Am I taking crazy pills?

[[email protected]]

I am shocked that I have to explain this to someone, especially my
wife. Therefore, I'm asking the internet if I'm crazy or for help in
explaining something to my wife.

Our only son is 18months old. He has been going to a home-child care
place since about his 4th month.

Now that he is getting older, I want him to go to a better child-care
facility. One that can stimulate his mind as much as possible. I
thought the first three years of a child's life were crucial for
learning and building his brain.

The place he goes to now is a home-care place. Two ladies, a mother
and a daughter, run it. They take care of 12 kids, ages 0 to 3 years.
The mother does not speak much english. I thought it was a great place
for taking care of infants.

But it almost depresses me to tears when I go to pick him up. When
they are awake, all the kids "hang-out" in the living room, which is
about 20'-20'. It is dark. The mother is sitting on the couch
watching tv. Her hip hurts her too much to move around. There are a
couple of toys in the house. I hate talking to her because her english
is so bad. The daughter spends a lot of her time cooking and taking
care of the "business" side of things.

Shockingly, my wife says, "It's fine!" - Her concern is that moving
him to a new day-care will overwhelm him and that it's hard on kids.

So, I looked around on the internet to try and find a document or study
or something that she can read that say's "More stimulating day-care
centers are better for toddlers than dark, one room home-care
facilities."

But, it's not out there. I assume it's because too obvious.

Can anyone give me some advice or point mr to that document!

TIA

[Jeff]

> wrote in message
ups.com...
>I am shocked that I have to explain this to someone, especially my
> wife. Therefore, I'm asking the internet if I'm crazy or for help in
> explaining something to my wife.
>
> Our only son is 18months old. He has been going to a home-child care
> place since about his 4th month.
>
> Now that he is getting older, I want him to go to a better child-care
> facility. One that can stimulate his mind as much as possible. I
> thought the first three years of a child's life were crucial for
> learning and building his brain.
>
> The place he goes to now is a home-care place. Two ladies, a mother
> and a daughter, run it. They take care of 12 kids, ages 0 to 3 years.
> The mother does not speak much english. I thought it was a great place
> for taking care of infants.
>
> But it almost depresses me to tears when I go to pick him up. When
> they are awake, all the kids "hang-out" in the living room, which is
> about 20'-20'. It is dark. The mother is sitting on the couch
> watching tv. Her hip hurts her too much to move around. There are a
> couple of toys in the house. I hate talking to her because her english
> is so bad. The daughter spends a lot of her time cooking and taking
> care of the "business" side of things.
>
> Shockingly, my wife says, "It's fine!" - Her concern is that moving
> him to a new day-care will overwhelm him and that it's hard on kids.
>
> So, I looked around on the internet to try and find a document or study
> or something that she can read that say's "More stimulating day-care
> centers are better for toddlers than dark, one room home-care
> facilities."
>
> But, it's not out there. I assume it's because too obvious.
>
> Can anyone give me some advice or point mr to that document!
>
> TIA

Try searching google for early childhood development. Also search it for
head start. These should give you lots of links.

This might help too:
http://www.ed.gov/pubs/How_Children/IIEarlychildhood.html

[bizby40]

> wrote in message
ups.com...
> Shockingly, my wife says, "It's fine!" - Her concern is that moving
> him to a new day-care will overwhelm him and that it's hard on kids.

I can see both sides of this. It sounds like this is not the ideal
home day care. But if he's been happy there thus far, and his friends
are there, and she feels it's safe, reliable and convenient, I can see
why she might be afraid to switch.

I had a similar situation when my daughter was young. Her provider
was wonderful when she was an infant. As she grew, well, it wasn't so
much that the place was still set up for infants as that the provider
had become a lot more lax. The house got dirtier and dirtier, the
provider started napping when the kids were napping, and so on. As
time went on, it became more clear that I needed to move her, but you
worry about keeping their world stable, you worry about that great new
place turning into a nightmare, you worry about tearing them away from
their friends, and you worry that you'll even be able to find
someplace new.

In my case, I did look around for somewhere new, but in my area, home
daycare is very hard to find. The couple of interviews I had did not
go well. (Like the one who admitted that the sharp foot-high brick
hearth and the wood stove operating on top of it *looked* like a
hazard, but swore that no one had gotten hurt on it yet, or the one
who took all the kids in her day care to sit in a doctor's office for
2 hours, 3 times a week while her son was in therapy, or the one who
was *aghast* that my 2 year old hadn't potty-trained yet since "In my
country we potty train them at 6 months old). In the end, I kept her
at the same place until my son was born, and then I moved her to a
pre-school/day care center.

Perhaps you could tell your wife that you were just planning to look
around and see what is out there? If you were to take the lead and
were able to find something better, maybe she'd be willing to consider
it.

Bizby

[Ericka Kammerer]

wrote:

> So, I looked around on the internet to try and find a document or study
> or something that she can read that say's "More stimulating day-care
> centers are better for toddlers than dark, one room home-care
> facilities."
>
> But, it's not out there. I assume it's because too obvious.
>
> Can anyone give me some advice or point mr to that document!

There are many out there. Try:

http://www.zerotothree.org/baberisk.html
http://www.urbanext.uiuc.edu/baby/hunt_for_the_best.html
http://ecrp.uiuc.edu/v4n1/ceglowski/qualityeffects.html
http://aspe.hhs.gov/hsp/ccquality00/table2.htm
http://www.zerotothree.org/choose_care.html
http://www.nncc.org/Choose.Quality.Care/select.center.html
http://www.nncc.org/Choose.Quality.Care/dc36_choose.care.html
http://www.naeyc.org/about/positions/pdf/PSDAP98.PDF
http://www.talaris.org/synopsis.htm
http://www.newhorizons.org/lifelong/childhood/diamond_characteristics.htm
http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/tour/
http://ingham.org/hd/oyc/guide2.htm#QUALITY
http://ingham.org/hd/oyc/CHECKLST.HTM
http://www.nncc.org/Research/NICHDinterview.html

Best wishes,
Ericka

[[email protected]]

Thank you all for you great responses. Ericka, this was the one I
showed her:

http://ecrp.uiuc.edu/v4n1/ceglowski/qualityeffects.html

and thanks bizby40 for helping me understand her focus on his
happiness, friends, and stability.

Now her response is "Fine. I'm taking him to TLC." - Which is the
expensive place.