HELP...21 Month Old PULLING HAIR

[Jasper]

All,
My angel of a daughter is pulling hair at her sitters. When I say
pulling hair, I mean chunks of hair are being pulled out. Anyway,
she's 21 months old, extremely affectionate, cuddly, and typically
harmless. However, about 4 months ago, she started pulling hair, has
recently got worse and she only pulls hair from playmates roughly her
own age. The sitter is great, and tries to say "no" and "that hurts
when you do that" and even has tried "time out". Nothing is working and
it's hard for us, because our daughter only does it when she's at the
sitters, so in turn hard for us to correct. Frankly, it's embarressing
and can't hope but wonder if it's something we're doing (or not doing)
that is causing this behavior. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
Worried First Time DAD.

[Welches]

"Jasper" > wrote in message
oups.com...
> All,
> My angel of a daughter is pulling hair at her sitters. When I say
> pulling hair, I mean chunks of hair are being pulled out. Anyway,
> she's 21 months old, extremely affectionate, cuddly, and typically
> harmless. However, about 4 months ago, she started pulling hair, has
> recently got worse and she only pulls hair from playmates roughly her
> own age. The sitter is great, and tries to say "no" and "that hurts
> when you do that" and even has tried "time out". Nothing is working and
> it's hard for us, because our daughter only does it when she's at the
> sitters, so in turn hard for us to correct. Frankly, it's embarressing
> and can't hope but wonder if it's something we're doing (or not doing)
> that is causing this behavior. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
>
I don't think it's anything you're doing.
Children go through these stages. It sounds like her sitter is doing the
right thing, and she will grow out of it. The only other thing I'd suggest
is asking the sitter if it's any particular time. (like if someone's playing
with a toy she wants). In which case it would be reasonable for the sitter
to try and find a way of avoiding the situation.
I'll also add that at that age both my children had hair that came out very
easily, so she may not be pulling as hard as you think :-)
If she's not doing it for you, then all you can really do is ask the sitter
to keep you updated, and be consistant with her if she does it at home.
Debbie

[dejablues]

"Jasper" > wrote in message
oups.com...
> All,
> My angel of a daughter is pulling hair at her sitters. When I say
> pulling hair, I mean chunks of hair are being pulled out. Anyway,
> she's 21 months old, extremely affectionate, cuddly, and typically
> harmless. However, about 4 months ago, she started pulling hair, has
> recently got worse and she only pulls hair from playmates roughly her
> own age. The sitter is great, and tries to say "no" and "that hurts
> when you do that" and even has tried "time out". Nothing is working and
> it's hard for us, because our daughter only does it when she's at the
> sitters, so in turn hard for us to correct. Frankly, it's embarressing
> and can't hope but wonder if it's something we're doing (or not doing)
> that is causing this behavior. Any advice is greatly appreciated.


Keep her away from the hair. Restrict her access to hair. If she is able to
pull out "chunks" of hair, she isn't properly monitored. She should be
redirected to an appropriate activity before she ever gets to someone elses
hair.

21-month-olds don't care or understand about "no" or "that hurts". Yanking
or pulling the hair of her peer, and getting the reaction from the hurt
party and the teacher, is her reward. She should be prevented from doing it
in the first place ( controlling her environment) . She should be praised
and given lots of attention when she is behaviong nicely owards her peers.
If she does succeed in pulling someone elses hair, she should be redirected,
with a small neutral comment ("we don't hurt others here") . Her
hair-pulling should not result in any emotional reaction to her, but the
hurt party should get comfort .

My basic message is to reduce the opportunity she has to misbehave,
minimize the reaction she gets when she does misbehave, and praise her when
she is behaving nicely.


> Thanks,
> Worried First Time DAD.
>

[toto]

On 2 Jun 2006 12:37:57 -0700, "Jasper" >
wrote:

>All,
>My angel of a daughter is pulling hair at her sitters. When I say
>pulling hair, I mean chunks of hair are being pulled out. Anyway,
>she's 21 months old, extremely affectionate, cuddly, and typically
>harmless. However, about 4 months ago, she started pulling hair, has
>recently got worse and she only pulls hair from playmates roughly her
>own age. The sitter is great, and tries to say "no" and "that hurts
>when you do that" and even has tried "time out". Nothing is working and
>it's hard for us, because our daughter only does it when she's at the
>sitters, so in turn hard for us to correct. Frankly, it's embarressing
>and can't hope but wonder if it's something we're doing (or not doing)
>that is causing this behavior. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
>
>Thanks,
>Worried First Time DAD.

You cannot address this at home if she does not do it at home.
Please pass this on to your sitter. It is a phase, but it needs to be
dealt with by shadowing your dd and not allowing it to happen.

During the *learning period* you can't leave her unsupervised with
anyone. Stay less than an arm's length away and be observant even if
you are *doing something else* nearby.'

Stop the hair pulling *before* she can actually do it. You won't get
every one, perhaps, but you should be able to get most of them. If
she does connect, attend to the victim before you do anything else.
Comfort the victim. Catch her hand (before she pulls the hair or take
her hand after you comfort the victim.

Very calmly say *we touch people with gentle hands* and show her how
to stroke her victim's head gently. Then put her down and go about
your business as if nothing has happened. Do not pay attention to her
for at least a few minutes longer. When she is playing nicely again,
then go over and start playing with her. You can say *I saw you
taking turns.* or *You just used gentle hands to touch. I like that*

Do this every time she pulls hair. It usually takes a week or so, but
kids get the idea.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits