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#21
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intro and question attachment parenting
Hello Robyn, you had some really good tips here, like only doing one calming
thing at a time to avoid overstimulation. I will keep that in mind. As for the milk thing, I am allergic to milk myself, so I don't have any dairy at all in my diet. Including things like whey, casein, butteroil etc. I am very careful to avoid it. But I will try to keep track of other things that may be affecting him. I also really appreciate what you said about him knowing who is nursing and loving him, even if I have to let him cry on his own now and then. As for the rest: I walk each day for about an hour or so. I sleep with the baby in the afternoon and sometimes in the morning, and my hubby does all the chores (bless his heart). We have found that running the water in the tub works really well to calm him down. We just sit with him in the bathroom and let him space out while he listens to the water. He also likes to be carried on his stomach like you mentioned, under the arm. I just wish that I could put my baby down for a nap without having him suckling. He always wakes up as soon as I take him off the breast. Unless we are sleeping together for a nap, or overnight, then he's fine. But during the day he's always got to be in the Snugli or at my breast. I guess things are getting better now that I look back on it though because he used to have to be on my breast all night too, and now he's much more independent. Yay! So, things are progressing. I'll post again in a week or two and see how things are going then. Thanks again, Alicia "Robin" wrote in message om... Alicia, Your experience rings a lot of bells for me. I didn't label my baby-handling approach, but I used a lot of AP techniques, including co-sleeping, for the first few months. But my first baby was colicky and, like yours, "sucky" -- always wanting the breast or (when he was able) his hand. And he spent most of his waking hours crying. I looked at my friends whose babies woke up calm and spent most of their waking hours with their eyes open and their mouths shut (the opposite of mine) and could NOT figure out what I was doing wrong, and they couldn't figure out why I was always so stressed out and couldn't "manage" my baby. The point was, I wasn't doing anything wrong. In fact, many of my friends with "easy" first babies had a much "harder" second baby, whereas I had an "easy" second baby! So it's not the parent ... some babies are just like that. You've already gotten some very good advice on this thread: Take care of yourself (or you won't be able to care for your baby). Get assistance --remember that AP is built on a model in which parents didn't do everything alone. And you'll bond just fine -- that baby knows who's nursing him and loving him, and a little crying alone when you need a few minutes' sanity break won't damage that bond. Here are some other tips, in no particular order, that really helped me. 1. I couldn't use a sling, despite trying several brands. I'm too busty and short-waisted for any of them to fit, and I couldn't wear my baby safely or comfortably in one. My salvation was a Baby Bjorn front carrier, which was better than any other carrier I tried, and is adaptable for both very young babies and older ones. Since my kids didn't walk till 17 months, I got a lot of use out of my Bjorn! 2. Some of my baby's colic, it turned out, was allergy to some things that were coming through my breastmilk. The big one was milk protein. I'm lactose intolerant and so take in very little dairy, but even the lactose-free products and the aged cheese I used carried enough milk protein to trigger my child's crying jags. When I cut out ALL dairy products from my diet, the crying cut way down. This takes a lot of label reading -- watch out for breads, margarines, and prepared foods, and ingredients such as whey or "milk solids." But it was well worth the trouble, and I wish it hadn't taken me so long to discover this. It also helped when I eliminated garlic. My lactation consultant says that some babies love garlic-flavored milk, but mine was apparently sensitive to it. 3. My son often settled down when I held him on my shoulder -- "right the way over," as our wonderful NP described it, balancing on his tummy with his head partway down my back. I remember one night I spent mopping the kitchen floor one-handed with him over my shoulder, because in any other position he'd cry, and he also seemed to like it when I was in motion. Or I held him at my side, under my curled arm, with his tummy balanced on my wrist and him facing the floor. It looks really funny, but it worked for us. He also liked when I held him up in the air, over my head, with my hand on either side of his torso, but you can't walk around that way ;-) 4. It helped to get outside as much as possible -- walking, strolling, or just stepping out the front door with the baby for a "porch break." This helped my frame of mind, too. 5. Sleep when the baby sleeps. When people told me this, I said, "Yeah, right." But really -- whatever you were planning on doing during that nap is not so important as falling over. Learning to nurse lying down was a real help, since my all-day sucker could go for an hour on a single breast, and I could just doze off with him attached. 6. One of the best tips I got for calming a colicky baby is that whatever strategy you use -- patting, singing, stroking, humming, rocking, walking, etc. -- use only one at a time. That is, don't rock and sing, but do one or the other for a little while, then switch to something new if that didn't work. Sometimes too many "calming" activities just overstimulates a sensitive baby. Good luck, and let us know how you do. --Robin |
#22
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intro and question attachment parenting
In article uJpjb.103761$9l5.97586@pd7tw2no,
Alicia wrote: I just wish that I could put my baby down for a nap without having him suckling. He always wakes up as soon as I take him off the breast. Unless we are sleeping together for a nap, or overnight, then he's fine. But during the day he's always got to be in the Snugli or at my breast. You might want to pick up Elizabeth Pantley's "The No Cry Sleep Solution". It offers advice on changing your baby's sleep habits without making them "cry it out" (a la Ferber). In particular, she does address the issue of the baby always needing to fall asleep at the breast. (I believe she might recommend slipping in a pacifier to replace it though, which I know you currently don't want to try.) It's probably worth the time to scan through it, at least so you understand the sleep patterns that are getting set up. Good luck! --Robyn (mommy to Ryan 9/93 and Matthew 6/96 and Evan 3/01) who is, btw, friends with but a different person from the Robin you were responding to who gave you all the advice on using one method at a time, etc.... |
#23
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intro and question attachment parenting
Alicia wrote:
Hello Sue, thanks for not being redundant. : ) I agree that I have been given some great advice here, and I have taken it to heart. As for answering your questions: 1. Baby cries mostly in the evening, or during the day if he's tired or hungry. I don't know if you've considered that some babies apparently just cry at the end of the day. In my day that was called colic. We never found a good solution for that. I myself considered that perhaps because *I* was more tired or tense or that I might have less milk at that time. I didn't call it attachment parenting when I was doing it - I bf and picked the kids up when they cried although I didn't co-sleep. I think that while a lot of what goes under the umbrella of attachment parenting is good, but I think there's a lot of unnecessary guilt attached to it when parents are made to feel that a crying baby means failure as a parent or a failure at doing attachment parenting. That just isn't so. There are going to be a LOT of times that you won't be able to help your child, and/or will have to do things (like give shots, have blood drawn, or leave them in the care of someone else) that he will object to and will result in crying. To think otherwise, IMHO is unrealistic. And some babies just cry more than others do. All mine were very placid babies and rarely cried. But I did have one that insisted on waking up and refusing to be put back to sleep around 3 am, and it took quite a bit of effort to get her to the point where she was awake during the dat and asleep at night. I also feel that if he will take a pacifier (and at this point he may not), that it would be good to give him that to give you a break from having to have your breast in his mouth all the time. grandma Rosalie |
#24
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intro and question attachment parenting
It sounds like you're doing a great job Alicia. The only thing that I would
suggest if you think you are more abnormally tired than a new mom should be, is to have your thyroid checked. Sometimes after birth things go haywire and being extremely tired is a sign of the thyroid not working properly. It seems to me that you are getting plenty of opportunities to sleep ( I know broken up sleep is not that great), so I would suspect that something is amiss. Also, I wouldn't feel bad about using a pacifer. Babies have a strong desire to suck and if it looks like he is getting mad at getting milk when he doesn't want it, is actually listening to what your baby wants and is within the realms of AP. -- Sue (mom to three girls) I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World... Alicia wrote in message news:ZApjb.103704$9l5.62292@pd7tw2no... Hello Sue, thanks for not being redundant. : ) I agree that I have been given some great advice here, and I have taken it to heart. As for answering your questions: 1. Baby cries mostly in the evening, or during the day if he's tired or hungry. 2. He sleeps very well during the night, and naps with me during the day for 1-3 hours as well as a number of smaller naps after feeding. 3. I don't think I am eating anything that bothers him because he doesn't have the signs of allergies or colic, and his fussyness is usually at the same time each day for the most part. 4. I drink some decaf coffee each day, but I am not a coffee/tea/cola drinker. I do have a bit of chocolate each day, but again, only a small amount. 5. I do give him a finger or thumb to suck on if we're walking, otherwise he won't take one. 6. I think you are right that he may not want to drink, but likes the comfort of the breast and that might be why he fusses sometimes. I think I will look into alternatives for pacifiers. I don't like the idea of giving him one, but he may benefit from it at this point. 7. I always sleep and nurse him. I barely wake up at all to feed him. And we have great naps together during the day. 8. My husband is really good about taking the baby when he's here thank goodness. My main problem is when he won't sleep and I am really tired. On a normal basis, he's a really easy baby (aside from my exhaustion and desire to do what I want to do instead of what I have to do....). I think I've got some new ideas now that have helped. I will give them a try and then see how things go for the next week or two. Thanks a lot for your ideas, -Alicia "Sue" wrote in message ... You have gotten some good advice, but instead of me telling you to take care of yourself (which I agree with whole heartedly), lets try and figure out if there is a cause for the crying. Does he seem to cry at night more than during the day? Is he sleeping well? If the baby isn't sleeping enough, then that will make him over stimulated and too tired to sleep. Do you think anything your eating could cause an upset tummy in him? Are you drinking any caffeine? If you don't want to use a pacifier, then most AP parents suggest giving a pinky finger to suck on. However, having the baby being two months means your supply is pretty well established and giving a pacifier at this point would not be a horrible thing. It might take care of his sucking needs. He perhaps is getting mad at getting milk when all he wants to do is suck. Get better with using the sling. Using a sling saved my sanity with my three girls. Can you lay down and nurse so you can sleep when he sleeps? This takes practice, but worthwhile in the long run. Don't rule out another growth spurt, sometimes they can come right on top of each other. Don't feel bad at putting the baby down. Do you have a husband or SO that can take the baby for a little while so you can take a bath or for a walk? If you can answer some of my questions, perhaps I can help more. Oh, one more thing, if you think he is gassy or upset tummy, then try to burp more often or try smithecone drops. ) -- Sue (mom to three girls) I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World... |
#25
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intro and question attachment parenting
Alicia, I am a father of 2, both were colic, one is 3 months and
mid-colic. All the input in this tread is coping practices. They are not right or wrong, but the only thing a human being can mentally do to cope. My wife, god bless her, has to deal with the days (while I work). I try my best to come home and provide relief duties. I have a rambunctious 3.5 yr old, awsome boy, but a deathly colic (6 months). My daughter, is a duplicate of him and a joy for the 30 min a day that she smiles, carries you to the next. You can't call what your doing as 'attachment' but sometimes the only remedy that is left after you exhaust all avenues. My daughter refuses the pacifier, the nipple and laying on her back, so putting her to sleep is nothing more than a treat. This note is merely my point and 'hope' to let you know that 3-6 months sounds long but it will end. Then the joy that you (we) all hoped for in having children is at the end of the storm. Helpful Note for the guys: Come home from work play with the kids, take the colic child at 8:30pm (force the wife to sleep, in a closed room, on seperate side of house, or you go to the basement) and tend to the long colic nite (the screaming usually ends around 10:30-11:00. You stay up til 12-1am though! Do not go to sleep, because it will irrate you more if the colic baby wakes you up. Between 12-1 if the baby wakes now pass on to your wife and switch locations, now she has about 4 hours sleep. The best we hope for is that she gets an additional 3 during the waking hours. Overall, my wife feels caught up on 7 hours one interuption, you get 6 straight. That will allow me to go to work clear. Alicia wrote in message news:6ZXhb.71133$pl3.4700@pd7tw3no... Hi there, my name is Alicia, I'm 29 and just had my first baby two months ago. He's a wonderful baby, very alert, gorgeous and full of life. His name is Raine. Anyway, Raine has been crying quite a lot lately, not due to a growth spurt as he just got over one. I have elected an attachment parenting lifestyle with him. We co-sleep, I don't give him a pacifier, so I end up suckling him a lot because he is a very 'sucky' baby. I don't believe in letting him cry himself out, BUT, a few times lately I have found myself so exhausted that I can barely keep myself on two feet, nevermind take care of a baby. I do my best to hold him, comfort him, check all his needs are taken care of. What I've had to do a few times is just put him down in a safe place and leave him to cry. I feel terrible and guilty about it, but when I need to make myself something to eat, I have to do something to get away from his crying. The most I have left him is about ten minutes, and I usually end up crying too I feel so badly. What do you other parents do to cope with this? I have tried a sling (I think I'll try again), but if he won't take my nipple he cries anyway. Do you think he'll still develop a trusting relationship with me if I do this from time to time? My birth experience was terrible (45 hours of labour with a planned home birth ending in a c-section), following a very unhappy pregnancy (sick the whole time, pubis symphisis pain, and so on) so that's why I am still so tired. I love my baby immensely, we have definitely bonded, but sometimes I just feel so helpless to comfort him properly. So, any tips on coping would be great. I don't have anyone I can call on to help me at times like that. Thanks for your input, Alicia |
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