nimue
February 28th 05, 10:15 PM
toto wrote:
> On Sat, 26 Feb 2005 22:04:22 -0800, John >
> wrote:
>
>> Once in SeaWorld of Florida I was walking and to my distance saw a
>> mother going histerical at her little girl. She was screaming at
>> her, spanking her, and jerking her violently. This poor little girl
>> was getting beat in front of others, and nobody stopped or said
>> anything. But after observing this horrible scene for a few minutes
>> and seeing nobody stop I took action. So I walked within a few feet
>> of the mother and stood there staring. The mother saw me and jerked
>> her child away I guess to be beat somewhere else. So the child was
>> taken near a bathroom, and spanked, and jerked around a bit. I was
>> not sure what the child did wrong, but was shocked that nobody ever
>> stopped or said anything to this mean mother.
>>
>> Did I handled the situation coreectly? I thought that I should have
>> verbally confronted the mother instead of nonverbally.
>>
> In a situation like this, it may be the child who suffers when mom
> gets her home, so I would not *confront* the mom either verbally
> or non-verbally as a rule.
>
> I would suggest taking a gentler approach.
>
> You could say something like *You seem really angry and upset.
> Is there anything I can do to help? Can I take your packages
> to your car for you and walk with you?*
>
> This gives mom a chance to calm down. If she accepts you
> can also talk to the child, letting her know you see her.
> Again, say something calming not confrontational. Don't
> blame the mom or the child for the situation. *You must have
> been really angry. It looked like your mom was really upset
> with you. I am sure you can work with her now.*
This happened to me once in Macy's. A mom was really losing it, swatting at
her kids and yelling at them and I said to her, "Oh, wow -- it looks like
you are having the hardest day. Can I help you?" She turned to me and
launched into a long litany of complaints about how her kids were being and
I murmured sympathetically and said, "I know how it is. It's hard. Believe
me, I know, because I am a teacher." She ranted a little more and when I
sensed she was running out of steam I said, "Yeah, they can be a CHALLENGE.
They sure can. But you know what? I love my job. Sometimes they can be so
great. Oh, I can get mad and forget that -- hey! -- they are just kids.
They don't always know the right thing to do -- they haven't lived as long
as we have. And then, you know, I look at it a little differently, because
as trying as they can be, that is how wonderful they can be. God, those
kids just make my day sometimes." It went something like that -- it's
been a while. Basically, I let her vent and I validated everything she
said. Then I talked about how I felt the same way, but whenever I
remembered that kids are just kids, I could remember how wonderful they are,
too. I sort of modeled the thought process I wanted her to follow using
myself. BTW -- I NEVER lose it with kids like that, but whatever. I
pretended I did. Anyway, at the end of our conversation, she was hugging
and kissing her kids. This woman proably wasn't a hideously abusive mother;
she just didn't know any other way to think or behave and she was worn to a
frazzle. Ithelped -- in that situation. I think the woman needed a lot
more help, but I felt like I did make a bad situation better. Oh -- btw --
I teach high school, not elementary school, but she didn't know that.
--
nimue
"If I had created reality television I would have had a much greater
influence, but then I would have had to KILL MYSELF." Joss Whedon
"There are two types of women -- those who like chocolate and complete
bitches." Dawn French
> On Sat, 26 Feb 2005 22:04:22 -0800, John >
> wrote:
>
>> Once in SeaWorld of Florida I was walking and to my distance saw a
>> mother going histerical at her little girl. She was screaming at
>> her, spanking her, and jerking her violently. This poor little girl
>> was getting beat in front of others, and nobody stopped or said
>> anything. But after observing this horrible scene for a few minutes
>> and seeing nobody stop I took action. So I walked within a few feet
>> of the mother and stood there staring. The mother saw me and jerked
>> her child away I guess to be beat somewhere else. So the child was
>> taken near a bathroom, and spanked, and jerked around a bit. I was
>> not sure what the child did wrong, but was shocked that nobody ever
>> stopped or said anything to this mean mother.
>>
>> Did I handled the situation coreectly? I thought that I should have
>> verbally confronted the mother instead of nonverbally.
>>
> In a situation like this, it may be the child who suffers when mom
> gets her home, so I would not *confront* the mom either verbally
> or non-verbally as a rule.
>
> I would suggest taking a gentler approach.
>
> You could say something like *You seem really angry and upset.
> Is there anything I can do to help? Can I take your packages
> to your car for you and walk with you?*
>
> This gives mom a chance to calm down. If she accepts you
> can also talk to the child, letting her know you see her.
> Again, say something calming not confrontational. Don't
> blame the mom or the child for the situation. *You must have
> been really angry. It looked like your mom was really upset
> with you. I am sure you can work with her now.*
This happened to me once in Macy's. A mom was really losing it, swatting at
her kids and yelling at them and I said to her, "Oh, wow -- it looks like
you are having the hardest day. Can I help you?" She turned to me and
launched into a long litany of complaints about how her kids were being and
I murmured sympathetically and said, "I know how it is. It's hard. Believe
me, I know, because I am a teacher." She ranted a little more and when I
sensed she was running out of steam I said, "Yeah, they can be a CHALLENGE.
They sure can. But you know what? I love my job. Sometimes they can be so
great. Oh, I can get mad and forget that -- hey! -- they are just kids.
They don't always know the right thing to do -- they haven't lived as long
as we have. And then, you know, I look at it a little differently, because
as trying as they can be, that is how wonderful they can be. God, those
kids just make my day sometimes." It went something like that -- it's
been a while. Basically, I let her vent and I validated everything she
said. Then I talked about how I felt the same way, but whenever I
remembered that kids are just kids, I could remember how wonderful they are,
too. I sort of modeled the thought process I wanted her to follow using
myself. BTW -- I NEVER lose it with kids like that, but whatever. I
pretended I did. Anyway, at the end of our conversation, she was hugging
and kissing her kids. This woman proably wasn't a hideously abusive mother;
she just didn't know any other way to think or behave and she was worn to a
frazzle. Ithelped -- in that situation. I think the woman needed a lot
more help, but I felt like I did make a bad situation better. Oh -- btw --
I teach high school, not elementary school, but she didn't know that.
--
nimue
"If I had created reality television I would have had a much greater
influence, but then I would have had to KILL MYSELF." Joss Whedon
"There are two types of women -- those who like chocolate and complete
bitches." Dawn French