Birthdays and Parties

"gini52" wrote in message
...

"GudGye11" wrote in message
...
I'd say...

If YOU take the children to the party, you buy the gift(s). If the ex
takes
them to the party, then she buys the gift(s)
==
Agreed. This seems a no-brainer. Save disagreements for more substantive
issues.
==
==

It's not that straight forward. My experience is who is having the party
and where it is located can spill over into visitation disruptions and other
issues. As an example - say the birthday party is for your ex's niece or
nephew or your ex's co-worker's child. Would an NCP want to take the child
to a party at his former in-laws house or to the home of a stranger?

I think parents have to be reasonable about these situations and make
visitation accommodations to make it work. I also believe the parent where
the birthday invitation was received should purchase the gift for the child
to take. My reasoning is that parent has the advanced notice of the party
and is the parent responsible for the RSVP.

As an NCP I had a few issues with parties early on. Several times I found
out the party was on Saturday on the Friday night I picked up the children
and I *needed* to buy a present for them to take. I resolved this scenario
by insisting the children bring a pre-purchased gift with them for the
visitation or, at a minimum, the money to purchase the gift before the
party.

"Bob Whiteside" wrote in message
ink.net...

"gini52" wrote in message
...

"GudGye11" wrote in message
...
I'd say...

If YOU take the children to the party, you buy the gift(s). If the ex
takes
them to the party, then she buys the gift(s)
==
Agreed. This seems a no-brainer. Save disagreements for more substantive
issues.
==
==

It's not that straight forward. My experience is who is having the party
and where it is located can spill over into visitation disruptions and
other
issues. As an example - say the birthday party is for your ex's niece or
nephew or your ex's co-worker's child. Would an NCP want to take the
child
to a party at his former in-laws house or to the home of a stranger?
==
I have to disagree, Bob. My ex and I never even considered squabbling over
such petty matters.
If the party is at the ex's relatives, the ex takes them. If that cuts into
"visitation," so what?
If the relationship were intact, both parents would have to spend a few
hours away from the child while
he/she attends a party or other function. Making a court matter out of this
is absurd--parents need to work
these very mundane matters out between themselves and not get carried away
with "legalities" of attending a birthday party.
"That's my opinion and I'm stickin to it."
==
==

"Bob Whiteside" wrote in message
ink.net...

"gini52" wrote in message
...

"GudGye11" wrote in message
...
I'd say...

If YOU take the children to the party, you buy the gift(s). If the ex
takes
them to the party, then she buys the gift(s)
==
Agreed. This seems a no-brainer. Save disagreements for more substantive
issues.
==
==

It's not that straight forward. My experience is who is having the party
and where it is located can spill over into visitation disruptions and
other
issues. As an example - say the birthday party is for your ex's niece or
nephew or your ex's co-worker's child. Would an NCP want to take the
child
to a party at his former in-laws house or to the home of a stranger?
==
I have to disagree, Bob. My ex and I never even considered squabbling over
such petty matters.
If the party is at the ex's relatives, the ex takes them. If that cuts into
"visitation," so what?
If the relationship were intact, both parents would have to spend a few
hours away from the child while
he/she attends a party or other function. Making a court matter out of this
is absurd--parents need to work
these very mundane matters out between themselves and not get carried away
with "legalities" of attending a birthday party.
"That's my opinion and I'm stickin to it."
==
==

In article , OSPAM (GudGye11) wrote:
I'd say...

If YOU take the children to the party, you buy the gift(s). If the ex takes
them to the party, then she buys the gift(s)

Kind of makes me wonder where all those $1000's in "child" support are going
(and for what then??).


..

In article gers.com,
(C. D.) writes:

know this has come up before, and I tried to search deja/google but too many

hits were returned. I was wondering how people handle birthday parties and
other events that the children are invited to. I share the children 30/70
(fighting for 50/50). Since the actual day may be on either mine or my ex's
time with our children, who should take the child and who should purchase the

gifts?

In article , OSPAM (GudGye11) wrote:
I'd say...

If YOU take the children to the party, you buy the gift(s). If the ex takes
them to the party, then she buys the gift(s)

Kind of makes me wonder where all those $1000's in "child" support are going
(and for what then??).


..

In article gers.com,
(C. D.) writes:

know this has come up before, and I tried to search deja/google but too many

hits were returned. I was wondering how people handle birthday parties and
other events that the children are invited to. I share the children 30/70
(fighting for 50/50). Since the actual day may be on either mine or my ex's
time with our children, who should take the child and who should purchase the

gifts?

In article , "gini52" wrote:

"GudGye11" wrote in message
...
I'd say...

If YOU take the children to the party, you buy the gift(s). If the ex
takes
them to the party, then she buys the gift(s)
==
Agreed. This seems a no-brainer. Save disagreements for more substantive
issues.

I guess my question was, when do "I" take them. You assumed that issue was
already answered.

Do I want to 'forced' to take my child to the ex's best friend child's b-day
party just because it is my day only to be surrounded by people who hate me?
Also, kids are smart... they'll notice.

I assume I will take them to party's that are associated with me, and the ex
will take them to parties associated with her. Of course, the person would
still have to ask permission to do that if the day was not their day. For
example, what if I planned a fishing trip the weekend of a party. Unless the
children are old enough (mine are not) to voice their opinions, all kinds of
issues can arise.

It is funny though, but it depands also on what is classified as a substantive
issue. Unfortunately the more you give or be reasonable, the more you get
taken advantage of. When things are not amicable... nothing is a 'no-brainer'.

In article , "gini52" wrote:

"GudGye11" wrote in message
...
I'd say...

If YOU take the children to the party, you buy the gift(s). If the ex
takes
them to the party, then she buys the gift(s)
==
Agreed. This seems a no-brainer. Save disagreements for more substantive
issues.

I guess my question was, when do "I" take them. You assumed that issue was
already answered.

Do I want to 'forced' to take my child to the ex's best friend child's b-day
party just because it is my day only to be surrounded by people who hate me?
Also, kids are smart... they'll notice.

I assume I will take them to party's that are associated with me, and the ex
will take them to parties associated with her. Of course, the person would
still have to ask permission to do that if the day was not their day. For
example, what if I planned a fishing trip the weekend of a party. Unless the
children are old enough (mine are not) to voice their opinions, all kinds of
issues can arise.

It is funny though, but it depands also on what is classified as a substantive
issue. Unfortunately the more you give or be reasonable, the more you get
taken advantage of. When things are not amicable... nothing is a 'no-brainer'.

"C. D." wrote:

I know this has come up before, and I tried to search deja/google but too many
hits were returned. I was wondering how people handle birthday parties and
other events that the children are invited to. I share the children 30/70
(fighting for 50/50). Since the actual day may be on either mine or my ex's
time with our children, who should take the child and who should purchase the
gifts?

- a party in the ex's neighborhood
- a party in my neighborhood
- a party from a child in day care (neutral) neighborhood
- a party from a child of the ex's friend
- a party from a child of my friend

For example, if a neighbor's children of the ex wife has a party but the party
is on my day, I was instructed by the ex as to a) must take our child and b)
purchase the gift.

Also, what happens if all events fall on one or the other's day?

Purchasing gifts are strange too since I pay lots of support.

The way I think it should work is that children parties or events that are
associated with me (my neighbors, friends, family) - I would take the child
regardless of the day or who "has them". The same would apply to the ex.

This way too, neither person is forcing the other to attend a function with
either strangers or people that would make them feel uncomfortable.

Any adice would be appreciated.

C..

If the party falls on one of your days of custody, unless you can
make alternative arrangements with your ex, it's your
responsibility to get your child to the party. If you're the one
taking the kid to the party, you're the one who buys the gift.

Chris Owens




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"C. D." wrote:

I know this has come up before, and I tried to search deja/google but too many
hits were returned. I was wondering how people handle birthday parties and
other events that the children are invited to. I share the children 30/70
(fighting for 50/50). Since the actual day may be on either mine or my ex's
time with our children, who should take the child and who should purchase the
gifts?

- a party in the ex's neighborhood
- a party in my neighborhood
- a party from a child in day care (neutral) neighborhood
- a party from a child of the ex's friend
- a party from a child of my friend

For example, if a neighbor's children of the ex wife has a party but the party
is on my day, I was instructed by the ex as to a) must take our child and b)
purchase the gift.

Also, what happens if all events fall on one or the other's day?

Purchasing gifts are strange too since I pay lots of support.

The way I think it should work is that children parties or events that are
associated with me (my neighbors, friends, family) - I would take the child
regardless of the day or who "has them". The same would apply to the ex.

This way too, neither person is forcing the other to attend a function with
either strangers or people that would make them feel uncomfortable.

Any adice would be appreciated.

C..

If the party falls on one of your days of custody, unless you can
make alternative arrangements with your ex, it's your
responsibility to get your child to the party. If you're the one
taking the kid to the party, you're the one who buys the gift.

Chris Owens




-----= Posted via Newsfeeds.Com, Uncensored Usenet News =-----
http://www.newsfeeds.com - The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World!
-----== Over 100,000 Newsgroups - 19 Different Servers! =-----

gini52 wrote:
I have to disagree, Bob. My ex and I never even considered squabbling
over such petty matters.
If the party is at the ex's relatives, the ex takes them. If that
cuts into "visitation," so what?
If the relationship were intact, both parents would have to spend a
few hours away from the child while
he/she attends a party or other function. Making a court matter out
of this is absurd--parents need to work
these very mundane matters out between themselves and not get carried
away with "legalities" of attending a birthday party.
"That's my opinion and I'm stickin to it."

When everyone involved are mature adults, yes, it would be petty and
not an issue. I personally would be willing to work around parties and
the such as long as the consideration was returned when necessary.
It's the cases where the parents are not able to get along (it only
takes one to screw it up for both) that problems arise and it ends up
being best by holding to the agreement.