A Room of One's Own

Clisby wrote:

...

What works best may depend partly on what the rest of the house is like.
I like for a house to have places everybody can go for privacy, and of
course separate bedrooms is good for that. I've been in houses that
are basically a big living area, a kitchen, and bedrooms - so if you
don't have a bedroom to yourself, you have nowhere to yourself.

I disagree. You can be by yourself in your own area of the bedroom.

My dad grew up with four brothers sharing not only the same room, but
the same bed! (His four sisters also shared a bed and a room.) He didn't
get a room of his own until he was 66, when his wife died. At least when
he went into the military, he was used to sharing the room with other
people, and he probably had more privacy.

He might have had his own room for a while while is brother was in the
military during the Korean war, though.

Jeff

Clisby

Jeff wrote:
Clisby wrote:

...

What works best may depend partly on what the rest of the house is
like. I like for a house to have places everybody can go for
privacy, and of course separate bedrooms is good for that. I've been
in houses that are basically a big living area, a kitchen, and
bedrooms - so if you don't have a bedroom to yourself, you have
nowhere to yourself.

I disagree. You can be by yourself in your own area of the bedroom.

Some can, and some can't--at least not nearly as
easily. Sure, kids in large families don't have a choice,
but for some it comes at a cost, and children in smaller
families perhaps don't have as many opportunities to learn
the skills that might help them be more successful. There's
also no escaping that the kids in a three child family with
four bedrooms are quite clear that there is a room that could
be a bedroom if it wasn't an office. Knowing the opportunity
is there makes a difference, versus the large family where it's
crystal clear that several more bedrooms aren't going to materialize
out of nowhere.
I could have kept my boys sharing a room. They'd have
survived. They might have even learned to do it gracefully after
some period of time. Meanwhile, we were all dealing with the
fallout. It just wasn't a great situation, and we had the
opportunity to do something differently, and it improved
things fairly dramatically. Definitely worth the tradeoff, in
my opinion. No amount of trying to create private spaces within
the shared bedroom was sufficient to maintain the peace with
my two boys, so I'm glad there was another option for us.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Jeff wrote:
Clisby wrote:

...

What works best may depend partly on what the rest of the house is
like. I like for a house to have places everybody can go for
privacy, and of course separate bedrooms is good for that. I've been
in houses that are basically a big living area, a kitchen, and
bedrooms - so if you don't have a bedroom to yourself, you have
nowhere to yourself.


I disagree. You can be by yourself in your own area of the bedroom.

Sure, if no one else is in the bedroom at the time. Or if the person
you share the bedroom with has the same ideas about privacy and quiet.
Otherwise, no. I'm not talking about what people *need* - I'm talking
about what I think is pleasant.

Clisby


My dad grew up with four brothers sharing not only the same room, but
the same bed! (His four sisters also shared a bed and a room.) He didn't
get a room of his own until he was 66, when his wife died. At least when
he went into the military, he was used to sharing the room with other
people, and he probably had more privacy.

He might have had his own room for a while while is brother was in the
military during the Korean war, though.

Jeff

Clisby

"Beliavsky" wrote in message
...
I wonder at what age kids "need" to have their own bedrooms. With 4yo
and 2yo boys and a 1yo girl, if we buy a 4 bedroom house and use one
room as an office, and if we give the girl her own room, the eldest
boy will never have his own room. I think the boys will just have to
live with that, as billions of other kids have. We could look for a 5
bedroom house, but the children may be better off if we spend less on
a house and put the money in their college funds etc.

There is no "right" answer here, but I wonder what opinions people
have about this.

We have three boys and three bedrooms. DH and I have one, DS18 has one, and
DS14 and DS10 share the other.
We are in the process of converting our extra junk/office/storage room
into another bedroom so we can separate the younger boys, because they are
at each others' throats.
Office space will have to give way to living space so we don't all end up
dead.

----- Original Message -----
From: "Beliavsky"
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2008 1:14 PM
Subject: A Room of One's Own


I wonder at what age kids "need" to have their own bedrooms. With 4yo
and 2yo boys and a 1yo girl, if we buy a 4 bedroom house and use one
room as an office, and if we give the girl her own room, the eldest
boy will never have his own room. I think the boys will just have to
live with that, as billions of other kids have. We could look for a 5
bedroom house, but the children may be better off if we spend less on
a house and put the money in their college funds etc.

There is no "right" answer here, but I wonder what opinions people
have about this.

I'm very sorry for emailing you privately, I keep clicking the wrong button!
This has happened almost everytime I've posted to newsgroups since we
reformatted the computer and I am using Outlook Express instead of what I am
used to.

I think it's better for kids to have their own bedrooms. My 12 and 11 year
old girls shared a room until a few months ago when we bought a 4 bedroom
house. It was horrible for everyone, they did not have privacy, there was
always fighting whenever one wanted to be alone. It was either the two
oldest share a room and the youngest had her own room, or one of the older
ones had to share with a baby sister who would get into all their things and
mess up stuff. It has been so much more peaceful now that all the kids have
their own rooms. When kids are younger it's not a big deal to me, but when
they hit around 8 or so it seems to matter more.
I've been married for years now, and I STILL sleep better when dh is away
from home(which is one weekend every few years). I always hated when I had
to share a bedroom growing up. Most people I know seem to have enjoyed
sharing a bedroom, and I don't see how lol Where does one go for alone-time
if there is no bedroom? Can't stay in the bathroom, can't be alone in the
living room, if you go outside your siblings can't be stopped from going out
also.
Marie

dejablues wrote:
...
We have three boys and three bedrooms. DH and I have one, DS18 has one, and
DS14 and DS10 share the other.
We are in the process of converting our extra junk/office/storage room
into another bedroom so we can separate the younger boys, because they are
at each others' throats.
Office space will have to give way to living space so we don't all end up
dead.

Cheer up: Only one of you will end up dead. B-)

Of course, one will be in juvenile detention or jail.

Jeff

Beliavsky wrote:
I wonder at what age kids "need" to have their own bedrooms. With 4yo
and 2yo boys and a 1yo girl, if we buy a 4 bedroom house and use one
room as an office, and if we give the girl her own room, the eldest
boy will never have his own room. I think the boys will just have to
live with that, as billions of other kids have. We could look for a 5
bedroom house, but the children may be better off if we spend less on
a house and put the money in their college funds etc.

There is no "right" answer here, but I wonder what opinions people
have about this.

I think both myself and my son need to have somewhere to go where we can
be on our own. In both our cases it was a bedroom to ourselves, but it
could have been some other corner, perhaps a den outside. (I find the
idea of a dedicated guest room when children are sharing rather odd.)

What would you be using the office for? Does it have to be taken from a
bedroom, or could it come out of some other space. In the UK, I have
seen people creating home-office space from hallways, from cupboards,
from an alcove in a bedroom or living room, from a garage and from a
shed outside.

Personally, with a family of three, we bought a four-bedroomed house and
each child has a bedroom. One of the bedrooms was used as an office
when the children were smaller.

--
Penny Gaines
UK mum to three

"Beliavsky" wrote in message
...
I wonder at what age kids "need" to have their own bedrooms. With 4yo
and 2yo boys and a 1yo girl, if we buy a 4 bedroom house and use one
room as an office, and if we give the girl her own room, the eldest
boy will never have his own room. I think the boys will just have to
live with that, as billions of other kids have. We could look for a 5
bedroom house, but the children may be better off if we spend less on
a house and put the money in their college funds etc.

I know we always think of our kids at tiny, but they do grow up, way faster
than we expect. Right now, the boys sharing a room while you have a
dedicated office you can close off so the little ones can't get into stuff
would work out well. When they are bigger (as others said, around 10 and
12) if the boys don't get along you can move the office to more public
space, your youngest would be old enough to know better than to get into
things. And then, in just 6 incredibly short years, you have your office
back. My oldest comes home from college, and though she has her own room,
she likes spending time with her younger sister on those short breaks. If
we had two beds in there I'm not sure she wouldn't prefer to stay in there.
And they don't come home for long, so if it's a bedroom/office, you only
have to share maybe 4 weeks a year. Two years later, you have the office
and a guest room. Three years later you have a big empty house.

On Feb 13, 8:42 am, Penny Gaines wrote:
Beliavsky wrote:
I wonder at what age kids "need" to have their own bedrooms. With 4yo
and 2yo boys and a 1yo girl, if we buy a 4 bedroom house and use one
room as an office, and if we give the girl her own room, the eldest
boy will never have his own room. I think the boys will just have to
live with that, as billions of other kids have. We could look for a 5
bedroom house, but the children may be better off if we spend less on
a house and put the money in their college funds etc.

There is no "right" answer here, but I wonder what opinions people
have about this.

I think both myself and my son need to have somewhere to go where we can
be on our own. In both our cases it was a bedroom to ourselves, but it
could have been some other corner, perhaps a den outside. (I find the
idea of a dedicated guest room when children are sharing rather odd.)

Since I'm doing this, I'll chime in.
My kids are preschool age so they get along fine with each other and
actually miss each other if they are not together. As they grow up if
they ask for separate rooms they will have to own up to the duties
that come with "room ownership" like cleaning etc. Until they ask for
separate room, I'm not giving it to them

In article ,
says...

On Feb 13, 8:42 am, Penny Gaines wrote:
Beliavsky wrote:
I wonder at what age kids "need" to have their own bedrooms. With 4yo
and 2yo boys and a 1yo girl, if we buy a 4 bedroom house and use one
room as an office, and if we give the girl her own room, the eldest
boy will never have his own room. I think the boys will just have to
live with that, as billions of other kids have. We could look for a 5
bedroom house, but the children may be better off if we spend less on
a house and put the money in their college funds etc.

There is no "right" answer here, but I wonder what opinions people
have about this.

I think both myself and my son need to have somewhere to go where we can
be on our own. In both our cases it was a bedroom to ourselves, but it
could have been some other corner, perhaps a den outside. (I find the
idea of a dedicated guest room when children are sharing rather odd.)

Since I'm doing this, I'll chime in.
My kids are preschool age so they get along fine with each other and
actually miss each other if they are not together. As they grow up if
they ask for separate rooms they will have to own up to the duties
that come with "room ownership" like cleaning etc. Until they ask for
separate room, I'm not giving it to them

Sure that's reasonable and makes sense. Your earlier post sounded like you'd
hold back the extra room simply in order not to 'indulge' them. Who knows -
they may get along very well and be very close and continue to be in the same
bedroom.

But maybe not. Hopefully you'll know if and when they'd benefit by having
separate bedrooms even if they don't muster to actually ask for separate rooms.
And/or consider if that 'guest room' might be better used as a play room or TV
room/den or hobby room. In later years if not right now. For them or you
adults, not to get into each others' hair.

I think the responses you've seen here is that kids are neither dumb nor
endlessly forgiving - holding back family resources for no other real end other
than not to 'indulge' them would eventually backfire. I know people can and do
get along in tight quarters (I have five cousins all raised in one upstairs
bedroom, until the first girl got a bit older, then they two got a small room
halfway up the stairs ...) and survive nicely, but to have relief in front of
people in the household and have that held back for no real end is quite a
different thing.

Banty