when do we get to the "mine" stage?

[toypup]

I've been told in this ng that it is inevitable, so I've been bracing for
it. DS (2yo) is so good with sharing, I'd hate for it to end. We went to a
family event just this past week and it was wonderful to see him share a
ride-on horse with his 2yo friend. One would get on for a few minutes, then
get off. The other would get on, then get off. They patiently waited for
each other to take their turn without any adult intervention whatsoever.
Honestly, I don't know where he learned it. The other child was very good
herself and she did have a 1yo sister, so having a younger sister does not
seem to automatically cause the "mine" mentality, either. He does say
"mine" when someone rudely tries to grab toys out of his hands (and I think
that is a rightful response), but he's fine with polite children.

[toto]

On Wed, 16 Jul 2003 15:50:23 GMT, "toypup" > wrote:

>I've been told in this ng that it is inevitable,

I don't think it is inevitable, just typical.

>so I've been bracing for it. DS (2yo) is so good with sharing,
>I'd hate for it to end. We went to a family event just this past
>week and it was wonderful to see him share a ride-on horse
>with his 2yo friend. One would get on for a few minutes, then
>get off. The other would get on, then get off. They patiently
>waited for each other to take their turn without any adult
>intervention whatsoever.

FWIW, my son never quite got why other kids didn't want to
take turns. The games where you run away with a ball and then
give it back and the other kid gets chased were his favorite
games when he was a toddler and preschooler.

>Honestly, I don't know where he learned it. The other child was
>very good herself and she did have a 1yo sister, so having a
>younger sister does not seem to automatically cause the "mine"
>mentality, either. He does say "mine" when someone rudely tries
>to grab toys out of his hands (and I think that is a rightful response),
>but he's fine with polite children.
>
Still, the fact is that having a younger sibling often does create
issues because the baby is often getting into the older child's
toys. My son certainly didn't like it when his sister knocked over
his block towers or grabbed his cars as 1 year olds often do and
put them in her mouth. The thing is though that he understood
even then that she was too young to understand and he tried to
*teach* her how to play the games he liked to play. But, he did
sometimes push her away and knock her over when she was not
walking well.

As for where children learn, I think that parents who play give and
take games help children learn and older siblings or older children
from the neighborhood sometimes help too. And if you encourage
the sharing and comment when he does it, and are obviously
proud of his ability, he probably picks up on that as well.



--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..
Outer Limits

[newfy]

"toypup" > wrote in message
news:3veRa.78591$N7.8270@sccrnsc03...
> I've been told in this ng that it is inevitable, so I've been bracing for
> it. DS (2yo) is so good with sharing, I'd hate for it to end. We went to
a
> family event just this past week and it was wonderful to see him share a
> ride-on horse with his 2yo friend. One would get on for a few minutes,
then
> get off. The other would get on, then get off. They patiently waited for
> each other to take their turn without any adult intervention whatsoever.
> Honestly, I don't know where he learned it. The other child was very good
> herself and she did have a 1yo sister, so having a younger sister does not
> seem to automatically cause the "mine" mentality, either. He does say
> "mine" when someone rudely tries to grab toys out of his hands (and I
think
> that is a rightful response), but he's fine with polite children.

Well, ds is 2y9m and *just* started this stage. He played very nicely like
your ds until very recently. In fact, people used to comment on how well he
did share and got along with others. He's just hit a possessive/territorial
stage and I'm just helping him along.

It may not happen, but don't be surprised if it does.

JennP.

[Me]

My son is almost 5 and never did the mine thing. He was always a patient
kid (still is) and realized it was more fun to take turns and get along. I
always thought the other kids were a pain with the "mine" thing and grabbing
someone else's stuff. However, I later saw there were more grabber then
there were sharers.

toypup > wrote in message
news:3veRa.78591$N7.8270@sccrnsc03...
> I've been told in this ng that it is inevitable, so I've been bracing for
> it. DS (2yo) is so good with sharing, I'd hate for it to end. We went to
a
> family event just this past week and it was wonderful to see him share a
> ride-on horse with his 2yo friend. One would get on for a few minutes,
then
> get off. The other would get on, then get off. They patiently waited for
> each other to take their turn without any adult intervention whatsoever.
> Honestly, I don't know where he learned it. The other child was very good
> herself and she did have a 1yo sister, so having a younger sister does not
> seem to automatically cause the "mine" mentality, either. He does say
> "mine" when someone rudely tries to grab toys out of his hands (and I
think
> that is a rightful response), but he's fine with polite children.
>
>

[Tina]

"toypup" > wrote in message news:<3veRa.78591$N7.8270@sccrnsc03>...
> I've been told in this ng that it is inevitable, so I've been bracing for
> it. DS (2yo) is so good with sharing, I'd hate for it to end. We went to a
> family event just this past week and it was wonderful to see him share a
> ride-on horse with his 2yo friend. One would get on for a few minutes, then
> get off. The other would get on, then get off. They patiently waited for
> each other to take their turn without any adult intervention whatsoever.
> Honestly, I don't know where he learned it. The other child was very good
> herself and she did have a 1yo sister, so having a younger sister does not
> seem to automatically cause the "mine" mentality, either. He does say
> "mine" when someone rudely tries to grab toys out of his hands (and I think
> that is a rightful response), but he's fine with polite children.

My older daughter is now four and has only recently started to dislike
sharing, and to say 'mine' -- and it's nearly always in response to
her little sister. She said today "Being a big sister is very hard!"

She actually got in trouble this afternoon (had to come inside) for
refusing to share the tree swing in our yard.

Our 2 year old is still wonderful with sharing, and why not -- she's
only ever known sharing! They both share beautifully when they're
with other people or in public. There are only problems at home with
their specific stuff.

Tina.

[Ruth Shear]

G'day

DS learned the word "mine" one week before we flew back to the US (he
was 19 months). He had been using the words "please" and "help" for over
a month by then, and I was very happy with these two words.

All this changed during a very long (14 hour) very full (no spare seats)
flight from Aus to US where DS decided to escalate the words please,
help and mine when they were not immediately responded to in a way that
pleased him. They were yelled, screamed, and shrieked. Not only did the
entire planeload of passengers want my son off the plane, so did I. Just
a little bit. <shudder> bad memories. back to the topic at hand.

Although DS knows what "mine" means, he doesn't use it (usually) in a
way that means he won't share. At first he used it to simply claim
ownership of things that *were* his. Like mummy's shirt, daddy's shirt
and "mine" (which has since changed to "dosh's shirt" which we think is
very cute). The one time I've heard him use it in a way meaning that he
won't share was the time at daycare when another child came and sat in
my lap. DS dropped what he was doing, rushed over and sat in my lap too,
saying "mine".

In the last couple of weeks, DS is now saying "mine" to mean "don't do
whatever it is you are doing to me", sort of a "leave me alone" or "Me
do it" type of statement.

DrRuth
Mum to Joshua Eamon (Nov 15th, 2001)
<http://uts.cc.utexas.edu/~drruth/joshua/>

[Irene]

"toypup" > wrote in message news:<3veRa.78591$N7.8270@sccrnsc03>...
> I've been told in this ng that it is inevitable, so I've been bracing for
> it. DS (2yo) is so good with sharing, I'd hate for it to end. We went to a
> family event just this past week and it was wonderful to see him share a
> ride-on horse with his 2yo friend. One would get on for a few minutes, then
> get off. The other would get on, then get off. They patiently waited for
> each other to take their turn without any adult intervention whatsoever.
> Honestly, I don't know where he learned it. The other child was very good
> herself and she did have a 1yo sister, so having a younger sister does not
> seem to automatically cause the "mine" mentality, either. He does say
> "mine" when someone rudely tries to grab toys out of his hands (and I think
> that is a rightful response), but he's fine with polite children.

Well, I guess ds is more typical (???) in that he got to the "mine"
stage much earlier. IIRC, he learned the word around 14 months, and
we've had some experiences while visiting other people and he would
grab toys and say "mine!" and not want to give them back. That was
worst around 18-20 months, IIRC, and he has gotten a lot better since
then. (He just turned 2). He is pretty good about taking turns,
however, though it sometimes needs some help from grownups. He also
has the concept of "trading" where if he wants to play with someone's
toy, he'll offer something else to the child! Sometimes that works
better than other times...

Irene
mom to Thomas 7/01