I need babysitting advice

[Mike S.]

Every couple of months or so I'm asked to babysit my 3 y/o cousin for a
couple hours. The problem is that his behavior is out of control. I'm
not sure how to handle it because his parents each handle it a
different way and they are the ones that created the behavioral
problems.

Here are the problems that I have with him:

1) He's an only child and doesn't like to share. If I pick up a toy or
something he'll try to grab it and say it's his. He'll then start
whining and yelling that it's his and he will sometimes hit or kick me.

2) He often hits or kicks me and then laughs. He will also throw things
(usually toys) and laugh.

3) He tries to boss me (and other adults) around. He'll tell me I'm
mean and to sit in the corner. If I don't listen he'll whine and yell.

4) He can't sit still for more than 1 minute unless he's playing a
video game. I try to get him to play with his toys but he can't stay
focused. He might stay focused for a minute but then he'll start
throwing his toys.

5) He just won't listen to me (or other adults). I've tried to be stern
and a few times I told him if he did a specific thing again I'd have to
spank him. He listened once or twice but most of the times he didn't.
I'd give him a light spank on the butt once but that has no affect.
There's no point in telling him to go to his room or stand in the
corner because he won't listen. I'd have to really spank him hard for
him to listen and I don't know that I can do that.


I have no idea what his behavior is like when I'm not there. I just
know that everytime I see him he misbehaves whether I'm babysitting or
just visiting. I also know that other relatives say that he misbehaves
on a regular basis. They say that his parents let him do just about
anything. That kid has his parents wrapped around his grubby little
fingers. When he starts preschool he will definitely have a rough time.

Any suggestions on how I should handle him when he misbehaves? I find
that for one or two specific things that ignoring him works the best.
If I get after him for those specific things he'll just keep doing it
but if I ignore him he'll stop almost instantly.

[Clisby]

Mike S. wrote:
a rough time.
>
> Any suggestions on how I should handle him when he misbehaves? I find
> that for one or two specific things that ignoring him works the best.
> If I get after him for those specific things he'll just keep doing it
> but if I ignore him he'll stop almost instantly.
>

Sure. Go to groups.google.com, and search in misc.kids for "3 y/o
cousin is a devil child". Reread the advice that was given the first
time you posted the question.

Clisby

[Pauly]

Well from what you stated such as in statement 4 that he can't sit
still for a minute means he must have A.D.D (Attention Defilict
Disorder) or A.H.D which is simialer to A.D.D but with the hyper
disorder. You really need to BE STRICT on him, and don't be afraid to
yell at him, and if you have to spank him on HARD! IF you are not
comfortable spanking him, make him stand in the corner with his nose
touching the wall with his hands behind his back, Best to have him
stand in the corner for about 5 minutes, and if he is not facing the
wall, add another minute each time he violates the standing in the
corner routine. Since he is only 3, he has a lot to learn, but one way
for him to learn is to DISCIPLINE HIM! I don't know if his parents
disclipline him, but they need to start doing it. WHen my niece was 3
years old, she was in that stage as well, and SHE is the only child.
BUt my sister scolded her if she did not want to share.

In the statement about sharing his toys. he has to learn to share his
toys, because if he had friends over, they may like his toys, and want
to play with it. From what you are saying about him, he sounds like a
spoiled brat! (Sorry to say) If he starts to whine, cry, and yell etc,
yell at him, and tell him that you are only looking at the toy and you
will give it back and will not take it away from him. IF he does not
listen to you put him in the corner. or spank him. What ever you think
is best.

IF he throws stuff at you, kicks you, and hits you and thinks its cute,
hit him back, and throw toys back at him, and see how he likes it.
Tell him that hitting, throwing objects will NOT be tollerated, and
tell his parents about his behavior. Discipline him immediately if he
throws stuff at you. Throwing stuff especialy toys can cause a great
deal of damage, an if he hits something, such as a vase full of
flowers, and he knocks it over, make him clean it up and if he hits
you, tell him to stop, and holler at him.

DO NOT allow him to boss you around, simply tell him "Do not tell me
what to do!" or who ever he bosses around. Tell him that YOU ARE THE
BOSS, and not him.

He needs to learn to listen to you. Example: IF he refuses to stand in
the corner, take something away, such as a favorite toy, tell him you
wil give it back after he goes to the corner, and his corner time is
over.

IF he starts pre-school soon HE NEEDS TO LEARN TO SHARE, because a of
stuff the school has (such as toys they have) will have to be shared,
and the instructor will scold him hard if he misbehaves.

Hope this helps, and good luck in the future.

Paul



Mike S. wrote:
> Every couple of months or so I'm asked to babysit my 3 y/o cousin for a
> couple hours. The problem is that his behavior is out of control. I'm
> not sure how to handle it because his parents each handle it a
> different way and they are the ones that created the behavioral
> problems.
>
> Here are the problems that I have with him:
>
> 1) He's an only child and doesn't like to share. If I pick up a toy or
> something he'll try to grab it and say it's his. He'll then start
> whining and yelling that it's his and he will sometimes hit or kick me.
>
> 2) He often hits or kicks me and then laughs. He will also throw things
> (usually toys) and laugh.
>
> 3) He tries to boss me (and other adults) around. He'll tell me I'm
> mean and to sit in the corner. If I don't listen he'll whine and yell.
>
> 4) He can't sit still for more than 1 minute unless he's playing a
> video game. I try to get him to play with his toys but he can't stay
> focused. He might stay focused for a minute but then he'll start
> throwing his toys.
>
> 5) He just won't listen to me (or other adults). I've tried to be stern
> and a few times I told him if he did a specific thing again I'd have to
> spank him. He listened once or twice but most of the times he didn't.
> I'd give him a light spank on the butt once but that has no affect.
> There's no point in telling him to go to his room or stand in the
> corner because he won't listen. I'd have to really spank him hard for
> him to listen and I don't know that I can do that.
>
>
> I have no idea what his behavior is like when I'm not there. I just
> know that everytime I see him he misbehaves whether I'm babysitting or
> just visiting. I also know that other relatives say that he misbehaves
> on a regular basis. They say that his parents let him do just about
> anything. That kid has his parents wrapped around his grubby little
> fingers. When he starts preschool he will definitely have a rough time.
>
> Any suggestions on how I should handle him when he misbehaves? I find
> that for one or two specific things that ignoring him works the best.
> If I get after him for those specific things he'll just keep doing it
> but if I ignore him he'll stop almost instantly.

[Jeff]

"Pauly" > wrote in message
ups.com...
> Well from what you stated such as in statement 4 that he can't sit
> still for a minute means he must have A.D.D (Attention Defilict
> Disorder) or A.H.D which is simialer to A.D.D but with the hyper
> disorder.

No, it doesn't. He stills perfectly still when he is playing a video game.
He is three years old. He doesn't need to be playing video games.

>You really need to BE STRICT on him, and don't be afraid to
> yell at him, and if you have to spank him on HARD!

You should never need to spank him. If his behavior is so bad that you need
to spank him, let his parents find a different baby sitter.

<....>

> In the statement about sharing his toys. he has to learn to share his
> toys, because if he had friends over, they may like his toys, and want
> to play with it. From what you are saying about him, he sounds like a
> spoiled brat! (Sorry to say) If he starts to whine, cry, and yell etc,
> yell at him, and tell him that you are only looking at the toy and you
> will give it back and will not take it away from him. IF he does not
> listen to you put him in the corner. or spank him. What ever you think
> is best.

It is not your job to teach the kid how to share. It is the parents' job.

I do agree he is a spoiled brat.

> IF he throws stuff at you, kicks you, and hits you and thinks its cute,
> hit him back, and throw toys back at him, and see how he likes it.

Incorrect. You are only ligitimizing his toy-throwing.

Remember the golden rule: Treat others as you want to be treat. If you don't
him to throw toys at you, you don't throw toys at him.

> Tell him that hitting, throwing objects will NOT be tollerated, and
> tell his parents about his behavior. Discipline him immediately if he
> throws stuff at you. Throwing stuff especialy toys can cause a great
> deal of damage, an if he hits something, such as a vase full of
> flowers, and he knocks it over, make him clean it up and if he hits
> you, tell him to stop, and holler at him.

You don't to holler at him, either.

> DO NOT allow him to boss you around, simply tell him "Do not tell me
> what to do!" or who ever he bosses around. Tell him that YOU ARE THE
> BOSS, and not him.

You're in charge, but you're not his boss, either.

> He needs to learn to listen to you. Example: IF he refuses to stand in
> the corner, take something away, such as a favorite toy, tell him you
> wil give it back after he goes to the corner, and his corner time is
> over.

But, the OP only babysits once in a while.

> IF he starts pre-school soon HE NEEDS TO LEARN TO SHARE, because a of
> stuff the school has (such as toys they have) will have to be shared,
> and the instructor will scold him hard if he misbehaves.

Again, his parents' problem, not yours.

> Hope this helps, and good luck in the future.

It sounds like the best you can do is decline to babysit.

Jeff

> Paul
>
>
>
> Mike S. wrote:
>> Every couple of months or so I'm asked to babysit my 3 y/o cousin for a
>> couple hours. The problem is that his behavior is out of control. I'm
>> not sure how to handle it because his parents each handle it a
>> different way and they are the ones that created the behavioral
>> problems.
>>
>> Here are the problems that I have with him:
>>
>> 1) He's an only child and doesn't like to share. If I pick up a toy or
>> something he'll try to grab it and say it's his. He'll then start
>> whining and yelling that it's his and he will sometimes hit or kick me.
>>
>> 2) He often hits or kicks me and then laughs. He will also throw things
>> (usually toys) and laugh.
>>
>> 3) He tries to boss me (and other adults) around. He'll tell me I'm
>> mean and to sit in the corner. If I don't listen he'll whine and yell.
>>
>> 4) He can't sit still for more than 1 minute unless he's playing a
>> video game. I try to get him to play with his toys but he can't stay
>> focused. He might stay focused for a minute but then he'll start
>> throwing his toys.
>>
>> 5) He just won't listen to me (or other adults). I've tried to be stern
>> and a few times I told him if he did a specific thing again I'd have to
>> spank him. He listened once or twice but most of the times he didn't.
>> I'd give him a light spank on the butt once but that has no affect.
>> There's no point in telling him to go to his room or stand in the
>> corner because he won't listen. I'd have to really spank him hard for
>> him to listen and I don't know that I can do that.
>>
>>
>> I have no idea what his behavior is like when I'm not there. I just
>> know that everytime I see him he misbehaves whether I'm babysitting or
>> just visiting. I also know that other relatives say that he misbehaves
>> on a regular basis. They say that his parents let him do just about
>> anything. That kid has his parents wrapped around his grubby little
>> fingers. When he starts preschool he will definitely have a rough time.
>>
>> Any suggestions on how I should handle him when he misbehaves? I find
>> that for one or two specific things that ignoring him works the best.
>> If I get after him for those specific things he'll just keep doing it
>> but if I ignore him he'll stop almost instantly.
>

[Ericka Kammerer]

Jeff wrote:
> "Pauly" > wrote in message
> ups.com...
>> Well from what you stated such as in statement 4 that he can't sit
>> still for a minute means he must have A.D.D (Attention Defilict
>> Disorder) or A.H.D which is simialer to A.D.D but with the hyper
>> disorder.
>
> No, it doesn't. He stills perfectly still when he is playing a video game.
> He is three years old. He doesn't need to be playing video games.

Just to be pedantic, because it is a very common
misperception, just because a child can sit still to play
video games does not mean that he can't/doesn't have ADHD.
It is very common for kids with ADHD to be drawn to video
games because the stimulation they provide is particularly
satisfying to them. It scratches a particular kind of
itch. (Apologies if I'm misinterpreting what you're trying
to say.) Lots of people think that if a kid can sit quietly
and play video games for hours on end, it must just be
that he isn't sufficiently motivated to sit still and
focus on something else. That's not the case.
That said, of course it is not clear that the
kid has ADHD. Lots of 3yos are very busy and don't sit
still for long without having ADHD. It's too young to
diagnose ADHD in most cases, anyway.

Best wishes,
Ericka

[Penny Gaines]

Mike S. wrote:
> Every couple of months or so I'm asked to babysit my 3 y/o cousin for a
> couple hours. The problem is that his behavior is out of control. I'm
> not sure how to handle it because his parents each handle it a
> different way and they are the ones that created the behavioral
> problems.

Most of the replies have been treating this as a babysitting problem,
but we are talking about your *cousin* here. Perhaps you should
be thinking about the relationship you want to have with your cousin
when he is older - 13 yo or 23 yo or 73yo etc.

Yes you do have to keep him safe while you are babysitting, but you
aren't really what I would call a babysitter.

> Here are the problems that I have with him:
>
> 1) He's an only child and doesn't like to share. If I pick up a toy or
> something he'll try to grab it and say it's his. He'll then start
> whining and yelling that it's his and he will sometimes hit or kick me.

The sharing side of things is Not Your Problem. It probably is his toy.
Let him have it. If it is something like the TV remote tell him it is
his parents.

> 2) He often hits or kicks me and then laughs. He will also throw things
> (usually toys) and laugh.

Hitting or kicking is not a good idea, unless it is part of mock
fighting. Its OK for cousins to mock-fight - remembering of course
you are much bigger then him.

> 3) He tries to boss me (and other adults) around. He'll tell me I'm
> mean and to sit in the corner. If I don't listen he'll whine and yell.

Trying to boss you around is OK, you don't have to do what he tells you
too.

> 4) He can't sit still for more than 1 minute unless he's playing a
> video game. I try to get him to play with his toys but he can't stay
> focused. He might stay focused for a minute but then he'll start
> throwing his toys.

Take him out to the park, and get him to use up some of his energy there.

[big snip]
> Any suggestions on how I should handle him when he misbehaves? I find
> that for one or two specific things that ignoring him works the best.
> If I get after him for those specific things he'll just keep doing it
> but if I ignore him he'll stop almost instantly.

Ignoring is good.

Basically remember he is your cousin, and think about what sort of
things you'd like to do with your cousin. Either introduce him to
your world, or try and get involved in his.

--
Penny Gaines
UK mum to three

[Jeff]

"Ericka Kammerer" > wrote in message
...
> Jeff wrote:
>> "Pauly" > wrote in message
>> ups.com...
>>> Well from what you stated such as in statement 4 that he can't sit
>>> still for a minute means he must have A.D.D (Attention Defilict
>>> Disorder) or A.H.D which is simialer to A.D.D but with the hyper
>>> disorder.
>>
>> No, it doesn't. He stills perfectly still when he is playing a video
>> game. He is three years old. He doesn't need to be playing video games.
>
> Just to be pedantic, because it is a very common
> misperception, just because a child can sit still to play
> video games does not mean that he can't/doesn't have ADHD.
> It is very common for kids with ADHD to be drawn to video
> games because the stimulation they provide is particularly
> satisfying to them. It scratches a particular kind of
> itch. (Apologies if I'm misinterpreting what you're trying
> to say.) Lots of people think that if a kid can sit quietly
> and play video games for hours on end, it must just be
> that he isn't sufficiently motivated to sit still and
> focus on something else.

Yet kids who don't have ADHD can sit still for hours on end and play video
games. Playing video games doesn't mean a kid has or does not have ADHD.

A 3-year old playing video games for hours on end does raise questions about
parenting and suggest the issues are parenting issues.

Again, this doesn't mean that the kid has or doesn't have ADHD.

? That's not the case.
> That said, of course it is not clear that the
> kid has ADHD. Lots of 3yos are very busy and don't sit
> still for long without having ADHD. It's too young to
> diagnose ADHD in most cases, anyway.
>
> Best wishes,
> Ericka

[Ericka Kammerer]

Jeff wrote:
> "Ericka Kammerer" > wrote in message
> ...
>> Jeff wrote:
>>> "Pauly" > wrote in message
>>> ups.com...
>>>> Well from what you stated such as in statement 4 that he can't sit
>>>> still for a minute means he must have A.D.D (Attention Defilict
>>>> Disorder) or A.H.D which is simialer to A.D.D but with the hyper
>>>> disorder.
>>> No, it doesn't. He stills perfectly still when he is playing a video
>>> game. He is three years old. He doesn't need to be playing video games.
>> Just to be pedantic, because it is a very common
>> misperception, just because a child can sit still to play
>> video games does not mean that he can't/doesn't have ADHD.
>> It is very common for kids with ADHD to be drawn to video
>> games because the stimulation they provide is particularly
>> satisfying to them. It scratches a particular kind of
>> itch. (Apologies if I'm misinterpreting what you're trying
>> to say.) Lots of people think that if a kid can sit quietly
>> and play video games for hours on end, it must just be
>> that he isn't sufficiently motivated to sit still and
>> focus on something else.
>
> Yet kids who don't have ADHD can sit still for hours on end and play video
> games. Playing video games doesn't mean a kid has or does not have ADHD.

Agreed. I just hear people say, quite frequently,
"Oh, he can't have ADHD. He can play video games for hours.
He just refuses to focus on stuff he doesn't feel like doing."
*That's* what I was reacting to--it seemed like maybe you
were saying no, he doesn't have ADHD because he can sit still
playing video games. Again, sorry I misunderstood. I do agree
that if a 3yo is spending hours and hours playing video games,
there is likely at least a parenting issue going on.

Best wishes,
Ericka