18 month old doesn't hug?

[Tori M]

hmm Xavier does not hug either.. He will on occasion lean over and kiss me
but not usualy.. He is more lovey with Jeff though.

Tori
"Donna Metler" > wrote in message
. ..
> My daughter doesn't seem to express affection. She'll come to you to be
> picked up and held, and enjoys cuddling (sometimes, anyway), but she
> doesn't
> give hugs, kisses, etc. DH is more concerned than I am, but I admit to
> sometimes feeling rejected. Anyone have any experienced parent input?
>
> --
> Donna DeVore Metler
> Orff Music Specialist/Kindermusik
> Mother to Angel Brian Anthony 1/1/2002, 22 weeks, severe PE/HELLP
> And Allison Joy, 11/25/04 (35 weeks, PIH, Pre-term labor)
>
>

[Donna Metler]

My daughter doesn't seem to express affection. She'll come to you to be
picked up and held, and enjoys cuddling (sometimes, anyway), but she doesn't
give hugs, kisses, etc. DH is more concerned than I am, but I admit to
sometimes feeling rejected. Anyone have any experienced parent input?

--
Donna DeVore Metler
Orff Music Specialist/Kindermusik
Mother to Angel Brian Anthony 1/1/2002, 22 weeks, severe PE/HELLP
And Allison Joy, 11/25/04 (35 weeks, PIH, Pre-term labor)

[Rosalie B.]

"Donna Metler" > wrote:

>My daughter doesn't seem to express affection. She'll come to you to be
>picked up and held, and enjoys cuddling (sometimes, anyway), but she doesn't
>give hugs, kisses, etc. DH is more concerned than I am, but I admit to
>sometimes feeling rejected. Anyone have any experienced parent input?

I was that way as a child and am still that way. As an adult I had to
remember that my mom would like if I hugged her because otherwise I
wouldn't do it. I'm sure my DIL thinks I'm a cold unnatural mother
because I just don't hug people.

[stasya]

Donna Metler wrote:
> My daughter doesn't seem to express affection. She'll come to you to be
> picked up and held, and enjoys cuddling (sometimes, anyway), but she doesn't
> give hugs, kisses, etc. DH is more concerned than I am, but I admit to
> sometimes feeling rejected. Anyone have any experienced parent input?
>
> --
> Donna DeVore Metler
> Orff Music Specialist/Kindermusik
> Mother to Angel Brian Anthony 1/1/2002, 22 weeks, severe PE/HELLP
> And Allison Joy, 11/25/04 (35 weeks, PIH, Pre-term labor)

My 2 n a half ds doesn't kiss or hug either. He did kiss his baby
sister once, which was so sweet. But we hug and kiss our kids so much,
maybe they don't feel the need to be proactive this way.

Stasya

[Rosalie B.]

"Donna Metler" > wrote:

>My daughter doesn't seem to express affection. She'll come to you to be
>picked up and held, and enjoys cuddling (sometimes, anyway), but she doesn't
>give hugs, kisses, etc. DH is more concerned than I am, but I admit to
>sometimes feeling rejected. Anyone have any experienced parent input?

I think it is important not to equate a lack of physical expression of
affection with lack of affection. Some people are cuddlers and some
are not.

[Catherine Woodgold]

"Donna Metler" ) writes:
> My daughter doesn't seem to express affection. She'll come to you to be
> picked up and held, and enjoys cuddling (sometimes, anyway), but she doesn't
> give hugs, kisses, etc. DH is more concerned than I am, but I admit to
> sometimes feeling rejected. Anyone have any experienced parent input?

If she's being "held" and cuddling, then she is expressing
affection or at least physical closeness, which is pretty
much the same thing.

I believe that each person has the right not to have
physical affection they don't want. Other people may feel
rejected but they're responsible for dealing with their
own feelings of rejection and IMO shouldn't put pressure on
the other person to show affection. Besides, that sort of
pressure may just make the other feel even less affectionate.

Physical conditions such as a deficiency of calcium or
of essential fatty acids or choline may lead a person to
feel easily tickled or irritated by touch. Some children,
for example, can't stand having tags on the back of the
neck of their shirt and stuff like that. (See the book
"Raising Your Spirited Child".)

You can concentrate on enjoying the cuddling that does happen,
and think of things like serving food to her as ways of
showing parental affection. Smiles, playing games
together, etc can take on the meaning of affection.

I believe it's important for people to show consideration
for others, generosity and similar virtues but that
amount of physical affection can vary widely and
that doesn't matter much as long as the other
things are there.

[happy2bmom]

If I remember correctly, my son didn't GIVE many hugs & kisses at that
age. He enjoyed being on the receiving end, though. Now, at almost 4,
he gives lots of hugs and kisses, although still probably not as much
as he gets! I agree with others that it could just be a function of
the child's personality, but I also think that it could change with
time as a child becomes less self-centered and more aware of others.
Just my thoughts!


Donna Metler wrote:
> My daughter doesn't seem to express affection. She'll come to you to be
> picked up and held, and enjoys cuddling (sometimes, anyway), but she doesn't
> give hugs, kisses, etc. DH is more concerned than I am, but I admit to
> sometimes feeling rejected. Anyone have any experienced parent input?
>
> --
> Donna DeVore Metler
> Orff Music Specialist/Kindermusik
> Mother to Angel Brian Anthony 1/1/2002, 22 weeks, severe PE/HELLP
> And Allison Joy, 11/25/04 (35 weeks, PIH, Pre-term labor)

[Marie]

On Fri, 16 Jun 2006 12:52:32 -0500, "Donna Metler"
> wrote:
>My daughter doesn't seem to express affection. She'll come to you to be
>picked up and held, and enjoys cuddling (sometimes, anyway), but she doesn't
>give hugs, kisses, etc. DH is more concerned than I am, but I admit to
>sometimes feeling rejected. Anyone have any experienced parent input?

Some kids just don't like to give or be given affection. Holding and
the little cuddling they allow is good enough for them. My second
child was very, very affectionate, always hugging, very touchy and
loving, and then my third just would not hug or even lay her head on
my shoulder. When months and months would go by of nursing and holding
her for what seemed like 24/7, and nothing whatsoever in return from
her, I didn't exactly feel hurt...but I guess I'd say empty. I REALLY
just wanted her to put her arms around my neck, or lay her head on me!
Anyway, she's 3.5 now and does hug and kiss me pretty normally. It
seemed like she was becoming more affectionate by the time she turned
2.
I would have been more worried if she had never wanted to be touched
or held at all, but she was very demanding about being held and nursed
constantly! Just not cuddled.
Marie

[Catherine Woodgold]

> Donna Metler wrote:
>> My daughter doesn't seem to express affection. She'll come to you to be
>> picked up and held, and enjoys cuddling (sometimes, anyway), but she doesn't
>> give hugs, kisses, etc. DH is more concerned than I am, but I admit to
>> sometimes feeling rejected. Anyone have any experienced parent input?

Maybe I misread/misunderstood. I thought you meant she
didn't want hugs. Oh, maybe she accepts hugs fine but
doesn't do the action of giving hugs.

I guess that's like learning to wave hello and stuff like
that. Maybe it also depends on whether one feels like
giving someone a hug. Maybe some babies get the idea that
babies are supposed to be at the receiving end of hugs.

I think kids at that age express empathy in ways like
crying when they see another little kid crying.
If she's showing generosity or empathy in one
way or another, and if she's learning language OK,
I wouldn't worry. Different people have different
personalities and express themselves differently.