potty training - transitioning to underpants?

[Cathy Weeks]

Kivi seems ready to potty train. She's 3 years and 3 months old, and is
pretty much training herself, as long as she's naked from the waist
down. We have two potties, one in the upstairs bathroom, and one in
our downstairs family room, and if she's naked, she just trots over to
the nearest potty and uses it, for both pee and poop, with no
provocation at all. We don't even have to remind her. She just takes
care of it. We help with wiping when she poops.

Hard to imagine that she's the same kid who 6 months ago would scream
if we even *suggested* she use the potty (we dropped the subject so it
wouldn't be a power struggle).

Here's the problem. If she's wearing anything at all on her lower half:
diaper, training pants, regular underpants, clothing, she'll pee or
poop in her pants. And she doesn't want to take time to take her
clothes off to go on the potty. So when we were out yesterday, it took
some convincing to get her to use the potty periodically, and not pee
in her training pants. She just didn't want to use the potties
elsewhere. It seems more like it's a hassle to disrobe and all of that,
and stop what she's doing. But even when *I* had to go, and she had to
be in the bathroom anyway, she still didn't want to. Once it helped if
she got to choose her stall and toilet, and once I bribed her (it had
been a long time), though I'm trying to avoid doing that.

So how do we get her to quit peeing in her pants? We've only been
doing this an a serious basis for a few days, and an occasional basis
for a couple of months. What's the plan for getting her to stop and go
pee if she's wearing even underpants?

Cathy Weeks
Mommy to Kivi Alexis 12/01

[Jeff]

"Cathy Weeks" > wrote in message
ups.com...

(...)

> Here's the problem. If she's wearing anything at all on her lower half:
> diaper, training pants, regular underpants, clothing, she'll pee or
> poop in her pants. And she doesn't want to take time to take her
> clothes off to go on the potty. So when we were out yesterday, it took
> some convincing to get her to use the potty periodically, and not pee
> in her training pants. She just didn't want to use the potties
> elsewhere. It seems more like it's a hassle to disrobe and all of that,
> and stop what she's doing. But even when *I* had to go, and she had to
> be in the bathroom anyway, she still didn't want to. Once it helped if
> she got to choose her stall and toilet, and once I bribed her (it had
> been a long time), though I'm trying to avoid doing that.

Try having her wear easy to remove pants, like sweat pants without
underwear, so she can just slip them down when she needs to go. And give her
praise whenever she does it.

> So how do we get her to quit peeing in her pants? We've only been
> doing this an a serious basis for a few days, and an occasional basis
> for a couple of months. What's the plan for getting her to stop and go
> pee if she's wearing even underpants?

It is much better that she keeps peeing and pooping, and doesn't try to hold
it in. Now that it is getting warm out, you can keep her outside or in her
underpants or something that is easy to take off. When she goes in her
pants, make a funny face and say, here, change and give her new clothes.

I've got a feeling she will catch on in due time.

At times it is not easy for you to do this, just let her wear diapers. Tell
her that it is ok. When she learns to get her pants down so she go use the
potty, she won't need to wear diapers any more. Don't worry. Her young
friends will say something like "You still wear diapers like a baby?" She'll
get the hint.

It is much more important that he toileting experience is positive and that
she doesn't start to withhold. So I wouldn't worry too much.

In no time at all, the toilet training will be but a memory. Just make sure
it isn't an unpleasant one. Remember, it is her pee and poop. She will put
it where she wants to. And both of you lose any power struggles.

Jeff

> Cathy Weeks
> Mommy to Kivi Alexis 12/01
>

[Catherine Woodgold]

I think she's doing just fine. I hope you'll be understanding
and give her lots of time to transition gradually.

Why not just put a diaper on her when you have to go out,
for now?

How about having her occasionally wear a skirt
(and nothing else) around the house? Or a long
shirt. You can tell her that it's easy to get
out of the way when sitting on the potty. It's
to practice getting in the habit of getting
clothes out of the way.

It may be a matter of timing. When she needs
to go, she needs to go. When she doesn't, she
doesn't. When she needs to go, it may be painful
or unpleasant for her to take a second to remove
clothing before using the potty. It's not
just that she doesn't want to bother doing the
work of removing clothes, maybe. It's that
she has this intense urge that she needs to
use the potty right now, and when you have that
intense urge, it can be torture to have to
do something else first.

With time, she'll gradually get used to
holding it in for a few seconds while doing
whatever is necessary before sitting on
the potty.

She probably waits until she senses that she's about
to go, then quickly goes and sits on the potty.
Of course she won't want to sit on the potty
when she doesn't feel that urge.
Many kids are adamant about this. "But
I don't *have* to!!!" Maybe part of this is
that they're insulted at the suggestion that
maybe there is some urine in them. Maybe part
of it is a dislike of having mixed messages
in their body: sitting on the potty when they
don't "have to" go may cause painful or
unpleasant sensations as their body and brain
argue about whether they're holding it in
or letting it go. Maybe they really hate that.
Anyway, for whatever reason, many kids refuse
to sit on the potty when they don't "have to"
go.

One solution is to get them thinking about
potties and stuff starting about 10 minutes
before you plan to have them sit on the
potty. Thoughts having to do with potties
can be introduced without actually suggesting
that the child sit on the potty. Those thoughts
tend to bring on the urge to go (though it
takes time to sink in). So then when it comes
time to actually suggest it, the kid feels
like going.
--
Cathy
A *much* better world is possible.

[Irene]

Gosh, it seems like so long ago that we had these issues, and it was
only last summer! IIRC, what I did was say that he didn't get to wear
underwear out of the house until he had actually used a toilet outside
of the house. But it looks like she has done that, at least a few
times. I know we went back and forth a bit, too, especially depending
on where we were going.

Irene

[shinypenny]

Cathy Weeks wrote:
> even when *I* had to go, and she had to
> be in the bathroom anyway, she still didn't want to. Once it helped
if
> she got to choose her stall and toilet, and once I bribed her (it had
> been a long time), though I'm trying to avoid doing that.


Hee hee... maybe she thinks public potties are gross? :-)

I would be patient and not worry about it too much. If she's anything
like my kids, by the time she figures out the public potty thing,
you'll NEVER be able to get her *out* of the public potty. You'll spend
half your restaurant meal waiting for her to finish up in there
already!

jen

[Nikki]

Cathy Weeks wrote:

> Here's the problem. If she's wearing anything at all on her lower
> half: diaper, training pants, regular underpants, clothing, she'll
> pee or poop in her pants.

Hunter was like that too. I'll refrain from telling you how long he was in
that stage ;-) I'd have her start wearing some dresses and let her go
without underwear for any time that was appropriate. I often wished Hunter
were a girl for that reason!

> So how do we get her to quit peeing in her pants?

It became a struggle between Hunter and I and getting him to take the wet
and dirty clothes off to get dry ones on was even worse so I was very ready
to put this phase behind us. He found our struggle more rewarding then
using the potty. I don't think that was a conscious decision on his
part...just how it evolved. That struggle disappeared with grandma and he
made the leap with her over a weekend. So my suggestion is to send her to
grandma's house :-) It doesn't sound like you are in that struggle like we
were though.

What's the plan for getting her to stop and
> go pee if she's wearing even underpants?

I took Luke's diapers away and made him use the toilet. Worked for
him...didn't phase Hunter. It could have also really backfired with Luke.
I figured I had about a 60% chance of success 40% chance of backfire. I
went for it as he was pooping 3 times a day and changing him was a *major*
hassle.

--
Nikki

[Jeff]

"Nikki" > wrote in message
...
> Cathy Weeks wrote:
(...)

> I figured I had about a 60% chance of success 40% chance of backfire.

Backfire? Nice pun.

[Cathy Weeks]

Nikki wrote:

> It became a struggle between Hunter and I and getting him to take the
wet
> and dirty clothes off to get dry ones on was even worse so I was very
ready
> to put this phase behind us. He found our struggle more rewarding
then
> using the potty. I don't think that was a conscious decision on his
> part...just how it evolved. That struggle disappeared with grandma
and he
> made the leap with her over a weekend. So my suggestion is to send
her to
> grandma's house :-) It doesn't sound like you are in that struggle
like we
> were though.

No, we've very consciously avoided power struggles over it, which is
why she's 3 years and 3 months old and only now doing it. She went
through a phase of screaming at the very *suggestion* of using a potty,
and she's VERY stubborn, so we dropped the subject.

I've also found that it's best not to bring up using the potty. If I
just take her there without talking about it, and pull down her pants,
she's pretty willing to try it.

She did have a bit of a fit today at nap time. I wanted her to either
try to pee (and keep her underpants) or put on a diaper, and she
wouldn't do either (she is totally unreasonable right before nap
time!). Finally she choose the diaper. I asked her "do you think
you'll keep it dry?" She said "Yes!" and sure enough, she did.

Cathy Weeks
Mommy to Kivi Alexis 12/01

[Nikki]

Cathy Weeks wrote:

> No, we've very consciously avoided power struggles over it, which is
> why she's 3 years and 3 months old and only now doing it.

Well that is good. It sort of snuck up on us. Hunter was older then she
is. He *would not try* to go when I took him. He didn't care about wet or
dirty pants and I wouldn't allow him to roam around the house in pee and
poopy pants. It was a bit of a mess all around!

If I
> just take her there without talking about it, and pull down her pants,
> she's pretty willing to try it.

This is fantastic. It didn't work like this with mine and it made things
tricky. I probably should have relaxed about it all but they were 3.5yo and
changing them was such a hassle. If they would have changed their pants
without it being a major issue I wouldn't have cared. Hunter didn't really
talk but Luke declared he'd wear his diapers forever. He apparently meant
the *same* diaper, lol.



--
Nikki