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Warning For the E and A bunch: HORRIBLE NONSPANKING PROPAGANDA PAGE



 
 
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  #1  
Old December 15th 03, 03:32 AM
Kane
external usenet poster
 
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Default Warning For the E and A bunch: HORRIBLE NONSPANKING PROPAGANDA PAGE

You enthusiasts and apologists might want to stay away from this pack
of liars smile

http://sandradodd.com/spanking


Unschoolers and Spanking

Arguments against spanking by and for parents who respect their
children as whole people
How Ang's family stopped spanking, in April 2003

Ren, whose parents spanked but begged her not to

Sandra swatting little Marty and being shown a better way

Carla, stopped spanking after reading the unschooling discussions

OTHER SITES
Stop Spanking, Stop Hitting, The No Spanking Page

What Unschooled Kids Say about Spanking
Debbie, Mother of Four, Never Spanked

Spanking Makes Kids Lie
Nancy used to spank,
but she stopped!
Why Do People Spank?

E-MAIL DISCUSSION LIST!
Pam Sorooshian runs this list.
Others asked MaryB
"How do you Do It?"
Who Really Teaches People to Spank?

Overcoming Pressure to Spank
"Spare the rod and spoil the child" is not in the Bible
More Help to Stop Spanking


"Ren's right about the spanking. That's another argument I've never
seen anybody win with unschoolers. But every time it comes up, it
seems at least one family that isn't even involved in the argument
ends up not spanking anymore. . . . . Because speaking of catching
flies, that trap that's baited by someone else defending spanking
their kids catches lurker-spankers, and a few children's lives are
made way better as a side effect (and their children's too)." Sandra
Dodd, to the unschooling-dotcom list, February 2003

I am a reformed spanker, and reformed expecting immediate obedience
from the children. Heck I don't even spank the dog! Since the very
first when I started this list and reading, we have no more spanking,
although a few times I threatened but I didn't carry it out because I
knew I didn't want to spank them. Don''t like it never did. Just
didn't know another way. Now I do. Cool.
Stepheny

I'll admit it, we spanked. But with the thoughts and insights of the
wonderful women on this list our home has been spank free. And I'll
tell you, it's wonderful, to see joy, happiness, and love in my
childrens eyes instead of fear, it's one of the best feelings in the
world. (And to tell the truth, I hadn't even noticed the fear, until
it was gone and I am sad that I was the one to put it there, but it is
gone now and hopefully I will never have to see it again.)
Rebecca (elfmama)

Today the kids had an old Hanna-Barbera video of the creation story
on. Jacob made a comment about Adam blaming Eve for his choice to eat
the forbidden fruit. It was clear to Jacob that it was Adam's choice
and he had no-one but himself to blame.
It hasn't been easy to change the way I parent and I have a long way
to go and much to learn but today I could see that the kids are
learning that with freedom of choice comes taking responsibility for
your own decisions.

In all the years I spanked I wanted my kids to take responsibility for
their actions and what I was doing, was making it impossible for them
to do just that.

At first I felt like talking with them just wasn't enough, but I see
now that it is because each time I respond calmly and encourage them
to talk things through instead of spanking them, they have the freedom
(because I'm not making them feel bad) to look at themselves and their
actions and be responsible. It's awesome.

It reminds me of that John Holt quote about fear inhibiting learning.
How can our kids learn about themselves and getting along with others
if they are fearful of pain everytime they make a mistake? It's only
when they have freedom to make mistakes that they learn. All I have to
do is be there to guide and help and love.

It's so simple and uncomplicated. I just wish I had realized nine
years ago. There wouldn't be so much to undo.

Julie (mjsolich...) June 2003

I usually just read everything and lurk in corners but I have to agree
with the no spanking thread. Spanking is control, pure and simple.
It's "I'm bigger and stronger than you and I can make you do whatever
I want". If we hit an adult it's a punishable offense, people who beat
animals are jailed, hitting a child is somehow excusable? I don't
think so!

Hitting teaches the child that physical force is ok. How will you deal
with your child when he hits another over a toy? YOU'VE taught him
that behavior. How do you exlain to him that hitting is ok for you but
if HE does it HE'LL get hit because it's unacceptable for him!

Everytime you resort to hitting you diminish the very essence of who
your child is. Our children are not animals that need to be trained.
Any parent who expects or demands complete obedience and uses spanking
to attain that obedience needs to get a handle on their OWN emotions
and feelings.

Beth

I'm going to say that I'm old - over 50 and have been very actively
involved with many children and their families for many years -
observing hundreds of children. Kids who are spanked are NOT better
behaved than those who are not. And, yes, some who are NOT spanked are
wild and undisciplined and a big nuisance to be around. ALL who are
spanked are somewhat sneaky about their own misbehavior - I honestly
have ONLY seen it work that way - physical punishments makes kids
sneaky. Plus - many who are spanked are violent with other kids. Many
kids who are never spanked, but are raised by very "present" parents
who have pretty high expectations for kids to behave with integrity -
are just amazingly kind and sweet and wonderful and a joy to interact
with.

Point is: Spanking has HUGE risks. Spanking is not necessary. My
mother and father were almost never spanked by their parents. My
mother and father never spanked me. My husband and I have never
spanked our kids.

It is possible. To hit children is, imo, a sign of a lack of
imagination and not knowing what else to do.

-pam

To anyone who thinks that it's a good idea to punish their children...
Please keep reading and keep learning here. There ARE other ways
(gentler, more loving and actually KIND ways!) to raise a child. I
know what I'm talking about, because I'm writing about it from the
recovery side... I used to spank, punish, and degrade my children on
occasion before I found these Unschooling.com message boards. (before
I really UNDERSTOOD unschooling, and before I really did my own
soul-searching, that is...)

I seriously thought that I was doing the "right" thing by the way I
was parenting-- but I can tell you-- I wasn't being the parent I
wanted to be (in my heart), and my kids were NOT turning out to be the
kids I that had hoped they would be.

It started changing (for the good) when I changed ME and the way *I*
thought.

Now, my kids are SUPER kids! Because I treat them respectfully and
equally- they are learning to BE respectful and well-behaved. They
weren't so much before. As I look back, I can see how miserable they
were. And deep down- I was, too. My heart aches now because I hurt
them. I thought I was doing it for their own good, and for the sake of
other's around-- but you know what??? I was doing it because I didn't
know any other way to "control" them. But now I KNOW (I KNOW- I KNOW-
I KNOW- with every fiber of my being) that I was wrong. Very wrong.

(Poohmom, 6/9/03
at www.unschooling.com,
message board discussion.






--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


"Who would choose to parent in a manner that increases children's
depression,
lowers their self-esteem, and makes them less likely to succeed in
life?
The answer is anyone who disciplines their children with spanking."

from Why Spanking Doesn't Work

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




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  #2  
Old December 15th 03, 10:35 AM
Greg Hanson
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Default Warning For the E and A bunch: HORRIBLE NONSPANKING PROPAGANDA PAGE

Is she a Republican?
 




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