Please help

"Stephanie" wrote in message
. ..
deja.blues wrote:
"NL" wrote in message
...
Stephanie schrieb:

How does adoption mean you were loved less?

What do you personally know about adoption? Have you been given up
by your parents? Do you know what it feels like to _know_ that your
own mother decided not to keep you?
Yes, it means having been loved less. At least it does for most of
us. Belavsky wrote:"I do wonder if quadruplets are all better off living
with their
parents, although their parents will be short of time and possibly
money, or if it is better to give up some of the children for
adoption."

So, you think giving up "some of the children" will not have an
impact on those childrens lives? If you found out that your parents
decided to keep X of your siblings but gave you away, how would you
feel? Would you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?

It's easy saying adoption is great if you're not directly involved.
If it's not you who's being "adopted out". Because you do not have
to deal with the consequences. You can sit there all warm and fuzzy
inside going "Awwwwwwwww look at how happy they all are now."

cu
nicole

I am on the other end of the adoption spectrum, and saying that a
child is given up because they are not loved is wrong. Very wrong.
Every situation is different, but they are all painful.


They arent all painful. To my knowledge my husband has had regret that he
did not know his birth mother. But he does not feel pain at having been
brought up in a family that is every bit as much a family as if he came
from his mother's body.

Maybe painful was too strong a word.
Regret, and wondering "what if" doesn't have to be painful, it's true.

On Mar 6, 5:10�pm, "Claire" wrote:
"deja.blues" wrote in message

news:6KKzj.3488$4D2.1627@trndny06...







"Claire" wrote in message
...
Help I have just found out that I am having quads and I have a boy and a
girl all ready. I dont know anyone that has had more than one baby at one
time. The hospital, doctors only give me all the help line numbers but I
called them they told me to go on here and look in my rea but there is
nothing so if anyone has any sites that I can go on or if any of you have
four at once please talk to me thank you.
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NNTP-Posting-Date: Fri, 02 Feb 2007 15:41:18 -0600
Reply-To: "Tishtash"
From: "Tishtash"
Newsgroups: uk.people.parents
Subject: Help with quads
Date: Fri, 2 Feb 2007 21:41:18 -0000
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"Hi
Anyone in here have quads and if you do could tell me how things are going
with it all. I have 21 week old quad girls and a 29 month old boy. I am
breastfeeding them and would like to know how you are all if you have any
are doin with them and any advise on the future if yours are older please.
Any help would be great.
Thank you.

Tishtash "
---------------------------------------------------------------------
What is wrong with you? What a weird thing to fantasize and troll about.
Enlighten us, please.

To the last post I dont know who that is and what is a troll I want to say
thank you to all of you that have given me some helpful sites.
I would never think about killing any of them or giving any of them away.
I hope you all keep well and you familys too.- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

Congratulations Claire. You'll be busy for sure! I hope all goes well
with your pregnancy and the birth of your babies. As others have
mentioned here, there are multiple online groups to join - I know AOL
has some, cafemom.com has some, google probably has some, etc. They
usually title them with "families with multiples" to help your search
along.

On Mar 6, 5:10�pm, "Claire" wrote:
"deja.blues" wrote in message

news:6KKzj.3488$4D2.1627@trndny06...







"Claire" wrote in message
...
Help I have just found out that I am having quads and I have a boy and a
girl all ready. I dont know anyone that has had more than one baby at one
time. The hospital, doctors only give me all the help line numbers but I
called them they told me to go on here and look in my rea but there is
nothing so if anyone has any sites that I can go on or if any of you have
four at once please talk to me thank you.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------�-----------
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NNTP-Posting-Date: Fri, 02 Feb 2007 15:41:18 -0600
Reply-To: "Tishtash"
From: "Tishtash"
Newsgroups: uk.people.parents
Subject: Help with quads
Date: Fri, 2 Feb 2007 21:41:18 -0000
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"Hi
Anyone in here have quads and if you do could tell me how things are going
with it all. I have 21 week old quad girls and a 29 month old boy. I am
breastfeeding them and would like to know how you are all if you have any
are doin with them and any advise on the future if yours are older please.
Any help would be great.
Thank you.

Tishtash "
---------------------------------------------------------------------
What is wrong with you? What a weird thing to fantasize and troll about.
Enlighten us, please.

To the last post I dont know who that is and what is a troll I want to say
thank you to all of you that have given me some helpful sites.
I would never think about killing any of them or giving any of them away.
I hope you all keep well and you familys too.- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

Oh, and check back in from time to time. I'd love to hear how you are
doing and would love to follow your story. I wish you the best!

"Chris" wrote in message
...
On Mar 6, 5:10?pm, "Claire" wrote:
"deja.blues" wrote in message

news:6KKzj.3488$4D2.1627@trndny06...







"Claire" wrote in message
...
Help I have just found out that I am having quads and I have a boy and
a
girl all ready. I dont know anyone that has had more than one baby at
one
time. The hospital, doctors only give me all the help line numbers but
I
called them they told me to go on here and look in my rea but there is
nothing so if anyone has any sites that I can go on or if any of you
have
four at once please talk to me thank you.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------?-----------
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g2news2.google.com!news4.google.com!border1.nntp.d ca.giganews.com!nntp.giga?news.com!local01.nntp.dc a.giganews.com!nntp.bt.com!news.bt.com.POSTED!not-f?or-mail
NNTP-Posting-Date: Fri, 02 Feb 2007 15:41:18 -0600
Reply-To: "Tishtash"
From: "Tishtash"
Newsgroups: uk.people.parents
Subject: Help with quads
Date: Fri, 2 Feb 2007 21:41:18 -0000
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complaint properly
X-Postfilter: 1.3.32

"Hi
Anyone in here have quads and if you do could tell me how things are
going
with it all. I have 21 week old quad girls and a 29 month old boy. I am
breastfeeding them and would like to know how you are all if you have
any
are doin with them and any advise on the future if yours are older
please.
Any help would be great.
Thank you.

Tishtash "
---------------------------------------------------------------------
What is wrong with you? What a weird thing to fantasize and troll about.
Enlighten us, please.

To the last post I dont know who that is and what is a troll I want to say
thank you to all of you that have given me some helpful sites.
I would never think about killing any of them or giving any of them away.
I hope you all keep well and you familys too.- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

Oh, and check back in from time to time. I'd love to hear how you are
doing and would love to follow your story. I wish you the best!

Thank you Chris so far everything is going well. The only hard thing is that
i have been told not to pick up heavy things but when you have two kids you
do have to pick them up. So apart from that and wanting to sleep all day
everything is going well.

On Mar 6, 3:38 pm, NL wrote:
Stephanie schrieb:

How does adoption mean you were loved less?

What do you personally know about adoption? Have you been given up by
your parents? Do you know what it feels like to _know_ that your own
mother decided not to keep you?
Yes, it means having been loved less. At least it does for most of us.

Must join the chorus in disagreeing here. Yes, I know exactly what it
feels like to know that my own birthmother decided not to keep me.
She knew she couldn't give me what she wanted a child to have, and she
knew there was someone out there who could. She contacted me when I
was 20 years old and I've been in communication with her since, so I
know how incredibly difficult her choice was. And I thank the heavens
above that she had me, and also that she didn't keep me. She's a
remarkable person and I respect her very much but I much prefer the
life I have over the life I would have had if she'd raised me.

Sounds like for the OP neither adoption nor selective reduction are in
consideration, but I must point out that in this situation the two are
nowhere near equivalent. The risk of extreme prematurity and
disability would be lower for the remaining babies with selective
reduction. It would not be changed by adoption after birth. Adoption
might also be more difficult in this situation since the babies are at
higher risk of disability than a singleton pregnancy.

Kate, ignorant foot soldier of the medical cartel
and the Bug, 4 and a half
and something brewing, 4/08

On Fri, 07 Mar 2008 00:38:14 +0100, NL wrote:

What do you personally know about adoption? Have you been given up by
your parents? Do you know what it feels like to _know_ that your own
mother decided not to keep you?
Yes, it means having been loved less. At least it does for most of us.

Actually, it may mean you were loved more. If your birth mother
*knew* that she could not care for you for any of several different
reasons and she wanted to provide you with a home where you would be
loved and provided for, I don't see that this equates to loving you
less.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

toto schrieb:
On Fri, 07 Mar 2008 00:38:14 +0100, NL wrote:

What do you personally know about adoption? Have you been given up by
your parents? Do you know what it feels like to _know_ that your own
mother decided not to keep you?
Yes, it means having been loved less. At least it does for most of us.

Actually, it may mean you were loved more. If your birth mother
*knew* that she could not care for you for any of several different
reasons and she wanted to provide you with a home where you would be
loved and provided for, I don't see that this equates to loving you
less.



Sorry, but I know a little more about the situation than any of you and
I can safely say that her motives were not to make her children happier.
I'm the middle of 5 in my birth"family" none of us 5 were raised by our
mother, my older sister was given to her grandparents "for the weekend"
and never picked up after the weekend was over... I'm not even going to
start writing about everything else.

It's really hard for me to write/talk/think about all this right now, so
I'm not going to reply...

cu
nicole

In article , NL says...

toto schrieb:
On Fri, 07 Mar 2008 00:38:14 +0100, NL wrote:

What do you personally know about adoption? Have you been given up by
your parents? Do you know what it feels like to _know_ that your own
mother decided not to keep you?
Yes, it means having been loved less. At least it does for most of us.

Actually, it may mean you were loved more. If your birth mother
*knew* that she could not care for you for any of several different
reasons and she wanted to provide you with a home where you would be
loved and provided for, I don't see that this equates to loving you
less.



Sorry, but I know a little more about the situation than any of you and
I can safely say that her motives were not to make her children happier.

Note that Toto said *may* mean...

I'm the middle of 5 in my birth"family" none of us 5 were raised by our
mother, my older sister was given to her grandparents "for the weekend"
and never picked up after the weekend was over... I'm not even going to
start writing about everything else.

Then that's *your* situation. Others in just as good a position to describe
*their* situations as adoptees have described quite different situations.

There is no call for you to generalize to any other particular situation, other
than your own.


It's really hard for me to write/talk/think about all this right now, so
I'm not going to reply...

You should really find someone in real life to talk to about this.

Banty

"NL" wrote in message
...
toto schrieb:
On Fri, 07 Mar 2008 00:38:14 +0100, NL wrote:

What do you personally know about adoption? Have you been given up by
your parents? Do you know what it feels like to _know_ that your own
mother decided not to keep you?
Yes, it means having been loved less. At least it does for most of us.

Actually, it may mean you were loved more. If your birth mother
*knew* that she could not care for you for any of several different
reasons and she wanted to provide you with a home where you would be
loved and provided for, I don't see that this equates to loving you
less.



Sorry, but I know a little more about the situation than any of you and I
can safely say that her motives were not to make her children happier. I'm
the middle of 5 in my birth"family" none of us 5 were raised by our
mother, my older sister was given to her grandparents "for the weekend"
and never picked up after the weekend was over... I'm not even going to
start writing about everything else.

It's really hard for me to write/talk/think about all this right now, so
I'm not going to reply...

cu
nicole


I am sorry this is what happened to you. However your situation does not a
condemnation on adoption make.

"NL" wrote in message
...
toto schrieb:
On Fri, 07 Mar 2008 00:38:14 +0100, NL wrote:

What do you personally know about adoption? Have you been given up by
your parents? Do you know what it feels like to _know_ that your own
mother decided not to keep you?
Yes, it means having been loved less. At least it does for most of us.

Actually, it may mean you were loved more. If your birth mother
*knew* that she could not care for you for any of several different
reasons and she wanted to provide you with a home where you would be
loved and provided for, I don't see that this equates to loving you
less.



Sorry, but I know a little more about the situation than any of you and I
can safely say that her motives were not to make her children happier. I'm
the middle of 5 in my birth"family" none of us 5 were raised by our
mother, my older sister was given to her grandparents "for the weekend"
and never picked up after the weekend was over... I'm not even going to
start writing about everything else.

It's really hard for me to write/talk/think about all this right now, so
I'm not going to reply...

I'm sorry that happened to you.
However, that is not the norm for every adoption, in fact, your situation is
extreme.