Choices, choices, choices -- but only for women

"Ronni" wrote in message ...
"TeacherMama" wrote in message
om...

snip

I understand how
difficult it must be for you to be raising an ADHD/ODD child on your
own. I would guess that his problems may be fairly severe, since he
was hospitalized at such a young age in an effort to find a diagnosis.
There must be days when you wish you could just run away and hide.
Especially with the misinformation out there that insists that better
parenting would "cure" these children.

My sons therapist--which is in one of the top offices in the area for this
type of treatment--told me that my son has one of the worst cases of ADHD
and ODD he has ever seen. He said if he had to guess he thinks my son would
be in the top 2% for severity of symptoms. Sure there are times I wished I
could run away and hide, but unlike my sons dad, I grin and bear it....(and
hope like hell one of these upcoming weekends my sister will babysit so I
can get out alone) I havent even gone grocery shopping without my kids in
years! LOL

The problem is that the guy you had your child with does not want to
be and never did want to be a father. You made a moral choice to have
the child--and you defend that moral choice. He made a choice to not
be a father to this child--you don't approve of or accept his choice.
You see it as immoral in some way--he does not see it the same way.
Just as some of the people here do not see the choice you made to
raise the child alone as wise of moral. Nobody is going to change
anyone else's mind, and each has a right to his own opinion.
I do understand that the CS money would come in handy, but I get the
impression that having dad's support and presence is much more
important to you.

Yes, the money would be very helpful in helping to pay for my sons meds. (he
has asthma also) But it would be nice to see my son with his dad, like alot
of father/sons do. I asked his dad last year to go with to a therapy session
to help get an understanding of my sons illness, he wouldnt. When I aclled
to tell him his son was inthe hospital, his mom, (yes he lievs at home) hung
up on me...3 times!!!


Since dad is obviously not much help day-to-day, do you have a support
system set up? Do you have people in your life who will watch your
child and give you time to yourself?

Usually I get a sitter set up, my sister or my fiances sister, then I feel
bad and tell them not to worry about coming over.

You do need to take advantage of time to yourself. You need to get
far enough away so you can see that there is still a world out there
that doesn't revolve around dealing with an extremely difficult child.
Taking time for yourself ultimately helps both you and your child.


You absolutely *need* to take
time for yourself, both for your child's sake and for your own sake.
Is the school implementing the IEP properly?

There idea of IEP is when he has a bad day he will go to a special class
with the other special children.

Go back and read your IEP again. It should have behavior goals and
expected times to reach those goals. It should also contain specific
modifications for the classroom. Does your son's teacher use a card
chart to modify behavior? A star chart? Is she keeping a running
record of how things are going so the IEP team knows how to modify his
program at the next meeting? "We'll kick him out if he misbehaves" is
not adequate for an IEP.

Do you see progress being made at school? Are you contacted when he
is removed from class? I'm sure you are aware that YOU can schedule
an IEP meeting on demand if you feel that your child is just being
shuffled around, rather than having his needs met. You, as a parent,
have a right to have that IEP fulfilled to the letter. Be assertive on
your son's behalf, and don't be backed down by the "we're the
professionals" routine. Your input is every bit as valid as everyone
else's on the team. Bring a statement from his therapist and whoever
else works with him. The idea of the IEP is to make sure he is getting
the modifications necessary to make education accessible to him. I'm
not saying that being removed from the room is unacceptable--but if
that's ALL that is being done, then there could be a problem. Go up
the line in the administration if you need to. There should also, by
federal law, be a contact number you can call if you feel that the IEP
is not being fulfilled and/or the IEP committee is ignoring his needs.
It should be posted at school and you should have received a copy of
your rights at each IEP meeting. DON'T sign the next IEP unless it
meets his needs.


It's very important to
keep on top of this. There should be some sort of group in your area
that could help you tap into the help you need as well as show you
that you aern't alone in living with the difficulties of an ADHD/ODD
child.

I moved here from another part of the county last year. I don't know anyone
except my boyfriends family and my sons teachers. Since I dont really go out
its kind of hard getting to know anyone. I met a few people with my
consulting for Princess House but that is kept pretty much
consultant/hostess/guest relationship.
I need to get out, LOL.

Call the number on the IEP rights form. They should be able to give
you some direction.

"TeacherMama" wrote in message
om...
"Ronni" wrote in message
...
"TeacherMama" wrote in message
om...

snip

I understand how
difficult it must be for you to be raising an ADHD/ODD child on your
own. I would guess that his problems may be fairly severe, since he
was hospitalized at such a young age in an effort to find a diagnosis.
There must be days when you wish you could just run away and hide.
Especially with the misinformation out there that insists that better
parenting would "cure" these children.

My sons therapist--which is in one of the top offices in the area for
this
type of treatment--told me that my son has one of the worst cases of
ADHD
and ODD he has ever seen. He said if he had to guess he thinks my son
would
be in the top 2% for severity of symptoms. Sure there are times I wished
I
could run away and hide, but unlike my sons dad, I grin and bear
it....(and
hope like hell one of these upcoming weekends my sister will babysit so
I
can get out alone) I havent even gone grocery shopping without my kids
in
years! LOL

The problem is that the guy you had your child with does not want to
be and never did want to be a father. You made a moral choice to have
the child--and you defend that moral choice. He made a choice to not
be a father to this child--you don't approve of or accept his choice.
You see it as immoral in some way--he does not see it the same way.
Just as some of the people here do not see the choice you made to
raise the child alone as wise of moral. Nobody is going to change
anyone else's mind, and each has a right to his own opinion.
I do understand that the CS money would come in handy, but I get the
impression that having dad's support and presence is much more
important to you.

Yes, the money would be very helpful in helping to pay for my sons meds.
(he
has asthma also) But it would be nice to see my son with his dad, like
alot
of father/sons do. I asked his dad last year to go with to a therapy
session
to help get an understanding of my sons illness, he wouldnt. When I
aclled
to tell him his son was inthe hospital, his mom, (yes he lievs at home)
hung
up on me...3 times!!!


Since dad is obviously not much help day-to-day, do you have a support
system set up? Do you have people in your life who will watch your
child and give you time to yourself?

Usually I get a sitter set up, my sister or my fiances sister, then I
feel
bad and tell them not to worry about coming over.

You do need to take advantage of time to yourself. You need to get
far enough away so you can see that there is still a world out there
that doesn't revolve around dealing with an extremely difficult child.
Taking time for yourself ultimately helps both you and your child.

Yea I supposed you are right, but it is so hard to get away...thinking of
BINGO this weekend LOL



You absolutely *need* to take
time for yourself, both for your child's sake and for your own sake.
Is the school implementing the IEP properly?

There idea of IEP is when he has a bad day he will go to a special class
with the other special children.

Go back and read your IEP again. It should have behavior goals and
expected times to reach those goals. It should also contain specific
modifications for the classroom. Does your son's teacher use a card
chart to modify behavior? A star chart? Is she keeping a running
record of how things are going so the IEP team knows how to modify his
program at the next meeting? "We'll kick him out if he misbehaves" is
not adequate for an IEP.

They use a ticket pulling method--she also has implemented a balloon chart
that she was supposed to send home at the end of each week but she hasnt yet

Do you see progress being made at school? Are you contacted when he
is removed from class?

His academics definitly improved since medicated. I am called at least 2
times a week about something. Wether it was removed from class, almost
removed, his desk moved to the back of the room away from other kids, not
allowed to sit with the other kids at lunchm in the corner....which they
have done for an hour already...etc.
They usually isolate him in the class or lunch. More that then going to the
other classroom.

I'm sure you are aware that YOU can schedule
an IEP meeting on demand if you feel that your child is just being
shuffled around, rather than having his needs met. You, as a parent,
have a right to have that IEP fulfilled to the letter. Be assertive on
your son's behalf, and don't be backed down by the "we're the
professionals" routine. Your input is every bit as valid as everyone
else's on the team.

I delt with his problems for 6 years unmedicated. When we moved to this
school district they INSISTED he be put on Ritalin. The called me routinely
daily to find out if I made an evaluation appointment. When I was on third
shift and the sitter was here in the morning she forgot his meds now and
then--understandable she would forget now and then--he gets on the bus at
8am at school at 8:15 class starts at 8:25--I would get home at 8:45 and
would have a message already to pick him up, bring his meds, or tell me he
HAS to be medicated they cant deal with him.
They called me at the hospital when I was in for my 2 days after having my
daughter!!


Bring a statement from his therapist and whoever
else works with him. The idea of the IEP is to make sure he is getting
the modifications necessary to make education accessible to him. I'm
not saying that being removed from the room is unacceptable--but if
that's ALL that is being done, then there could be a problem. Go up
the line in the administration if you need to. There should also, by
federal law, be a contact number you can call if you feel that the IEP
is not being fulfilled and/or the IEP committee is ignoring his needs.
It should be posted at school and you should have received a copy of
your rights at each IEP meeting. DON'T sign the next IEP unless it
meets his needs.

I will have to read over the IEP again. His teacher last year made such a
specatacle out of my son....I almost went over screaming at them, but
retained myself.


It's very important to
keep on top of this. There should be some sort of group in your area
that could help you tap into the help you need as well as show you
that you aern't alone in living with the difficulties of an ADHD/ODD
child.

I moved here from another part of the county last year. I don't know
anyone
except my boyfriends family and my sons teachers. Since I dont really go
out
its kind of hard getting to know anyone. I met a few people with my
consulting for Princess House but that is kept pretty much
consultant/hostess/guest relationship.
I need to get out, LOL.

Call the number on the IEP rights form. They should be able to give
you some direction.

Thanks..Ronni

"TeacherMama" wrote in message
om...
"Ronni" wrote in message
...
"TeacherMama" wrote in message
om...

snip

I understand how
difficult it must be for you to be raising an ADHD/ODD child on your
own. I would guess that his problems may be fairly severe, since he
was hospitalized at such a young age in an effort to find a diagnosis.
There must be days when you wish you could just run away and hide.
Especially with the misinformation out there that insists that better
parenting would "cure" these children.

My sons therapist--which is in one of the top offices in the area for
this
type of treatment--told me that my son has one of the worst cases of
ADHD
and ODD he has ever seen. He said if he had to guess he thinks my son
would
be in the top 2% for severity of symptoms. Sure there are times I wished
I
could run away and hide, but unlike my sons dad, I grin and bear
it....(and
hope like hell one of these upcoming weekends my sister will babysit so
I
can get out alone) I havent even gone grocery shopping without my kids
in
years! LOL

The problem is that the guy you had your child with does not want to
be and never did want to be a father. You made a moral choice to have
the child--and you defend that moral choice. He made a choice to not
be a father to this child--you don't approve of or accept his choice.
You see it as immoral in some way--he does not see it the same way.
Just as some of the people here do not see the choice you made to
raise the child alone as wise of moral. Nobody is going to change
anyone else's mind, and each has a right to his own opinion.
I do understand that the CS money would come in handy, but I get the
impression that having dad's support and presence is much more
important to you.

Yes, the money would be very helpful in helping to pay for my sons meds.
(he
has asthma also) But it would be nice to see my son with his dad, like
alot
of father/sons do. I asked his dad last year to go with to a therapy
session
to help get an understanding of my sons illness, he wouldnt. When I
aclled
to tell him his son was inthe hospital, his mom, (yes he lievs at home)
hung
up on me...3 times!!!


Since dad is obviously not much help day-to-day, do you have a support
system set up? Do you have people in your life who will watch your
child and give you time to yourself?

Usually I get a sitter set up, my sister or my fiances sister, then I
feel
bad and tell them not to worry about coming over.

You do need to take advantage of time to yourself. You need to get
far enough away so you can see that there is still a world out there
that doesn't revolve around dealing with an extremely difficult child.
Taking time for yourself ultimately helps both you and your child.

Yea I supposed you are right, but it is so hard to get away...thinking of
BINGO this weekend LOL



You absolutely *need* to take
time for yourself, both for your child's sake and for your own sake.
Is the school implementing the IEP properly?

There idea of IEP is when he has a bad day he will go to a special class
with the other special children.

Go back and read your IEP again. It should have behavior goals and
expected times to reach those goals. It should also contain specific
modifications for the classroom. Does your son's teacher use a card
chart to modify behavior? A star chart? Is she keeping a running
record of how things are going so the IEP team knows how to modify his
program at the next meeting? "We'll kick him out if he misbehaves" is
not adequate for an IEP.

They use a ticket pulling method--she also has implemented a balloon chart
that she was supposed to send home at the end of each week but she hasnt yet

Do you see progress being made at school? Are you contacted when he
is removed from class?

His academics definitly improved since medicated. I am called at least 2
times a week about something. Wether it was removed from class, almost
removed, his desk moved to the back of the room away from other kids, not
allowed to sit with the other kids at lunchm in the corner....which they
have done for an hour already...etc.
They usually isolate him in the class or lunch. More that then going to the
other classroom.

I'm sure you are aware that YOU can schedule
an IEP meeting on demand if you feel that your child is just being
shuffled around, rather than having his needs met. You, as a parent,
have a right to have that IEP fulfilled to the letter. Be assertive on
your son's behalf, and don't be backed down by the "we're the
professionals" routine. Your input is every bit as valid as everyone
else's on the team.

I delt with his problems for 6 years unmedicated. When we moved to this
school district they INSISTED he be put on Ritalin. The called me routinely
daily to find out if I made an evaluation appointment. When I was on third
shift and the sitter was here in the morning she forgot his meds now and
then--understandable she would forget now and then--he gets on the bus at
8am at school at 8:15 class starts at 8:25--I would get home at 8:45 and
would have a message already to pick him up, bring his meds, or tell me he
HAS to be medicated they cant deal with him.
They called me at the hospital when I was in for my 2 days after having my
daughter!!


Bring a statement from his therapist and whoever
else works with him. The idea of the IEP is to make sure he is getting
the modifications necessary to make education accessible to him. I'm
not saying that being removed from the room is unacceptable--but if
that's ALL that is being done, then there could be a problem. Go up
the line in the administration if you need to. There should also, by
federal law, be a contact number you can call if you feel that the IEP
is not being fulfilled and/or the IEP committee is ignoring his needs.
It should be posted at school and you should have received a copy of
your rights at each IEP meeting. DON'T sign the next IEP unless it
meets his needs.

I will have to read over the IEP again. His teacher last year made such a
specatacle out of my son....I almost went over screaming at them, but
retained myself.


It's very important to
keep on top of this. There should be some sort of group in your area
that could help you tap into the help you need as well as show you
that you aern't alone in living with the difficulties of an ADHD/ODD
child.

I moved here from another part of the county last year. I don't know
anyone
except my boyfriends family and my sons teachers. Since I dont really go
out
its kind of hard getting to know anyone. I met a few people with my
consulting for Princess House but that is kept pretty much
consultant/hostess/guest relationship.
I need to get out, LOL.

Call the number on the IEP rights form. They should be able to give
you some direction.

Thanks..Ronni

"TeacherMama" wrote in message
om...
"Ronni" wrote in message
...
"TeacherMama" wrote in message
om...

snip

I understand how
difficult it must be for you to be raising an ADHD/ODD child on your
own. I would guess that his problems may be fairly severe, since he
was hospitalized at such a young age in an effort to find a diagnosis.
There must be days when you wish you could just run away and hide.
Especially with the misinformation out there that insists that better
parenting would "cure" these children.

My sons therapist--which is in one of the top offices in the area for
this
type of treatment--told me that my son has one of the worst cases of
ADHD
and ODD he has ever seen. He said if he had to guess he thinks my son
would
be in the top 2% for severity of symptoms. Sure there are times I wished
I
could run away and hide, but unlike my sons dad, I grin and bear
it....(and
hope like hell one of these upcoming weekends my sister will babysit so
I
can get out alone) I havent even gone grocery shopping without my kids
in
years! LOL

The problem is that the guy you had your child with does not want to
be and never did want to be a father. You made a moral choice to have
the child--and you defend that moral choice. He made a choice to not
be a father to this child--you don't approve of or accept his choice.
You see it as immoral in some way--he does not see it the same way.
Just as some of the people here do not see the choice you made to
raise the child alone as wise of moral. Nobody is going to change
anyone else's mind, and each has a right to his own opinion.
I do understand that the CS money would come in handy, but I get the
impression that having dad's support and presence is much more
important to you.

Yes, the money would be very helpful in helping to pay for my sons meds.
(he
has asthma also) But it would be nice to see my son with his dad, like
alot
of father/sons do. I asked his dad last year to go with to a therapy
session
to help get an understanding of my sons illness, he wouldnt. When I
aclled
to tell him his son was inthe hospital, his mom, (yes he lievs at home)
hung
up on me...3 times!!!


Since dad is obviously not much help day-to-day, do you have a support
system set up? Do you have people in your life who will watch your
child and give you time to yourself?

Usually I get a sitter set up, my sister or my fiances sister, then I
feel
bad and tell them not to worry about coming over.

You do need to take advantage of time to yourself. You need to get
far enough away so you can see that there is still a world out there
that doesn't revolve around dealing with an extremely difficult child.
Taking time for yourself ultimately helps both you and your child.


You absolutely *need* to take
time for yourself, both for your child's sake and for your own sake.
Is the school implementing the IEP properly?

There idea of IEP is when he has a bad day he will go to a special class
with the other special children.

Go back and read your IEP again. It should have behavior goals and
expected times to reach those goals. It should also contain specific
modifications for the classroom. Does your son's teacher use a card
chart to modify behavior? A star chart? Is she keeping a running
record of how things are going so the IEP team knows how to modify his
program at the next meeting? "We'll kick him out if he misbehaves" is
not adequate for an IEP.

Do you see progress being made at school? Are you contacted when he
is removed from class? I'm sure you are aware that YOU can schedule
an IEP meeting on demand if you feel that your child is just being
shuffled around, rather than having his needs met. You, as a parent,
have a right to have that IEP fulfilled to the letter. Be assertive on
your son's behalf, and don't be backed down by the "we're the
professionals" routine. Your input is every bit as valid as everyone
else's on the team. Bring a statement from his therapist and whoever
else works with him. The idea of the IEP is to make sure he is getting
the modifications necessary to make education accessible to him. I'm
not saying that being removed from the room is unacceptable--but if
that's ALL that is being done, then there could be a problem. Go up
the line in the administration if you need to. There should also, by
federal law, be a contact number you can call if you feel that the IEP
is not being fulfilled and/or the IEP committee is ignoring his needs.
It should be posted at school and you should have received a copy of
your rights at each IEP meeting. DON'T sign the next IEP unless it
meets his needs.


It's very important to
keep on top of this. There should be some sort of group in your area
that could help you tap into the help you need as well as show you
that you aern't alone in living with the difficulties of an ADHD/ODD
child.

I moved here from another part of the county last year. I don't know
anyone
except my boyfriends family and my sons teachers. Since I dont really go
out
its kind of hard getting to know anyone. I met a few people with my
consulting for Princess House but that is kept pretty much
consultant/hostess/guest relationship.
I need to get out, LOL.

Call the number on the IEP rights form. They should be able to give
you some direction.

I even got one better than what I put in my last posting.
Last year, after being medicated, but a low dose of Ritalin....my son was
punched in the face by a 6th grader---now this was his first year in K. He
got off the bus, crying hysterically, red in the face, so of course I got
the story from him and called the school. Want to know what they told me?
They told me that he had 'such a bad day' that the 6th grader probably got
sick of listening to him!! The other boy tried to say that my son gave him
the middle finger (my son has no idea what that means or that it is
bad....if anything he was acting up imitating my sister and I who speak in
Sign Language when we don't want our kids to hear what we are saying)
therefore, the child was not punished but my son was...there excuse taht he
had a bad day is pitiful and that child shouldve been in trouble. They did
nothing.

"TeacherMama" wrote in message
om...
"Ronni" wrote in message
...
"TeacherMama" wrote in message
om...

snip

I understand how
difficult it must be for you to be raising an ADHD/ODD child on your
own. I would guess that his problems may be fairly severe, since he
was hospitalized at such a young age in an effort to find a diagnosis.
There must be days when you wish you could just run away and hide.
Especially with the misinformation out there that insists that better
parenting would "cure" these children.

My sons therapist--which is in one of the top offices in the area for
this
type of treatment--told me that my son has one of the worst cases of
ADHD
and ODD he has ever seen. He said if he had to guess he thinks my son
would
be in the top 2% for severity of symptoms. Sure there are times I wished
I
could run away and hide, but unlike my sons dad, I grin and bear
it....(and
hope like hell one of these upcoming weekends my sister will babysit so
I
can get out alone) I havent even gone grocery shopping without my kids
in
years! LOL

The problem is that the guy you had your child with does not want to
be and never did want to be a father. You made a moral choice to have
the child--and you defend that moral choice. He made a choice to not
be a father to this child--you don't approve of or accept his choice.
You see it as immoral in some way--he does not see it the same way.
Just as some of the people here do not see the choice you made to
raise the child alone as wise of moral. Nobody is going to change
anyone else's mind, and each has a right to his own opinion.
I do understand that the CS money would come in handy, but I get the
impression that having dad's support and presence is much more
important to you.

Yes, the money would be very helpful in helping to pay for my sons meds.
(he
has asthma also) But it would be nice to see my son with his dad, like
alot
of father/sons do. I asked his dad last year to go with to a therapy
session
to help get an understanding of my sons illness, he wouldnt. When I
aclled
to tell him his son was inthe hospital, his mom, (yes he lievs at home)
hung
up on me...3 times!!!


Since dad is obviously not much help day-to-day, do you have a support
system set up? Do you have people in your life who will watch your
child and give you time to yourself?

Usually I get a sitter set up, my sister or my fiances sister, then I
feel
bad and tell them not to worry about coming over.

You do need to take advantage of time to yourself. You need to get
far enough away so you can see that there is still a world out there
that doesn't revolve around dealing with an extremely difficult child.
Taking time for yourself ultimately helps both you and your child.


You absolutely *need* to take
time for yourself, both for your child's sake and for your own sake.
Is the school implementing the IEP properly?

There idea of IEP is when he has a bad day he will go to a special class
with the other special children.

Go back and read your IEP again. It should have behavior goals and
expected times to reach those goals. It should also contain specific
modifications for the classroom. Does your son's teacher use a card
chart to modify behavior? A star chart? Is she keeping a running
record of how things are going so the IEP team knows how to modify his
program at the next meeting? "We'll kick him out if he misbehaves" is
not adequate for an IEP.

Do you see progress being made at school? Are you contacted when he
is removed from class? I'm sure you are aware that YOU can schedule
an IEP meeting on demand if you feel that your child is just being
shuffled around, rather than having his needs met. You, as a parent,
have a right to have that IEP fulfilled to the letter. Be assertive on
your son's behalf, and don't be backed down by the "we're the
professionals" routine. Your input is every bit as valid as everyone
else's on the team. Bring a statement from his therapist and whoever
else works with him. The idea of the IEP is to make sure he is getting
the modifications necessary to make education accessible to him. I'm
not saying that being removed from the room is unacceptable--but if
that's ALL that is being done, then there could be a problem. Go up
the line in the administration if you need to. There should also, by
federal law, be a contact number you can call if you feel that the IEP
is not being fulfilled and/or the IEP committee is ignoring his needs.
It should be posted at school and you should have received a copy of
your rights at each IEP meeting. DON'T sign the next IEP unless it
meets his needs.


It's very important to
keep on top of this. There should be some sort of group in your area
that could help you tap into the help you need as well as show you
that you aern't alone in living with the difficulties of an ADHD/ODD
child.

I moved here from another part of the county last year. I don't know
anyone
except my boyfriends family and my sons teachers. Since I dont really go
out
its kind of hard getting to know anyone. I met a few people with my
consulting for Princess House but that is kept pretty much
consultant/hostess/guest relationship.
I need to get out, LOL.

Call the number on the IEP rights form. They should be able to give
you some direction.

I even got one better than what I put in my last posting.
Last year, after being medicated, but a low dose of Ritalin....my son was
punched in the face by a 6th grader---now this was his first year in K. He
got off the bus, crying hysterically, red in the face, so of course I got
the story from him and called the school. Want to know what they told me?
They told me that he had 'such a bad day' that the 6th grader probably got
sick of listening to him!! The other boy tried to say that my son gave him
the middle finger (my son has no idea what that means or that it is
bad....if anything he was acting up imitating my sister and I who speak in
Sign Language when we don't want our kids to hear what we are saying)
therefore, the child was not punished but my son was...there excuse taht he
had a bad day is pitiful and that child shouldve been in trouble. They did
nothing.

"Ronni" wrote in message
...

"AZ Astrea" wrote in message
...

*snippity*

Bob, they had my ex furnish 'receipts' of his salary. What he gave
them
was
about half of what his 'salary' is. See he runs his business and has
everyone on a salary. He (well his mother) figured out what monthly
amount
they need for business expenses and the salaries were divided up
thereafter
based on what they usually have come in. HE DOES NOT FILE TAXES never
has...so there is no real 'proof' of anything.
------------
Hhmmmm, the IRS might be interested in learning about this. If he earns
money he has to pay taxes. The feds get real irate about that and tend
to
take it personally.

Although I have thought about placing a call to the IRS, I didn't want to
be
labeled as the one who doesnt get CS so she called the IRS....I do wish
someone would let them know what he has been up to.
------------
No one has to know you were the one to report him. I think there may be a
way to report him up on the IRS website.
------------

----------------
Sure some months may be
better than others, both in income and expense accounts, but I know
for
a
fact he hasn't had a bad month every month for the last 6 years.
Anyway,
he
has figured out how to beat the system in more ways than one. (not
only
the
CS system)

I do think the lisence revocation thing is a bit harsh. Even though I
get
very upset about his non payment, I do KNOW he needs his lisence--we
all
need taht--but he needs it for his work also.
------------
I don't like the license revocation thing either but in your situation
it
may be the only thing that will work.

True, I think that is the only thing that is left. He hasnt been to jail
but
his brother has been at least 100 times for nonpayment of his child
support.
He saw what his brother went through, heck my ex even paid to bail his
brother out a few times....

------------
I have asked why they arent
helping me and all they say is they will look it over. A few days
later
I
get a copy of a letter they sent to him that threatens the usual bench
warrant, wage atachment (which has happened in November I believe it
was),
or lisence revocation, after 6 years they finally sent the wage
attachment.
Kind of hard to attach the wages of a self employed person who doesnt
send
the CS anyway.

Isn't it sad that a organization of any type will help people based on
what
their federal bonus could be? Any organization, not just a CS system.
That
is kind of disheartening.
-------------
It's disheartening, infuriating and just plain wrong. They go after the
dads who are the easiest to go after, (and who probably would pay cs
anyway),

Exactly

through wage withholding and they talk about how good their zero
tolerance attitude is working, while the cases that could really use
help
go
wanting.

Exactly

It just isn't worth their while to go after cases that are for low
amounts and might require a bit more work than just sending a
threatening
letter and a wage withholding. That's just one of many reasons why the
government should not be involved.

He might only owe me $2000 but that is just about a year of child support
in
my case.

----------------

I guess I should find a lawyer...a cheap one...but a good one....I
doubt
there are many of those around here....
---------------
Is there a legal aid service? Or perhaps through a local university?

I tried Legal Aid, I live with my fiance and they told me I'm over income
because of his income...
Can you tell me more about what a local university could do?
----------------
Well, I learned a bit about what different types of legal help there is
around here by talking to a few professors and law students at the
university. But my best friend was a student there at the time which was a
help. If you can get a university phone book/directory you may be able to
find some useful info that way. Also through any womens groups in your
area.
-----------------
--------------

And on another note, from other postings about signing away the rights
to
a
chld etc...since we all know now that my story was my own I would like
certain people here to know that I asked my sons father to sign away
his
rights to him, along with his obligation to CS, and I asked twice.
Both
times he refused. Just wanted to throw that in there beings that I
came
clean about the story and alot of people feel that NCP should be able
to
do
that. I offered it, and that offer will stand forever, and he won't.
Which
I
do not understand, makes the whole situation even stranger..
----------------
I can't imagine what his reasons are for not taking you up on this
unless
he
just a control freak or something. I know many who would jump at the
chance
and then I know many who wouldn't but then the ones who wouldn't
generally
want to be involved in their kids lives. Some may have financial
difficulties at times causing a great deal of problems for them but they
still wouldn't give up their rights. You're right, it is a strange
situation.
-------------

He is the type of person who wants what he cant have. He will do jsut the
opposite of what is asked most times....I tried the reverse psychology on
him a few years ago but that didn't work either. I tried telling him I
would
never let him sign his rights away (thinking he might do it then) but he
laughed and said he can see right through me that he knows that is what I
want. I dont understand it, he clearly isnt involved, he clearly doesnt
want
to be involved, I would be ECSTATIC to get a phone call saying 'can I
still
sign my rights away'


Bob, again, Thanks for your information. I am so sick to death of
trying
to
talk to the people at Domestic Relations that I about given up on the
whole
thing. I see now that I am sure my case is no where near priority for
them
and is why I am not getting any help...or at least part of the reason.
------------
Maybe once the amount gets to $2,500. They can't stop you from keeping
pressure on them to do something for you. I would bug them at least
once
a
week. It is their job to help you and there has to be some way you can
make
them do it.
I hope your son is okay. The best thing you can do is let him know that
while his dad may come and go, you are there for him always and that he
can
always count on you.

Thanks, my son goes through alot. He is pretty confused and his ADHD/ODD
doesn't help. He has stopped asking questions about his dad and his dads
family, but once in a while he will say something out of the blue. ~~Ronni
---------------
I know nothing about ADHD/ODD but teachermama seems to have that pretty well
covered. I did spend a few years teaching special ed and coaching the
special olympics but that was many many moons ago. Does he have any 'father
figures' in his life at all? Do they have a Big Brother program where you
live? Maybe looking into something like that would be helpful. If you
feel put on the spot by his questions just take a moment to get your wits
about you and if nothing else just tell him the truth or "I don't know". If
you keep pretty much to the truth, when he grows up, you won't have as much
explaining to do. As long as he can trust you to be a 'rock' in his life he
should be able to learn from that. Kids need stability so they can trust
that the sun is going to come up tomorrow and mom is going to be there when
they need her. Good luck.

~AZ~

"Ronni" wrote in message
...

"AZ Astrea" wrote in message
...

*snippity*

Bob, they had my ex furnish 'receipts' of his salary. What he gave
them
was
about half of what his 'salary' is. See he runs his business and has
everyone on a salary. He (well his mother) figured out what monthly
amount
they need for business expenses and the salaries were divided up
thereafter
based on what they usually have come in. HE DOES NOT FILE TAXES never
has...so there is no real 'proof' of anything.
------------
Hhmmmm, the IRS might be interested in learning about this. If he earns
money he has to pay taxes. The feds get real irate about that and tend
to
take it personally.

Although I have thought about placing a call to the IRS, I didn't want to
be
labeled as the one who doesnt get CS so she called the IRS....I do wish
someone would let them know what he has been up to.
------------
No one has to know you were the one to report him. I think there may be a
way to report him up on the IRS website.
------------

----------------
Sure some months may be
better than others, both in income and expense accounts, but I know
for
a
fact he hasn't had a bad month every month for the last 6 years.
Anyway,
he
has figured out how to beat the system in more ways than one. (not
only
the
CS system)

I do think the lisence revocation thing is a bit harsh. Even though I
get
very upset about his non payment, I do KNOW he needs his lisence--we
all
need taht--but he needs it for his work also.
------------
I don't like the license revocation thing either but in your situation
it
may be the only thing that will work.

True, I think that is the only thing that is left. He hasnt been to jail
but
his brother has been at least 100 times for nonpayment of his child
support.
He saw what his brother went through, heck my ex even paid to bail his
brother out a few times....

------------
I have asked why they arent
helping me and all they say is they will look it over. A few days
later
I
get a copy of a letter they sent to him that threatens the usual bench
warrant, wage atachment (which has happened in November I believe it
was),
or lisence revocation, after 6 years they finally sent the wage
attachment.
Kind of hard to attach the wages of a self employed person who doesnt
send
the CS anyway.

Isn't it sad that a organization of any type will help people based on
what
their federal bonus could be? Any organization, not just a CS system.
That
is kind of disheartening.
-------------
It's disheartening, infuriating and just plain wrong. They go after the
dads who are the easiest to go after, (and who probably would pay cs
anyway),

Exactly

through wage withholding and they talk about how good their zero
tolerance attitude is working, while the cases that could really use
help
go
wanting.

Exactly

It just isn't worth their while to go after cases that are for low
amounts and might require a bit more work than just sending a
threatening
letter and a wage withholding. That's just one of many reasons why the
government should not be involved.

He might only owe me $2000 but that is just about a year of child support
in
my case.

----------------

I guess I should find a lawyer...a cheap one...but a good one....I
doubt
there are many of those around here....
---------------
Is there a legal aid service? Or perhaps through a local university?

I tried Legal Aid, I live with my fiance and they told me I'm over income
because of his income...
Can you tell me more about what a local university could do?
----------------
Well, I learned a bit about what different types of legal help there is
around here by talking to a few professors and law students at the
university. But my best friend was a student there at the time which was a
help. If you can get a university phone book/directory you may be able to
find some useful info that way. Also through any womens groups in your
area.
-----------------
--------------

And on another note, from other postings about signing away the rights
to
a
chld etc...since we all know now that my story was my own I would like
certain people here to know that I asked my sons father to sign away
his
rights to him, along with his obligation to CS, and I asked twice.
Both
times he refused. Just wanted to throw that in there beings that I
came
clean about the story and alot of people feel that NCP should be able
to
do
that. I offered it, and that offer will stand forever, and he won't.
Which
I
do not understand, makes the whole situation even stranger..
----------------
I can't imagine what his reasons are for not taking you up on this
unless
he
just a control freak or something. I know many who would jump at the
chance
and then I know many who wouldn't but then the ones who wouldn't
generally
want to be involved in their kids lives. Some may have financial
difficulties at times causing a great deal of problems for them but they
still wouldn't give up their rights. You're right, it is a strange
situation.
-------------

He is the type of person who wants what he cant have. He will do jsut the
opposite of what is asked most times....I tried the reverse psychology on
him a few years ago but that didn't work either. I tried telling him I
would
never let him sign his rights away (thinking he might do it then) but he
laughed and said he can see right through me that he knows that is what I
want. I dont understand it, he clearly isnt involved, he clearly doesnt
want
to be involved, I would be ECSTATIC to get a phone call saying 'can I
still
sign my rights away'


Bob, again, Thanks for your information. I am so sick to death of
trying
to
talk to the people at Domestic Relations that I about given up on the
whole
thing. I see now that I am sure my case is no where near priority for
them
and is why I am not getting any help...or at least part of the reason.
------------
Maybe once the amount gets to $2,500. They can't stop you from keeping
pressure on them to do something for you. I would bug them at least
once
a
week. It is their job to help you and there has to be some way you can
make
them do it.
I hope your son is okay. The best thing you can do is let him know that
while his dad may come and go, you are there for him always and that he
can
always count on you.

Thanks, my son goes through alot. He is pretty confused and his ADHD/ODD
doesn't help. He has stopped asking questions about his dad and his dads
family, but once in a while he will say something out of the blue. ~~Ronni
---------------
I know nothing about ADHD/ODD but teachermama seems to have that pretty well
covered. I did spend a few years teaching special ed and coaching the
special olympics but that was many many moons ago. Does he have any 'father
figures' in his life at all? Do they have a Big Brother program where you
live? Maybe looking into something like that would be helpful. If you
feel put on the spot by his questions just take a moment to get your wits
about you and if nothing else just tell him the truth or "I don't know". If
you keep pretty much to the truth, when he grows up, you won't have as much
explaining to do. As long as he can trust you to be a 'rock' in his life he
should be able to learn from that. Kids need stability so they can trust
that the sun is going to come up tomorrow and mom is going to be there when
they need her. Good luck.

~AZ~

And now we get a peek at the ...

Ronni wrote:

"AZ Astrea" wrote in message
...

"Ronni" wrote in message
news

"Bob Whiteside" wrote in message
ink.net...

"Ronni" wrote in message
...

Just to clarify this girl I talked about from the beginning was with
her
babys dad for nearly 4 years. They met in high school and were
together
for
quite a while, she thought he would be agood dad when she found out
she
was
pregnant, you never truly know anyone until you live with them. The
mistake
she made was loving and trusting him.

This may come as a surprise to you, but you are not the first woman
who
has
had a child out of wedlock to come in here and pretend you are a
"friend"
of
the "mother."

You know way too many details about your "friends" lover, her
pregnancy,
her
child's challenges, and her child's current situation to be anything
other
than the real mother.

It's time to quit paying the games and be honest about your situation.
And
admit you personally made some bad decisions about loving a man and
trusting
him until you became pregnant.

The people here are very tolerant and supportive of men and women who
find
themselves in need of advice.


Everyone here has done nothing but belittled me due to my opinions etc.
If I came here asking for advice I would be told that I should have had
an
abortion--or I shouldve known the dad would not be there--Yes the
situations
is
my own--So I have been called a slut, a child abuser and so on....
And yes I made very bad decisions when I was younger--as you
said--loving
and trusting a man that would never be there for his child. I have
reasons
for not stating the truth that
I am the mother, ones you wouldnt understand.
----------------
I don't think you're a 'slut' or a child abuser or anything else. People
often do make bad choices with regards to a partner especially when they
are
young. It's a very sad situation you are dealing with but I hope you can
figure out what is best for your child and move on with your life.

We have moved on it just gripes me to no end that a parent, any parent, can
be like this.
------------

Tell me this--if PA's child support system is so agressive as stated in
another
posting tell me why my ex owes me nearly $2,000, tell me why he was wage
attached
after finding out that he lies about his income, tell me why before the
wage
attachment it
took nearly 6 years for them to 'catch on' that he wasnt paying, since
the
wage attachment there has been 1 payment---Tell me why for over 6 years
this
man gets away with not
paying child support and nothing is done----FYI he is self employed so
he
still, even after wage attachment, would be responsible for sending his
own
payments, and I DO know what he makes (he is on a set salary to himself
beside business profits in the bank) In this case, even if it is the
only
case in the world (which I am sure it is not) the CS system is working
for
the NCP not the CP.....

-----------------
Do you know what type of business set-up he has? Is it a large enough
business that it is incorporated? Do you know if there are a lot of
employees?

His dad, brother, and him are partners. They have a few employees but I do
not know how many any more. I know he just hired 3 new ones recently.

I'm asking these things because if he receives a 'salary' it can
still be garnished. You may have to go back to court on your own to bring
contempt charges against him if the DA won't do it for you. Or frequently
bugging the DA may get them going on it. And like Bob said it takes the
arrearage to get to $2,500 for the license revocations to kick in.

The only thing is, is it really worth it? After all do you really want
this
guy involved in your life if he just keeps going in and out whenever he
feels like it? If you really need the money then go for it. If you are
using it as a way to try to keep the father involved I don't know if I
would
bother. If the father does come around whenever he wants and only when he
feels like playing daddy then yes I would pursue it if I were you.
As for your child, he really can survive without a dad. No, it's not an
ideal situation. But if he really is harming your son by being/not being
there then it would be best if he was just not around. Do you have any
kind
of communication with him?

I used to, last time we talked he told me that he thinks more of his neice
(who grew up without a dad and my sons dad kind of filled in that role) is
more of a daughter to him then my son will ever be his---even though my son

************************************************** ***************************
is his biological son! Sorry, but I punched him in the mouth...that ticked
************************************************** ***************************

home environment that "has nothing to do" with junior's (unacceptable)
learned behaviours that got him labeled...and maybe a hint at what kept
dad away in the beginning.

me off to no end...and I will never get over that as a mother--for any
parent to say sucha thing disgusts me.

Can you talk to him about this?

I can't talk to him anymore...I tried talking for nearly 6 years---well
about 5 1/2---it's like talking to a brick wall.

Don't you mean more like pounding your head....er, fist....against a
brick wall?

If he won't
talk to you then do your talking to the DA and let them take it from
there,
(if they will).
In spite of my being a hard ass I really do understand and appreciate your
circumstance. I just didn't think you had ever thought things out
completely and were thinking that a court could order this guy to be a
dad,
which they can't.

~AZ~

I know they can't order him to be a dad, and frankly, he doesnt deserve to
be a dad but it gripes me that he can just walk away from a life like that.

And it's just a crying shame that you can't beat him into submission...

Instead of sending support, or even sending a card or calling, he sits in a
bar--I sware on my life he is in the bar 6-7 days a week--I think the bar he
used to go to sundays is closed down now...Weekends he goes to bands, $5 and
$4 a drink---then buys for his friends. It is sickening that he can do that
and turn around and claim he has no money to pay child support. ~~Ronni

It is sickening how many people can accept a woman punching a man in the
mouth just because she's "only a woman". How many times have you done
this to him? How many times has your son witnessed your physical abuse
of others? Are you aware there are states where his witnessing such
things is legally defined as child abuse? Have you sought out
counseling for your anti-social behaviours...or are you convinced that
yours are also a "medical condition"???

By the way, your "ex" probably won't take you up on your offer of
"signing away" his CS responsibility because you *C*A*N* *N*O*T* sign
away something the state says is owed to your child. Even if you did
and kept your end of the deal, guess what would happen if you ever had
to apply for any state aid for you and/or his (former) son?

What, you want us to believe you're abusive AND ignorant?

Mel Gamble

And now we get a peek at the ...

Ronni wrote:

"AZ Astrea" wrote in message
...

"Ronni" wrote in message
news

"Bob Whiteside" wrote in message
ink.net...

"Ronni" wrote in message
...

Just to clarify this girl I talked about from the beginning was with
her
babys dad for nearly 4 years. They met in high school and were
together
for
quite a while, she thought he would be agood dad when she found out
she
was
pregnant, you never truly know anyone until you live with them. The
mistake
she made was loving and trusting him.

This may come as a surprise to you, but you are not the first woman
who
has
had a child out of wedlock to come in here and pretend you are a
"friend"
of
the "mother."

You know way too many details about your "friends" lover, her
pregnancy,
her
child's challenges, and her child's current situation to be anything
other
than the real mother.

It's time to quit paying the games and be honest about your situation.
And
admit you personally made some bad decisions about loving a man and
trusting
him until you became pregnant.

The people here are very tolerant and supportive of men and women who
find
themselves in need of advice.


Everyone here has done nothing but belittled me due to my opinions etc.
If I came here asking for advice I would be told that I should have had
an
abortion--or I shouldve known the dad would not be there--Yes the
situations
is
my own--So I have been called a slut, a child abuser and so on....
And yes I made very bad decisions when I was younger--as you
said--loving
and trusting a man that would never be there for his child. I have
reasons
for not stating the truth that
I am the mother, ones you wouldnt understand.
----------------
I don't think you're a 'slut' or a child abuser or anything else. People
often do make bad choices with regards to a partner especially when they
are
young. It's a very sad situation you are dealing with but I hope you can
figure out what is best for your child and move on with your life.

We have moved on it just gripes me to no end that a parent, any parent, can
be like this.
------------

Tell me this--if PA's child support system is so agressive as stated in
another
posting tell me why my ex owes me nearly $2,000, tell me why he was wage
attached
after finding out that he lies about his income, tell me why before the
wage
attachment it
took nearly 6 years for them to 'catch on' that he wasnt paying, since
the
wage attachment there has been 1 payment---Tell me why for over 6 years
this
man gets away with not
paying child support and nothing is done----FYI he is self employed so
he
still, even after wage attachment, would be responsible for sending his
own
payments, and I DO know what he makes (he is on a set salary to himself
beside business profits in the bank) In this case, even if it is the
only
case in the world (which I am sure it is not) the CS system is working
for
the NCP not the CP.....

-----------------
Do you know what type of business set-up he has? Is it a large enough
business that it is incorporated? Do you know if there are a lot of
employees?

His dad, brother, and him are partners. They have a few employees but I do
not know how many any more. I know he just hired 3 new ones recently.

I'm asking these things because if he receives a 'salary' it can
still be garnished. You may have to go back to court on your own to bring
contempt charges against him if the DA won't do it for you. Or frequently
bugging the DA may get them going on it. And like Bob said it takes the
arrearage to get to $2,500 for the license revocations to kick in.

The only thing is, is it really worth it? After all do you really want
this
guy involved in your life if he just keeps going in and out whenever he
feels like it? If you really need the money then go for it. If you are
using it as a way to try to keep the father involved I don't know if I
would
bother. If the father does come around whenever he wants and only when he
feels like playing daddy then yes I would pursue it if I were you.
As for your child, he really can survive without a dad. No, it's not an
ideal situation. But if he really is harming your son by being/not being
there then it would be best if he was just not around. Do you have any
kind
of communication with him?

I used to, last time we talked he told me that he thinks more of his neice
(who grew up without a dad and my sons dad kind of filled in that role) is
more of a daughter to him then my son will ever be his---even though my son

************************************************** ***************************
is his biological son! Sorry, but I punched him in the mouth...that ticked
************************************************** ***************************

home environment that "has nothing to do" with junior's (unacceptable)
learned behaviours that got him labeled...and maybe a hint at what kept
dad away in the beginning.

me off to no end...and I will never get over that as a mother--for any
parent to say sucha thing disgusts me.

Can you talk to him about this?

I can't talk to him anymore...I tried talking for nearly 6 years---well
about 5 1/2---it's like talking to a brick wall.

Don't you mean more like pounding your head....er, fist....against a
brick wall?

If he won't
talk to you then do your talking to the DA and let them take it from
there,
(if they will).
In spite of my being a hard ass I really do understand and appreciate your
circumstance. I just didn't think you had ever thought things out
completely and were thinking that a court could order this guy to be a
dad,
which they can't.

~AZ~

I know they can't order him to be a dad, and frankly, he doesnt deserve to
be a dad but it gripes me that he can just walk away from a life like that.

And it's just a crying shame that you can't beat him into submission...

Instead of sending support, or even sending a card or calling, he sits in a
bar--I sware on my life he is in the bar 6-7 days a week--I think the bar he
used to go to sundays is closed down now...Weekends he goes to bands, $5 and
$4 a drink---then buys for his friends. It is sickening that he can do that
and turn around and claim he has no money to pay child support. ~~Ronni

It is sickening how many people can accept a woman punching a man in the
mouth just because she's "only a woman". How many times have you done
this to him? How many times has your son witnessed your physical abuse
of others? Are you aware there are states where his witnessing such
things is legally defined as child abuse? Have you sought out
counseling for your anti-social behaviours...or are you convinced that
yours are also a "medical condition"???

By the way, your "ex" probably won't take you up on your offer of
"signing away" his CS responsibility because you *C*A*N* *N*O*T* sign
away something the state says is owed to your child. Even if you did
and kept your end of the deal, guess what would happen if you ever had
to apply for any state aid for you and/or his (former) son?

What, you want us to believe you're abusive AND ignorant?

Mel Gamble

Yeah, right...

Ronni wrote:

"TeacherMama" wrote in message
om...
"Ronni" wrote in message
...
"Bob Whiteside" wrote in message
ink.net...

"Ronni" wrote in message
...

Just to clarify this girl I talked about from the beginning was with
her
babys dad for nearly 4 years. They met in high school and were
together
for
quite a while, she thought he would be agood dad when she found out
she
was
pregnant, you never truly know anyone until you live with them. The
mistake
she made was loving and trusting him.

This may come as a surprise to you, but you are not the first woman
who
has
had a child out of wedlock to come in here and pretend you are a
"friend"
of
the "mother."

You know way too many details about your "friends" lover, her
pregnancy,
her
child's challenges, and her child's current situation to be anything
other
than the real mother.

It's time to quit paying the games and be honest about your situation.
And
admit you personally made some bad decisions about loving a man and
trusting
him until you became pregnant.

The people here are very tolerant and supportive of men and women who
find
themselves in need of advice.


Everyone here has done nothing but belittled me due to my opinions etc.
If I came here asking for advice I would be told that I should have had
an
abortion--or I shouldve known the dad would not be there--Yes the
situations
is
my own--So I have been called a slut, a child abuser and so on....
And yes I made very bad decisions when I was younger--as you
said--loving
and trusting a man that would never be there for his child. I have
reasons
for not stating the truth that
I am the mother, ones you wouldnt understand.

I haven't belittled you, Ronni, although I have questioned your
knowledge of the child support system in general. I understand how
difficult it must be for you to be raising an ADHD/ODD child on your
own. I would guess that his problems may be fairly severe, since he
was hospitalized at such a young age in an effort to find a diagnosis.
There must be days when you wish you could just run away and hide.
Especially with the misinformation out there that insists that better
parenting would "cure" these children.

My sons therapist--which is in one of the top offices in the area for this
type of treatment--told me that my son has one of the worst cases of ADHD
and ODD he has ever seen. He said if he had to guess he thinks my son would
be in the top 2% for severity of symptoms. Sure there are times I wished I
could run away and hide, but unlike my sons dad, I grin and bear it....(and

....or just punch him in the mouth? I bet you think nothing of a little
verbal abuse like my daughter's mother throws at the two "handicapped"
siblings. "Leave me the **** alone, you little retarded *******! Why
don't you go live with your WONDERFUL father?" probably just rolls out
of your mouth without you even thinking about it. "No environmental
factors"...indeed.

hope like hell one of these upcoming weekends my sister will babysit so I
can get out alone) I havent even gone grocery shopping without my kids in
years! LOL

The problem is that the guy you had your child with does not want to
be and never did want to be a father. You made a moral choice to have
the child--and you defend that moral choice. He made a choice to not
be a father to this child--you don't approve of or accept his choice.
You see it as immoral in some way--he does not see it the same way.
Just as some of the people here do not see the choice you made to
raise the child alone as wise of moral. Nobody is going to change
anyone else's mind, and each has a right to his own opinion.
I do understand that the CS money would come in handy, but I get the
impression that having dad's support and presence is much more
important to you.

Yes, the money would be very helpful in helping to pay for my sons meds. (he
has asthma also)

Bet he gasps every time you raise your hand an make a fist...

Mel Gamble

But it would be nice to see my son with his dad, like alot
of father/sons do. I asked his dad last year to go with to a therapy session
to help get an understanding of my sons illness, he wouldnt. When I aclled
to tell him his son was inthe hospital, his mom, (yes he lievs at home) hung
up on me...3 times!!!


Since dad is obviously not much help day-to-day, do you have a support
system set up? Do you have people in your life who will watch your
child and give you time to yourself?

Usually I get a sitter set up, my sister or my fiances sister, then I feel
bad and tell them not to worry about coming over.

You absolutely *need* to take
time for yourself, both for your child's sake and for your own sake.
Is the school implementing the IEP properly?

There idea of IEP is when he has a bad day he will go to a special class
with the other special children.

It's very important to
keep on top of this. There should be some sort of group in your area
that could help you tap into the help you need as well as show you
that you aern't alone in living with the difficulties of an ADHD/ODD
child.

I moved here from another part of the county last year. I don't know anyone
except my boyfriends family and my sons teachers. Since I dont really go out
its kind of hard getting to know anyone. I met a few people with my
consulting for Princess House but that is kept pretty much
consultant/hostess/guest relationship.
I need to get out, LOL.