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'B's fury as his cousin brings 2 playmates to stay'



 
 
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  #1  
Old July 16th 06, 03:50 PM posted to alt.support.single-parents
miri
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Posts: 42
Default 'B's fury as his cousin brings 2 playmates to stay'

I've got a small domestic difficulty at the moment,
any advise much welcome,

B, has his own house and we all seem to get along
fine, the babe goes to stay when he has time off
and if she misses him I'll call him to say and he'll
drop by from work to give her big cuddles.

He has a spare bedroom which he is decorating for
the babe. His cousin is younger than him and recently
split from his girl. He asked to use the spare room
temporarily until he found somewhere else. Anyways,
his cousin found a new girlfriend who came to hangout,
then she brought HER girlfriend in to stay the night
so literally two girls and his cousin were staying
in the littleones new bedroom.

I'm very upset, not so much because of the way this
young guy has taken like what seems an advantage
of B's hospitality, but because HIS girlfriend says
she wants a baby, B's cousin has said NO! so she's
been trying it on with B instead.

This young woman seems to be trying everything she
can, so much so that one of B's aunts came to stay
when the babe was there because she got the drift
of what was going on there.

B called round yesterday, worried, he said this woman
was pulling her blouse down and pushing herself into
him - shes not even his girlfriend! shes his cousins!
his aunt was so angry because she was in the same room
at the time and was about to throw a wobbler when my
littlun comes through the door to ask where daddy was,
(my daughter is kipping on a spare bed in her dad's
room)

I'm tempted to go on over there and rip her up, but
I'm hoping auntie can do if for me, I told B that I
thought he could do better and to think about our
daughters safty first. When and if he finds new
girlfriends I hope he'll think on it, I don't want
to end up in a situation where theres real bad vibes
and it would be nice to approve of his new mates.

Any ideas?

luv

Miri

  #2  
Old July 16th 06, 04:54 PM posted to alt.support.single-parents
Zorro
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Posts: 52
Default 'B's fury as his cousin brings 2 playmates to stay'


"miri" wrote ...

8 (cos therewas loads of it...)


Any ideas?


none at all.... but I *cant wait* for the next episode... ;-)



Z (breathless with anticipation)...



  #3  
Old July 16th 06, 05:36 PM posted to alt.support.single-parents
miri
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Posts: 42
Default 'B's fury as his cousin brings 2 playmates to stay'


Zorro wrote:
"miri" wrote ...

8 (cos therewas loads of it...)


Any ideas?


none at all.... but I *cant wait* for the next episode... ;-)



Z (breathless with anticipation)...


I don't know whats worse for that guy, a feeling of inadequacy
frustration, feeling used, feeling horny, but what I do know is
that I do have a great deal of sympathy for him, but I'm MORE
concerned about the welfare and safty of our little'un. What
he decided to do in his time in his own house is obviously out
of my control. . . . its non of my business. I asked for an update
"is auntie still staying with your father" kind of thing.......I think
he has the sort of maturity to sort it, I hope so.

  #4  
Old July 16th 06, 08:18 PM posted to alt.support.single-parents
miri
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Posts: 42
Default 'B's fury as his cousin brings 2 playmates to stay'


'Kate wrote:
On 16 Jul 2006 07:50:07 -0700, "miri" the
following was posted in blue dry erase marker:


Any ideas?


Any chance of B growing cajones?


I'm sorry I'm not sure what you meant

I suppose that you could tell the cousin what his girlfriend is doing
behind his back but then the next predator will come along and do the
same thing. I would ask B what he thinks would happen if he told his
cousin what was going on and how he manages to make it ok to put up with
the girlfriend's behavior, the behavior the cousin doesn't know about.


He has been told, in fact B said he was in his cousins local where
when she worked there and overheard a conversation that she was
two timing. I think his cousin is just a nieve wuss, and it gives him
something to brag about if some young filly fawns all over him. It
gave him twice the ego if hes had TWO freekin women at once.
Sadly, for me, both B and his cousin have been out with one of
the local tarts I'm upset about. (His cousin wanted to marry her
but she said no and yeh sure it crossed my mind if the big day
spelt bigamy) I owe auntie a big favor, I'll see if I can contact her
via another aunt.

I think B's very upset, he's grown up a lot, he loves the kids more
and he's absolutely certain he doesn't want any more kids until
he meets someone special (weep for me, I kind of trust him there
because he refused another child with me, when we have a roof over
our heads, he has access when he choses to, and I worry like hell
about their care. For the time being the litt'lun is fine and dandy,
if I get one of those instincts, she's staying right here with me. I
don't
want to get this out of proportion, it was B he told me, it didn't come
from anyone else, and I will ask within the family.

Work it so that B is more uncomfortable with the morality of the
situation... surely he knows that his cousin is being used by the
girlfriend. And he must realize that he is being a martyr with regard to
helping his cousin out. Part of that helping out could be teaching his
cousin how to stand up for himself. In the process of helping, B will be
learning that he has some control and power.


Yes I totally agree, she's a good looker so I'm led to believe, and
its very flattering if a girl (or fella) comes on to you. Both are
sure they don't want to have her children now. She's put herself in
a position where she could be used, or is purposely putting herself
into a situation where she can become pregnant without the consent
of her man, or accidentally contract an STD instead. We can't help
falling in love, and although her activities are not my affair, they
could
be one day -

At the moment I've got to admire B for his self control, and
to give the guy a big hug.

It may take time.

If that's not possible, then talk about your daughter and ask him how he
explains the situation of not having a bedroom to her... how does he
make that OK with her?


That I am angry about, I'm pretty certain you know how I feel.

I'm feeling weary, must go,

Best

Miri

  #5  
Old July 17th 06, 12:50 AM posted to alt.support.single-parents
Moon Shyne
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Posts: 427
Default 'B's fury as his cousin brings 2 playmates to stay'


"miri" wrote in message
ups.com...

'Kate wrote:
On 16 Jul 2006 07:50:07 -0700, "miri" the
following was posted in blue dry erase marker:


Any ideas?


Any chance of B growing cajones?


I'm sorry I'm not sure what you meant


She's asking if he might grow some balls. Right now, he's letting people
walk all over him, and is demonstrating that he is not capable of telling
people who are not welcome to leave his home.




  #6  
Old July 17th 06, 11:33 AM posted to alt.support.single-parents
miri
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 42
Default 'B's fury as his cousin brings 2 playmates to stay'


Moon Shyne wrote:
"miri" wrote in message
ups.com...

'Kate wrote:
On 16 Jul 2006 07:50:07 -0700, "miri" the
following was posted in blue dry erase marker:


Any ideas?

Any chance of B growing cajones?


I'm sorry I'm not sure what you meant


She's asking if he might grow some balls. Right now, he's letting people
walk all over him, and is demonstrating that he is not capable of telling
people who are not welcome to leave his home.


Yes, that rings true, but the women here seem do all the work as far
as chatting up goes, the fellas turn the girls down (or up) if they're
not into it. There's so much exposure about her 'irresponsibilities'
that these guys get used to shrugging it off, women are again left
to sort this problem out again, his ego's no worse off, a matriarch
takes control. If there was a patriarch, a mature male, grandpa, or
dad who was 'wise to the ways of youth' I can just imagine him
sitting there, lying in wait to act as an old letch, taking his false
teeth out sucking them and saying 'Yeh I'll give you a baby, but
you'll have to scrub a few colostomy bags but we can live quite
happy on a pension right?, its now or never!' (OAP's are great!)

He MUST assert himself in his own house, thats certain, whatever
he decided to do in whatever relationship he chose to have, I'm
angry and upset about the risk to someone very small MY 5yr OLD
if things happen/ed to get out of hand. She's staying home until
I know his cousin is sorted. No one can blame me for my concern.

luv

Miri

  #7  
Old July 17th 06, 11:46 AM posted to alt.support.single-parents
Moon Shyne
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 427
Default 'B's fury as his cousin brings 2 playmates to stay'


"miri" wrote in message
oups.com...

Moon Shyne wrote:
"miri" wrote in message
ups.com...

'Kate wrote:
On 16 Jul 2006 07:50:07 -0700, "miri"
the
following was posted in blue dry erase marker:


Any ideas?

Any chance of B growing cajones?

I'm sorry I'm not sure what you meant


She's asking if he might grow some balls. Right now, he's letting people
walk all over him, and is demonstrating that he is not capable of telling
people who are not welcome to leave his home.


Yes, that rings true, but the women here seem do all the work as far
as chatting up goes, the fellas turn the girls down (or up) if they're
not into it. There's so much exposure about her 'irresponsibilities'
that these guys get used to shrugging it off, women are again left
to sort this problem out again, his ego's no worse off, a matriarch
takes control. If there was a patriarch, a mature male, grandpa, or
dad who was 'wise to the ways of youth' I can just imagine him
sitting there, lying in wait to act as an old letch, taking his false
teeth out sucking them and saying 'Yeh I'll give you a baby, but
you'll have to scrub a few colostomy bags but we can live quite
happy on a pension right?, its now or never!' (OAP's are great!)

He MUST assert himself in his own house, thats certain, whatever
he decided to do in whatever relationship he chose to have, I'm
angry and upset about the risk to someone very small MY 5yr OLD
if things happen/ed to get out of hand. She's staying home until
I know his cousin is sorted. No one can blame me for my concern.


I'm not quite sure what 'danger' you envision - because someone has decided
they want to have a baby? Would there be the same risk to your daughter if
B had agreed to have another child with you? (Or you deciding to have
another child with ........ anyone, for that matter)

You said something in your original post - "it would be nice to approve of
his new mates" - that's really not your place, any more than it's B's place
to approve of your new mates.



luv

Miri



  #8  
Old July 17th 06, 12:39 PM posted to alt.support.single-parents
miri
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 42
Default 'B's fury as his cousin brings 2 playmates to stay'


Moon Shyne wrote:
"miri" wrote in message
oups.com...

Moon Shyne wrote:
"miri" wrote in message
ups.com...

'Kate wrote:
On 16 Jul 2006 07:50:07 -0700, "miri"
the
following was posted in blue dry erase marker:


Any ideas?

Any chance of B growing cajones?

I'm sorry I'm not sure what you meant

She's asking if he might grow some balls. Right now, he's letting people
walk all over him, and is demonstrating that he is not capable of telling
people who are not welcome to leave his home.


Yes, that rings true, but the women here seem do all the work as far
as chatting up goes, the fellas turn the girls down (or up) if they're
not into it. There's so much exposure about her 'irresponsibilities'
that these guys get used to shrugging it off, women are again left
to sort this problem out again, his ego's no worse off, a matriarch
takes control. If there was a patriarch, a mature male, grandpa, or
dad who was 'wise to the ways of youth' I can just imagine him
sitting there, lying in wait to act as an old letch, taking his false
teeth out sucking them and saying 'Yeh I'll give you a baby, but
you'll have to scrub a few colostomy bags but we can live quite
happy on a pension right?, its now or never!' (OAP's are great!)

He MUST assert himself in his own house, thats certain, whatever
he decided to do in whatever relationship he chose to have, I'm
angry and upset about the risk to someone very small MY 5yr OLD
if things happen/ed to get out of hand. She's staying home until
I know his cousin is sorted. No one can blame me for my concern.


I'm not quite sure what 'danger' you envision - because someone has decided
they want to have a baby? Would there be the same risk to your daughter if
B had agreed to have another child with you? (Or you deciding to have
another child with ........ anyone, for that matter)


No danger what so ever of having a child, I'm anti-abortion but I think
she was going about it using the irrational route. She was fortunate to
stay with with B, the risk is that if she behaves the way she has she
could find herself in either a hospital (ie mental) or drugged up and
caught in a prostitution racket because she's been taken in by less
sympathetic folks.

You said something in your original post - "it would be nice to approve of
his new mates" - that's really not your place, any more than it's B's place
to approve of your new mates.


Ahh, its possible that the difference between you and I is that I make
absolutely certain that HE DOES approve of my freinds BEFORE
introducing
them to our child/ren. If he dislikes someone, I respect him for his
opinions,
- unfortunately for him (and maybe for me) beyond that, and as far as
our
adult to adult relationships go we date with whom-so-ever we choose.
Yeh, I tell him if I want to introduce the kids to someone new.



luv

Miri


  #9  
Old July 18th 06, 08:26 PM posted to alt.support.single-parents
miri
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 42
Default 'B's fury as his cousin brings 2 playmates to stay'


'Kate wrote:

Of course you worry about their care. But... you can't protect them 24/7
or shelter them from the hurts of the world. They have to learn how to
comfort themselves, avoid trouble, and avoid harm all on their own. I'm
not suggesting not to protect them. I'm simply saying that no matter how
hard we try to avoid them, bad things happen. They happen even if you do
everything right. It's better to teach kids how to take care of their
own needs, physical, emotional, educational, mental... than to raise
whusses, tarts, and others who lack the ability to care for themselves
and wind up turning to drugs/drinking to soothe their hurts.


This is true, but how far is reasonable? I'm strict about drink and
drugs
anywhere near the children, but if they don't have some exposure to
people who drink then theres a risk that it will become a novelty to
them when they're older - (maybe taking them into the city on sunday
morning to see the amounts of naked vomit there is doorways may
be a deterrant? thinks? - better in hot weather....more flies about

A good party atmosphere is a must, but its what it could degenerate
into that freaks me.

I don't know how you manage. I have enough taking care of myself and my
family... but to be concerned about ex's, ex's cousins, and strange
girlfriends.


I'm fond of them, but I don't get out to socialize very often. If my
friendship wasn't so reasonable - I'd be feeling like a caged rat.
Whatever, its always nice to know that someone important in my
life is doing OK. - even if they don't give a s**t about me. Geeze
I'd have been out and it would have all been forgotten if we'd never
met - I wanted a fresh start and adore the results even tho I also
have to tolerate16 years of him with it. I might not like it, but its
the
way things have to be, and he is a good man. I had a laugh at the
Simpsons, one of Marges sisters was complaining about Homer
"Gee Marge, once you've planted the seeds you throw away the
packet don't you!"

I can imagine you are weary! Ok, I know... 6 hours later than here.
Seriously, though, does worry control you sometimes?


nothing that a good nights rest won't put right, sometimes I give
myself time to go through some photos, old music, old favorite things
that remind me of who I am...NOT the stuff that makes me nostalgic
but stuff like addresses and phone numbers, to help remind me that
there are other people out there.

And you know, angry is ok. It's best to address it with the person that
you're angry at and get it all out so that it doesn't become bigger than
life itself.

I think your ex needs some practice saying no. He absolutely has a ton
of self control.... maybe too much. I wonder what he gets out of being
so self-sacrificing that he'd risk his daughter's safety.


I wonder somehow, does he try to make my loneliness worse? what
benefit to him to tell me about the party invites he's had, so and so's
wedding, who shagged who?

  #10  
Old July 18th 06, 11:16 PM posted to alt.support.single-parents
miri
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 42
Default 'B's fury as his cousin brings 2 playmates to stay'

can I drivel on a bit more?

What irritates me most is that I've entertained his friends
I've never been impolite with them, when he was here I offered
to cook and clean if he wanted throw parties, if he wanted me
out when at the weekend when the match was on. Ok I get
the picture its my abode, my residence, he moved in from his
creamy little pad but probably never felt at home, but why spend
more and more time at the home of his best mate and his wife?
Hell ! its about time I remembered that I'm not an effing charity! -
the odd knobs I've taken under my wing and fed and cared about
(male and female, one of my mottos is always be kind to people,
one of my friends put it another way "always be kind to people
when you're on your way up.....you never know who you
might meet when you find yourself going down!")

What irritates me most, is that he gossips about my
neighbours to me. He doesn't even live in the area, but he's
there telling me about what they've been up to. Pub culture!

He's the mistake........ 'so and so and his commonlaw have split
after 15 years. Everything was fine - suddenly she goes on the
internet and ends up arm in arm with a strange shifty looking guy,
parading him around, What a heartless bitch! So and so has
worked his nads off for those kids! Miri don't you agree that's
dreadful?'

What I saw....commonlaw running the house while her brother
ferries the kids to school and back, in fact its very rare I actually
saw So and so with his kids, even though he has been a provider
par-excellence. One of the wonderful things he provided was a
holiday residence.....which he invited me to stay at, without his
commonlaw or the kiddies for a weekend (nudge,nudge, wink,
wink say no more love) gasp in amusement NO! NEVER!

They're both very nice people, and the kids are brilliant. I have
nothing more to say on the matter because I have no contact
with either them or the children. I just couldn't tell anyone about
his invitation, nor will I ever. He was just ****ed.

I live here damn it! I wasn't ever invited to their parties, but B
was, then he tells me later! what have I ever done wrong to that
guy? Huh!

signed

miserable

 




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