How to stop him?

"Chris" wrote

"Gini" wrote

"DB" wrote
..............
Not interested in the archive, more in the future and keeping up with
current events.
==
Well, I was replying to Dale but, the info in the archives references
family
law and legal procedure
for many jurisdictions and remains unchanged. It also includes
information
on Social Security benefits relating to SSI, SSD, dependents and
survivors
and how SS affects child support
awards. There is also information on common law marriage and how child
support applies
in those cases and child support during incarceration in certain
jurisdictions. There is also lots of information
on post-minority support in many jurisdictions and what states consider
subsequent children in their
child support guidelines and reduce support for parenting time and
extended
summer parenting. For instance, in some states,
CS can be reduced by half for "visits" exceding one month. Of course,
there's more than ten years of postings resulting in a
veritable encyclopedia of information and personal experiences in family
law
and court.
The again, perhaps you already know all that stuff. In that case, I'm
sure
others will find benefit in it.

There is more wisdom in one post here than the ENTIRE "child support"
industry.
==
Precisely. TONS of information that anyone (except DB, of course) will
appreciate.
However, the information should not be construed as legal advice but rather
as
legal information/starting place on which to build a case and save time on
atty consultations.
If you have a consultation and already have some basics, the time/money can
be better spent on specifics
for a particular case.

They should have named this group alt.mom.is.always.wrong! All you
people that are attacking me seem to think that my daughters sperm
donor is some kind of knight in shining armor! I will not develop a
relationship with this asshole even though I think he wants that. It's
bad enough that I have to put up with him coming over and pretend that
I like him for my daughters sake. He is NOT a dad. He is just doing
this to get revenge for me filing for child support. He is nothing
more than an overgrown playmate for my daughter. I am not going to
stand by while he drags her out of the house without fighting him
every way I can. It's not like she is a normal child. She has
emotional problems that will be made much worse if he is allowed to do
this. I can see that I'm getting no help or understanding in this
group. I'm done.

On Sat, 9 Dec 2006 07:20:27 -0800, "Chris" wrote:


"ghostwriter" wrote in message
ups.com...

Janet wrote:
How do you people jump to these conclusions? I do NOT have control
issues and I'm not getting rich off my daughter. I only asked for the
support to help pay for her needs. And for the record I'm not fat or
lazy! The child support amount has already been set so this is not
about that. I just don't see how an almost total stranger can be
allowed to force a child to go alone with him. As I've already said,
she does not like him. I know she'll fight him if he comes to get her.
I'll have a video camera rolling so that I can show the judge if he
gets rough with her! I just can't understand why he'd even want to do
that to her in the first place if he's such a loving father.

He is her father, he has every right to pick her up and carry her out
of your house if it is necessary. He has every right to spank her if
she resists going with him. Nothing changes the fact that he is her
FATHER, not a stranger however much you wish it. If he has not
surrendered his parental right, willingly or otherwise, it is not the
place for a CHILD to tell her PARENT that they cant be a PARENT. She is
a child, her desires only really matter on the choices that her
parents(PLURAL) decide to allow her. He may very well not be as good a
parent as you are, but that doesnt somehow void his legal rights. If
he is paying and making an honest attempt to know and care for his
daughter then your little girl is just going to have to deal with it.

This is the fault of you and him, for being foolish enough to get
pregnant and not able to make the relationship work. Now your daughter
gets to suffer for your mistakes. The mature choice for you would be
to develop a relationship with her father that minimizes the conflict
and to keep any conflict away from where she will see it. When he shows
up you have to make it clear that your daughter doesnt have a choice
and that YOU will punish her if she doesnt listen to her father.
Frankly the visits in your house were likley very akward if not
hostile, so I am not surpised she doesnt like him.

BED, MADE, LIE and grow up.

Well put!

Apparently, this woman is of the feminazi belief that the importance,
rights, etc. of a mother trumps those of a father by default; that a child
has a right to a mother but NOT a father. That may be what her government
people claim, but they have yet to support such position with any
reasoning................ ANY!


Ghostwriter

On Thu, 7 Dec 2006 10:55:49 -0800, "Chris" wrote:


"Bob Whiteside" wrote in message
...

"Janet" wrote in message
...
My exboyfriend and I had a little girl in 1999. He took no interest
in
her until I filed for child support a year ago. Now that I filed
for
support he wants to see her all the time. She is very uncomfortable
around him and I have my doubts about him as well. I just got a
notice
of a hearing for him wanting to establish forced parenting time!
She
hardly knows this man. She doesn't even like seeing him at my
house.
Can he just come in and take her out of here that way? She is
seeing a
therapist for emotional issues and I'm afraid that this will set
her
back if she is forced to go visiting him. I told him he could see
her
over here but he says that isn't good enough. Is there any way I
can
stop him? Will the court make her see him? I can't bear the thought
of
her being dragged out of the house kicking and screaming. It will
break my heart. Would they really allow that to happen?

Thanks for your help.

Parenting time plans are used to establish CS awards. CS can be set
administratively and then get court approval. Parenting time plans
require
separate approval and can only be set by the courts.

I'm sure that she is well aware of this. That's why she's trying to
line her
fat lazy pockets with the maximum amount of free cash.
The day she drops her "child support" lawsuit is the day that I will
believe
that it's not about stealin' his money. , but only about keeping the
child
fatherless.


Your child's father is not doing anything unusual.

From the tone of your original post it sounds like you might have
some
control issues.

"Might"?

Since the two of you had a child together your lives will
be intertwined forever through the child. Get used to it and stop
trying
to
drive her father away.

"Janet" wrote
They should have named this group alt.mom.is.always.wrong! All you
people that are attacking me seem to think that my daughters sperm
donor is some kind of knight in shining armor! I will not develop a
relationship with this asshole even though I think he wants that. It's
bad enough that I have to put up with him coming over and pretend that
I like him for my daughters sake. He is NOT a dad. He is just doing
this to get revenge for me filing for child support. He is nothing
more than an overgrown playmate for my daughter. I am not going to
stand by while he drags her out of the house without fighting him
every way I can. It's not like she is a normal child. She has
emotional problems that will be made much worse if he is allowed to do
this.
==
It is startling that you admit she has emotional problems when you are the
primary parent
yet claim the father isn't good for her. You are obviously damaging this
child and haven't got
a clue. Your entire interest is *you,* not the child. Her father has a real
chance of gaining custody.
She may have far fewer "emotional problems" with you out of the picture.

"Janet" wrote in

Sperm donor is some kind of knight in shining armor! I will not develop a
relationship with this asshole even though I think he wants that. It's
bad enough that I have to put up with him coming over and pretend that
I like him for my daughters sake. He is NOT a dad.

If he is not a Dad, then you have no right to ask money from him!

He is nothing
more than an overgrown playmate for my daughter. I am not going to
stand by while he drags her out of the house without fighting him
every way I can. It's not like she is a normal child. She has
emotional problems that will be made much worse if he is allowed to do
this.

It's no wonder the child has emotional problems with a mother like you!

I can see that I'm getting no help or understanding in this group. I'm
done.

So sorry you can't find anyone to agree with you, better luck with the
judge!





On Sat, 9 Dec 2006 07:20:27 -0800, "Chris" wrote:


"ghostwriter" wrote in message
oups.com...

Janet wrote:
How do you people jump to these conclusions? I do NOT have control
issues and I'm not getting rich off my daughter. I only asked for the
support to help pay for her needs. And for the record I'm not fat or
lazy! The child support amount has already been set so this is not
about that. I just don't see how an almost total stranger can be
allowed to force a child to go alone with him. As I've already said,
she does not like him. I know she'll fight him if he comes to get her.
I'll have a video camera rolling so that I can show the judge if he
gets rough with her! I just can't understand why he'd even want to do
that to her in the first place if he's such a loving father.

He is her father, he has every right to pick her up and carry her out
of your house if it is necessary. He has every right to spank her if
she resists going with him. Nothing changes the fact that he is her
FATHER, not a stranger however much you wish it. If he has not
surrendered his parental right, willingly or otherwise, it is not the
place for a CHILD to tell her PARENT that they cant be a PARENT. She is
a child, her desires only really matter on the choices that her
parents(PLURAL) decide to allow her. He may very well not be as good a
parent as you are, but that doesnt somehow void his legal rights. If
he is paying and making an honest attempt to know and care for his
daughter then your little girl is just going to have to deal with it.

This is the fault of you and him, for being foolish enough to get
pregnant and not able to make the relationship work. Now your daughter
gets to suffer for your mistakes. The mature choice for you would be
to develop a relationship with her father that minimizes the conflict
and to keep any conflict away from where she will see it. When he shows
up you have to make it clear that your daughter doesnt have a choice
and that YOU will punish her if she doesnt listen to her father.
Frankly the visits in your house were likley very akward if not
hostile, so I am not surpised she doesnt like him.

BED, MADE, LIE and grow up.

Well put!

Apparently, this woman is of the feminazi belief that the importance,
rights, etc. of a mother trumps those of a father by default; that a child
has a right to a mother but NOT a father. That may be what her government
people claim, but they have yet to support such position with any
reasoning................ ANY!


Ghostwriter

On Thu, 7 Dec 2006 10:55:49 -0800, "Chris" wrote:


"Bob Whiteside" wrote in message
...

"Janet" wrote in message
...
My exboyfriend and I had a little girl in 1999. He took no
interest
in
her until I filed for child support a year ago. Now that I filed
for
support he wants to see her all the time. She is very
uncomfortable
around him and I have my doubts about him as well. I just got a
notice
of a hearing for him wanting to establish forced parenting time!
She
hardly knows this man. She doesn't even like seeing him at my
house.
Can he just come in and take her out of here that way? She is
seeing a
therapist for emotional issues and I'm afraid that this will set
her
back if she is forced to go visiting him. I told him he could see
her
over here but he says that isn't good enough. Is there any way I
can
stop him? Will the court make her see him? I can't bear the
thought
of
her being dragged out of the house kicking and screaming. It will
break my heart. Would they really allow that to happen?

Thanks for your help.

Parenting time plans are used to establish CS awards. CS can be
set
administratively and then get court approval. Parenting time plans
require
separate approval and can only be set by the courts.

I'm sure that she is well aware of this. That's why she's trying to
line her
fat lazy pockets with the maximum amount of free cash.
The day she drops her "child support" lawsuit is the day that I will
believe
that it's not about stealin' his money. , but only about keeping the
child
fatherless.


Your child's father is not doing anything unusual.

From the tone of your original post it sounds like you might have
some
control issues.

"Might"?

Since the two of you had a child together your lives will
be intertwined forever through the child. Get used to it and stop
trying
to
drive her father away.

"DB" wrote

"Janet" wrote in

Sperm donor is some kind of knight in shining armor! I will not develop a
relationship with this asshole even though I think he wants that. It's
bad enough that I have to put up with him coming over and pretend that
I like him for my daughters sake. He is NOT a dad.

If he is not a Dad, then you have no right to ask money from him!
==
Actually, her going after money may turn out to be the best thing to rescue
this child.
The court will probably appoint someone to evaluate the parents and look
into why
the child is so dysfunctional in the mother's care and could conclude the
she would
be better off with her dad. The mother's rantings here may be indicative of
her own
emotional dysfunction.

"Janet" wrote in message
...
They should have named this group alt.mom.is.always.wrong! All you
people that are attacking me seem to think that my daughters sperm
donor is some kind of knight in shining armor! I will not develop a
relationship with this asshole even though I think he wants that. It's
bad enough that I have to put up with him coming over and pretend that
I like him for my daughters sake. He is NOT a dad. He is just doing
this to get revenge for me filing for child support. He is nothing
more than an overgrown playmate for my daughter. I am not going to
stand by while he drags her out of the house without fighting him
every way I can. It's not like she is a normal child. She has
emotional problems that will be made much worse if he is allowed to do
this. I can see that I'm getting no help or understanding in this
group. I'm done.

Yet you invite this "asshole" into your life not once but TWICE! The first
time to share in the most intimate relationship that can possibly exist
between a man and a woman; unless, of course, it was rape. And then the
second time to extort money from him. This group understands you, or more
aptly your motive, quite well. So long as you force the father to pay you
money for your SOLE choice to bring a child into the world, then you can
expect him to also not stand by while you attack his wallet without fighting
you every way he can. If you don't like fights, then don't pick em'.


On Sat, 9 Dec 2006 07:20:27 -0800, "Chris" wrote:


"ghostwriter" wrote in message
ups.com...

Janet wrote:
How do you people jump to these conclusions? I do NOT have control
issues and I'm not getting rich off my daughter. I only asked for the
support to help pay for her needs. And for the record I'm not fat or
lazy! The child support amount has already been set so this is not
about that. I just don't see how an almost total stranger can be
allowed to force a child to go alone with him. As I've already said,
she does not like him. I know she'll fight him if he comes to get
her.
I'll have a video camera rolling so that I can show the judge if he
gets rough with her! I just can't understand why he'd even want to do
that to her in the first place if he's such a loving father.

He is her father, he has every right to pick her up and carry her out
of your house if it is necessary. He has every right to spank her if
she resists going with him. Nothing changes the fact that he is her
FATHER, not a stranger however much you wish it. If he has not
surrendered his parental right, willingly or otherwise, it is not the
place for a CHILD to tell her PARENT that they cant be a PARENT. She is
a child, her desires only really matter on the choices that her
parents(PLURAL) decide to allow her. He may very well not be as good a
parent as you are, but that doesnt somehow void his legal rights. If
he is paying and making an honest attempt to know and care for his
daughter then your little girl is just going to have to deal with it.

This is the fault of you and him, for being foolish enough to get
pregnant and not able to make the relationship work. Now your daughter
gets to suffer for your mistakes. The mature choice for you would be
to develop a relationship with her father that minimizes the conflict
and to keep any conflict away from where she will see it. When he shows
up you have to make it clear that your daughter doesnt have a choice
and that YOU will punish her if she doesnt listen to her father.
Frankly the visits in your house were likley very akward if not
hostile, so I am not surpised she doesnt like him.

BED, MADE, LIE and grow up.

Well put!

Apparently, this woman is of the feminazi belief that the importance,
rights, etc. of a mother trumps those of a father by default; that a
child
has a right to a mother but NOT a father. That may be what her government
people claim, but they have yet to support such position with any
reasoning................ ANY!


Ghostwriter

On Thu, 7 Dec 2006 10:55:49 -0800, "Chris" wrote:


"Bob Whiteside" wrote in message
...

"Janet" wrote in message
...
My exboyfriend and I had a little girl in 1999. He took no
interest
in
her until I filed for child support a year ago. Now that I filed
for
support he wants to see her all the time. She is very
uncomfortable
around him and I have my doubts about him as well. I just got a
notice
of a hearing for him wanting to establish forced parenting time!
She
hardly knows this man. She doesn't even like seeing him at my
house.
Can he just come in and take her out of here that way? She is
seeing a
therapist for emotional issues and I'm afraid that this will set
her
back if she is forced to go visiting him. I told him he could
see
her
over here but he says that isn't good enough. Is there any way I
can
stop him? Will the court make her see him? I can't bear the
thought
of
her being dragged out of the house kicking and screaming. It
will
break my heart. Would they really allow that to happen?

Thanks for your help.

Parenting time plans are used to establish CS awards. CS can be
set
administratively and then get court approval. Parenting time
plans
require
separate approval and can only be set by the courts.

I'm sure that she is well aware of this. That's why she's trying to
line her
fat lazy pockets with the maximum amount of free cash.
The day she drops her "child support" lawsuit is the day that I will
believe
that it's not about stealin' his money. , but only about keeping the
child
fatherless.


Your child's father is not doing anything unusual.

From the tone of your original post it sounds like you might have
some
control issues.

"Might"?

Since the two of you had a child together your lives will
be intertwined forever through the child. Get used to it and stop
trying
to
drive her father away.

"Gini" wrote in

be better off with her dad. The mother's rantings here may be indicative
of her own emotional dysfunction.

So true, her reference to the child's father as a sperm bank says it all!

"Chris" wrote in

aptly your motive, quite well. So long as you force the father to pay you
money for your SOLE choice to bring a child into the world, then you can
expect him to also not stand by while you attack his wallet without
fighting
you every way he can. If you don't like fights, then don't pick em'.

Oh come on Dale, why shouldn't she be allowed to collect money from her
sperm donor and not expect to have him participate in his daughters life?
It is legal and the laws are setup to do as she pleases!

Are you not being too harsh? ;-)

"DB" wrote

"Gini" wrote in

be better off with her dad. The mother's rantings here may be indicative
of her own emotional dysfunction.

So true, her reference to the child's father as a sperm bank says it all!
==
What a tragic situation for that child. It surely is a case worthy of court
intervention.

Janet, I can tell you as a "custodial father" of three children whose mother
rarely ever comes around (maybe once every 5 to 8 months for a few hours)
this is NOT easy. The court went so far as to tell me that my SEVENTEEN
year old has to go with her mother for a visitation if her mother SO wishes
on her set day (1st and 3rd sunday of each mother from 1pm to 5pm) But I am
upset at the fact that they told me I could be held in contempt if I dont
force her to go, yet if I force her to go my child (if you can call her that
at 17 in michigan) can call the police because its "kidnapping" at that
age..lol

At 17 they can legally move out on their own (in michigan) and the parents
cant stop them, so HOW can I force her to visit her mother when I cant even
legally keep her from moving out. Some times the courts make NO sence.

But - back to your situation - your daughter is young and will adjust
question is will you? And if he starts visitation what is the likelyhood he
will continue or will he just drop out of her life again causing more harm..
that is the point I would bring up and request 6 months of "supervised
visitation" as much as 2 times a week so she can get to know him, this will
also give you time to see if he can actually stick to showing up for the
visits. ( and get it to be a requirment that if he fails to show up for at
least 75% of all the visits that the supervised visitation continue another
6 months) (if the judge or FOC wont go 6 months then request 3 or 4 - but be
vigilant about getting frequent but supervised visitation) this will also
give him a chance to "screw-up" and lose it all together.

Show eagerness to allow them to bond but dont go into court being against
her getting to know her father, just request (due to the lack of prior
contact) a "phase-in" period to allow them to make a bond before visitation
becomes UNsupervised




"Janet" wrote in message
...
Why would I want to encourage this? As I said before she is having to
see a therapist because she is having emotional problems related to
change. Any change in her routine sets off a crying fit. It will not
help her to be forced to go with someone that she doesn't want to
see.I thought they used the best interest of the child to determine
these things?

Her father was just someone that I had a brief fling with. We didn't
really care that much about each other and we both understood that. If
he is such a caring father then where was for the first 6 years of her
life? He could have found me if he wanted. Now just because I asked
for some help with the kid that he is halfway responsible for all of a
sudden he wants to act like hes a real dad to her. She doesn't even
like him. She got along fine without him all this time and now he
shows up disrupting her life. Is that fair to her? Do the courts
really think it will be in her best interest to have her being dragged
out of the house by someone she doesn't like and just barely knows?
That seems like child abuse!

On Wed, 6 Dec 2006 06:12:16 -0800, "teachrmama"
wrote:


"Janet" wrote in message
. ..
My exboyfriend and I had a little girl in 1999. He took no interest in
her until I filed for child support a year ago. Now that I filed for
support he wants to see her all the time. She is very uncomfortable
around him and I have my doubts about him as well. I just got a notice
of a hearing for him wanting to establish forced parenting time! She
hardly knows this man. She doesn't even like seeing him at my house.
Can he just come in and take her out of here that way? She is seeing a
therapist for emotional issues and I'm afraid that this will set her
back if she is forced to go visiting him. I told him he could see her
over here but he says that isn't good enough. Is there any way I can
stop him? Will the court make her see him? I can't bear the thought of
her being dragged out of the house kicking and screaming. It will
break my heart. Would they really allow that to happen?

It's going to be up to you to make this easy for her. The judge almost
certaily will assign him time with his chld. So you need to start talking
about all the wonderful things little girls can do with their fathers.
Talk
to him, and arrange for the 3 of you to start doing some things
together--go
out for a hamburger, go see a movie, etc. Laugh with him, talk with him.
Let HER see what a nice man he is. (You obviously did more thatn laugh
and
talk at one point in time, or she wouldn't be here) Let her see the man
you
cared enough about to create her. YOU have the power to help this happen
without trauma. Be a loving mother to your daughter and help her get to
know and love her daddy.