feeling sad

I wonder if anyone else has been in any similar positions to the way I am
feeling right now.

I always wanted more than 2 children, we discussed our ideal being 2
children closish together, then a 3-5yr gap followed by 2 more. Now we are
the middle of that, we have 2 beautiful children, however whilst both DH and
I still want to have more, even just one more. It is looking like another
pregnancy and another delivery would just be a bad idea and I am finding
this very difficult to come to terms with.

I get little sympathy from my husband as he just says we should adopt, which
I am very happy to explore, but as well as wanting another child, I want to
be pregnant again, I want to go through that process of growing a baby and
birthing it, I want to give it drops of colostrum and then squirts of
breastmilk.

Some people are probably thinking I should be grateful that I have had 2 of
my own and don't get me wrong, I am, and I know this would be much harder if
I was dealing with something that and caused me to have no children, or to
lose babies. But despite that, I'm still finding things really difficult
right now.

Anne

In article ,
"Anne Rogers" wrote:

Some people are probably thinking I should be grateful that I have had 2 of
my own and don't get me wrong, I am, and I know this would be much harder if
I was dealing with something that and caused me to have no children, or to
lose babies. But despite that, I'm still finding things really difficult
right now.

I haven't been through what you're going through, but I think it would
be strange if you _didn't_ have a period of sadness about it. It doesn't
mean you're ungrateful or that you don't love the kids you have -- it
just means you need some time to get used to the new situation.
--
Sara
accompanied by TK, due in April

Quoting, for users of Google Groups:
http://groups.google.com/support/bin...4213&topic=250

Yes, Anne I understand what you are going through. I was like that after my
second child. I wanted another one right away, but hubby was not on board
with that and he really didn't want a third child. Money concerns was the
top of his list for not wanting more. He wanted a vasectomy after the second
and we were able to come to a compromise that we would wait a year and see
how we felt at that time. Well the third baby had other ideas, lol. She
snuck up on us. Hubby had a vasectomy appointment, but had to cancel it for
some reason, but little did I know I was pregnant. DD2 and DD3 are 19 months
apart. However, after the third child, I felt done and he had his vasectomy
and I never looked back nor did I even go through a period of sadness. After
my third, I felt complete.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
...
I wonder if anyone else has been in any similar positions to the way I am
feeling right now.

I always wanted more than 2 children, we discussed our ideal being 2
children closish together, then a 3-5yr gap followed by 2 more. Now we are
the middle of that, we have 2 beautiful children, however whilst both DH
and
I still want to have more, even just one more. It is looking like another
pregnancy and another delivery would just be a bad idea and I am finding
this very difficult to come to terms with.

I get little sympathy from my husband as he just says we should adopt,
which
I am very happy to explore, but as well as wanting another child, I want
to
be pregnant again, I want to go through that process of growing a baby and
birthing it, I want to give it drops of colostrum and then squirts of
breastmilk.

Some people are probably thinking I should be grateful that I have had 2
of
my own and don't get me wrong, I am, and I know this would be much harder
if
I was dealing with something that and caused me to have no children, or to
lose babies. But despite that, I'm still finding things really difficult
right now.

Anne

I have no answers, but I know exactly how you fell.

Larry

Anne Rogers writes:
: I wonder if anyone else has been in any similar positions to the way I am
: feeling right now.

: I always wanted more than 2 children, we discussed our ideal being 2
: children closish together, then a 3-5yr gap followed by 2 more. Now we are
: the middle of that, we have 2 beautiful children, however whilst both DH and
: I still want to have more, even just one more. It is looking like another
: pregnancy and another delivery would just be a bad idea and I am finding
: this very difficult to come to terms with.

: I get little sympathy from my husband as he just says we should adopt, which
: I am very happy to explore, but as well as wanting another child, I want to
: be pregnant again, I want to go through that process of growing a baby and
: birthing it, I want to give it drops of colostrum and then squirts of
: breastmilk.

: Some people are probably thinking I should be grateful that I have had 2 of
: my own and don't get me wrong, I am, and I know this would be much harder if
: I was dealing with something that and caused me to have no children, or to
: lose babies. But despite that, I'm still finding things really difficult
: right now.

: Anne

I haven't been through what you're going through, but I think it would
be strange if you _didn't_ have a period of sadness about it. It doesn't
mean you're ungrateful or that you don't love the kids you have -- it
just means you need some time to get used to the new situation.

now tht makes sense, I guess I've never been one of those people to admit I
need to get used to something, now I can give myself permission to feel sad
about this if I need to.

Anne

Yes, Anne I understand what you are going through. I was like that after
my
second child. I wanted another one right away, but hubby was not on board
with that and he really didn't want a third child. Money concerns was the
top of his list for not wanting more. He wanted a vasectomy after the
second
and we were able to come to a compromise that we would wait a year and see
how we felt at that time. Well the third baby had other ideas, lol. She
snuck up on us. Hubby had a vasectomy appointment, but had to cancel it
for
some reason, but little did I know I was pregnant. DD2 and DD3 are 19
months
apart. However, after the third child, I felt done and he had his
vasectomy
and I never looked back nor did I even go through a period of sadness.
After
my third, I felt complete.

You've helped me understand how my mum felt when cancer treatment left her
infertile,it wasn't that she wanted more children, it's just the transition
from being able to, then not being able to, leaving it no longer a
theoretical option.

Btw, what method were you using, getting pregnant right now would really be
a disaster for me. I have a Mirena, which should last for 5 years, if it
continues to be as good as it so far appears to be I suspect I will get
another one straight away.

Anne

Larry wrote:
I have no answers, but I know exactly how you fell.

I presume that was a typo?

Thanks, Larry

Anne

"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
...

I haven't been through what you're going through, but I think it would
be strange if you _didn't_ have a period of sadness about it. It doesn't
mean you're ungrateful or that you don't love the kids you have -- it
just means you need some time to get used to the new situation.

now tht makes sense, I guess I've never been one of those people to admit
I need to get used to something, now I can give myself permission to feel
sad about this if I need to.

((hugs))
If it's any help then I would feel the same way. I suspect I will feel sad
on the last pregnancy however many I have, as although I don't do pregnancy
well, there is something special about growing that baby.
Debbie

Hugs Anne. I think you are going through a natural grieving process. Yes,
I understand wanting to be pregnant again, but in reality, you don't have
good or easy pregnancies. I guess you could try to do it again, but here is
the thing -- now, you aren't just risking your life, you are risking the
life of your entire family -- your dh and your two existing children. If
you were to get pregnant again, and it put you out of commission because of
the SPD and or/ depression, well, you are depriving your husband of a useful
wife, and your children of a useful and happy mother. And I'm not sure
that's fair.

As someone who has never got to go to term and deliver a live infant, and
who will likely never get to be pregnant (to term) again, I can honestly say
I may know a little bit of what you are going through. Maybe it's less bad
for me, since it's not really in my control, but the truth of the matter is
that I still had to accept the facts that were before me. I am not going to
birth my own children. It's sad, and upsetting, but it's fact. I had to
accept it an move on.

You are still in the early phases, grieving the loss, or at least getting
closer to making the decision, and then grieving it. But it's normal.
There is nothing wrong with feeling the way that you do. Hugs.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

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"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
...
I wonder if anyone else has been in any similar positions to the way I am
feeling right now.

I always wanted more than 2 children, we discussed our ideal being 2
children closish together, then a 3-5yr gap followed by 2 more. Now we are
the middle of that, we have 2 beautiful children, however whilst both DH
and I still want to have more, even just one more. It is looking like
another pregnancy and another delivery would just be a bad idea and I am
finding this very difficult to come to terms with.

I get little sympathy from my husband as he just says we should adopt,
which I am very happy to explore, but as well as wanting another child, I
want to be pregnant again, I want to go through that process of growing a
baby and birthing it, I want to give it drops of colostrum and then
squirts of breastmilk.

Some people are probably thinking I should be grateful that I have had 2
of my own and don't get me wrong, I am, and I know this would be much
harder if I was dealing with something that and caused me to have no
children, or to lose babies. But despite that, I'm still finding things
really difficult right now.

Anne

Understand.

Completely. Wanted 3... but the idea of going through pregnancy
again...even the notion makes me want to crawl under a rock. Not gonna
happen, not in the next couple years, that's for dang sure.