Toilet Training - When to start? What to do?

Others will chime in with more info but you should gauge readiness at least
in part based on his ability to pull his pants down and up independently.


our health visitor said that skill of pulling up pants was usually
acquired about 3 months after pulling and was very surprised to see our
son managing both, I think he must be pretty dexterous as he was
managing dungarees himself within weeks of potty training. On the other
hand, our daughter is potty trained, but is unreliable at both tasks and
I'm having to much more consciously choose easy clothes and mostly she
has enough control to have time to get to me and get them off once she's
realised she can't do it herself.

Cheers
Anne

I am in no rush for toilet training to occur. The last thing I want is
this to become an unpleasant experience.

that seems a bit backwards, you only have to look at the archives for
this group to see that the vast majority of potty training problems are
in older children, obviously if there is no interest at a young age then
you can't change that, but if there is and you resist it, it must be
very discouraging for the child, they want to go in the potty and they
are being made to go in there nappy, then a few months later the parents
turn round and request they go on the potty - it must be very confusing.
Ideally you potty train at an age where the child loves to please it's
parents.

Cheers
Anne

"Beth Kevles" wrote in message
...

Hi --

There are many different ways to successfully toilet train your child.
There are many different ages at which to begin, all of which can be
successful for most children, and all of which can be terrible for some
children. (Even child-led training can be very bad for some children,
believe it or not.)


snip excellent suggestions/advice

Now that I read Beth's excellent thoughts let me add one mo staying dry
through the night often seems to come later than day time dryness. {IIRC DS
was about four months after day time dryness was achieved.] One sign to
watch for is that the diapers are dry in the morning relatively
consistently. While working to achieve night time dryness:

- keep a plastic mattress cover on the bed under the sheets.
- keep a change of linens by the bed for quick change
- toileting the child at YOUR bedtime can be helpful in early stages, if the
child is one who readily falls wakens enough to toilet and then falls back
to sleep easily.
- eliminate obstacles between child and bathroom. doors should be open,
floor obstacles removed, etc.

Now, the funny story about DS and this stage of life....

We lived in a one story split design home with DS' room directly across the
hall from his bathroom, at one end of the house. Our room was at the far
end away from his. Every night for weeks he wakened to the urge, somewhere
around 3 am. Instead of pattering quickly across the hall he paced the full
length of the house, bypassed his sleeping father, who had the side of the
bed near the door, went all the way around the bed to pat me on the arm
without making a noise and wait for me to waken, follow him back to his
bathroom where he then proceeded to take care of things. I waited in the
hall, then escorted him back to bed, pulled the covers back over him and
left, never once uttering a word.

I hope that you and yours don't have memories like that to enjoy into your
senior years. The sleep would have been appreciated in those days!

-Aula

In article , Aula says...


"Beth Kevles" wrote in message
...

Hi --

There are many different ways to successfully toilet train your child.
There are many different ages at which to begin, all of which can be
successful for most children, and all of which can be terrible for some
children. (Even child-led training can be very bad for some children,
believe it or not.)


snip excellent suggestions/advice

Now that I read Beth's excellent thoughts let me add one mo staying dry
through the night often seems to come later than day time dryness. {IIRC DS
was about four months after day time dryness was achieved.] One sign to
watch for is that the diapers are dry in the morning relatively
consistently. While working to achieve night time dryness:

- keep a plastic mattress cover on the bed under the sheets.
- keep a change of linens by the bed for quick change
- toileting the child at YOUR bedtime can be helpful in early stages, if the
child is one who readily falls wakens enough to toilet and then falls back
to sleep easily.
- eliminate obstacles between child and bathroom. doors should be open,
floor obstacles removed, etc.

Now, the funny story about DS and this stage of life....

We lived in a one story split design home with DS' room directly across the
hall from his bathroom, at one end of the house. Our room was at the far
end away from his. Every night for weeks he wakened to the urge, somewhere
around 3 am. Instead of pattering quickly across the hall he paced the full
length of the house, bypassed his sleeping father, who had the side of the
bed near the door, went all the way around the bed to pat me on the arm
without making a noise and wait for me to waken, follow him back to his
bathroom where he then proceeded to take care of things. I waited in the
hall, then escorted him back to bed, pulled the covers back over him and
left, never once uttering a word.

I hope that you and yours don't have memories like that to enjoy into your
senior years. The sleep would have been appreciated in those days!

-Aula


Now everyone!

One..
Two..
Three!

"AWWWWWwwwwwwwwwww...." :-)

Truly.

Cheers,
Banty

Rob wrote:
My son is nearly two. He lets us know sometimes when he needs his nappy
changed.

When and how do we start?

I've found Gina Ford's "Potty Training In One Week" to have what sounds
like a useful plan for making the process as painless as possible.
(That said, I haven't yet completed the plan, so there's a limit to the
point to which I can talk from personal experience!) Basically, the
idea is that you figure out whether your child is ready, put some work
into preparing them, and then work your way through the nappies-to-pants
transition in one intensive blast. (By the way, this is a book that can
be read at a sitting - rather than buy it, you can save yourself some
money just by getting it from the library and reading it through.)

First part: A list of criteria for readiness (such as being able to pull
pants up & down, sit still for 5 - 10 minutes at a time listening to a
story, follow simple instructions). The idea is that unless your child
fulfils all or nearly all of them, it's probably going to be much more
of a struggle and hence not worth trying. (As Anne pointed out, if a
child is actively *wanting* to use the potty I wouldn't be too hung up
on whether they fit every criterion on this list, but I think that in
most cases this list can be useful for figuring out whether it's even
worth trying or whether you're only going to let yourself in for a long
frustrating time.) There are also a couple of ideas of specific things
you can do to prepare - let the child see you using the toilet and point
out the different steps in the process, and make sure they understand
the concepts of 'wet' and 'dry'.

Stage 1 - Start sitting the child on the potty for a few minutes when
you're changing nappies anyway. At this stage the important thing is
just for them to be getting used to sitting on the potty, so don't worry
too much about whether he's doing anything there or not. However,
hopefully you'll catch the occasional wee and it all helps make the link!

Stage 2 - Crunch time - out of nappies. Pick a week when you can devote
yourself to the project, put the child into pants in the daytime, keep
the potty close by for the first few days and keep sitting him on it
every fifteen minutes, show pleasure & enthusiasm when they do get
anything in it, and don't criticise accidents. As they get more used to
it and you get more used to how often they need to go, you can move the
potty to the bathroom and increase the length of time between reminders.
Basically, the advice Beth gave in her post pretty much covers this
stage, though it's worth noting that Gina recommends using underpants at
least from the start, since they then notice it more if they do wet
themselves (and, of course, it means that accidents are limited to at
least some extent!)

We're currently at Stage 1 and planning to move to Stage 2 in a couple
of weeks (ulp). Stage 1 is working really well - there have been quite
a few times now when I've been drying him off after his bath and he's
suddenly said "Oh!", sat down on the potty, and weed in it without me
even asking him. This has happened enough times not to be a
coincidence, and I'm quite sure he does now recognise his body's signals
- when his nappy's off and the potty is right there so that he remembers
to do something about it, he knows how to use the potty. Now, we have
to hope he can translate this knowledge to using it on a regular basis...


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell

My DD is now (just within the last 4 weeks) completely trained! We
used they old "let her run naked" approach. She wasn't all that
interested in the potty itself and would ask for a nappy whenever she
had to go. Eventually, we just threw the nappies away and let her see
that we didn't have any more in the house. We had quite the mess for
about 2 days and then...with a lot of praise and a few m&m's she began
staying dry all day with only a few accidents in the past few weeks.
Interestingly, she now gets upset about wearing night pants and only
wants the undies at night. We have let her have her way on this and
have only had a few accidents. My biggest piece of advice, however,
would be about your first trip out. After several dry days, we
decided to take a drive to the store with DD. She said she had to go
so we ran to the restroom in the store. She refused to use it saying
"my potty" and looking fearful. For the next 2 weeks, we simply put
the potty seat and lots of cleaning up materials in the back of the
SUV and she would use it whenever she had to go. After only 2 weeks
and lots of practice using mom and dad's potty at home, she began
using the big potty everywhere. I wish I had the forethought to think
about this issue before our first messy trip out of the house. Good
luck and remember its only frustrating for such a short amount of
time. I am just barely out of the training mode and already sad to
see my baby is such a big girl!

Sarah Vaughan wrote:
Rob wrote:
My son is nearly two. He lets us know sometimes when he needs his
nappy changed.

When and how do we start?

I've found Gina Ford's "Potty Training In One Week" to have what sounds
like a useful plan for making the process as painless as possible. (That
said, I haven't yet completed the plan, so there's a limit to the point
to which I can talk from personal experience!) Basically, the idea is
that you figure out whether your child is ready, put some work into
preparing them, and then work your way through the nappies-to-pants
transition in one intensive blast. (By the way, this is a book that can
be read at a sitting - rather than buy it, you can save yourself some
money just by getting it from the library and reading it through.)

First part: A list of criteria for readiness (such as being able to pull
pants up & down, sit still for 5 - 10 minutes at a time listening to a
story, follow simple instructions). The idea is that unless your child
fulfils all or nearly all of them, it's probably going to be much more
of a struggle and hence not worth trying. (As Anne pointed out, if a
child is actively *wanting* to use the potty I wouldn't be too hung up
on whether they fit every criterion on this list, but I think that in
most cases this list can be useful for figuring out whether it's even
worth trying or whether you're only going to let yourself in for a long
frustrating time.) There are also a couple of ideas of specific things
you can do to prepare - let the child see you using the toilet and point
out the different steps in the process, and make sure they understand
the concepts of 'wet' and 'dry'.

Stage 1 - Start sitting the child on the potty for a few minutes when
you're changing nappies anyway. At this stage the important thing is
just for them to be getting used to sitting on the potty, so don't worry
too much about whether he's doing anything there or not. However,
hopefully you'll catch the occasional wee and it all helps make the link!

Stage 2 - Crunch time - out of nappies. Pick a week when you can devote
yourself to the project, put the child into pants in the daytime, keep
the potty close by for the first few days and keep sitting him on it
every fifteen minutes, show pleasure & enthusiasm when they do get
anything in it, and don't criticise accidents. As they get more used to
it and you get more used to how often they need to go, you can move the
potty to the bathroom and increase the length of time between reminders.
Basically, the advice Beth gave in her post pretty much covers this
stage, though it's worth noting that Gina recommends using underpants at
least from the start, since they then notice it more if they do wet
themselves (and, of course, it means that accidents are limited to at
least some extent!)

We're currently at Stage 1 and planning to move to Stage 2 in a couple
of weeks (ulp). Stage 1 is working really well - there have been quite
a few times now when I've been drying him off after his bath and he's
suddenly said "Oh!", sat down on the potty, and weed in it without me
even asking him. This has happened enough times not to be a
coincidence, and I'm quite sure he does now recognise his body's signals
- when his nappy's off and the potty is right there so that he remembers
to do something about it, he knows how to use the potty. Now, we have
to hope he can translate this knowledge to using it on a regular basis...


All the best,

Sarah

First part: A list of criteria for readiness (such as being able to pull
pants up & down, sit still for 5 - 10 minutes at a time listening to a
story, follow simple instructions). The idea is that unless your child
fulfils all or nearly all of them, it's probably going to be much more
of a struggle and hence not worth trying. (As Anne pointed out, if a
child is actively *wanting* to use the potty I wouldn't be too hung up
on whether they fit every criterion on this list, but I think that in
most cases this list can be useful for figuring out whether it's even
worth trying or whether you're only going to let yourself in for a long
frustrating time.)

I'll freely admit, we've been exceedingly lucky in the way our children
have trained themselves, but the interesting thing is they did it with
no preparation, or any signs of readiness. With DS (our first), as I was
expecting #2 around his 2nd birthday, I bought a potty about a month
before, but didn't make a fuss about it, just plonked it in the easiest
space available, which happened to be under the sink in the downstairs
toilet. 3 months later, DS announces he's going to use the potty, of the
readiness skills, the only one he had was pulling down pants. DD was
more willing to sit down, but less skilled at the pulling down pants and
having a big brother there has always been a potty in the house and much
more opportunity to see what to do, she's pretty slow on her speech, so
at first she wasn't able to tell me she wanted to go, but she signalled
by yanking on her pants. Dr Sears suggests that girls are less prone to
forgetting due to distraction than boys and so far this has appeared to
be true.

I posted about our false start when she went voluntarily one morning,
but honestly, there was not a single "sign", that she suddenly acquired
in the following 2 weeks, if I'd been looking too hard at signs, after
the first failure, I'd never have let her have another try if I'd have
been too fussed about readiness signs, I guess whilst it was still the
summer holidays, if she was prepared to have a go then I was too,
knowing how awkward it would be once September came thankfully her 2nd
attempt worked, but 6 weeks later there are still no more signs of
readiness.

Anne

On Sep 8, 10:52 am, (Beth Kevles) wrote:
Hi --

There are many different ways to successfully toilet train your child.
There are many different ages at which to begin, all of which can be
successful for most children, and all of which can be terrible for some
children. (Even child-led training can be very bad for some children,
believe it or not.)

If you'd like to try training at the age of two, you can do what we did
successfully with our boys:

1. Plan for 5 days of mess. (It may not take that long.)
2. During those 5 days, dress your child in a t-shirt ONLY, nothing on
underneath. Have a potty available at all times.
3. Give your child plenty to drink. When he wets the floor (which he
probably will do for a couple of days while he figures out his own body
signals) be matter of fact and clean it up, and also let him try to get
some of it in the potty seat. (The same goes for poops.)
4. Reward him with hugs, and possibly M&Ms, each time he sits at the
potty seat (successful or not), and for getting anything at all into the
seat. You'll be able to completely dispense with the candy within just
a few weeks.
Within 3-5 days your child should have figured out his body signals and
be able to go in the toilet most of the time. Once that happens, go to
underpants at all times when your child is awake. (Sleep training is
different; it may happen now, or may take several more years. Don't
worry about it.)

Some other things to consider:

1. The ability to recognize a need to go and then use the toilet is
very different from the ability to go to a toilet and put something
in when you don't already have urgency. This is why kids go to the
bathroom before they leave the house, can't go, and 15 minutes later
are begging for a rest stop.
2. Some kids will happily use the toilet at home but refuse outside of
the home. Just wait it out.
3. During training, kids often can't wait more than 30 seconds between
recognizing urgency and going. Keep your child in pants that are
easy to pull down for at least a few weeks. No belts, zippers, etc.
4. If your child gets upset at any part of the training process, back
off cheerfully and try again later. If YOU get upset, back off and
try again later.
5. Boys like to pee together. Gather several around a toilet to
urinate at the same time and, although their aim may need improving,
every one of them will save their pee for the community event in the
bathroom. (This doesn't work with girls, alas.)
6. Some kids will pee train but refuse to poop train. Other kids will
do the reverse (but it's rarer). Take what you get and the other
will come eventually.
7. Pullups are a waste of money. They have occasional uses (ie when
taking a child someplace where you can't get up to toilet right
away, such as a lengthy drive or an airplane flight) but they are
NOT part of the toilet TRAINING process.
8. Some kids train all at once. For most kids it's more gradual, and
some accidents will happen. You have to teach everything, and some
boys NEVER learn to aim consistently. (It helps if the boys in your
house are responsible for cleaning the bathroom when they get just a
little bit older.)

There seem to be several "windows" where toilet training works well.
Elimination timing works in infancy up to about 10 months of age. My
method (call it the bare-bottom method if you like) works from about age
2 1/4 to about age 2 3/4. After that you start running into control
issues and are better off with child-led training, which can happen from
about age 3 to 4 1/2. Of course, your mileage may vary.

I hope these thoughts help,
--Beth Kevles

http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html-- a page for the milk-allergic
Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical
advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner.

NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would
like me to reply.

Thank you very much for the tips. I will try starting next weekend.
Thank you.

I remember when my wife and I first breeched the subject of potty
training our two year old son. We both had this deer in the
headlights look initially, because of all the horror stories we heard
from our friends and family but we still decided to move forward
because we also knew many people who were putting it off simply
because they were afraid to take it on.

There are a couple of things that I can share from our experience,
which I actually started a blog about at http://potty-training-made-easy.blogspot.com,
but in a nutshell the first thing you need to understand is that the
process will require patience. There will be resistance at first, and
you cannot get angry or show frustration with your child as it is a
learning experience for him as much as it is for you. You want to be
encouraging and supportive of your child throughout the entire
experience, even when there are accidents.

Some other things we did were offer rewards for when he went, which
were stickers that he would put in a little notepad each time he went
to the potty. One other thing we did, was went to the potty
together :-) We had both a seat to go over the toilet as well as a
mini potty for our son and he seemed to enjoy it and have fun with it
much more when we would sit with him.

And always remember to wash his and your hands!

Of course there are a ton of different things you can try and some
things work for some children and not for others as each situation is
unique. My best advice is again to remain supportive and encouraging
throughout the process.

Best of Luck!

Paul