New odd behavior

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I guess there are a couple things I should go into first. My daughter
is about 2 yrs old and her mother has rarely been a part of her life.
Her mom will see her maybe every other weekend.

Now on my side I have been exclusively seeing someone now for about 8
months now and on top of that I also changed my daughter's daycare.

If I take my daughter to daycare, she does not cry or "act up" when I
leave but if my significant other takes her to daycare, my daughter has
a fit and screams. I am not sure why this is happening. Any clues?

The other thing that seems to be happening is only between my daughter
and my significant other is the my daughter is very attached to her. I
just got off the phone and my daughter was screaming in the back ground
because she was not being held but as soon as she was picked up she was
ok. This same thing happens when my significant other leaves the
room...my daughter runs after her crying or wimpering at the least.
Now If I leave the room, my daughter follows me and is curious as to
where I am going but she does not panic like in the other case.

Can anyone help shed some light on this subject? Is there anything
I/we can do? She also seems to be throwing more tantrums now as well.
Is there any advice on this subject too?

My daughter has never acted out in this way in the past and she has
always been a very sweet child (pretty easy going actually) but lately
lets just say it has been stress full. And I also think that she has
been testing us a lot. For example the other night we were cooking
dinner and we walked out of the kitchen for a moment to get a few
things out of the living room. Within minutes my daughter runs right
up to the over door and touches it (which is a big no no). We scold
her and tell her no yet again. Why would she do this? A test? I
personally think so.

Any advice would be appreciated....

[Nan]

On 15 Mar 2005 13:41:33 -0800, "
> scribbled:

>I guess there are a couple things I should go into first. My daughter
>is about 2 yrs old and her mother has rarely been a part of her life.
>Her mom will see her maybe every other weekend.
>
>Now on my side I have been exclusively seeing someone now for about 8
>months now and on top of that I also changed my daughter's daycare.
>
>If I take my daughter to daycare, she does not cry or "act up" when I
>leave but if my significant other takes her to daycare, my daughter has
>a fit and screams. I am not sure why this is happening. Any clues?
>
>The other thing that seems to be happening is only between my daughter
>and my significant other is the my daughter is very attached to her. I
>just got off the phone and my daughter was screaming in the back ground
>because she was not being held but as soon as she was picked up she was
>ok. This same thing happens when my significant other leaves the
>room...my daughter runs after her crying or wimpering at the least.
>Now If I leave the room, my daughter follows me and is curious as to
>where I am going but she does not panic like in the other case.
>
>Can anyone help shed some light on this subject? Is there anything
>I/we can do? She also seems to be throwing more tantrums now as well.
>Is there any advice on this subject too?
>
>My daughter has never acted out in this way in the past and she has
>always been a very sweet child (pretty easy going actually) but lately
>lets just say it has been stress full. And I also think that she has
>been testing us a lot. For example the other night we were cooking
>dinner and we walked out of the kitchen for a moment to get a few
>things out of the living room. Within minutes my daughter runs right
>up to the over door and touches it (which is a big no no). We scold
>her and tell her no yet again. Why would she do this? A test? I
>personally think so.
>
>Any advice would be appreciated....

It's not at all uncommon for a child to behave differently for each
parent. I know your SO isn't her mother, but she's in that role in
your daughter's eyes, and she's acting accordingly.

2 is a pretty common age for kids to test their boundaries and limits,
as well. She touches the oven door in spite of being told previously
it's a no-no, and you reassure her that that particular boundary is
still in effect.

Nan

[jojo]

> wrote in message
oups.com...
> I guess there are a couple things I should go into first. My daughter
> is about 2 yrs old and her mother has rarely been a part of her life.
> Her mom will see her maybe every other weekend.
>
> Now on my side I have been exclusively seeing someone now for about 8
> months now and on top of that I also changed my daughter's daycare.
>
> If I take my daughter to daycare, she does not cry or "act up" when I
> leave but if my significant other takes her to daycare, my daughter has
> a fit and screams. I am not sure why this is happening. Any clues?
>
> The other thing that seems to be happening is only between my daughter
> and my significant other is the my daughter is very attached to her. I
> just got off the phone and my daughter was screaming in the back ground
> because she was not being held but as soon as she was picked up she was
> ok. This same thing happens when my significant other leaves the
> room...my daughter runs after her crying or wimpering at the least.
> Now If I leave the room, my daughter follows me and is curious as to
> where I am going but she does not panic like in the other case.
>
> Can anyone help shed some light on this subject? Is there anything
> I/we can do? She also seems to be throwing more tantrums now as well.
> Is there any advice on this subject too?
>
> My daughter has never acted out in this way in the past and she has
> always been a very sweet child (pretty easy going actually) but lately
> lets just say it has been stress full. And I also think that she has
> been testing us a lot. For example the other night we were cooking
> dinner and we walked out of the kitchen for a moment to get a few
> things out of the living room. Within minutes my daughter runs right
> up to the over door and touches it (which is a big no no). We scold
> her and tell her no yet again. Why would she do this? A test? I
> personally think so.
>
> Any advice would be appreciated....
>

Have you ever seen a child react differently to parents than grandparents?
Same thing kinda. A child knows what they can get away with from whom....and
will continuously
test those boundaries.
jojo

[Melania]

wrote:
> I guess there are a couple things I should go into first. My
daughter
> is about 2 yrs old and her mother has rarely been a part of her life.
> Her mom will see her maybe every other weekend.
>
> Now on my side I have been exclusively seeing someone now for about 8
> months now and on top of that I also changed my daughter's daycare.
>
> If I take my daughter to daycare, she does not cry or "act up" when I
> leave but if my significant other takes her to daycare, my daughter
has
> a fit and screams. I am not sure why this is happening. Any clues?
>
> The other thing that seems to be happening is only between my
daughter
> and my significant other is the my daughter is very attached to her.
I
> just got off the phone and my daughter was screaming in the back
ground
> because she was not being held but as soon as she was picked up she
was
> ok. This same thing happens when my significant other leaves the
> room...my daughter runs after her crying or wimpering at the least.
> Now If I leave the room, my daughter follows me and is curious as to
> where I am going but she does not panic like in the other case.
>
> Can anyone help shed some light on this subject? Is there anything
> I/we can do? She also seems to be throwing more tantrums now as
well.
> Is there any advice on this subject too?
>
> My daughter has never acted out in this way in the past and she has
> always been a very sweet child (pretty easy going actually) but
lately
> lets just say it has been stress full. And I also think that she has
> been testing us a lot. For example the other night we were cooking
> dinner and we walked out of the kitchen for a moment to get a few
> things out of the living room. Within minutes my daughter runs right
> up to the over door and touches it (which is a big no no). We scold
> her and tell her no yet again. Why would she do this? A test? I
> personally think so.
>
> Any advice would be appreciated....

It sounds to me like your dd really loves your SO, and is treating her
the way a normal 2yo treats mommy!

As for the boundaries, you just have to be firm. Don't lose it on her
(it doesn't sound like you are) and don't assume that she's doing it
"to be bad." She's doing it, as someone else said, to test the
boundaries and make sure they're still there. We go through this all
the time with ds, 26 mo. Once he stops pushing on one issue (he now
holds hands to cross the street without incident, and goes in his
stroller without complaining), he finds a new one to test (resisting
bath time, even though he loves the bath once he's in it, generally
saying no just to say no, even to things he actually wants).

It comes in waves, too. Ds was driving me crazy in January, and by
mid-February we'd resolved most of our issues. Just in the past week
we've sprouted a bunch more! And I'm sure it will be even more
interesting once the baby's born.

Based on what you've said, I think you're doing things the right way!

Melania
Mom to Joffre (Jan 11, 2003)
and #2 (edd May 21, 2005)

[hobbes]

> wrote in message
oups.com...

>
> If I take my daughter to daycare, she does not cry or "act up" when I
> leave but if my significant other takes her to daycare, my daughter has
> a fit and screams. I am not sure why this is happening. Any clues?

I agree with the others that your DD is acting like a normal 2 year old (as
if any of them are normal), and is treating your SO as her mother. At DS's
preschool, there is a child who throws an absolute fit when her father drops
her off, but when her mom brings her in, she has no trouble at all. I would
advise your SO to be very matter-of-fact when dropping her off, and make it
as short and sweet as possible. I had trouble when I first took DS to
preschool, partly because I wasn't sure he was ready. I think he picked up
on that and really milked the situation for all it was worth. Finally, I
gave him a speech on the way, saying that I was going to take him in, help
him find a puzzle and go, because school is for kids and teachers, not for
mommies. Told him I loved him and I would miss him, but that I was proud of
him and I'd be there to pick him up soon. Then I followed through, and there
were no more screaming fits.

> The other thing that seems to be happening is only between my daughter
> and my significant other is the my daughter is very attached to her. I
> just got off the phone and my daughter was screaming in the back ground
> because she was not being held but as soon as she was picked up she was
> ok. This same thing happens when my significant other leaves the
> room...my daughter runs after her crying or wimpering at the least.
> Now If I leave the room, my daughter follows me and is curious as to
> where I am going but she does not panic like in the other case.

DD acts like this with DH and I. Doesn't mean she loves one of you more or
less. Not much you can do except put up with it. If I were your SO, I would
make sure to not always give in by going where your DD wants you to go, or
by picking her up. Again, be matter-of-fact, do what needs to be done, then
give her some attention.

> Can anyone help shed some light on this subject? Is there anything
> I/we can do? She also seems to be throwing more tantrums now as well.
> Is there any advice on this subject too?

Two year olds throw tantrums. It's in the job description. Don't give in to
them, and they usually end fairly quickly. Sometimes I'll say to DD that
I'll talk to her when she's ready to stop crying, and sometimes I sit close
by, just to offer moral support. But I don't give in to what she's
demanding, and I don't coddle her when it's going on.

> My daughter has never acted out in this way in the past and she has
> always been a very sweet child (pretty easy going actually) but lately
> lets just say it has been stress full. And I also think that she has
> been testing us a lot. For example the other night we were cooking
> dinner and we walked out of the kitchen for a moment to get a few
> things out of the living room. Within minutes my daughter runs right
> up to the over door and touches it (which is a big no no). We scold
> her and tell her no yet again. Why would she do this? A test? I
> personally think so.

Yup. Testing boundaries. Making sure you're on your toes. Again, enforce the
boundaries without getting upset. It will be reassuring to her that the
rules still exist. And then she'll try you on something else.

Hang in there.

--
Jodi
SAHM to Oliver (4 years)
and Arwen (23 months)

[Catherine Woodgold]

Sounds like normal 2-year-old behaviour to me.

I think it's fine to pick up a child who is
crying; if you want her to cry less,
it's a good strategy to make a point of
also frequently picking her up when
she is not crying.

Following parents around and getting anxious
when they are not in sight is instinctive
behaviour that saved our ancestors from being
eaten up by predators at a young age.
--
Cathy
A *much* better world is possible.