter will vouch for that.
lol

T

"P. Fritz" wrote in message
...

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

"'Kate" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 17 Dec 2004 23:20:02 -0500, "Tiffany"
wrote:


Plus one doesn't know they picked the wrong partner until its to late.

T

Yep... that's true. If we didn't notice the warning signs the first
time and it ends badly, then how can we be sure that we didn't miss
them the second time.

er... don't want to scare anyone... getting married is good... if it's
to the righit person. Step families can work very well. They can and
often do benefit the children if only by providing another adult to
share the work of the household.

'Kate



Oh I agree! But I also agree that the step-parent should not try to be
the
'parent'. Me and the guy I am seeing already discussed this..... I told
him
I will not parent his kids nor he mine. Plus I kind of can't say no to
the
little boy, he is to damn cute.


So when is the wedding? ;-p



Oh please! I am waiting for you and you know it.

T

ps. weren't you the one who took a break recently, when this group
failed to live up to your expectations?


Nope.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

"Joelle" wrote in message
...
I have a question.

Those of you who are all gunho for the stepparent to have parenting rights and
even veto power if they "feel more strongly" or "have more expertise" I
assume, then if your ex gets married or moves in with someone, it's just fine
and dandy for their honey to have an equal say in parenting decisions as
well....

God help the children who could end up with a committee of parents in this
scenero....

Another thing for me to be thankful for anyway...

Speaking from experience:

I am a stepchild. For much of my teen years, I lived with my dad and
stepmother. She had full parenting rights, and it would have been bizarre to
expect her to be the mother in the home, mother to my 2 younger brothers, and
have no parenting rights over me.

I have been a stepmother. I pointed out right from the outset - "I'm not your
mom. In this house, I am *the* mom". When they got out of line, I parented
them. When they needed advice, I parented them. When they lived with me, I
parented them. I think it bizarre to have stepchildren living with me, and not
have the right to parent them.

That's my 2c worth.


Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

On Sat, 18 Dec 2004 10:23:09 -0600, "Moon Shyne"
wrote:


"Joelle" wrote in message
...
I have a question.

Those of you who are all gunho for the stepparent to have parenting rights and
even veto power if they "feel more strongly" or "have more expertise" I
assume, then if your ex gets married or moves in with someone, it's just fine
and dandy for their honey to have an equal say in parenting decisions as
well....

God help the children who could end up with a committee of parents in this
scenero....

Another thing for me to be thankful for anyway...

Speaking from experience:

I am a stepchild. For much of my teen years, I lived with my dad and
stepmother. She had full parenting rights, and it would have been bizarre to
expect her to be the mother in the home, mother to my 2 younger brothers, and
have no parenting rights over me.

I have been a stepmother. I pointed out right from the outset - "I'm not your
mom. In this house, I am *the* mom". When they got out of line, I parented
them. When they needed advice, I parented them. When they lived with me, I
parented them. I think it bizarre to have stepchildren living with me, and not
have the right to parent them.

That's my 2c worth.

Well spoken.

lm

and yet you're just rude
enough that a thoughtful response to your question is not
worth my effort.

But its worth your effort to be rude yourself, and frankly I thought your
earlier response to me was rude so I thought that was the way you prefer
to
converse. Jest taking your lead...

smack

SMACK

Hey!

Hey, why'd you hit me?

Cause you hit me first.

Did not.

Did so.

SMACK

SMACK SMACK

Hey, that hurt.

Yeah, but you started it.

MOMMY!

-Ron

"'Kate" wrote in message
...
On Sat, 18 Dec 2004 08:51:17 -0500, "Tiffany"
wrote:


Oh I agree! But I also agree that the step-parent should not try to be the
'parent'. Me and the guy I am seeing already discussed this..... I told
him
I will not parent his kids nor he mine. Plus I kind of can't say no to the
little boy, he is to damn cute.

T

Hey! It sounds like you have a serious relationship going there!

I think that the other adult in the household has certain rights...
but you're going to be the coordinater of bringing him into the house
slowly enough so that your daughter doesn't feel pushed out or
smothered. She's had you all to herself for quite awhile. And
knowing you, you will keep things from becoming major problems because
you are willing to confront issues head on.

'Kate


No one is coming into this house to soon, that's for sure! Man I love my
space to much!

It is going good, I don't like to talk serious **** though....... I am all
about, lets hang out for a year or two then talk of commitment.

T

"'Kate" wrote ...

Oh man... I know exactly what that's about. "It's too soon" "let's see
how it goes" Six years later....


Thinks wavy lines and music from the Twilight Zone/Thinks

She : Awww honey C'mon lets talk about marriage...

He : Nah, sweetie,,, we're doing fine as we are.... whats it been now?....
35 years... no real problems... we seem to be rubbing along jus fine....why
tempt fate... wassat??? six years?... SIX years??? are you sure?..... jeeze
it sure feels like 35 ye.... HEY cut that out!!! OW!....

"Joelle" wrote in message
...
I have a question.

Those of you who are all gunho for the stepparent to have parenting
rights and
even veto power if they "feel more strongly" or "have more expertise" I
assume, then if your ex gets married or moves in with someone, it's just
fine
and dandy for their honey to have an equal say in parenting decisions as
well....

God help the children who could end up with a committee of parents in
this
scenero....

Another thing for me to be thankful for anyway...


Thid needs to stop Joelle.......I find myself agreeing with you too much
these days :-)





Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

"steveb" wrote in message
...
On 18 Dec 2004 14:41:05 GMT, oaway (Joelle) wrote:


Oh God. Well considering your expectations for this group, I'm not
surprised
you have TOTALLY unrealistic expectations for a spouse and relationship.

This wasn't a point about *me*, nor about *my expectations* for this
group.

For the record .... my last relationship lasted 15 years, and was
ended by me, to the utter dismay of my wife :: shrug ::

My two boys live in a stable and happy home, a product I believe, of
consistent caring and realistic expectations.

steveb

ps. weren't you the one who took a break recently, when this group
failed to live up to your expectations?

Funny how when it suits you, you can be just as caddy as the rest of us.
Pot meet kettle.

Christine