Lookin' For Women's Input . . .

"The Dave©" wrote in message
...
Bob Whiteside wrote:

But men can contribute too. A bunch of years ago I got divorced and
one of the major contentions in the property settlement was the value
of my ex-wife's jewelry. She claimed it was worth 10 cents on the
dollar melted down for quick sale. I told the judge she was
low-balling it's value and had appraisals to prove it. In mid-80's
dollars the jewelry was worth close to $20,000. Because I bitched
so much about her low-ball appraisals for the jewelry, the judge
awarded me a bunch, and I mean a bunch, of women's jewelry "to make
it fair."

That's cool and I've keep it for future use as I've seem fit, like
giving it to my daughter as a special gift.

Today my ex asked me for the second time to let her wear "our"
jewelry for the next year - a freaking year! My first impression
is to tell her to go f'herself. How do people here think I ought to
respond to her short of telling her to f'herself?

Make her sign a paper staing that she acknowledges that it is YOUR
jewelry, not hers, then have her give you a cash security deposit of
150% of the current appraised value, which she would forfeit in it's
entirety if even one piece were not returned by specific date. After
she pays for the appraisals, of course.

Ok, seriously. I'd politely say "No. I'm saving it for our daughter
and would like to make sure nothing happens to it in the mean time."

One thought that entered my mind is that after you give it to your
daughter, she may guilt-trip your daughter into giving them to her.
She may end up with it all, anyway.

Thanks for all the input. I posted this just for fun. The first request
was an email about a year ago saying that if I really wanted to make her
happy, I'd give her jewelry back. I ignored her email and never responded.
I hoped she got the message it still wasn't my job to make her happy.

The email I got yesterday was for a "favor" to let her wear one particular
piece for a year. I'm thinking of just ignoring this one too. The risk in
saying I plan to give the jewelry to our daughter will be met with a
counter-request to wear it until I want our daughter to have it. (I was
married to this woman long enough to understand how she thinks.)

The Dave's response above is the one that really troubles me the most. If
she is making requests to get her hands on *my* jewelry, and I give it to
our daughter, it is most likely the pressure to get the jewelry back will
just be transferred to my daughter. I haven't figured out how to handle
that yet.

I'd go with number 3.

Kenneth S. wrote:
Bob Whiteside wrote:

But men can contribute too. A bunch of years ago I got divorced and one of
the major contentions in the property settlement was the value of my
ex-wife's jewelry. She claimed it was worth 10 cents on the dollar melted
down for quick sale. I told the judge she was low-balling it's value and
had appraisals to prove it. In mid-80's dollars the jewelry was worth close
to $20,000. Because I bitched so much about her low-ball appraisals for
the jewelry, the judge awarded me a bunch, and I mean a bunch, of women's
jewelry "to make it fair."

That's cool and I've keep it for future use as I've seem fit, like giving it
to my daughter as a special gift.

Today my ex asked me for the second time to let her wear "our" jewelry for
the next year - a freaking year! My first impression is to tell her to go
f'herself. How do people here think I ought to respond to her short of
telling her to f'herself?



I hate to sound like a therapist, but what do YOU want from this
encounter, Bob? If I were in your shoes, I certainly wouldn't let her
have the jewelry, because there's a strong probability that you wouldn't
get it back. So the issue is: what reaction you want to elicit from
your ex when you tell her no?

Possible answers:
(1) No, you can't have it. I wear items from the collection all the
time, and I make up my mind which piece to wear, according to what my
outfit is for the day.
(2) No, you can't have it. I lent it to my current girlfriend.
(3) No, you can't have it. It's mine, all mine, and the judge gave it
to me. I don't remember you giving me back any of the things he gave
YOU.
(4) No, I prefer to keep the jewelry. I have some uses in mind for it
in the future.

In all seriousness, I'd go for (4). Without any further explanation.
Unless, of course, you want to put it beyond the reach of your ex, and
give it to me.

(What a wonderful thing divorce is! During MY divorce, my ex devoted a
significant amount of energy to insisting that a very old car that I had
bought for $200 from the next-door neighbor be valued at $600, because I
had fixed it up by repairing the bodywork and buying a new front seat
from a junkyard.)

I'd go with number 3.

Kenneth S. wrote:
Bob Whiteside wrote:

But men can contribute too. A bunch of years ago I got divorced and one of
the major contentions in the property settlement was the value of my
ex-wife's jewelry. She claimed it was worth 10 cents on the dollar melted
down for quick sale. I told the judge she was low-balling it's value and
had appraisals to prove it. In mid-80's dollars the jewelry was worth close
to $20,000. Because I bitched so much about her low-ball appraisals for
the jewelry, the judge awarded me a bunch, and I mean a bunch, of women's
jewelry "to make it fair."

That's cool and I've keep it for future use as I've seem fit, like giving it
to my daughter as a special gift.

Today my ex asked me for the second time to let her wear "our" jewelry for
the next year - a freaking year! My first impression is to tell her to go
f'herself. How do people here think I ought to respond to her short of
telling her to f'herself?



I hate to sound like a therapist, but what do YOU want from this
encounter, Bob? If I were in your shoes, I certainly wouldn't let her
have the jewelry, because there's a strong probability that you wouldn't
get it back. So the issue is: what reaction you want to elicit from
your ex when you tell her no?

Possible answers:
(1) No, you can't have it. I wear items from the collection all the
time, and I make up my mind which piece to wear, according to what my
outfit is for the day.
(2) No, you can't have it. I lent it to my current girlfriend.
(3) No, you can't have it. It's mine, all mine, and the judge gave it
to me. I don't remember you giving me back any of the things he gave
YOU.
(4) No, I prefer to keep the jewelry. I have some uses in mind for it
in the future.

In all seriousness, I'd go for (4). Without any further explanation.
Unless, of course, you want to put it beyond the reach of your ex, and
give it to me.

(What a wonderful thing divorce is! During MY divorce, my ex devoted a
significant amount of energy to insisting that a very old car that I had
bought for $200 from the next-door neighbor be valued at $600, because I
had fixed it up by repairing the bodywork and buying a new front seat
from a junkyard.)

Bob Whiteside wrote in message
news

"The Dave©" wrote in message
...
Bob Whiteside wrote:

But men can contribute too. A bunch of years ago I got divorced and
one of the major contentions in the property settlement was the value
of my ex-wife's jewelry. She claimed it was worth 10 cents on the
dollar melted down for quick sale. I told the judge she was
low-balling it's value and had appraisals to prove it. In mid-80's
dollars the jewelry was worth close to $20,000. Because I bitched
so much about her low-ball appraisals for the jewelry, the judge
awarded me a bunch, and I mean a bunch, of women's jewelry "to make
it fair."

That's cool and I've keep it for future use as I've seem fit, like
giving it to my daughter as a special gift.

Today my ex asked me for the second time to let her wear "our"
jewelry for the next year - a freaking year! My first impression
is to tell her to go f'herself. How do people here think I ought to
respond to her short of telling her to f'herself?

Make her sign a paper staing that she acknowledges that it is YOUR
jewelry, not hers, then have her give you a cash security deposit of
150% of the current appraised value, which she would forfeit in it's
entirety if even one piece were not returned by specific date. After
she pays for the appraisals, of course.

Ok, seriously. I'd politely say "No. I'm saving it for our daughter
and would like to make sure nothing happens to it in the mean time."

One thought that entered my mind is that after you give it to your
daughter, she may guilt-trip your daughter into giving them to her.
She may end up with it all, anyway.

Thanks for all the input. I posted this just for fun. The first request
was an email about a year ago saying that if I really wanted to make her
happy, I'd give her jewelry back. I ignored her email and never
responded.
I hoped she got the message it still wasn't my job to make her happy.

The email I got yesterday was for a "favor" to let her wear one particular
piece for a year. I'm thinking of just ignoring this one too. The risk
in
saying I plan to give the jewelry to our daughter will be met with a
counter-request to wear it until I want our daughter to have it. (I was
married to this woman long enough to understand how she thinks.)

The Dave's response above is the one that really troubles me the most. If
she is making requests to get her hands on *my* jewelry, and I give it to
our daughter, it is most likely the pressure to get the jewelry back will
just be transferred to my daughter. I haven't figured out how to handle
that yet.




I am sure if you wait until your daughter is old enough, she will not ignore
your request for her to not give it away, even to Mom.

Bob Whiteside wrote in message
news

"The Dave©" wrote in message
...
Bob Whiteside wrote:

But men can contribute too. A bunch of years ago I got divorced and
one of the major contentions in the property settlement was the value
of my ex-wife's jewelry. She claimed it was worth 10 cents on the
dollar melted down for quick sale. I told the judge she was
low-balling it's value and had appraisals to prove it. In mid-80's
dollars the jewelry was worth close to $20,000. Because I bitched
so much about her low-ball appraisals for the jewelry, the judge
awarded me a bunch, and I mean a bunch, of women's jewelry "to make
it fair."

That's cool and I've keep it for future use as I've seem fit, like
giving it to my daughter as a special gift.

Today my ex asked me for the second time to let her wear "our"
jewelry for the next year - a freaking year! My first impression
is to tell her to go f'herself. How do people here think I ought to
respond to her short of telling her to f'herself?

Make her sign a paper staing that she acknowledges that it is YOUR
jewelry, not hers, then have her give you a cash security deposit of
150% of the current appraised value, which she would forfeit in it's
entirety if even one piece were not returned by specific date. After
she pays for the appraisals, of course.

Ok, seriously. I'd politely say "No. I'm saving it for our daughter
and would like to make sure nothing happens to it in the mean time."

One thought that entered my mind is that after you give it to your
daughter, she may guilt-trip your daughter into giving them to her.
She may end up with it all, anyway.

Thanks for all the input. I posted this just for fun. The first request
was an email about a year ago saying that if I really wanted to make her
happy, I'd give her jewelry back. I ignored her email and never
responded.
I hoped she got the message it still wasn't my job to make her happy.

The email I got yesterday was for a "favor" to let her wear one particular
piece for a year. I'm thinking of just ignoring this one too. The risk
in
saying I plan to give the jewelry to our daughter will be met with a
counter-request to wear it until I want our daughter to have it. (I was
married to this woman long enough to understand how she thinks.)

The Dave's response above is the one that really troubles me the most. If
she is making requests to get her hands on *my* jewelry, and I give it to
our daughter, it is most likely the pressure to get the jewelry back will
just be transferred to my daughter. I haven't figured out how to handle
that yet.




I am sure if you wait until your daughter is old enough, she will not ignore
your request for her to not give it away, even to Mom.

Tell her you sold it to afford to pay child support. either that or you
traded it for cheap sex one night in town.

Tell her you sold it to afford to pay child support. either that or you
traded it for cheap sex one night in town.

I forgot to tell Bob that he looks just wonderful in the pendant
ear-rings.


Virginia wrote:

I'd go with number 3.

Kenneth S. wrote:
Bob Whiteside wrote:

But men can contribute too. A bunch of years ago I got divorced and one of
the major contentions in the property settlement was the value of my
ex-wife's jewelry. She claimed it was worth 10 cents on the dollar melted
down for quick sale. I told the judge she was low-balling it's value and
had appraisals to prove it. In mid-80's dollars the jewelry was worth close
to $20,000. Because I bitched so much about her low-ball appraisals for
the jewelry, the judge awarded me a bunch, and I mean a bunch, of women's
jewelry "to make it fair."

That's cool and I've keep it for future use as I've seem fit, like giving it
to my daughter as a special gift.

Today my ex asked me for the second time to let her wear "our" jewelry for
the next year - a freaking year! My first impression is to tell her to go
f'herself. How do people here think I ought to respond to her short of
telling her to f'herself?



I hate to sound like a therapist, but what do YOU want from this
encounter, Bob? If I were in your shoes, I certainly wouldn't let her
have the jewelry, because there's a strong probability that you wouldn't
get it back. So the issue is: what reaction you want to elicit from
your ex when you tell her no?

Possible answers:
(1) No, you can't have it. I wear items from the collection all the
time, and I make up my mind which piece to wear, according to what my
outfit is for the day.
(2) No, you can't have it. I lent it to my current girlfriend.
(3) No, you can't have it. It's mine, all mine, and the judge gave it
to me. I don't remember you giving me back any of the things he gave
YOU.
(4) No, I prefer to keep the jewelry. I have some uses in mind for it
in the future.

In all seriousness, I'd go for (4). Without any further explanation.
Unless, of course, you want to put it beyond the reach of your ex, and
give it to me.

(What a wonderful thing divorce is! During MY divorce, my ex devoted a
significant amount of energy to insisting that a very old car that I had
bought for $200 from the next-door neighbor be valued at $600, because I
had fixed it up by repairing the bodywork and buying a new front seat
from a junkyard.)

I forgot to tell Bob that he looks just wonderful in the pendant
ear-rings.


Virginia wrote:

I'd go with number 3.

Kenneth S. wrote:
Bob Whiteside wrote:

But men can contribute too. A bunch of years ago I got divorced and one of
the major contentions in the property settlement was the value of my
ex-wife's jewelry. She claimed it was worth 10 cents on the dollar melted
down for quick sale. I told the judge she was low-balling it's value and
had appraisals to prove it. In mid-80's dollars the jewelry was worth close
to $20,000. Because I bitched so much about her low-ball appraisals for
the jewelry, the judge awarded me a bunch, and I mean a bunch, of women's
jewelry "to make it fair."

That's cool and I've keep it for future use as I've seem fit, like giving it
to my daughter as a special gift.

Today my ex asked me for the second time to let her wear "our" jewelry for
the next year - a freaking year! My first impression is to tell her to go
f'herself. How do people here think I ought to respond to her short of
telling her to f'herself?



I hate to sound like a therapist, but what do YOU want from this
encounter, Bob? If I were in your shoes, I certainly wouldn't let her
have the jewelry, because there's a strong probability that you wouldn't
get it back. So the issue is: what reaction you want to elicit from
your ex when you tell her no?

Possible answers:
(1) No, you can't have it. I wear items from the collection all the
time, and I make up my mind which piece to wear, according to what my
outfit is for the day.
(2) No, you can't have it. I lent it to my current girlfriend.
(3) No, you can't have it. It's mine, all mine, and the judge gave it
to me. I don't remember you giving me back any of the things he gave
YOU.
(4) No, I prefer to keep the jewelry. I have some uses in mind for it
in the future.

In all seriousness, I'd go for (4). Without any further explanation.
Unless, of course, you want to put it beyond the reach of your ex, and
give it to me.

(What a wonderful thing divorce is! During MY divorce, my ex devoted a
significant amount of energy to insisting that a very old car that I had
bought for $200 from the next-door neighbor be valued at $600, because I
had fixed it up by repairing the bodywork and buying a new front seat
from a junkyard.)

You're welcome, Bob. And you can depend on one thing -- I won't tell
anyone about the rest of your attire (other than the pendant ear-rings),
which I'm afraid makes a really deplorable fashion statement. (I want
you to know also that I know what CMFM shoes are. A lady friend told me
a while back, and I was VERY surprised that she would know about such
things.)

You did the right thing with your ex. Not only does she get along
better now that you've got her off your payroll, but I'll bet you do
too.


Bob Whiteside wrote:

"Kenneth S." wrote in message
...
I forgot to tell Bob that he looks just wonderful in the pendant
ear-rings.

Thanks for the compliment! You ought to see me when I put on my CMFM high
heels, wear a black low cut dress, and go to town with ruby red lips wearing
all my gold, diamonds, and emeralds. I'm a real fashion statement. Except
for the hairy chest and legs, the deep voice, short hair, and the five
o'clock shadow, no one could tell I'm really a man. I'm thinking about
getting my tongue pierced and using one of the diamonds for the stud as a
diversion.

Seriously, I sent her an email earlier today about her request to borrow
"our" jewelry saying simply, "No. I prefer to keep *my* jewelry." She and
I have gotten along a lot better now that I don't owe her any more CS. She
no longer has the state CS system to hide behind and use to harass me so she
is forced to deal with me straight up.