Just curious for an opinion

As I said before, I never got any child support for my 17 and 18 year
olds. Never filed for it, never hunted anyone down for it, etc.
I have a question, and I would like to have honest answers from
everyone...
It seems that the men here really aren't complaining about child
support in general.
It seems more that the problem is the support ordered is too high, or
they believe that the support is going to a woman who does not use it
for it's intended purpose, and some seem to believe that the
percentages are way out of whack and feel that they don't owe the
MOTHER anything.
Ok, here is my question...
If I supported my two children for 16 years and I paid support for my
children for all of those years and the input from father was nil...
Does he now owe ME child support?
I mean, I paid his part AND my part.
Now that raising the kids is over, does HE owe ME? Or is his time of
liability over because they are grown and I didn't try to collect from
him years ago?
This question stems from a conversation that came up with my son about
a month ago. His grandmother (dads mother) was trying to contact him
and he wanted to know why. I said 'Maybe she's trying to reunite you
and your father' He said 'Why would she do that?' I said 'I dont
know, but if you happen to go see him ask him where my child support
for you kids is for the last 16 years' to which my son replied 'YOUR
child support?????, That is OUR child support that he owes'.
I said to my son 'How do you figure that? I paid my part and his
both, now he owes me for the part he DIDNT pay'
So, I'm just curious to know what everyone else thinks about it.
We did have a verbal agreemet that he would 'help out' with the kids
when he could...I got $20 from him once, and really, I didn't get
money...he was visiting the kids at his house and had forgotten to get
diapers from me so he bought about $20 worth and sent them back with
the kids.
That is all, for 16 years.

In article , witchwirsen
says...

As I said before, I never got any child support for my 17 and 18 year
olds. Never filed for it, never hunted anyone down for it, etc.
I have a question, and I would like to have honest answers from
everyone...
It seems that the men here really aren't complaining about child
support in general.
It seems more that the problem is the support ordered is too high, or
they believe that the support is going to a woman who does not use it
for it's intended purpose, and some seem to believe that the
percentages are way out of whack and feel that they don't owe the
MOTHER anything.
Ok, here is my question...
If I supported my two children for 16 years and I paid support for my
children for all of those years and the input from father was nil...
Does he now owe ME child support?
====
If there was no order, he doesn't owe either of you support.
====
====

"witchwirsen" wrote in message
om...
As I said before, I never got any child support for my 17 and 18 year
olds. Never filed for it, never hunted anyone down for it, etc.
I have a question, and I would like to have honest answers from
everyone...
It seems that the men here really aren't complaining about child
support in general.
It seems more that the problem is the support ordered is too high, or
they believe that the support is going to a woman who does not use it
for it's intended purpose, and some seem to believe that the
percentages are way out of whack and feel that they don't owe the
MOTHER anything.
Ok, here is my question...
If I supported my two children for 16 years and I paid support for my
children for all of those years and the input from father was nil...
Does he now owe ME child support?
I mean, I paid his part AND my part.
Now that raising the kids is over, does HE owe ME? Or is his time of
liability over because they are grown and I didn't try to collect from
him years ago?
This question stems from a conversation that came up with my son about
a month ago. His grandmother (dads mother) was trying to contact him
and he wanted to know why. I said 'Maybe she's trying to reunite you
and your father' He said 'Why would she do that?' I said 'I dont
know, but if you happen to go see him ask him where my child support
for you kids is for the last 16 years' to which my son replied 'YOUR
child support?????, That is OUR child support that he owes'.
I said to my son 'How do you figure that? I paid my part and his
both, now he owes me for the part he DIDNT pay'
So, I'm just curious to know what everyone else thinks about it.
We did have a verbal agreemet that he would 'help out' with the kids
when he could...I got $20 from him once, and really, I didn't get
money...he was visiting the kids at his house and had forgotten to get
diapers from me so he bought about $20 worth and sent them back with
the kids.
That is all, for 16 years.

Two comments. First, CS is not owed to you if there was no court order
requiring it. And the court will not create a CS order retroactive behind
the date a motion for CS is initiated. Since your children are beyond the
age of CS you cannot now file for past CS.

Second, stop discussing not getting CS with your children. You are
undermining any future relationship between your children and their father
by bad mouthing their father about CS. It would be just as harmful for the
children's father to say he never paid anything because you never asked him
formally to pay. Both approaches imply the other parent doesn't care about
the children.

It seems to me the men on here are complaining about all of it. We forced
them to have children they didn't want and are now forcing them to pay a
share of raising them and forcing them to have weekend relationships
because we must have broken up the marriage.

Bob says the $45 my ex is ordered to pay and doesn't is too much, when in
fact it wouldn't even cover half of the child care I pay in order to work.
Is that not legitimately using it for the child? No, I must be buying
myself new shoes with it. I survive without the money and he will be the
one who is sorry when he has to explain to our son why he didn't give a
**** about him.

As for you, why did you wait so long? Is your ex financially capable of
paying? If yes, I would certainly go after him, especially if the kids are
going to college.

There are many cases I believe are totally unfair to the men, but
certainly not all of them. It depends on the circumstances.

Bob wrote:

"witchwirsen" wrote in message
. com...
As I said before, I never got any child support for my 17 and 18 year
olds. Never filed for it, never hunted anyone down for it, etc.
I have a question, and I would like to have honest answers from
everyone...
It seems that the men here really aren't complaining about child
support in general.
It seems more that the problem is the support ordered is too high, or
they believe that the support is going to a woman who does not use it
for it's intended purpose, and some seem to believe that the
percentages are way out of whack and feel that they don't owe the
MOTHER anything.
Ok, here is my question...
If I supported my two children for 16 years and I paid support for my
children for all of those years and the input from father was nil...
Does he now owe ME child support?
I mean, I paid his part AND my part.
Now that raising the kids is over, does HE owe ME? Or is his time of
liability over because they are grown and I didn't try to collect from
him years ago?
This question stems from a conversation that came up with my son about
a month ago. His grandmother (dads mother) was trying to contact him
and he wanted to know why. I said 'Maybe she's trying to reunite you
and your father' He said 'Why would she do that?' I said 'I dont
know, but if you happen to go see him ask him where my child support
for you kids is for the last 16 years' to which my son replied 'YOUR
child support?????, That is OUR child support that he owes'.
I said to my son 'How do you figure that? I paid my part and his
both, now he owes me for the part he DIDNT pay'
So, I'm just curious to know what everyone else thinks about it.
We did have a verbal agreemet that he would 'help out' with the kids
when he could...I got $20 from him once, and really, I didn't get
money...he was visiting the kids at his house and had forgotten to get
diapers from me so he bought about $20 worth and sent them back with
the kids.
That is all, for 16 years.

Two comments. First, CS is not owed to you if there was no court order
requiring it. And the court will not create a CS order retroactive behind
the date a motion for CS is initiated. Since your children are beyond the
age of CS you cannot now file for past CS.

Second, stop discussing not getting CS with your children. You are
undermining any future relationship between your children and their father
by bad mouthing their father about CS.

While I agree that the CP bringing up CS isn't appropriate I really doubt that
one sentence will do much more harm than the NCP did by not supporting or
seeing his kids in the past 16 years. If the older kid brings it up and the CP
lies to protect the NCP I think they are underminding their own relationship
with their kids.

It would be just as harmful for the
children's father to say he never paid anything because you never asked him
formally to pay. Both approaches imply the other parent doesn't care about
the children.

Ah but she did have an agreement with him that he would helpout when he could.
Do you really think $20 over the past 16 years was all he was capable of?

As I said before I don't think a CP should bring up CS but if the older child
asks lying isn't the way to go.

Mrs Indyguy

witchirsen wrote:

snip to

This question stems from a conversation that came up with my son about
a month ago. His grandmother (dads mother) was trying to contact him
and he wanted to know why. I said 'Maybe she's trying to reunite you
and your father' He said 'Why would she do that?' I said 'I dont
know, but if you happen to go see him ask him where my child support
for you kids is for the last 16 years' to which my son replied 'YOUR
child support?????, That is OUR child support that he owes'.
I said to my son 'How do you figure that? I paid my part and his
both, now he owes me for the part he DIDNT pay'
So, I'm just curious to know what everyone else thinks about it.

Something similar happened to one of my DH's nieces. Her ex never paid the
court ordered CS, always worked for cash under the table. Then a few years ago
he got a regular job and his pay was garnished, the child is now 23. The CP now
gets $200 every other week.

The NCP told his son his mother should be giving him, the child, the CS. 23 yr
old goes to his mother and tells her she needs to hand him over the money. She
refuses as it was repayment fo rwhat she had paid for his father but she agrees
to co-sign on a brand new car for him. She agreed to pay half the car payment
and that would be half of the CS she was getting, after not getting any EVER
before that was pretty nice of her. They do the car deal and the 23 yr old
stops making the car payment. He pockets the couple of months worth of the CS
his mother gave him, before the finance company notified her *they* were in
default. In order to perserve her credit she is paying the car loan with all
the CS she is getting.

The last time I talked to my great nephew I asked him how he could treat his
mom the way he did, regarding the car. He told me his father is proud of him
and that his mother was just trying to scam *his* CS. Nice huh?

But to answer you question.... Yes the CS would be yours, if you had had an
order, as you paid your exes portion for the past 16 years.

Mrs Indyguy

"Indyguy1" wrote in message
...
Bob wrote:

"witchwirsen" wrote in message
. com...
As I said before, I never got any child support for my 17 and 18 year
olds. Never filed for it, never hunted anyone down for it, etc.
I have a question, and I would like to have honest answers from
everyone...
It seems that the men here really aren't complaining about child
support in general.
It seems more that the problem is the support ordered is too high, or
they believe that the support is going to a woman who does not use it
for it's intended purpose, and some seem to believe that the
percentages are way out of whack and feel that they don't owe the
MOTHER anything.
Ok, here is my question...
If I supported my two children for 16 years and I paid support for my
children for all of those years and the input from father was nil...
Does he now owe ME child support?
I mean, I paid his part AND my part.
Now that raising the kids is over, does HE owe ME? Or is his time of
liability over because they are grown and I didn't try to collect from
him years ago?
This question stems from a conversation that came up with my son about
a month ago. His grandmother (dads mother) was trying to contact him
and he wanted to know why. I said 'Maybe she's trying to reunite you
and your father' He said 'Why would she do that?' I said 'I dont
know, but if you happen to go see him ask him where my child support
for you kids is for the last 16 years' to which my son replied 'YOUR
child support?????, That is OUR child support that he owes'.
I said to my son 'How do you figure that? I paid my part and his
both, now he owes me for the part he DIDNT pay'
So, I'm just curious to know what everyone else thinks about it.
We did have a verbal agreemet that he would 'help out' with the kids
when he could...I got $20 from him once, and really, I didn't get
money...he was visiting the kids at his house and had forgotten to get
diapers from me so he bought about $20 worth and sent them back with
the kids.
That is all, for 16 years.

Two comments. First, CS is not owed to you if there was no court order
requiring it. And the court will not create a CS order retroactive
behind
the date a motion for CS is initiated. Since your children are beyond
the
age of CS you cannot now file for past CS.

Second, stop discussing not getting CS with your children. You are
undermining any future relationship between your children and their
father
by bad mouthing their father about CS.

While I agree that the CP bringing up CS isn't appropriate I really doubt
that
one sentence will do much more harm than the NCP did by not supporting or
seeing his kids in the past 16 years. If the older kid brings it up and
the CP
lies to protect the NCP I think they are underminding their own
relationship
with their kids.

It would be just as harmful for the
children's father to say he never paid anything because you never asked
him
formally to pay. Both approaches imply the other parent doesn't care
about
the children.

Ah but she did have an agreement with him that he would helpout when he
could.
Do you really think $20 over the past 16 years was all he was capable of?

As I said before I don't think a CP should bring up CS but if the older
child
asks lying isn't the way to go.

Mrs Indyguy

"Ms_Layne" wrote in message
lkaboutparenting.com...
It seems to me the men on here are complaining about all of it. We forced
them to have children they didn't want and are now forcing them to pay a
share of raising them and forcing them to have weekend relationships
because we must have broken up the marriage.

Bob says the $45 my ex is ordered to pay and doesn't is too much,

Oh, please don't use Bob as the spokesman for the group. The majority of
men here do pay their support, and do not feel as if they owe nothing.



when in
fact it wouldn't even cover half of the child care I pay in order to work.
Is that not legitimately using it for the child? No, I must be buying
myself new shoes with it. I survive without the money and he will be the
one who is sorry when he has to explain to our son why he didn't give a
**** about him.

As for you, why did you wait so long? Is your ex financially capable of
paying? If yes, I would certainly go after him, especially if the kids are
going to college.

There are many cases I believe are totally unfair to the men, but
certainly not all of them. It depends on the circumstances.

"Indyguy1" wrote in message
...
Bob wrote:

"witchwirsen" wrote in message
. com...
As I said before, I never got any child support for my 17 and 18 year
olds. Never filed for it, never hunted anyone down for it, etc.
I have a question, and I would like to have honest answers from
everyone...
It seems that the men here really aren't complaining about child
support in general.
It seems more that the problem is the support ordered is too high, or
they believe that the support is going to a woman who does not use it
for it's intended purpose, and some seem to believe that the
percentages are way out of whack and feel that they don't owe the
MOTHER anything.
Ok, here is my question...
If I supported my two children for 16 years and I paid support for my
children for all of those years and the input from father was nil...
Does he now owe ME child support?
I mean, I paid his part AND my part.
Now that raising the kids is over, does HE owe ME? Or is his time of
liability over because they are grown and I didn't try to collect from
him years ago?
This question stems from a conversation that came up with my son about
a month ago. His grandmother (dads mother) was trying to contact him
and he wanted to know why. I said 'Maybe she's trying to reunite you
and your father' He said 'Why would she do that?' I said 'I dont
know, but if you happen to go see him ask him where my child support
for you kids is for the last 16 years' to which my son replied 'YOUR
child support?????, That is OUR child support that he owes'.
I said to my son 'How do you figure that? I paid my part and his
both, now he owes me for the part he DIDNT pay'
So, I'm just curious to know what everyone else thinks about it.
We did have a verbal agreemet that he would 'help out' with the kids
when he could...I got $20 from him once, and really, I didn't get
money...he was visiting the kids at his house and had forgotten to get
diapers from me so he bought about $20 worth and sent them back with
the kids.
That is all, for 16 years.

Two comments. First, CS is not owed to you if there was no court order
requiring it. And the court will not create a CS order retroactive
behind
the date a motion for CS is initiated. Since your children are beyond
the
age of CS you cannot now file for past CS.

Second, stop discussing not getting CS with your children. You are
undermining any future relationship between your children and their
father
by bad mouthing their father about CS.

While I agree that the CP bringing up CS isn't appropriate I really doubt
that
one sentence will do much more harm than the NCP did by not supporting or
seeing his kids in the past 16 years. If the older kid brings it up and
the CP
lies to protect the NCP I think they are underminding their own
relationship
with their kids.

I agree discussing CS issues with older children, when they bring it up, is
appropriate. I was reacting to the fact the OP told the child if he saw his
father to ask him where the CS was he owed her. IOW - The OP was asking the
child to be the go between to address the CS issue that should be discussed
between the parents. Children should not be used spokepersons for either
adult parent about parenting issues.


It would be just as harmful for the
children's father to say he never paid anything because you never asked
him
formally to pay. Both approaches imply the other parent doesn't care
about
the children.

Ah but she did have an agreement with him that he would helpout when he
could.
Do you really think $20 over the past 16 years was all he was capable of?

Of course not. But that begs the question - if she was not getting CS over
the 16 years why didn't she do something about it early on? To let the
situation go, claim to have intentionally never pursued it, and then
complain about the result indicates a lack of personal responsibility for
not acting on behalf of the children and trying to transfer the blame to the
other parent.


As I said before I don't think a CP should bring up CS but if the older
child
asks lying isn't the way to go.

I believe parental comments about CS are indicative of the underlying
relationship between the parents. And, quite frankly, what we hear in this
NG is a lot of conflict between the parents over the issues of CS. When is
the last time you heard a mother claim she told her children their dad pays
CS regularly and on time and that shows he is a loving father who is
responsible for his children and wants the best for them?

My personal experience is meeting all of those positive things about CS
payments will still result in the mother claiming the only reason the father
is paying is because she hounds him for the money.

"Ms_Layne" wrote in message
lkaboutparenting.com...
It seems to me the men on here are complaining about all of it. We forced
them to have children they didn't want and are now forcing them to pay a
share of raising them and forcing them to have weekend relationships
because we must have broken up the marriage.

Bob says the $45 my ex is ordered to pay and doesn't is too much, when in
fact it wouldn't even cover half of the child care I pay in order to work.
Is that not legitimately using it for the child? No, I must be buying
myself new shoes with it. I survive without the money and he will be the
one who is sorry when he has to explain to our son why he didn't give a
**** about him.

As for you, why did you wait so long? Is your ex financially capable of
paying? If yes, I would certainly go after him, especially if the kids are
going to college.

Most states have CS law that says CS orders for college expenses are an
extension of the CS orders for minor children. They do not allow for a new
CS order to be created after the children are no longer minors.