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Can we cope with twins- no spin answers sought



 
 
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  #1  
Old August 25th 03, 11:39 PM
David desJardins
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Default Can we cope with twins- no spin answers sought

BillyO writes:
At a minimum I had planned to take a month off work after the birth so
we can be together. Can we cope or will we absolutely need help?


I don't think you absolutely need help (paid or otherwise), but most
people find it makes life a lot easier and more pleasant.

IMHO, if you can afford to not work for a month, you'd be better off
going back to work after a week, and hiring someone to come help out
several hours a week for the first several months. Even when you're
going to work 40 hours a week, rest assured, you'll have plenty of
"togetherness" with your wife and kids the other 128 hours of the week.

David desJardins
  #2  
Old August 26th 03, 12:14 AM
thefackrells
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Default Can we cope with twins- no spin answers sought

Bravo for making the wise decision to have a parent stay home and raise your
own children, it will be such a blessing!! And how wonderful that you can
take a month off (or more)!! Though I also had a 3.5 year old to contend
with when our twins were born, it was so nice to have the occasional help!!
I even had my step-mom and then a "step" grandma come at 6 weeks and then at
2.5 mos (??) to come help. I would suggest that after that first month then
maybe just going back part time (if you can) for a few weeks (or maybe doing
the 3days on 4 days off then vice verse)....this will help TREMENDOUSLY!!!!
Are you going to cloth diaper? Look into your local diapering service and
get a month or two of service, until things calm down and then you can just
launder them yourself (or just keep the service!!)...if anything, make sure
you're around to help with the doctor visits!!!! LOL

Good Luck and Congratulations!
Gwen
"BillyO" wrote in message
...
Hello everyone,

We're expecting identical twin boys very early in the new year, they
will be our first. At my workplace and my spouse's there has been a
flash flood of new mummies and daddies. When they hear we're having
twins the boilerplate reponse is "I hope you have *LOTS* of help,
you're going to need it". Perhaps this is because the default
assumption is both parents will be working, even if it's part-time. In
our case we decided to have my wife quit her job. As for help, my
family is in Europe and my wife's is not exactly local. At a minimum I
had planned to take a month off work after the birth so we can be
together. Can we cope or will we absolutely need help?

TIA for your wisdom.



  #3  
Old August 26th 03, 12:50 AM
H Schinske
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Default Can we cope with twins- no spin answers sought

BillyO writes:
At a minimum I had planned to take a month off work after the birth so
we can be together. Can we cope or will we absolutely need help?


I don't think you absolutely need help (paid or otherwise), but most
people find it makes life a lot easier and more pleasant.


Yes, I agree. I had a C-section and it was great having my husband and one or
another of my sisters there to do most of the diapering and walking up and down
and so on (not to mention cooking, laundry, etc.). It helped tremendously that
almost all I *had* to do for a few weeks was take care of myself and feed the
babies.

--Helen
  #4  
Old August 26th 03, 01:59 AM
GandSBrock
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Default Can we cope with twins- no spin answers sought

Guess what?? Your wife is going to need a lot of help, and I hope you help her
out, even at the end of your one month off. (I think David's idea is a good
one) I had no family nearby, or friends for that matter (new to the area)
and my DH could not take off, but he was as great a help as he could possibly
be. We had 2 girls come in once a week to clean. And that's all. I survived,
but just. It would have been more enjoyable if I had a little more help so I
could get a few zzzz's and some socialization. You can cope, but why not get a
little bit of extra help, hired, and take all the offered help you can, and
enjoy the babies.

JMO,
Stephanie
Jake and Ryan 9/3/99
  #5  
Old August 26th 03, 02:30 AM
Rhiann1048
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Default Can we cope with twins- no spin answers sought

Subject: Can we cope with twins- no spin answers sought
From: BillyO
Date: Mon, Aug 25, 2003 4:31 PM
Message-id:

Hello everyone,

We're expecting identical twin boys very early in the new year, they
will be our first. At my workplace and my spouse's there has been a
flash flood of new mummies and daddies. When they hear we're having
twins the boilerplate reponse is "I hope you have *LOTS* of help,
you're going to need it". Perhaps this is because the default
assumption is both parents will be working, even if it's part-time. In
our case we decided to have my wife quit her job. As for help, my
family is in Europe and my wife's is not exactly local. At a minimum I
had planned to take a month off work after the birth so we can be
together. Can we cope or will we absolutely need help?

TIA for your wisdom.


We had help for about 6 weeks. Dh took 2 weeks off and we had 4 family members
fly out in succession for about a week each. This worked out well for us. I
had a c-section, so help that first week it was essential. After that, the
girls started to get colicy so we really did need the help for those next few
weeks too. After that we were on our own. Dh was back at work full time. It
would have been nice to have family nearby to help but we got by ok.

If you have kids with an easy temperaments you can probably get by with less
help. It will also depend on you --- how little sleep can you get by on, how
often do you need to get out, how much experience you've had with young babies,
etc. There are so many variables. What worked for us might not work for you.
But I found that having that help the first 6 weeks got us through the hardest
period.

Good Luck!

Lori

  #6  
Old August 26th 03, 04:29 AM
Kender
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Default Can we cope with twins- no spin answers sought

We had no help, no family near by. DH took off two weeks and that was it. I
did quit my job and stay home full time with the girls. It can be done but
would have been better to have had help. You may want to do it all to prove
a point (as I think we did sometimes) but it's tiring. Two babies are a lot
of work. One baby is a lot of work. If you can afford help and can find it,
go for it. If not, don't stress. Life will go on. The kids will grow up but
you might remember it more if you get more sleep. The first 7 months are a
blur to me.
Congratulations!!!! Your life is about to get a lot fuller and definitely
more interesting!
--
Erin
Morgan and Megan 2/15/97
Evan 5/14/00

"BillyO" wrote in message
...
Hello everyone,

We're expecting identical twin boys very early in the new year, they
will be our first. At my workplace and my spouse's there has been a
flash flood of new mummies and daddies. When they hear we're having
twins the boilerplate reponse is "I hope you have *LOTS* of help,
you're going to need it". Perhaps this is because the default
assumption is both parents will be working, even if it's part-time. In
our case we decided to have my wife quit her job. As for help, my
family is in Europe and my wife's is not exactly local. At a minimum I
had planned to take a month off work after the birth so we can be
together. Can we cope or will we absolutely need help?

TIA for your wisdom.



  #7  
Old August 26th 03, 02:45 PM
The Huwe Family
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Default Can we cope with twins- no spin answers sought

I'm going through the same questions with expecting triplets. My family
lives on the other side of the country, my MIL is disabled, unable to help,
and my SIL's family is very busy with their very active 5 & 7 yr old boys.
My mom will be coming out for the first 2 months to help, but after that, I
will probably be asking for help from my church., many of whom have already
offered their services. While I don't think it is impossible for you and
your wife to handle taking care of the twins by yourselves, accept any and
every bit of help offered. Seek out Mother of Twins clubs etc for support.
I know they would be willing to come help as well.

"BillyO" wrote in message
...
Hello everyone,

We're expecting identical twin boys very early in the new year, they
will be our first. At my workplace and my spouse's there has been a
flash flood of new mummies and daddies. When they hear we're having
twins the boilerplate reponse is "I hope you have *LOTS* of help,
you're going to need it". Perhaps this is because the default
assumption is both parents will be working, even if it's part-time. In
our case we decided to have my wife quit her job. As for help, my
family is in Europe and my wife's is not exactly local. At a minimum I
had planned to take a month off work after the birth so we can be
together. Can we cope or will we absolutely need help?

TIA for your wisdom.



  #8  
Old August 26th 03, 04:44 PM
Jim Wehner
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Default Can we cope with twins- no spin answers sought

BillyO wrote:
Can we cope or will we absolutely need help?


"Absolutely?" No. But it will be very hard.

Our twins are now closing in on 20 months old. My wife took a leave of
absence & returned to work when they were 10 months old. She works
nights, but now works only 16 hours per week (which we need to pay
our bills). We are our own child care.

We have had relatively no help from my family. 2 of my sisters baby sat
for the 1st time last month, when we went to a wedding. One of
my wife's sisters lives 2 hours away & visits as often as she can, but the
"help" factor is limited. Her other sister is now 17 years old & likes to
play with the twins (or help feed them) when they are in good moods - but
that's it. My mother in law works full time, has a social life, and
spends a lot of time tending to her own baby (the 17 year old). She is
our primary "help," which is *maybe* watching the kids once a month. We
neglect ourselves (i.e. Dr. & Dentist appointments, etc.) because we
choose not to look for help outside the family... although my wife's
godmother (a family friend) has watched Rebecca a few times, when my wife
took Adam to Dr. appointments.

We think we have done great, with limited help. We *could* make it easier
for ourselves if we sought additional child care. But we also think that
the fact that we are with our kids almost all time is what has made them
excel in their verbal and "manual" skills.

Take all the help you can get. It going to be a bumpy ride. If you can
remain focused & dedicated, the joys will far outweigh the difficulties.

Being the parents of twins is a great blessing. Always remember that.

:-)

Jim

  #9  
Old August 26th 03, 05:16 PM
TwinMom
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Default Can we cope with twins- no spin answers sought

You'll be fine, help or not. IMHO, one of the benefits of having twins as
your first children is that you just do what needs to be done without
realizing that there is any other way. If you have twins after a singleton,
the amount of work might be a surprise, but when they come first, you just
do and everything gets done. DH used to like to say that, with twins, at
least you only have to wash your hands once (after a dual diaper change).
LOL. I had my heavenly MIL help out for the first few weeks, but NOT with
the babes - that's our pleasure! She did laundry, cooking, burping, etc.
which gave us time to bond with the new boys.
If you'd like, I have a new parents "twins tip sheet" that I made up when my
boys were smaller. It covers things like help, shopping, nursing, etc. It's
just my personal observations, and everything might not work for you, but we
twin parents need to stick together and help each other out when we can.
Contact me off list and I will send you a copy. It's in MSWord or Text
format. Good Luck to you.
Lorraine - frat boys 7, girl 3


  #10  
Old August 27th 03, 12:56 AM
Chotii
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Default Can we cope with twins- no spin answers sought


"BillyO" wrote in message
...
Hello everyone,


Can we cope or will we absolutely need help?


The truth is....you'll cope. You'll do whatever has to be done, because it
can't NOT be done. Diaper changes, feedings, and baby-holding will get done.
The house may or may not stay clean. Laundry may be cut to an absolute
minimum. You may live on fast food and delivery pizza for months.
But...think about this seriously for a moment: If you don't have help, and
something needs to be done, what are you going to do? You're going to do it.

If you can get help? Oh, I agree with everybody here - get help. But let me
tell you a story, and you can decide for yourself whether we did the
impossible:

My husband and I had one daughter, 22 months, when our twins were born. One
of our twins was born with a severe heart defect, and also a nasty stomach
defect (but that wasn't found until later). We had a mother's helper for
the first three weeks, until baby A came home from the hospital, because
otherwise I couldn't really *go* to the hospital. I should mention also I
was pumping full-time for my babies, and continued to do so for baby B until
she was 21 months old.

My husband went back to work after 1 month. After this time, I was home
alone with the toddler, one twin, and the other in NICU.

Baby B came home at the age of 3 months, with an NG feeding tube and
feedings every 3 hours via pump, several heart medications which had to be
given without fail on a schedule, and oxygen. We couldn't even move her
room to room without it being a big production, but she had at least one
doctor's appointment every week. She also was projectile-vomiting 8-10
times a day.

At 4 months of age, baby B had open-heart surgery. Now she was off oxygen,
but the tube-feedings continued (and continue to this day) and I was pumping
8X/day to provide milk for her.

.....and no, we had no help (after the mother's helper left, when baby A came
home). Not from my husband's parents, not from my parents, not from anybody.
We survived. Could we have USED help? Oh, absolutely. But we didn't NEED
it. People asked me how we did it, and to this day I shrug and say, "We just
did. Because what other choice did we have?" And that's true.

You *can* cope. I honestly believe that you have to know that about
yourself. It's a mistake to set yourself up with the belief that you cannot
cope. (Now, if you do your damnedest and still find you're not coping,
that's a different situation than starting out believing you cannot cope.)

Want hired help? Get it. Got family, friends or neighbors who will cook for
you, clean, do laundry, etc? Never turn down an offer of assistance. But if
you don't have those options, you'll still do okay. You'll surprise yourself
with how much you can do, and deal with, and survive, that you never knew
you could.

--angela


 




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