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#1
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Spankinng -- through the eyes of a child
"Above all, I believe there should never be any violence. In 1978 I
received a peace price in West Germany for my books, and I gave an acceptance speech that I called just that" 'Never Violence.' And in that speech I told a story from my own experience. When I was about 20 years old, I met an old pastor's wife who told me that when she was young and had her first child, she didn't believe in striking children, although spanking kids with a switch pulled from a tree was standard practice at the time. But one day when her son was four or five, he did something that she felt warranted a spanking -- the first of his life. An d she told him that he would have to go outside and find a switch for her to hit him with. The boy was gone a long time. And when he came back in, he was crying. He said to her, "Mama, I couldn't find a switch, but here's a rock that you can throw at me." All of a sudden the mother understood how the situation felt from a child's point of view: that if my mother wants to hurt me, then it makes no difference what she does it with; she might as well do it with a stone. And the mother took the boy onto her lap and they both cried. Then she laid the rock on a shelf in the kitchen to remind herself forever: never violence. And that is something I think every should keep in mind. Because violence begins in the nursery -- one can raise children into violence." by Astrid Lindgren |
#2
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Spankinng -- through the eyes of a child
wow, i loved that story..
i know that the damage done physically goes deeper than the skin and blood. i was beaten, badly, bruised badly and it affects the whole schemata of identity and worth, and value, if i am beat and LOOK ugly , (the wounds look UGLY), then the childs or teens reasoning in my own experience is: I AM UGLY I DESERVE TO BE UGLY I AM BAD. a severe beating does that, it goes deeper deeper into the mind than a swatt. there is a difference, but that difference also lies in the REASONING being used in the one doing the hitting if the action is a simply swatt, to remind a 3 year old to not do something, it is done to protect the child -- protection of child is REASONING used if the action is violence and force to the point of severe physical damage it has a few reasons, but from my personal slant i see a REASONING of : child is EVIL and evil must be BEATEN out of her/him i.e. from where i come from , children were not seen as real persons, with real viable feelings. that is why one can justify doing them physical harm, latr Bryony Roloff Cult Survivor |
#3
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Spankinng -- through the eyes of a child
a roloff cult person would have looked at the little boy and his face
full of earnestness and would have yelled at him that he was being manipulating and evil and deserved to have whelps, then they would have set down with him afterward and showed him the verse where it says so. making him write it twenty times at that. they took a HEBREW culture and tried to interpret it into a MODERN society that had NOTHING to do with real HEBREW customs, Solomon spoke them words to the Nation of Isreal, who had been given the Commandments of God and told by GOD to talk to thier kids, when they sat and when they were walking and when they were working and sitting in hte house or laying down, the Parents were told by God to COMMUNICATE to thier children, yet most people who are of that extreme strain of idiot interpretation cant see they are pulling one itsy bitsy insight of King Solomon out of the context and setting of the Ancient Hebrew Family system, and twisting it to justify thier perverted ways of NONloving thier children. and patting themself on the back to think they had made the kid cry and that was "breaking thier will" and in thier eyes breaking the will was all that it was all about. they shattered mine latr Bryony Roloff Cult Survivor |
#4
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Spankinng -- through the eyes of a child
Bryony,
I'm sorry to hear of your past physical abuse. Yes, damage done physically does go deeper than skin and bones, as you so aptly describe. I do take issue however with simple swats "to remind a three year old to not do something, it is done to protect the child...." I don't believe that hitting a child, however mild, is an appropriate reminder to not do something, or a form of protection. Three year olds cannot protect themselves, regardless of the type of parental discipline. It is the role of the parents to protect the three year old. Many "simple swats" at three years escalate into the type of beating you apparently experienced. Children of any age can be parented without resorting to hitting of any kind, regardless of how mild. And the results are better for the child when the child is taught rather than hit. Good luck to you, and thanks for posting. LaVonne RebekahGirl wrote: wow, i loved that story.. i know that the damage done physically goes deeper than the skin and blood. i was beaten, badly, bruised badly and it affects the whole schemata of identity and worth, and value, if i am beat and LOOK ugly , (the wounds look UGLY), then the childs or teens reasoning in my own experience is: I AM UGLY I DESERVE TO BE UGLY I AM BAD. a severe beating does that, it goes deeper deeper into the mind than a swatt. there is a difference, but that difference also lies in the REASONING being used in the one doing the hitting if the action is a simply swatt, to remind a 3 year old to not do something, it is done to protect the child -- protection of child is REASONING used if the action is violence and force to the point of severe physical damage it has a few reasons, but from my personal slant i see a REASONING of : child is EVIL and evil must be BEATEN out of her/him i.e. from where i come from , children were not seen as real persons, with real viable feelings. that is why one can justify doing them physical harm, latr Bryony Roloff Cult Survivor |
#5
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Spankinng -- through the eyes of a child
oh i do so understand, and i have not been a spanking parent, i could
not do it. i would go and run to my room and cry cause i could not. its been an issue in my life and in many Roloff Cult survivors who struggle with finding a balance and learning that spanking is not a very effective tool. when i say a mild swat, i mean that. like a tap on the shoulder and or a slight gentle nudge to them as a reminder to them to listen to the voice that loves them. as a shepherd would do in a gentle fashion with a sheep. to me the image of a gentle shepherd is an image that shows the aspect of parenting that helps guide children along this wierd life. a world where upside down things are promoted as rightside up. its a crazy world we live in and there is not much to help young ones to be safe and guided thru the worst of it. i do NOT mean spanking with a belt or a board!!! i do not agree with that, and i dont see spanking of a child like bending them over your knee as helpful or wise. That does not send a correct message to the child. its about the message the child gets. that to me is the key that determines what course of discipline one takes to help a child adjust to what is good and wholesome. its like teaching, you guide a child and teach them adn show them how. if you were to sign up for a class on something you would have to be guided and taught, and corrected when you did not get it right. But that correction is not there to create pain it is there to help the child or adult to learn and adjust to the right thing. to get things correct. i believe in gentle firm correction and guidance and never ever ever shaming a child when they are going in the wrong path, but to help them feel loved and accepted and help them readjust thier steps to something more healthful to them. if a gentle 'swat' or nudge helps them, then it is sending them the right message, that i care enough for them to take some time to listen and recorrect them. and how they are doing things. i am sorry if i used the wrong trigger word, not what i meant i got spanked MUCHO as a smalll child, with a belt by my dad, and it only sent ONE message to me: SHUT UP AND GO AWAY so to me its about WHAT IS THE MESSAGE BEING SENT and then not only that, but also WHAT MESSAGE DOES THE CHILD ACTUALLY GET???? Good Luck to you and thank you for posting back, Bryony~~ |
#6
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Spankinng -- through the eyes of a child
Bryony:
Thank you for your response. Yes, the word "swat" was a trigger word. Swat means hit or smack and I do not believe in hitting a child at any time for any reason. However, I believe in physical contact. Touching the child's shoulder, making eye contact, etc. are all important disciplinary strategies that get the child's attention without hitting, hurting, or shaming. I believe that parents have the responsibility to give children the tools to be successful in life, and pain, disrespect, and shame have no place in a parents repertoire. I don't even like the word "discipline." I prefer "guidance" because that is what parents should be doing -- guiding children towards making good choices in life rather than hitting, hurting, and shaming them for their mistakes along the way. LaVonne RebekahGirl wrote: oh i do so understand, and i have not been a spanking parent, i could not do it. i would go and run to my room and cry cause i could not. its been an issue in my life and in many Roloff Cult survivors who struggle with finding a balance and learning that spanking is not a very effective tool. when i say a mild swat, i mean that. like a tap on the shoulder and or a slight gentle nudge to them as a reminder to them to listen to the voice that loves them. as a shepherd would do in a gentle fashion with a sheep. to me the image of a gentle shepherd is an image that shows the aspect of parenting that helps guide children along this wierd life. a world where upside down things are promoted as rightside up. its a crazy world we live in and there is not much to help young ones to be safe and guided thru the worst of it. i do NOT mean spanking with a belt or a board!!! i do not agree with that, and i dont see spanking of a child like bending them over your knee as helpful or wise. That does not send a correct message to the child. its about the message the child gets. that to me is the key that determines what course of discipline one takes to help a child adjust to what is good and wholesome. its like teaching, you guide a child and teach them adn show them how. if you were to sign up for a class on something you would have to be guided and taught, and corrected when you did not get it right. But that correction is not there to create pain it is there to help the child or adult to learn and adjust to the right thing. to get things correct. i believe in gentle firm correction and guidance and never ever ever shaming a child when they are going in the wrong path, but to help them feel loved and accepted and help them readjust thier steps to something more healthful to them. if a gentle 'swat' or nudge helps them, then it is sending them the right message, that i care enough for them to take some time to listen and recorrect them. and how they are doing things. i am sorry if i used the wrong trigger word, not what i meant i got spanked MUCHO as a smalll child, with a belt by my dad, and it only sent ONE message to me: SHUT UP AND GO AWAY so to me its about WHAT IS THE MESSAGE BEING SENT and then not only that, but also WHAT MESSAGE DOES THE CHILD ACTUALLY GET???? Good Luck to you and thank you for posting back, Bryony~~ |
#7
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Spankinng -- through the eyes of a child
Hi again,
Forgive my ignorance, but you keep referring to yourself as a Roloff Cult survivor. Could you explain a little bit about this? I don't mean to pry if you are uncomfortable with my question. LaVonne RebekahGirl wrote: oh i do so understand, and i have not been a spanking parent, i could not do it. i would go and run to my room and cry cause i could not. its been an issue in my life and in many Roloff Cult survivors who struggle with finding a balance and learning that spanking is not a very effective tool. when i say a mild swat, i mean that. like a tap on the shoulder and or a slight gentle nudge to them as a reminder to them to listen to the voice that loves them. as a shepherd would do in a gentle fashion with a sheep. to me the image of a gentle shepherd is an image that shows the aspect of parenting that helps guide children along this wierd life. a world where upside down things are promoted as rightside up. its a crazy world we live in and there is not much to help young ones to be safe and guided thru the worst of it. i do NOT mean spanking with a belt or a board!!! i do not agree with that, and i dont see spanking of a child like bending them over your knee as helpful or wise. That does not send a correct message to the child. its about the message the child gets. that to me is the key that determines what course of discipline one takes to help a child adjust to what is good and wholesome. its like teaching, you guide a child and teach them adn show them how. if you were to sign up for a class on something you would have to be guided and taught, and corrected when you did not get it right. But that correction is not there to create pain it is there to help the child or adult to learn and adjust to the right thing. to get things correct. i believe in gentle firm correction and guidance and never ever ever shaming a child when they are going in the wrong path, but to help them feel loved and accepted and help them readjust thier steps to something more healthful to them. if a gentle 'swat' or nudge helps them, then it is sending them the right message, that i care enough for them to take some time to listen and recorrect them. and how they are doing things. i am sorry if i used the wrong trigger word, not what i meant i got spanked MUCHO as a smalll child, with a belt by my dad, and it only sent ONE message to me: SHUT UP AND GO AWAY so to me its about WHAT IS THE MESSAGE BEING SENT and then not only that, but also WHAT MESSAGE DOES THE CHILD ACTUALLY GET???? Good Luck to you and thank you for posting back, Bryony~~ |
#8
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Spankinng -- through the eyes of a child
"RebekahGirl" wrote in message oups.com... wow, i loved that story.. i know that the damage done physically goes deeper than the skin and blood. i was beaten, badly, bruised badly and it affects the whole schemata of identity and worth, and value, if i am beat and LOOK ugly , (the wounds look UGLY), then the childs or teens reasoning in my own experience is: I AM UGLY I DESERVE TO BE UGLY I AM BAD. a severe beating does that, it goes deeper deeper into the mind than a swatt. there is a difference, but that difference also lies in the REASONING being used in the one doing the hitting Yes, I found that after a few years of being beaten on a regular basis that I got frighteningly used to the actual pain. But what you say is correct. How such treatment is affecting you much deeper down is far harder to come to terms with and I don't think I ever will. |
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