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#21
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bizby40 wrote:
[snip] Now it's two years later, and with younger siblings this woman is likely to be in my life for another 4 years at least.***11*years*if*we*keep running into each other when the kids are in middle and high school.**I*so want*to tell her off.**Get*her*to*quit*giving*me*that*sickly*sweet, confused,*smug, superior little smile whenever we see each other. What power that woman has over you! She can annoy you every time she sees you just by smiling! Okay, I know that telling her off is the wrong thing to do.**But*should*I really "get over it"?**Would*you*get*over*it*if*your*child*was*bann ed*for life from someone else's home? You should definitely get over it. I don't think this other woman sounds very nice, and I'm not sure I'd want my daughter mixing with someone as manipulative as she is. If someone banned one of my children on the basis of such a trivial incident there isn't actually a great deal I can do. Maybe they are banning every child, and their own child will have no-one left to play with. Maybe they just don't like you. But when it comes down to it, its their house, their rules and their say. -- Penny Gaines UK mum to three |
#22
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In article ,
"bizby40" wrote: Okay, I know that telling her off is the wrong thing to do. But should I really "get over it"? Would you get over it if your child was banned for life from someone else's home? BTDT -- and it IS really hard to get over. I read a lot of people responding as though you are upset because of the way the woman is treating YOU. However, if I'm reading you correctly, you are hurt and maybe a bit bewildered by how this woman treated your daughter -- how could ANYONE not want your sweet child to come to their house -- and what is so awful about your daughter or your house that ANYONE would not want their child to come over!?!? I remember how horribly hurt and angry I was when I found out that one of my children wasn't allowed to associate with another child, or that a child had been told they couldn't come to our house. Generally, this was not people I knew well, or considered friends, so I know I wasn't upset about MY relationships. So I sympathize with you -- I know, first hand, how awful this is. But yes, you DO have to get over it. The anger you are feeling is only hurting yourself. You and this woman are not friends. If you end up being thrown into a closer relationship (serving on the same committee, for example) you might need to arrange some sort of meeting that will allow you to tell her how you feel -- or not. As your daughters get older, they may become closer friends, and may insist on visiting at each others houses -- or they may just be classmates. Either way, it's OK. You can just decide that the woman is just a bit out of whack, it really isn't personal, and work on letting go of the anger and hurt. -- Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care |
#23
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"Stephanie Stowe" wrote in message ... Don't tell her off. But tell her what you really think. After all, her DD was the one who broke her promise to your DD in the first place. Failing to be a friend of your word is no better than a little stomping. Hm. Well, it's hard to say who said what. My DD said hers promised her the pictures, but her dd probably said something different. I don't really feel like re-hashing the argument. Okay, I know that telling her off is the wrong thing to do. But should I really "get over it"? Would you get over it if your child was banned for life from someone else's home? I would be pleased that I did not have to deal with the mother, unless my child was actively pursuing more engagement. LOL. But my child is. She knows she isn't allowed to invite her over for individual playdates, and why, but she still wants to invite her for her birthday parties. And once she wanted to have 4 girls over (including this one) for a group playdate. I was so torn up trying to decide whether or not that was "banned" as well. I finally decided that she could invite the girl to any group activities she wanted, but I warned her that her mother might not let the girl come. Bizby |
#24
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"Peggy" wrote:
Yes. It's been two years. Let it go. Don't, however, insist your daughters can't be friends. Take the high road and be civil to the mother. You don't have to socialize with her, but if your daughters are going to be friends, you have to play nice too. ~Peggy "bizby40" replied: Believe me, this is what I've been trying to do. But knowing that I should get over it, and not getting stirred up again when I see her are two different things. Any ideas? Bizby mmmm, counseling? ~Peggy |
#25
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"Banty" wrote in message ... It does sound she over-reacted. Are you sure all that happened is what you heard just after you arrived? Either there's more to it (but it sounds like too much time has passed to bother with it or even hope to get a good accounting of it), or the mother is just a very low-tolerance person. That's what I thought -- that there must be more to it. That's why I asked at the time if they'd been having other trouble. But the answer she gave then was no. Surely you don't expect to like *everyone*, do you?? Lol, no. But the other mothers that I dislike haven't actually insulted me or my daughter. So I don't *actively* dislike them. Don't confuse *your* friendships and other relationships with your daughter's friendships. If your daughter can play with her at school and that's fine with her then fine. You needn't extend yourself to the mother in any way; you only need to be civil in your interactions with her. At school functions, just say hello to her if she says hello to you, otherwise busy yourself with your other friends. Banty Thanks for the no-nonsense advice. Bizby |
#26
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On Wed, 26 Jan 2005 14:49:26 -0500, "bizby40"
scribbled: "Peggy" wrote in message ... Yes. It's been two years. Let it go. Don't, however, insist your daughters can't be friends. Take the high road and be civil to the mother. You don't have to socialize with her, but if your daughters are going to be friends, you have to play nice too. ~Peggy Believe me, this is what I've been trying to do. But knowing that I should get over it, and not getting stirred up again when I see her are two different things. Any ideas? My sure-fire way of getting past someone that affects me like that is to adopt the "screw them" attitude. I decide they're no longer good enough for ME, and it's easier to move one. Nan |
#27
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"Welches" wrote in message ... Well you sound really resentful, so it might be that she's wishing you would stop giving her that glare, which she tries to react with a "nice" smile. Lol, I don't glare. I just don't look at her. Yes, I'm resentful. Firstly maybe there was more to it than you realise. Maybe, though I specifically asked and she said no. And no, I don't take it as a given that my daughter was really promised those pictures. I just think that even assuming my daughter was completely in the wrong that day, her reaction was over the top. And I'd ask, perhaps their teacher (if I could do it casually) whether they do play together, whether they have problems together or anything. If they're not friends at school it may be that they don't really get on and she feels that you're trying to force them to be friends. If it seems to be on the other parents issue then I'd ignore it. Debbie They play together, but this child is not one of my child's "best" friends. We've had her over for at least one party that she attended. I have done nothing to encourage this friendship (not since that day anyway), but I don't want to unilaterally cut it off either. We're in a small school, and there are only a little over 30 girls in the 4th grade. The two of them are bound to run in the same circles. Plus, one of my daughter's very best friends is also this girl's very best friend. I can't just avoid them altogether. Bizby |
#28
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"Nan" wrote in message ... Yes, but aren't there other parents that you are "thrown together" with, as well? Are you awkward around them? I'm guessing you feel awkward because you haven't just let go, and she has. But she doesn't have anything to let go of. And yes, there are other parents as well. No, there are no other parents that I feel awkward around. Why would there be? It's not like I end up in arguments with every person I meet. The thing is that it feels to me like she told me, "Your child isn't good enough for my child." That really stings. I'd like to "let go" and get over it, but I keep being reminded of it. And it stings again. I'd like to internalize "Well, she's just a whacko and so I don't care about her opinion." But then the other parents don't have a problem with her. So I'm stuck feeling resentful and not knowing how to get over it. It's not a good idea to ban your daughter from her friendship with the girl unless there are major issues. You'd look like the resentful mother if you did that. I've never considered doing that. I don't have anything against the daughter. Bizby |
#29
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"Peggy" wrote in message
... mmmm, counseling? ~Peggy Lol -- my counselor said that she sounds like a whacko and I should just get over it! Seriously, it's not like I'm obsessed with this. It may sound like it since that's all we're talking about in this thread. For many months I won't think about it at all, but then something happens. The latest is that my daughter wants to invite this girl to her birthday party. I just get reminded of the unfairness of the situation. Bizby |
#30
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"Nan" wrote in message ... My sure-fire way of getting past someone that affects me like that is to adopt the "screw them" attitude. I decide they're no longer good enough for ME, and it's easier to move one. Nan Lol -- need to work on my self-esteem, eh? |
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