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#101
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teenager breaking curfew
In article ,
Chris says... On Mar 11, 2:09=EF=BF=BDpm, Ericka Kammerer wrote: Banty wrote: At what point do some folks here think it's time not to have a curfew? Marriage? =EF=BF=BD(Beliavsky - that's your cultural answer, and only fo= r daughters.) College when there's just nothing you can do about it? =EF=BF=BDWhere's = that transition time? =EF=BF=BD =EF=BF=BD =EF=BF=BD =EF=BF=BD I think it's a really individual c= hoice, depending on the individuals involved and the circumstances. =EF=BF=BDI think for a lot of kids, they never need a curfew and all that's appropriate is a rule that they keep you informed of where they are and when they'll be back, and they update you promptly if there are any changes. =EF=BF=BDOther kids= may need a very strict curfew for some period of time, followed by a gradual transfer of responsibility as they mature and demonstrate appropriate behavior. =EF=BF=BDFor some, a curfew might show up only as a consequence for inappropriate behavior. =EF=BF=BDI'm not sure there is eve= n a one-size-fits-most point in time at which curfews go from appropriate to inappropriate. Best wishes, Ericka I have a better question, the same way it was asked of me by my mother, what on earth is there to do for ANYONE after 2 a.m.(club closing time in case the minor makes it in lol or after the late-late showing at the movie theater) that is any good or productive, other than work? Sure, the first time your curfew gets lifted and you are free to decide just when you'll come home (not because you were decorating all night for a senior prom or anything), it feels awesome that you got to watch that clock go waaaay past it, but then what was there to do? Just curious. Sit in an empty Red Rocks amphitheater with a group of close friends, playing in flashlights shone onto the rocks, then wait for the sun to come up? Naw...erase that. Return two and a half hours' drive from a ski trip, after a late dinner with a friend's family. With the 22 year old big sister of said friend at the wheel? Naw...erase that. Straight-A honor roll student here who was commissioned by the principal and superintendent to do freelance work for them because I was so trustworthy, mature, dependable, and I was shy, still graduated a virgin, ??!? They gave you freelance work because you were a virgin? How did they know? had a job, paid for my own car, etc. and yet whenever I was able to pull off a "I'm staying the night at so-and-so's house," because we would be able to stay out 'til whenever or they were having a party because their parents were gone for the weekend, we found all sorts of mischief that could have resulted in serious consequences in a number of ways after midnight. See, that's a bad *situation*. Even if one extricates oneself at 9:45 pm to make a 10:00 curfew. Do you really think *anything* that happens is along that line? Heck, it was all in good fun, in the mind of an 18-year-old. I also found myself in predicaments that could have turned out a whole lot worse than they did with the kids who had no curfew, and the ones who had really early ones were the worst by the way, so I do have to thank my lucky stars for being able to keep my wits about me and inventing ways to remove myself from those situations. That's a very good skill. I can curl my mother's hair with the stories I share now, as I'm sure some of the parents of those other children nearly drop dead. The point being, my mother was absolutely right, there was NOTHING good ever to come out of staying out all night. lol. Guess you were happy with things that didn't require that. Doesn't make the night some evul thing for everyone. Banty |
#102
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teenager breaking curfew
On Mar 12, 8:30*am, Banty wrote:
Straight-A honor roll student here who was commissioned by the principal and superintendent to do freelance work for them because I was so trustworthy, mature, dependable, and I was shy, still graduated a virgin, ??!? They gave you freelance work because you were a virgin? How did they know? You have previously criticized my style of posting, especially the sources I use. It's a free Usenet, and that is certainly your right. Why don't you look in the mirror and examine the way you write? I think you are often snide and needlessly argumentative, with the comment above being an example. It's obvious that school officials gave her freelance work because she was a good student and was considered "trustworthy, mature, dependable". Probably the last detail she gave should have been placed in separate sentence, but this is not English class, and her meaning was clear. I think Chris's general point, that is almost never a need to be out and about at 2 AM, and that there are considerable risks to doing so, is perfectly valid. |
#103
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teenager breaking curfew
Sit in an empty Red Rocks amphitheater with a group of close friends, playing in flashlights shone onto the rocks, then wait for the sun to come up? Naw...erase that. Return two and a half hours' drive from a ski trip, after a late dinner with a friend's family. �With the 22 year old big sister of said friend at the wheel? Naw...erase that. Guess what Banty - even parents that set curfews would be 99% prone to extending them here and there and for the type of controlled examples you cite -- mine did. If I didn't have a planned activity, then curfew was as it was. Your last question reveals a lot more about you than you know. Yes, Beliavsky, you are correct -- it was meant to reveal that I did still have a curfew despite being what most referred to as a "model" teenager "good" girl. |
#104
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teenager breaking curfew
Beliavsky wrote:
On Mar 12, 8:30 am, Banty wrote: Straight-A honor roll student here who was commissioned by the principal and superintendent to do freelance work for them because I was so trustworthy, mature, dependable, and I was shy, still graduated a virgin, ??!? They gave you freelance work because you were a virgin? How did they know? You have previously criticized my style of posting, especially the sources I use. It's a free Usenet, and that is certainly your right. Why don't you look in the mirror and examine the way you write? I think you are often snide and needlessly argumentative, with the comment above being an example. It's obvious that school officials gave her freelance work because she was a good student and was considered "trustworthy, mature, dependable". Probably the last detail she gave should have been placed in separate sentence, but this is not English class, and her meaning was clear. I think Chris's general point, that is almost never a need to be out and about at 2 AM, and that there are considerable risks to doing so, is perfectly valid. What is a need and who gets to decide? After the clubs closed or a party, we used to go to Denny's or some other all night establishment. Did I *need* to do this at 2:00am? Probably not. But the eggs sure tasted good! |
#105
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teenager breaking curfew
On Mar 12, 10:43�am, "Stephanie" wrote:
Beliavsky wrote: On Mar 12, 8:30 am, Banty wrote: Straight-A honor roll student here who was commissioned by the principal and superintendent to do freelance work for them because I was so trustworthy, mature, dependable, and I was shy, still graduated a virgin, ??!? They gave you freelance work because you were a virgin? How did they know? You have previously criticized my style of posting, especially the sources I use. It's a free Usenet, and that is certainly your right. Why don't you look in the mirror and examine the way you write? I think you are often snide and needlessly argumentative, with the comment above being an example. It's obvious that school officials gave her freelance work because she was a good student and was considered "trustworthy, mature, dependable". Probably the last detail she gave should have been placed in separate sentence, but this is not English class, and her meaning was clear. I think Chris's general point, that is almost never a need to be out and about at 2 AM, and that there are considerable risks to doing so, is perfectly valid. What is a need and who gets to decide? After the clubs closed or a party, we used to go to Denny's or some other all night establishment. Did I *need* to do this at 2:00am? Probably not. But the eggs sure tasted good!- Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text - So did I, Stephanie, but in the US where I am located, the clubs weren't available to 18-year-olds, or weren't supposed to be. lol. I did the breakfast-after-clubbing thing when on my own in my own apartment with friends at 19 - and then we could drive to Canada and be legal. lol. |
#106
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teenager breaking curfew
On Mar 12, 7:26�am, enigma wrote:
"Sue" wrote innews:T9qdnXyJYKKKNkranZ2dnUVZ_jKdnZ2d@wideopenwe st.com: "enigma" wrote in message oh, i did a lot of amazingly stupid things (in retrospect, of course. at the *time* they seemed reasonable), but partying late wasn't one of them... maybe being exposed to all the substance abusing kids was part of it, or that my parents never made alcohol seem mysterious & desirable, but unobtainable. we had wine with dinner if we wanted from age 6 or so. we were never forbidden from tasting cocktails if my parents had them. it held no interest for me. Yep, whereas in my family drinking was taboo. One couldn't even talk about it. If you had one drink you were an alcoholic. Even though I did stupid things, I still had my head on my shoulders and definitely was much better than some of the other people that I knew. (doesn't make it better, but I do think how I was raised and the values instilled had something to do with it). I do wonder if the kids that totally went off the nut were the ones that parents micromanaged. it might be, but i started college in 1972. drinking age was 18 (went to 21 after i turned 21, then back to 18, then to 21 again). while there *was* drinking on campus & a few parties that got out of hand, there were NOT freshmen dying of alcohol poisoning. binge drinking rarely happened. �i suspect this was because alcohol advertising was not as common yet, plus the kids of my age were raised by the 50s 'suburban cocktail party' generation. while we saw alcohol as a social norm, we mostly didn't see it as an 'escape' or as a way to appear sexy (that was cigarettes in my age group. ick). �yes, there were kids with drinking problems, or drug problems, but there are & have always been addictive personalities. �but if you add in micromanaging a child's entire free time up until he gets set loose at college or off to his own apartment, *then* you can run into some seriously out-of- control problems, because the kid has no idea how to act when not being told what to do. �i don't know. i am bringing Boo up like i was. he helps us brew beer (he's tried it & doesn't like the taste). he's being told the truth about drugs. he's allowed a lot of freedom, but it's all based on his behaviour/maturity. last year he was allowed to go to the pond by himself (must remember to put limits on the # of frogs allowed in the observation tank this year). this year he's working towards earning a carving knife set (he'll be 8 in Aug). at this point he says he doesn't want to go to college, but i think it's more because he's not getting along in school. he's bright, but unfocused and doesn't have friends at school. we may move him to a different school next year, with a better arts & languages program, robotics, & shop (woodworking, welding). i applied to Cornell Veterinary school when i was 8... lee -- Last night while sitting in my chair I pinged a host that wasn't there It wasn't there again today The host resolved to NSA.- Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text - I don't consider a curfew micromanaging. I made better decisions based on the worries I served up to my parents every day under their roof. My parents didn't just tell me "No." We discussed the "why" and their reasoning, and even if I didn't agree, sometimes their "no" won out. |
#107
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teenager breaking curfew
In article ,
Beliavsky says... On Mar 12, 8:30=A0am, Banty wrote: Straight-A honor roll student here who was commissioned by the principal and superintendent to do freelance work for them because I was so trustworthy, mature, dependable, and I was shy, still graduated a virgin, ??!? They gave you freelance work because you were a virgin? How did they know? You have previously criticized my style of posting, especially the sources I use. That's not a matter of "style", it's a matter of facts and logic when you use poor sources. It's a free Usenet, and that is certainly your right. It also has a tradition of punchy writing. A lot of people like that. Some would rather see posters, women especially, be all 'spectful and demure. The way to handle that, is to make good points in return. Not whine about the pepper in the stew. Why don't you look in the mirror and examine the way you write? I think you are often snide and needlessly argumentative, with the comment above being an example. It's obvious that school officials gave her freelance work because she was a good student and was considered "trustworthy, mature, dependable". Probably the last detail she gave should have been placed in separate sentence, but this is not English class, and her meaning was clear. Her meaning was clear, but it's curious that such an irrelevant (and personal) factoid would be in her list. I think Chris's general point, that is almost never a need to be out and about at 2 AM, and that there are considerable risks to doing so, is perfectly valid. Sure it is. But *my* point is that, just because she has a temprament and set of intersts that she cannot imagine wanting to be outside her house in the wee hours, does not mean that all that is out there is evul and reckless doings. Banty |
#108
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teenager breaking curfew
In article ,
Chris says... Sit in an empty Red Rocks amphitheater with a group of close friends, play= ing in flashlights shone onto the rocks, then wait for the sun to come up? Naw...erase that. Return two and a half hours' drive from a ski trip, after a late dinner wi= th a friend's family. =EF=BF=BDWith the 22 year old big sister of said friend a= t the wheel? Naw...erase that. Guess what Banty - even parents that set curfews would be 99% prone to extending them here and there and for the type of controlled examples you cite -- mine did. If I didn't have a planned activity, then curfew was as it was. Your last question reveals a lot more about you than you know. Yes, Beliavsky, you are correct -- it was meant to reveal that I did still have a curfew despite being what most referred to as a "model" teenager "good" girl. The first example was not "controlled". ("Say Dad, can me and Grant and Margot run around the environs of Denver all night, just seeing what turns up?") The second case, perhaps, but what a curfew meant, when it did limit me, was mostly stuff like - a friend of mine are having a heart to heart, but that didn't really start until another mutual friend left at 10:15, and it's an 11:00 curfew for me, and I have to leave at 10:45, so the heart to heart gets cut short. Stuff along that line. And, yes, a lot of local concerts and stuff that I couldn't make it back from in time so I didn't go. (Multiple continuous exceptions don't a curfew make, so they weren't made.) More reasons to mark off the calendar until I could be gone for good. Not the best start to a good adult relationship with my family of origin. This is why a lot of young adults go hogwild the freshmen year of college. There's a heck of a lot of deferred exploration and self-discovery. And just plain fun. Eighteen year old fight wars for us, Chris. Only a couple of generations past eighteen year olds were commonly married and raising families. Or at the least already taking on trades and embarking in other ways. It's our nutty society that takes young adults and expects them to be quasi-babies well past adolescence. And throws up its hands when it sees stupid decisions made by 18 year olds, and decides to pull the reins even tighter. Banty |
#109
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teenager breaking curfew
In article , Stephanie says...
Beliavsky wrote: On Mar 12, 8:30 am, Banty wrote: Straight-A honor roll student here who was commissioned by the principal and superintendent to do freelance work for them because I was so trustworthy, mature, dependable, and I was shy, still graduated a virgin, ??!? They gave you freelance work because you were a virgin? How did they know? You have previously criticized my style of posting, especially the sources I use. It's a free Usenet, and that is certainly your right. Why don't you look in the mirror and examine the way you write? I think you are often snide and needlessly argumentative, with the comment above being an example. It's obvious that school officials gave her freelance work because she was a good student and was considered "trustworthy, mature, dependable". Probably the last detail she gave should have been placed in separate sentence, but this is not English class, and her meaning was clear. I think Chris's general point, that is almost never a need to be out and about at 2 AM, and that there are considerable risks to doing so, is perfectly valid. What is a need and who gets to decide? After the clubs closed or a party, we used to go to Denny's or some other all night establishment. Did I *need* to do this at 2:00am? Probably not. But the eggs sure tasted good! 'Xactly! And the Denny's stuff and similar stuff was often the most fun and led to meeting the most people and most interesting conversations and the most laughter. (*After* I had shed the bonds.) What's with this that the only thing that happens at 2am is a rave at a house vacated by parents?? Banty |
#110
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teenager breaking curfew
Unless my friend was suicidal or my mother agreed (knowing my friend's
circumstances), our heart-to-heart could wait until morning. As for running around Denver all night just to see what turns up, no way, not for me, and having been chased (me in a group with 3 other girls) by strangers on an after-dark, I wouldn't let my children either. You may not find trouble, but trouble may just very well find you. It is as simple as that. Are you actually implying that the children that never had a curfew don't go hogwild, stay out late, partying? Puhlease. They go hogwild because that is the freshman way, period. College isn't perceived only as a place to learn. LMAO. The only difference is that those with stricter parents find more creative ways to bypass the rules while still at home, which every parent knows happens. lol. I was one of those working and supporting myself fresh out of highschool, so I don't need any lecture there. As a result, I didn't have the time to stay out all night, as I'm sure 18-year-old parents didn't either. lol. That's exactly right, stupid decisions are made all of the time by 18- year-olds, and as someone else here mentioned, there have been studies conducted on their perception of/capability of adequately gauging cause/effect, actions/consequences, reasoning skills, etc. And at 18, the legal consequences of even stealing a yard ornament are much more serious than when you were 16 and can result in a rap sheet. lol. The biological mother of my cousin thought it would be okay to put her in her bassinet next to the furnace as a newborn so she could go out and party in the generation past at the age of 18. lol. Heck, she must've been thinking "No big deal. Baby is going to be sleeping anyway, and in case she wakes up to sooth herself back to sleep, the furnace noise or just being in the basement won't give me away." @@ While there are creepy parents that do this very thing as mature adults, well into their 20's, can't say for certain this woman would have had she another few years under her belt. Some college kids go hogwild overboard only until they see it is affecting their grades or studies, and others don't give a rip, and neither is based on whether or not they had a later curfew than another or none at all. 18 isn't a magic number - some kids may display more readiness for freedom than others earlier and some just plain later, and it isn't a light switch that gets flipped on their 18th birthday either. Again, we disagree. I find it a bit ridiculous that you were able to turn anyone's response to the initial poster into all of this. Just as there were kids I went to school with who had more freedom and some who had less than I, there will be so in my generation. Not everybody is going to, nor wants to, do it your way Banty. Good for you and good for your kids, as you and they are sooo much luckier than I was or mine might be. LMAO. @@ In hindsight, I believe my parents were correct, especially when I compare the differences between the liberties afforded my younger siblings, and them, based on being the eldest setting the stage. They were more than fair, as many times friends with stricter parents wanted to stay over at my house so they could have my curfew. We don't even know what the OP's ex's curfew was either. I don't think an 18-year-old needs to be home by 10 p.m. on weekends or during summer break, and that is me, but other's might. This is why a lot of young adults go hogwild the freshmen year of college. There's a heck of a lot of deferred exploration and self-discovery. �And just plain fun. Eighteen year old fight wars for us, Chris. �Only a couple of generations past eighteen year olds were commonly married and raising families. �Or at the least already taking on trades and embarking in other ways. It's our nutty society that takes young adults and expects them to be quasi-babies well past adolescence. �And throws up its hands when it sees stupid decisions made by 18 year olds, and decides to pull the reins even tighter.. |
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