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Dad's Visitation Responsibility



 
 
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  #21  
Old October 5th 07, 03:54 PM posted to alt.child-support
Lvnsurpriseaz via FamilyKB.com
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Posts: 14
Default Dad's Visitation Responsibility

Okay, some of you are going a little over board here. I just started by
asking a simple question. Obviously you don't know and won't know the whole
story. The father only comes and visits because he didn't want to pay more
in child support. He has missed three of his court ordered visits this year.
He is to come out once every other month and he went 6 months without seeing
him! My son and his dad don't have a very good relationship and it is the
cause of the father, NOT ME!!!!! Even my sons counselor has mandated that
the FATHER NOT ME seek counseling for his relationship with his son. He has
dissapointed my son over and over and over and it has caused great anger with
my son and none of it has to do with CS or ME!!!!! So, believe it or not I
am certainly NOT the typical mother here. I was the one calling the father
when my son was little telling him how he should be coming to see and visit
with his son!! I am the one that allowed to stay in my home in my guest room
to save him some money so that he would come out more to see his son!!!! I
am not money hungry like most. I have tried and tried to help with his
situation.

I was just asking about the tournament because I wasn't sure if the father
should be paying for that duirng his visits............ Relax guys!

whatamess wrote:
So, a $1 chocolate bar is being hard-nosed... but a $70 lesson... he has
a point. It all adds up...

[quoted text clipped - 15 lines]

H.


The guy pays child support, the guy lives in a different state and
STILL comes to
visit once a month (most NCPs in the same state only have visitation
twice a month)...
and you are complaining? Geez! Well, what would happen if he came up
on
the weekends that he didn't have the sports? Ah yes, then you'd
complain
that your son's father misses his tournaments! Go figure!

Can you tell me exactly what good enough is for you? Obviously, it's
not
related to CS, but more to you wanting to control his life and not
only
have you already forced him how to spend his money by getting CS
and you spend it as YOU see fit, but now you want to get into whatever
he has left and tell him how to spend that too?

I hope your son never ends up in the same situation you have put his
father.
I can assure you, that any boy who ends up in the same situation as
their
father and then truly realizes how unreasonable their mother was
being,
will end up resenting her more than the 70USD you are complaining
about.
It happened to my husband. Until he was in that situation, he thought
the world of his mother and thought his dad was a lousy piece of
garbage...
Now? He sees his mother once a year, if that much and always talks
about how now he sees what a greedy and horrible mother she was.


--
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http://www.familykb.com/Uwe/Forums.a...nting/200710/1

  #22  
Old October 5th 07, 03:57 PM posted to alt.child-support
Gini
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Posts: 936
Default Dad's Visitation Responsibility


"Lvnsurpriseaz via FamilyKB.com" wrote
Child support is for $564 a month. He travels from CA to AZ, but he
chooses
to travel expensively instead of and cheaper way.

==
Which state controls the order? Which parent left the original state?


  #23  
Old October 5th 07, 04:06 PM posted to alt.child-support
Gini
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Posts: 936
Default Dad's Visitation Responsibility


"Lvnsurpriseaz via FamilyKB.com" u37991@uwe wrote
Okay, some of you are going a little over board here. I just started by
asking a simple question. Obviously you don't know and won't know the
whole
story. The father only comes and visits because he didn't want to pay
more
in child support. He has missed three of his court ordered visits this
year.
He is to come out once every other month and he went 6 months without
seeing
him! My son and his dad don't have a very good relationship and it is the
cause of the father, NOT ME!!!!! Even my sons counselor has mandated that
the FATHER NOT ME seek counseling for his relationship with his son. He
has
dissapointed my son over and over and over and it has caused great anger
with
my son and none of it has to do with CS or ME!!!!! So, believe it or not
I
am certainly NOT the typical mother here. I was the one calling the
father
when my son was little telling him how he should be coming to see and
visit
with his son!! I am the one that allowed to stay in my home in my guest
room
to save him some money so that he would come out more to see his son!!!!
I
am not money hungry like most. I have tried and tried to help with his
situation.

I was just asking about the tournament because I wasn't sure if the father
should be paying for that duirng his visits............ Relax guys!

==
Which parent left the relationship? Perhaps the father is trying to avoid
profound hurt
over the loss of his marriage and child? My ex was somewhat that way for
about 2 years after I left
even though we had no custody order and he had ongoing unlimited access to
the boys.
On the surface it appeared he didn't care. I knew better. In reality he was
doing whatever he could to avoid
the pain. It simply took him a while to adjust.


  #24  
Old October 5th 07, 04:30 PM posted to alt.child-support
Lvnsurpriseaz via FamilyKB.com
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 14
Default Dad's Visitation Responsibility

No, we were never married and we mutually agreed to seperate before I found
out I was pregnant and my son is now 16 years old. His new wife of 11 years
and I used to be best friends up until 3 years ago when the father started
doing drugs and becoming violent and the wife betrayed my trust in her to NOT
have my son around him while he was on drugs. I was still letting my son go
over to her house so he could visit with her and his half brother and sister
until I found out the step-mom let the father come over to visit when he was
under the influence of drugs. Then allowed my then 11 year old son go into
the bathroom with his dad to watch him take an in-home drug test!!!!!!!

Gini wrote:
Okay, some of you are going a little over board here. I just started by
asking a simple question. Obviously you don't know and won't know the

[quoted text clipped - 26 lines]
I was just asking about the tournament because I wasn't sure if the father
should be paying for that duirng his visits............ Relax guys!

==
Which parent left the relationship? Perhaps the father is trying to avoid
profound hurt
over the loss of his marriage and child? My ex was somewhat that way for
about 2 years after I left
even though we had no custody order and he had ongoing unlimited access to
the boys.
On the surface it appeared he didn't care. I knew better. In reality he was
doing whatever he could to avoid
the pain. It simply took him a while to adjust.


--
Message posted via FamilyKB.com
http://www.familykb.com/Uwe/Forums.a...nting/200710/1

  #25  
Old October 5th 07, 11:32 PM posted to alt.child-support
Werebat
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Posts: 109
Default Dad's Visitation Responsibility



Bob Whiteside wrote:


"Lvnsurpriseaz" u37991@uwe wrote in message news:7934879433388@uwe...

My sons father pays child support and I have 100% physical custody.
Now, the
father refuses to pay for events that my son wants to participate in
during
his visitation time. The father claims that is what his child support
goes
towards. I tried explaining to the father that the child support is
to help
support him during my 95% time share and that during his 5% time he is
to pay
for expenses. Isn't that true????? or am I missing something here?



CS awards are based on the CP having the children 100% of the time and
do not take into consideration expenses that "travel with the
children". The new parenting plans being adopted by some of the states
allow for a reduction of CS once a threshold of visitation is reached.
The most common threshold is 30+% visitation time. What that means is
NCP's do not get a break on CS paid until they care for the child at
least 30% of the time. And then the CS reduction is phased in so that
even at 50% visitation the NCP can still be forced to pay something.


****, he can be forced to pay something at 80% "visitation" too! It's
amazing what those CS gnomes can do with numbers!

I have my son the same number of hours as his mother does, and I was
told I could get a 10% "discount" on CS obligation! How does this
happen? Because my state has a 30% "threshold", and any time our son is
not with ME counts as time he is with HER -- ie time in school, etc. I
could have him in my care MORE HOURS THAN SHE DOES and still be forced
to pay close to 90% of the standard obligation!

When I asked my lawyer and hers if this sounded "fair" to them, they
both laughed in my face and said, "Nope, but that's how it is! Har har
har!!!"

- Ron ^*^

  #26  
Old October 6th 07, 12:03 AM posted to alt.child-support
Henry
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Posts: 55
Default Dad's Visitation Responsibility

whatamess wrote in
ups.com:

On Oct 5, 4:41 am, Henry wrote:
Henry wrote
om:

So, a $1 chocolate bar is being hard-nosed... but a $70 lesson...
he has a point. It all adds up...


H.


People have little idea why men are ****ed at the CS system. You have
to live it to believe it.

H.


The guy pays child support, the guy lives in a different state and
STILL comes to
visit once a month (most NCPs in the same state only have visitation
twice a month)...
and you are complaining? Geez! Well, what would happen if he came up
on
the weekends that he didn't have the sports? Ah yes, then you'd
complain
that your son's father misses his tournaments! Go figure!


ummm... I assume you meant to respond to the original post... not to my
follow ups..



H.
  #27  
Old October 6th 07, 12:15 AM posted to alt.child-support
Henry
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 55
Default Dad's Visitation Responsibility

"Lvnsurpriseaz via FamilyKB.com" u37991@uwe wrote in
news:793d9e7cb53e5@uwe:

Okay, some of you are going a little over board here. I just started
by asking a simple question. Obviously you don't know and won't know
the whole story. [snip]
I was just asking about the tournament because I wasn't sure if the
father should be paying for that duirng his visits............ Relax
guys!


I personally did go on rather long in my CS explanation, but you did ask
for an opinion. And to give a simple answer to a complex question (even
though you think it is simple) does not do justice to the situation.

Certainly I could have said "No. He does not pay". And left it at that. But
I have been down that road with 100's of other recipient parents (i.e.
mom's) - been there, done that. I was just heading off most common
arguements, complaints, justifications, rants,...

I entire ball of wax regarding parenting ability, involvement, etc, etc...
just muddy's the CS water. It usually comes out as some sort of
justification to the extra money thing (sure, not in this case). Again,
been there, done that.

You asked a fair question.... and my answer is no, he does not have to pay.

Enjoy the tournament.

H.



  #28  
Old October 6th 07, 03:57 AM posted to alt.child-support
Shadow36
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Posts: 73
Default Dad's Visitation Responsibility


"Lvnsurpriseaz via FamilyKB.com" u37991@uwe wrote in message
news:793d84a715520@uwe...
Child support is for $564 a month. He travels from CA to AZ, but he
chooses
to travel expensively instead of and cheaper way.


564 a month? wow It doesn't cost anywhere close to that amount to support my
14 year old...


  #29  
Old October 6th 07, 04:41 AM posted to alt.child-support
teachrmama
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Posts: 1,905
Default Dad's Visitation Responsibility


"Lvnsurpriseaz via FamilyKB.com" u37991@uwe wrote in message
news:793d87e40a499@uwe...
He travels from CA to AZ. I pay $200 per year towards his travel costs.
But
he chooses to travel very expensively. I was even offering my guest room
to
save him money.


I'm sure you were offering your guest room with the best of intentions, but
I imagine that it would be a bit uncomfortable for him to stay there. I
don't know where in AZ he is or where in CA you are, so it could be anything
from a short, few-hour drive to a very long drive. Does he fly out?
Perhaps, with the cost of gas, that seems a wise choice to him. What do you
say to him when he tells you that the cost od yiour child's sports, etc, is
covered by the CS he already pays? BTW, did he move away from you and the
child, or did you move away from him?


teachrmama wrote:
Well, the father can't have shared custody because we live in two
different
states. So he only comes out 1 weekend everyother month.


How far does he have to travel? Does he pay the transportation? Does he
have to pay for a place to stay while he is there? Visitation seems like
it
might be a very expensive proposition in his case.

My sons father pays child support and I have 100% physical custody.
Now, the

[quoted text clipped - 15 lines]
Shared custody, NO child support, and everybody's should be happy
(except for the those with a sense of entitlement).


--
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http://www.familykb.com/Uwe/Forums.a...nting/200710/1



  #30  
Old October 6th 07, 04:42 AM posted to alt.child-support
teachrmama
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Posts: 1,905
Default Dad's Visitation Responsibility


"Lvnsurpriseaz via FamilyKB.com" u37991@uwe wrote in message
news:793d84a715520@uwe...
Child support is for $564 a month. He travels from CA to AZ, but he
chooses
to travel expensively instead of and cheaper way.


He is required to pay $564, per the court order. How much support does the
order say you will be providing?


DB wrote:
"Lvnsurpriseaz" u37991@uwe wrote in

The child is 16 yrs old and believe me the childs food bill is almost
more
than his child support!
!!!!! LOL


So the big question, how much money is the child support order for?


--
Message posted via http://www.familykb.com



 




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