Do you "correct" others' kids?

On Tue, 18 May 2004 06:45:18 GMT, P. Tierney
wrote:

On Mon, 17 May 2004 20:54:30 -0500, Nan wrote:

On 17 May 2004 18:51:38 -0700, (ted) wrote:

In another thread someone mentioned that her kids were jumping on the
coffee table when her friend's kids started it. So that made me
thinking.. Sorry if this was discussed here before.

This happened to us in the past. I didn't have kid(s) then. Anyways,
if you have visitors and if their kids decide it would be so cool to
jump on the coffee table or sofas what do you do? Do you just bite
your lip and hope that the sofa won't tear off? What would be the
right thing to do? Ofcourse I would correct my kids if they don't
behave in other people's houses.

Thanks.

I give the other parent an opportunity to say something, and if they
don't, I have no problem speaking up to preserve my belongings.
Usually a calm "honey, please don't do that" is sufficient.

Same here. I'd like to give the parent, if she/he is
readily available, a chance to have the first word. If that
parent seems to decline, I'd say something like the above.

And I'd like to add..... I prefer to give the parent
the chance first because, when possible, I'd like the same
consideration. Every parent (I hope) has an established or
intuitive way to communicate such things with their kids that
takes into account their own disciplinary system, and the child's
level of understanding such that she/he will be best be able
to respond to the comment in a positive way.

Or, maybe it's because many parents don't that I'd
like to get a chance to solve things quickly in a way that
doesn't involving shouting or being negative or degrading.
You'd think that a friend of yours wouldn't be like that, but
some people can surprise you.


P. Tierney

Nan wrote in message

I give the other parent an opportunity to say something, and if they
don't, I have no problem speaking up to preserve my belongings.
Usually a calm "honey, please don't do that" is sufficient.

Nan

I'd ask the kid to stop, and explain: "That table isn't very strong"
or "that table gets scratched real easily."

I would also warn kids away from family pets who don't want to be
handled by strangers, and so on.

Rupa

In article , eggs says...




I think the answer to your (Ted's) question depends on the age of the
"kids". Are they 3 yrs old or 10? Were they made aware of the House
Rules when they arrived (or as soon as they transgressed them)? You
can't be peeved with them for breaking your rules if you never told them
what the rules were in the first place. I am the mother of two 'sofa
jumpers' as we specifically bought big sturdy sofas so that the kids
could jump on them. We are an enthusiastic, jumping-up-and-down kind
of family. And yes, stuff gets broken at our house a lot. We will
replace the sofas in a couple of years when the kids are older
(preschoolers now). So, it's possible that your little guests didn't
even know that their behaviour was out of line. Some kids have no
experience of delicate furniture.


So, you're an "enthusiastic, jumping-up-and-down kind of family". Are all your
hosts to have to anticipate that, or that another set of guests may be
"enthusiastic, art-on-the-walls type family", or an "if it's in the
refrigerator, it's ours to eat" type of family, or even a "laid-back cool people
understand people like us a make-a-call-abroad-when-we feel like it" kind of
family? And therefore hand each guest a list of all house rules covering all
such items? Or would it be more reasonable for them to expect that their guests
have some measure of common sense and courtesy enough to identify which of their
activities may be damaging r exploitative to others, and refrain from them?

I don't think jumping up and down on furniture is something that needs notice
that it's inappropriate.


Obviously, my kids do need to be reminded about the different rules at
the houses of family and friends, but it has really been no big deal
teaching them to respect 'different place different rules'. I do,
however, tend to curb my kids a lot when we are out of our house. They
are well mannered in a very old fashioned way and are respectful of
others. So even though I haven't taught my kids to respect furniture, I
have taught them to respect *people*. If you asked them to stop jumping
on your sofa, they would stop.

That's good. Although I wouldn't be happy about having been put in the position
of making the request myself. The thing is, my experience is that, although you
may be an exception, folks who don't know enough not to do that in the first
place, are just the folks who wouldn't be good at having their kids comply with
such a request.


So, I guess if I were you I would (like Nan) just ask those kids to stop
jumping. It usually works. My friends and I correct each other's kids
if they are disobeying house rules (or broader social rules like being
rude or mean) - but we start each visit with a reminder of *what the
rules are*: "Remember, no shoes on in Grandma's house!", "Remember, no
drinks in Bobby's living room!", "Remember, Don't knock on the fish
tank!", "Don't change the TV channel on Poppy's TV", "No loud voices in
the hospital", etc. It's not fair if you keep the rules to yourself but
then get upset when people break them.


Do you really mean to imply that it's OK for your kids to up and change the
channels on someone when staying at their home, unless they've put you on notice
when they you through the door "don't change the channels"??

I do appreciate that you teach your kids to follow others' rules in their homes,
but I hope you can appreciate that, without teaching them about some extremely
common expectations that others have, and some common sense about what may be
damaging, you're likely frequently putting others in the uncomfortable position
of having to draw lines with you and your children as guests, for themselves.

Banty

In article , Ericka Kammerer says...

ted wrote:

This happened to us in the past. I didn't have kid(s) then. Anyways,
if you have visitors and if their kids decide it would be so cool to
jump on the coffee table or sofas what do you do? Do you just bite
your lip and hope that the sofa won't tear off? What would be the
right thing to do?

Bite my lip while others' kids attempt to destroy
my home? No way! I'll give the other parent a chance to
do something first, but if they don't, I walk over and
very nicely, but firmly, explain our house rules. I
always phrase it carefully as rules for *our house*, not
as general rules. I don't see any reason why I can't
set house rules for my own house and expect other
kids to abide by them. I wouldn't correct table
manners or tell them what to eat or anything like
that, but I see safety issues and rules to protect
my property as well within my purview, regardless of
what their rules are at home.


Absolutely.

1. Give the parents a chance to make the correction themselves.
2. Kindly ask that the children stop, stating it as a house rule.
3. There is no obligation however to put kids on notice when they walk through
the door about common house rules. (If there's some unusual situation,
perhaps.)

Banty

Banty wrote:

3. There is no obligation however to put kids on notice when they walk through
the door about common house rules. (If there's some unusual situation,
perhaps.)

Banty



Be sure not to feed the piranhas, sweetie.

Clisby

Banty wrote, in part:

In article , eggs says...

I am the mother of two 'sofa
jumpers' as we specifically bought big sturdy sofas so that the kids
could jump on them. We are an enthusiastic, jumping-up-and-down kind
of family.

[snip]

So, you're an "enthusiastic, jumping-up-and-down kind of family". Are all
your
hosts to have to anticipate that, or that another set of guests may be
"enthusiastic, art-on-the-walls type family", or an "if it's in the
refrigerator, it's ours to eat" type of family, or even a "laid-back cool
people
understand people like us a make-a-call-abroad-when-we feel like it" kind of
family? And therefore hand each guest a list of all house rules covering all
such items? Or would it be more reasonable for them to expect that their
guests
have some measure of common sense and courtesy enough to identify which of
their
activities may be damaging r exploitative to others, and refrain from them?

I don't think jumping up and down on furniture is something that needs notice
that it's inappropriate.

But it sounds like it _is_ appropriate at the Eggs'. Whee!

--
Sara, accompanied by the baby barnacle

(ted) wrote in message . com...
In another thread someone mentioned that her kids were jumping on the
coffee table when her friend's kids started it. So that made me
thinking.. Sorry if this was discussed here before.

This happened to us in the past. I didn't have kid(s) then. Anyways,
if you have visitors and if their kids decide it would be so cool to
jump on the coffee table or sofas what do you do? Do you just bite
your lip and hope that the sofa won't tear off? What would be the
right thing to do?

Correct then on important stuff like safety, not destroying other
people's stuff(e.g., by jumping on furniture), and not being mean. I
don't correct for politeness per se, such as "please" and "thank you."
But I correct them SO nicely as to be impossible to upset them. This
does result in some kids ignoring me for a while and me having to
repeat myself or even whisper the request, but I'm not comfortable
getting stern with others' kids. If I really feel the need to be stern
or to raise my voice because I'm being ignored, I usually correct
*both* my kid and the other kid together, like "KIDS!!! You must not
blah blah blah!!" Invariably, my own kid, who may not actually be
doing it, will look at me like, HUH? but I have explained about
certain of their friends who are tough, that I can't yell directly at
them and so must get them to conform to my wishes sneakily. :0

Ofcourse I would correct my kids if they don't
behave in other people's houses.

Thanks.

We're pretty laid back about jumping on furniture, running wild, things like
that. If it becomes a safety issue though, I do correct them. 9 times out of
10, the other parents are not here with their kids or I'd let them. If the
parents ARE here, and don't do anything, I will ask the kids to calm down
or take it outside (now that the weather is nice) I've never had a parent
not take my lead and step in to get the kids to listen.

If the parents are NOT here, and they dont calm down after a warning and
will not/cannot go outdoors I tell them it's time to pack it up and head
home

I think too, we dont have breakables, fancy furnishings, etc. to worry about
therefore I may be different if we did. And yes my kids know the rules in
others' homes and I've never had a problem with them being too wild while
we're at Nana's, etc.

Kari
mom to Kaylie (8) Noah (5) and Xander (7 mos)

(ted) wrote in message . com...
In another thread someone mentioned that her kids were jumping on the
coffee table when her friend's kids started it. So that made me
thinking.. Sorry if this was discussed here before.

This happened to us in the past. I didn't have kid(s) then. Anyways,
if you have visitors and if their kids decide it would be so cool to
jump on the coffee table or sofas what do you do? Do you just bite
your lip and hope that the sofa won't tear off? What would be the
right thing to do? Ofcourse I would correct my kids if they don't
behave in other people's houses.


My house, my rules. I have no qualms about asking someone else's child
to not sit on the coffee table or not drag all the toys down from the
girls room etc.......
Outside of my home I will only reprimand/correct someone else's child
unless they are about to hurt themselves or others and the parent
isn't available to do the correction themselves. The exception is my
close group of friends. We freely correct and remind each other's
children. I'm speaking basic things like "Pick up that trash you just
dropped. Don't ride so close to the children playing hopscotch. Don't
throw sand." Things like that.
I never have and never plan to DISCIPLINE anyone else's child. If I'm
in a situation where that is necessary I will stop the action and then
tell the parent and let them do what they feel necessary.

Karen

"ted" wrote in message
om...
In another thread someone mentioned that her kids were jumping on the
coffee table when her friend's kids started it. So that made me
thinking.. Sorry if this was discussed here before.

This happened to us in the past. I didn't have kid(s) then. Anyways,
if you have visitors and if their kids decide it would be so cool to
jump on the coffee table or sofas what do you do?

Calmly, nicely and politely tell that at our house we do not jump on the
coffee table. Could you get down, please?

Do you just bite
your lip and hope that the sofa won't tear off? What would be the
right thing to do? Ofcourse I would correct my kids if they don't
behave in other people's houses.


I think that correcting the child is appropriate. If the parent thinks
that's horrid, maybe they will not come over to play any more. But if they
*are* going to come over, they need to be able to follow house rules IMO.

Incidentally, I explain to DSto follow house rules. We were at a playdate
this Saturday. He walked up the slide. I let him do this at home. His buddy
did the same and Dad corrected her. So when he started to do it agian, I
told him that there was a house rule not to do that. He had no problem with
it at all.

Thanks.