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What do you say...



 
 
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  #1  
Old November 1st 03, 07:00 AM
Marie
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Default What do you say...

....when people try to "label" your twins as "the good one" and "the
demanding one," or terms to that effect?

Chris is much more vocal about his opinions, both positive and negative.
And he has a scream the tones of which can bend metal. Alex is quieter in
his fussing. But I refuse to say (or even believe) that Alex is more
placid, better, more laid back, happier, etc. and so on than Chris. He
simply has a different style.

But I need some handy, one line responses for people (both friend and
stranger) who want to put labels on my kids: something that will stop this
line of conversation without actually coming out and being rude (ie. I can't
really say what I'm thinking, which tends to be something along the line of
"shuddup you ignorant small-minded person and quit trying to label and
cubby-hole my children into your preconceived notions of what babies should
be like and who says that the personality they display at 6mos is anything
like what they're going to grow up as and if you had gas and a tooth coming
in you'd be screaming too so frig off and leave us alone.")

I've finally come up with a pat response for that neverending comment when
people see me with twins--the "wow, now there's a lot of work" one: I smile
and say "I don't know, I'm usually too busy to notice."

TIA

Marie
Chris and Alex--born 04/23/03 at 31wks gestational :-)
Meet the Kidlets at http://ca.f1.pg.photos.yahoo.com/mmcw2


  #2  
Old November 1st 03, 03:52 PM
Megan Byrne
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Default What do you say...

Ugh, I HATE that. I have no advice, I guess, b/c I am a wimp and don't
have the nerve to say anything.

I hate when the word "bad" is used. We don't use that in my home. None
of my kids are "bad".

My MIL calls me daughter a "villian". What kind of person says that to
an adorable 1 year old?? Or "devil". Totally unappropriate!!


~Megan~
Aidan Matthew & Alexis Valerie
Born September 28, 2002

www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/aidannalexis

  #3  
Old November 1st 03, 03:52 PM
Megan Byrne
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Default What do you say...

Ugh, I HATE that. I have no advice, I guess, b/c I am a wimp and don't
have the nerve to say anything.

I hate when the word "bad" is used. We don't use that in my home. None
of my kids are "bad".

My MIL calls me daughter a "villian". What kind of person says that to
an adorable 1 year old?? Or "devil". Totally unappropriate!!


~Megan~
Aidan Matthew & Alexis Valerie
Born September 28, 2002

www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/aidannalexis

  #4  
Old November 1st 03, 05:19 PM
Cindy Wells
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Default What do you say...

Marie wrote:

...when people try to "label" your twins as "the good one" and "the
demanding one," or terms to that effect?


My mom's pat answer was something on the "right now, one is giving me a
bad day; it will change soon."

Cindy Wells
(whose mom realized that often it was time/place/situation that
altered her mood about our behavior. The behavior often didn't
change (over a given day).)
TIA

Marie
Chris and Alex--born 04/23/03 at 31wks gestational :-)
Meet the Kidlets at http://ca.f1.pg.photos.yahoo.com/mmcw2

  #5  
Old November 1st 03, 05:19 PM
Cindy Wells
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Posts: n/a
Default What do you say...

Marie wrote:

...when people try to "label" your twins as "the good one" and "the
demanding one," or terms to that effect?


My mom's pat answer was something on the "right now, one is giving me a
bad day; it will change soon."

Cindy Wells
(whose mom realized that often it was time/place/situation that
altered her mood about our behavior. The behavior often didn't
change (over a given day).)
TIA

Marie
Chris and Alex--born 04/23/03 at 31wks gestational :-)
Meet the Kidlets at http://ca.f1.pg.photos.yahoo.com/mmcw2

  #8  
Old November 1st 03, 10:20 PM
GandSBrock
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Default What do you say...

I hate the labeling thing too. My mom used to say that I should watch out for
Ryan because he could easily become a bully (since he's big) and that really
made me bristle. So I would always follow that with saying what a sweet gentle
person he was, it wouldn't happen. And he is a very sweet gentle person!

Maybe you can think of what are the best positive qualities that you want to
reinforce in your kids and say that instead. Like "Chris is a great
communicator". Okay, that's a lame example, but maybe he's got a tender heart,
or he's very happy (when he's happy), or he's very gentle with the dog or
something. I just noticed their birthdates, so I guess they might be too young
for those. How about, he's got a smile that melts my heart, or he's very
cuddly - something more baby appropriate.

Just don't allow yourself to be pulled into the "good twin, evil twin" game.
Maybe just say, "they are both very different, but very wonderful".

Stephanie
Jake and Ryan 9/3/99
  #9  
Old November 1st 03, 10:20 PM
GandSBrock
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Posts: n/a
Default What do you say...

I hate the labeling thing too. My mom used to say that I should watch out for
Ryan because he could easily become a bully (since he's big) and that really
made me bristle. So I would always follow that with saying what a sweet gentle
person he was, it wouldn't happen. And he is a very sweet gentle person!

Maybe you can think of what are the best positive qualities that you want to
reinforce in your kids and say that instead. Like "Chris is a great
communicator". Okay, that's a lame example, but maybe he's got a tender heart,
or he's very happy (when he's happy), or he's very gentle with the dog or
something. I just noticed their birthdates, so I guess they might be too young
for those. How about, he's got a smile that melts my heart, or he's very
cuddly - something more baby appropriate.

Just don't allow yourself to be pulled into the "good twin, evil twin" game.
Maybe just say, "they are both very different, but very wonderful".

Stephanie
Jake and Ryan 9/3/99
  #10  
Old November 1st 03, 10:21 PM
GandSBrock
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Posts: n/a
Default What do you say...

My mom's pat answer was something on the "right now, one is giving me a
bad day; it will change soon."


That's a good one.

Stephanie
Jake and Ryan 9/3/99
 




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