Dad's Visitation Responsibility

"child support owed by deadbeats" wrote in message
ups.com...
On Oct 8, 9:24 am, "teachrmama" wrote:
"child support owed by deadbeats" wrote in
oglegroups.com...





On Oct 5, 9:32 am, whatamess wrote:
On Oct 5, 4:41 am, Henry wrote:

Henry wrote
om:

So, a $1 chocolate bar is being hard-nosed... but a $70 lesson...
he
has
a point. It all adds up...

H.

sorry to follow up to my own post... but I forgot one more thing...

The icing on the cake is when dad ponders, "Hey, I paid CS and then
I
paid
$70 for a soccer lesson.... where did that $70 go that was in the
child
support?" Since mom did not have to pay for it, what happened to it?
Well,
my CS did not go down by $70... I still must pay the full amount. So
where
did it go? And that is when dad's get ****ed off again when they see
mom
with a new hair do, new clothes, trips with the boyfriend, etc. If
dad
speaks up, he is branded a whiner, complainer, control-freak,
deadbeat...

People have little idea why men are ****ed at the CS system. You
have
to
live it to believe it.

H.

The guy pays child support, the guy lives in a different state and
STILL comes to
visit once a month (most NCPs in the same state only have visitation
twice a month)...
and you are complaining? Geez! Well, what would happen if he came up
on
the weekends that he didn't have the sports? Ah yes, then you'd
complain
that your son's father misses his tournaments! Go figure!

Can you tell me exactly what good enough is for you? Obviously, it's
not
related to CS, but more to you wanting to control his life and not
only
have you already forced him how to spend his money by getting CS
and you spend it as YOU see fit, but now you want to get into whatever
he has left and tell him how to spend that too?

I hope your son never ends up in the same situation you have put his
father.
I can assure you, that any boy who ends up in the same situation as
their
father and then truly realizes how unreasonable their mother was
being,
will end up resenting her more than the 70USD you are complaining
about.
It happened to my husband. Until he was in that situation, he thought
the world of his mother and thought his dad was a lousy piece of
garbage...
Now? He sees his mother once a year, if that much and always talks
about how now he sees what a greedy and horrible mother she was.- Hide
quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

Haters want to hate! How do you know she is being controlling? The boy
is 16 years old, and I am sure she is not telling him he HAS to play
sports. Do you have any idea what the cost of cloths for children are,
sneakers, food, spending money when they want to go out? That stuff
all adds up too.
Why don't you two just split the cost of it? $35.00 for each. It's a
sport, and you should split the cos, instead of arguing about it and
making your son feel bad because he likes to play baseball. Now if it
was cooking, or home making stuff, the the mom should be %100
responsible, but it is a sport the boy wants to play. If they love
thier child, the will not argue and just split it down the middle.

The problem with what you say is that you aren't talking to 2 people who
get
along well and just automatically work things out. You are talking to
people caught up in an adversarial system (CS), where one has already
been
told that, no matter what happens, they are to pay $X per month to cover
the
needs of the child. No matter how "reasonable" it seems to you to split
the
cost, the father is correct in saying that such things are already
covered
by his CS payment, and he cannot be forced to pay more. If she wants him
to
willingly shoulder such extras, she needs to build up communication and
rapport with him--NOT simply insist "it's your weekend, you PAY!."



- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -- Hide quoted text -

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That's just sad that two adults can't come to an agreement to benifit
thier child.

I like your idea. Eliminate all CS payments. Have the parents decide which
expenditures are appropriate. Then divide what things cost.

That plan gives NCP's input into how their children are being raised and
forces the CP to actually spend their pro-rata share to support the
children. Perhaps the idea could be taken a step or two further and require
the CP and NCP to split the tax benefits and credits related to the
children, equalize the time spent with the children, and allow the NCP input
into where the children live.

"child support owed by

That's just sad that two adults can't come to an agreement to benifit
thier child.

Theagreement hasalready beendicttated by the government!

He's been told to Pay $562 every month as his half to pay for all child
related expenses!

She's now renigging on that agreement and saying he has to pay more on top
of his half, where's her half gone to?

"child support owed by deadbeats" wrote in

Think I spent a total of $200 last year on new clothes.

That was new clothes for myself! I still have T-shirts that are over 6 years
in use!


jackets, and coats are too small. I spent close to $1,100.00 last
winter, and close to $500.00 this summer.

Ever hear of Wal-Mart?

On Oct 8, 7:30 am, child support owed by deadbeats
wrote:
On Oct 8, 9:24 am, "teachrmama" wrote:



"child support owed by deadbeats" wrote in oglegroups.com...

On Oct 5, 9:32 am, whatamess wrote:
On Oct 5, 4:41 am, Henry wrote:

Henry wrote
om:

So, a $1 chocolate bar is being hard-nosed... but a $70 lesson... he
has
a point. It all adds up...

H.

sorry to follow up to my own post... but I forgot one more thing...

The icing on the cake is when dad ponders, "Hey, I paid CS and then I
paid
$70 for a soccer lesson.... where did that $70 go that was in the child
support?" Since mom did not have to pay for it, what happened to it?
Well,
my CS did not go down by $70... I still must pay the full amount. So
where
did it go? And that is when dad's get ****ed off again when they see
mom
with a new hair do, new clothes, trips with the boyfriend, etc. If dad
speaks up, he is branded a whiner, complainer, control-freak,
deadbeat...

People have little idea why men are ****ed at the CS system. You have
to
live it to believe it.

H.

The guy pays child support, the guy lives in a different state and
STILL comes to
visit once a month (most NCPs in the same state only have visitation
twice a month)...
and you are complaining? Geez! Well, what would happen if he came up
on
the weekends that he didn't have the sports? Ah yes, then you'd
complain
that your son's father misses his tournaments! Go figure!

Can you tell me exactly what good enough is for you? Obviously, it's
not
related to CS, but more to you wanting to control his life and not
only
have you already forced him how to spend his money by getting CS
and you spend it as YOU see fit, but now you want to get into whatever
he has left and tell him how to spend that too?

I hope your son never ends up in the same situation you have put his
father.
I can assure you, that any boy who ends up in the same situation as
their
father and then truly realizes how unreasonable their mother was
being,
will end up resenting her more than the 70USD you are complaining
about.
It happened to my husband. Until he was in that situation, he thought
the world of his mother and thought his dad was a lousy piece of
garbage...
Now? He sees his mother once a year, if that much and always talks
about how now he sees what a greedy and horrible mother she was.- Hide
quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

Haters want to hate! How do you know she is being controlling? The boy
is 16 years old, and I am sure she is not telling him he HAS to play
sports. Do you have any idea what the cost of cloths for children are,
sneakers, food, spending money when they want to go out? That stuff
all adds up too.
Why don't you two just split the cost of it? $35.00 for each. It's a
sport, and you should split the cos, instead of arguing about it and
making your son feel bad because he likes to play baseball. Now if it
was cooking, or home making stuff, the the mom should be %100
responsible, but it is a sport the boy wants to play. If they love
thier child, the will not argue and just split it down the middle.

The problem with what you say is that you aren't talking to 2 people who get
along well and just automatically work things out. You are talking to
people caught up in an adversarial system (CS), where one has already been
told that, no matter what happens, they are to pay $X per month to cover the
needs of the child. No matter how "reasonable" it seems to you to split the
cost, the father is correct in saying that such things are already covered
by his CS payment, and he cannot be forced to pay more. If she wants him to
willingly shoulder such extras, she needs to build up communication and
rapport with him--NOT simply insist "it's your weekend, you PAY!."

- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

That's just sad that two adults can't come to an agreement to benifit
thier child.

I've had family court judges look me in the eye and make this
ridiculous statement as if I am the problem.

It takes only ONE person to prevent cooperation. If the responsible
parent wants to come to an agreement for the sake of the child, but
the irresponsible parent refuses, then there can be no agreement. It
take TWO to COoperate, but it take only ONE to prevent cooperation.

California controls the order. I am the one that moved out of California to
better the life for my family.

Gini wrote:
Child support is for $564 a month. He travels from CA to AZ, but he
chooses
to travel expensively instead of and cheaper way.
==
Which state controls the order? Which parent left the original state?

--
Message posted via FamilyKB.com
http://www.familykb.com/Uwe/Forums.a...nting/200710/1

What are you thinking Child support is for? It isn't just for shoes, clothes
and food. It for a portion of everything I need to keep a home running and a
car running for the childs benefit as well. CS is for all household expenses,
vehicle expenses, ontop of clothes, shoes, haircuts, food, entertainment, etc.
... That adds up quickly for a 16 year old. Not to mention re-stocking
items needed for baseball everytime he grows an inch in height and shoe size!

DB wrote:
"Shadow36" wrote in

564 a month? wow It doesn't cost anywhere close to that amount to support
my 14 year old...

That's supposed to represent 50% of the total cost to raise a child!
Sure is a lot of new shoes, shirts and jeans every month!

Think I spent a total of $200 last year on new clothes.

--
Message posted via http://www.familykb.com

Court orders don't specify an amount that the CP provides? If the father had
more visitation his CS would go down because he would have to provide for his
son when he has visitation.
teachrmama wrote:
Child support is for $564 a month. He travels from CA to AZ, but he
chooses
to travel expensively instead of and cheaper way.

He is required to pay $564, per the court order. How much support does the
order say you will be providing?

"Lvnsurpriseaz" u37991@uwe wrote in

[quoted text clipped - 4 lines]

So the big question, how much money is the child support order for?

--
Message posted via http://www.familykb.com

"Lvnsurpriseaz via FamilyKB.com" u37991@uwe wrote in message
news:7966ad42de4aa@uwe...
Court orders don't specify an amount that the CP provides? If the father
had
more visitation his CS would go down because he would have to provide for
his
son when he has visitation.

Court orders for CS have an attachment with a title like Support Calculation
Worksheet that documents how the CS award was determined. The worksheet
specifies the incomes for both parents, the amount of total support based on
their combined incomes, the pro-rata share for each parent, the medical
support calculation with pro-ration, and the amount the NCP is to pay the
CP. The CP's share is the difference between the total support obligation
plus their share of the medical support and the NCP's payments. The only
exception is in a couple of states where only the NCP's income is used to
establish the CS calculation.

"Lvnsurpriseaz via FamilyKB.com" wrote
What are you thinking Child support is for? It isn't just for shoes,
clothes
and food. It for a portion of everything I need to keep a home running
and a
car running for the childs benefit as well. CS is for all household
expenses,
vehicle expenses, ontop of clothes, shoes, haircuts, food, entertainment,
etc.
====
No, it's NOT "for a portion of everything [you] need to keep a home running
and a car running."
It is NOT "for all household expenses, vehicle expenses..." The amount of
child support applicable
for household expenses is negligible. For instance, the amount of utilities
to which child support can be applied is one half (or the NCP's percent
share)
of the difference *between the amount needed for the parent and other family
members* and the amount
directly attributible to the child(ren) of the order. ie--Only the amount of
electricity directly used by the child of the order.
It is not an even split between all household members. The NCP is
NOT responsible for one dime of the CPs and other family members' household
needs. Rent is somewhat easier to define--
If a one bedroom apartment rents for 400. per month and a two bedroom rents
for 465. per month, the child support
share of rent would be one half (or the NCPs percent share) of the
difference. In this case, CS for rent would be one half
of $65.00., or 32.50 per month--assuming no other children in the
household. If there is even one other child, the CS contribution for rent
would be even less or none at all especially if the child shares a room with
a child not of the order. Auto expenses--The NCP is not responsible for half
the cost of keeping your car on the road. You are required to insure your
car no matter how many kids you have. Your car is required to have tires and
other maintenance, regardless how many kids are riding in it. Unless the
child is a driver, no CS is to be allocated for car insurance and very
little for auto maintenance. These numbers are even less when there are more
family members not of the order. It appears, from what you've written here,
that you are grossly mismanaging your child's support money by diverting it
to the household pool which is not permitted.

"Lvnsurpriseaz via FamilyKB.com" u37991@uwe wrote in

.. That adds up quickly for a 16 year old. Not to mention re-stocking
items needed for baseball everytime he grows an inch in height and shoe
size!

I remember at 16 that anything i wanted i had to go out and earn it!